Crushed (20 page)

"Uh-huh. What else? I know there's
something. You can't even look at me!" To try to prove me wrong
Merit glanced at me, held my gaze for a split second and then
shifted her eyes to something behind me.

She sighed and put her burrito
down. "Alright, fine. I saw Neil earlier." The cheese I had scooped
up with my fork shook causing a mess on my lap but I couldn't look.
I was not sure I'd heard her correctly. She stared at me, and Kurt
glanced between us, not sure what was going on.

"Who is Neil?" My fork was still
mid-poised towards my lips. She did... She'd said Neil.

I set my fork down slowly and
calmly, as calmly as I could muster, spoke to Kurt. "He
is...was...
is
my
ex."

Merit chewed slowly and looked at
me as she spoke to Kurt. "And he left this time last year without a
word to anyone about where he was going or when he'd be
back."

Kurt made a gruff noise. "What an
asshole. You deserve better, Claire."

I nodded, suddenly feeling numb.
Numbness was something I hadn't felt for awhile but I knew that
feeling. I was trying to protect myself. It was my mind's way of
trying to protect my heart from aching inside my chest. Not really
to prevent it from aching, because it was, just to prevent me from
feeling it. "Did he ask about me?"

"Well, yeah. But..." She glanced at
Kurt and then back at me. "I kind of yelled at him and told him to
go back where he came from."

My eyes widened and I felt
something burning bubbling up in my throat but I pushed it back
down. If Neil could be deterred by Merit's simple threat then Kurt
was right, Neil wasn't good enough for me.

I nodded and started to pick at my
taco, to pretend like I was eating it. "I see. Well, it's done. And
it's probably for the best that he left."

Kurt got up out of his chair and
moved around to sit beside me. He put his large arm around my
shoulders and pulled me against his equally large and rock hard
chest. "He's the dummy if he didn't know what a great girl you
are." I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that he was Neil but
they smelled very different and it wasn't the same. The fantasy I
wanted to happen wasn't happening. Before I could move back to tell
him I was alright I felt his body move away from mine and there was
some growling.

My eyes popped open and I saw
Neil's back turn towards me as he hauled Kurt out of his chair.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Kurt growled gruffly in return,
"I'm comforting..." He didn't finish his sentence because Neil's
fist clocked Kurt right in his jaw after pulling his shirt far
enough down for his fist to reach its target. I gasped and stood up
quickly, grabbing Neil by his arms, trying to pull him
back.

Kurt seemed rather unaffected by
the punch but he certainly looked angry. "Let me guess... you're
the asshole, Neil." Kurt spit his name like it left a putrid taste
in his mouth.

Neil tried to shrug me off but I
held on tight. "Neil, lets go." My words seemed to make his muscles
tense and then release. He turned away, glaring daggers at Kurt
until his head was facing the exit. He didn't say anything until we
were outside and then he was practically yelling.

"He was groping Merit's ass,
Claire! He's not good enough for you!" It took me a minute to
follow what he was getting at but when I did I frowned at
him.

"It's not your call to say who is
and isn't good enough for me. You gave up that right when you
left." His anger was still there but it was fading
slowly.

He looked down at the ground,
guiltily, "I had no choice in that, Claire. If I could've stayed
here with you I would have."

"A goodbye would've been nice." His
head snapped up and he opened his mouth to interrupt so I hurried
along, I'd been waiting for what seemed like forever to confront
him, "You had time to say goodbye to your roommate, but not enough
time to say goodbye to me. I mean... its fine. We were together for
all of like two weeks."

He grabbed my shoulders and lowered
himself to my level so that he could look me in the eyes, "I gave
you a letter. I slipped it under your door. I..." He closed his
eyes tightly and turned his head to the side, cursing under his
breath. "For fuck's sake, Claire, I forgot to give you the letter!"
He let go of my shoulders and immediately I felt the loss of it. I
reached out to pull him back to me but checked myself. He wasn't
mine. "I don't deserve you either."

I was about to open my mouth to
contradict him but he continued on, his hands pulling at the roots
of his blonde hair. "You thought I'd just run off, you must have
been worried... hurt, angry..." He looked up to me and shook his
head. "That wasn't right. I'm a right asshole for doing that to
you. I'm going to make it up to you." He looked away and cursed
again, "I don't even deserve to look at you. But I will." And with
that he turned on his heel and stalked away. All I could do was
blink at his outburst and his retreat.

Chapter 36

Neil

Bloody hell! She'd gone a whole
year thinking that I'd run off to God knows where. I couldn't help
but wonder if she'd been with anyone since me. If the tables had
been turned I would've slept with every girl on campus at least
twice. I loosened my fists when I realized they were clenched at my
sides. How could I have been so daft? I may have lost the girl
because I'd forgotten to give her a little piece of paper that I'd
poured my heart onto.

Whatever I was going to do to win
her back was going to be good. It had to be. I'd royally fucked up.
When I got to my room I slammed the door and fell backwards onto my
bed in a growl.

I had time to think. Lots of time
to think. If I'd have known how much I'd fucked up I'd have had a
whole year to think. Most of the year I'd spent apart from her I'd
been thinking about being inside her, kissing her, making her
laugh...I put my arm over my eyes and tried to block out the
churning thoughts. It wasn't helping anything. I needed a plan. And
then I needed to act. First thing was first I needed to get Kurt
away from Claire. He was... okay, so he wasn't worse than I'd been,
but I was a changed man now. And I would never do that to
her.

I had my plan in my pocket and the
next morning it was time to execute it. I pulled on my coat and
headed to the sorority house, which I'd learned was where she was
staying, and waited outside until I saw her. She was bundled up
against the cold air, a couple of books against her chest. I met
her at the sidewalk and smiled, hoping it would soften her towards
me. Apparently it didn't, she scowled at me.

"Good morning."

"It would be better if you smiled
at me, love." She still didn't. "What can I do for you this
morning?" I walked beside her and motioned to her books, "Can I
carry those for you?"

She looked down at her books and
then back to my face, puzzled. "My books? Why do you want to carry
my books?" She narrowed her eyes, obviously suspicious.

I chuckled, "I just want to be
helpful, the bloke who carries the girls books. So...can I?" She
shook her head slowly, still looking at me as if I had three heads.
"Alright then. Would you like to chat or just walk?"

"Walk." I nodded and walked with
her, per her request. She stopped once we reached her classroom and
turned to look at me. Her lips pursed and it was all I had not to
press mine to them.

"This is weird, okay? Don't
like...make a habit of this. I don't need you walking me to
class."

"I just want to protect you. And
I'm trying to show you that I'll protect you like this if you give
me another go."

"Really? You're going to smother me
like this until you finish school and go on your way? That sounds
like fun."

"That's just it, Claire. I'm not
going to leave you here. I-" She didn't let me finish.

"You already did. I need to get to
class, Neil." And she turned and walked in the classroom, not
giving me a backward glance. I sighed and walked down the hall,
deflected but not yet defeated.

Chapter 37

Claire

After my weird run-in with Neil I
was half expecting him to be outside the classroom when I stepped
out an hour later. Luckily he wasn't. I rushed across campus to the
library to meet Kurt for the study session for his art history
class.

It wasn't until I reached behind
Kurt's chair after I'd dropped my pencil that I realized that Neil
was there, watching us. He didn't hide the fact either. He had big
balls. As if it was his business.

I sighed and turned back around.
Kurt noticed my sigh and looked around. His eyes fell on Neil, the
only other person around and looked back to me.

"Want me to get rid of
him?"

I flipped in his text book to find
the chapter we needed to look at next. "Nope. He thinks we're
dating."

"Me and you?" Kurt grinned after I
nodded and moved his seat closer to mine. I didn't move away, even
when he put his arm over my shoulder. I turned my head after
hearing the sound of plastic crunching. Neil was behind us, what
used to be a cellphone on the table in front of him. I rolled my
eyes and turned back around. Kurt leaned into me and whispered
against my hair.

"He is definitely still taking
possession of you. Why don't you put him out of his
misery?"

"Because he left me without a word.
He can suffer for a little while just like I did."

He chuckled and brushed some of my
hair back softly, "Do you want to go out for real?" I couldn't help
it, I laughed at the ridiculous question. "Come on now. You're
hurting my feelings. Why not?"

"Because you have the hots for my friend. I'm not looking for more
heartache. Besides I have a terrible track record with
guys."

"Doesn't look that way to me. He
likes you, you like him. He left you, but he came back." Kurt
shrugged his huge shoulders.

I shook my head, "He's leaving
again. I don't want to feel that pain again when the time comes.
I'll just keep my distance."

Kurt abruptly grabbed his things
and stood up, making lots of noise. He scowled down at me. "I can't
believe you didn't tell me about that guy before. Keeping it from
me is just like lying. We're done." I stared at him shocked, and
while his back was to Neil he winked at me and then whispered,
"You'll thank me later. I claim best man at the
wedding."

I sighed and grabbed my things,
leaving him standing there before he could pretend to stomp away. I
was the one who was actually angry at his scheming. I heard
footsteps behind me and was almost to the elevator when a warm hand
grabbed my elbow. I knew by the reaction to my lady parts that it
was Neil. I stopped and whipped around. He wasn't phased in the
least. "Hey, you okay?"

I considered lying to him but I
just couldn't do it. It was time to clear up the misunderstanding
he'd let fester the other night. "Fine. He pretended to break up
with me."

"Why the hell would he do
that?"

"Because we were never together." I
watched as Neil's jaw clenched. He was fighting something back,
probably anger.

He nodded curtly. "I see. Well
that's good news for me. Unless you have feelings for him. Do
you?"

"No. I gotta go." I left him
standing there, letting what I'd said sink into his attractive
skull. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it for the next two
years without getting laid. He brought out the sexual beast in me
and I hated it.

I knocked on Merit's door and went
right to her desk when she opened the door for me to come in. "Am I
crazy for not forgiving him, living in the now, going with the
flow?"

She shut the door behind me and got
comfy on her bed. "Only you can answer that Claire. It's your heart
and your feelings."

I groaned and rubbed my throbbing
forehead. "So not helpful."

She chuckled softly, "Sorry. So
tell me what happened. Why all these wonderings?"

"He has been stalking me today. He
crushed his cellphone when Kurt pretended to put the moves on me."
I sat up straight and looked at her, "He asked to carry my
books."

Merit laughed out loud and then
tried to cover it with her hands. "I'm sorry I just... wow... I
never would have thought the great and powerful Neil Begley would
be stalking a girl and asking to carry her books."