Crushing on Love (The Bradens of Peaceful Harbor, Book Four) (16 page)

“All those things are new to me, baby. So when you ask why we were platonic, it’s because none of that existed until you.”

She opened her mouth to respond and closed it again to try to regain control of her emotions. Her mind was starting to process what he’d said more clearly. They were like friends with benefits, or friends who hooked up. Okay, she knew people did that sort of thing, but she’d never dated anyone who had done it before.
Or maybe they just hadn’t admitted it
.

He was being honest, and that meant a great deal to her.

“It was more than a decade ago?”

He nodded. “And it’ll never happen again.”

“How do you know? She’s beautiful, and you two were very friendly.”

He smiled. “We are friendly, but not cross-the-line friendly. When I see Jo, I see a trusted friend who knows my quirks and puts up with me anyway. I see a fellow nature lover and a good, loyal person. How do I know we’d never get together again? When she and I got together and then realized it was a mistake, it was a wake-up call for me. That’s when I swore off casual sex. There have been
plenty
of times when I’ve longed for a woman’s touch, and not once did I think about filling that void with her.”

She didn’t want to ask who he had filled those times with, or about Rachel, the only other person she’d been curious about. Instead, she asked, “Are there other women that I’ve met that we should talk about?”

He laughed. “No, Shan. No skeletons in my closet. No secrets.”

She felt better knowing that. “Does Jo know about us?” She didn’t know why that was important, but it felt like it was.

“Yes. Before you went home for Cole’s wedding, she sensed my interest in you, and we talked about it. I wasn’t even admitting it to myself at that point, but girls have a sixth sense or something. And she called earlier to tell me the injured goshawk she’d picked up from me the other evening had woken up and he should be fine after his wing healed. I told her about us, and she said she’d felt our connection when she picked up the bird. She’s happy for us, Shannon, but I understand if you need time and space to figure out if you still want this.”

“You thought I wouldn’t want to be with you because of a woman you were with more than a decade ago?”

He shrugged. “I hoped you would, but…”

“But people aren’t always what they seem.”
Fatally flawed
. She knew it must have been hard for him to confess what he had, and now she understood the worry she’d seen in his eyes. After what had happened with the lifelong friendship between his father and her uncle, the way it had ended over one big reveal and remained broken for more than forty years, it was no wonder he’d been worried about telling her.

But he
had
told her, and that’s what mattered.

“I appreciate you telling me before I jumped on the phone with her, because finding out later would have hurt. I want to be with you, Steve. I wasn’t a virgin when we got together, so who am I to judge who you slept with before me? At least you were with someone you trusted, which is better than what I can say about the few guys I was with. Two of my past boyfriends cheated. You guys had the bond of friendship. That’s enviable.”

She sighed and said sheepishly, “I admit, I’m a little jealous, so can we hold off on asking her for help right now?”

“Anything you want, and if you’d rather not do the crowdfunding, we can nix it altogether.”

“What? No way. That’s important to you, and it’s important to me.”

He held her closer, his blue eyes swimming with emotions. “Shan, are we okay?”

“Yes.” She touched her lips to his. “Honesty trumps jealousy. I mean, it was so long ago. It’s not like you were together six months ago or anything. You guys have had years to see if there was something more. And I trust you. Besides, I think I’m more envious of the long friendship you two have had than anything else.”

“Because you think she knows my deep, dark secrets?”

“No,” she admitted. “Because I want the strength of years behind us.”

He was silent for a minute, and she worried she’d revealed too much. But she hadn’t been able to hold in the truth.

“I feel like we’ve been together way longer than we have.” He touched his forehead to hers, and she closed her eyes. “We’ll have the strength of every day of the next few weeks.”

What if that’s not enough?

SHANNON AWOKE THE next morning in her new favorite position, wrapped up in Steve. One of his arms curled over her side, his hand resting over her breast. His hips cradled her butt, his erection nestled between her cheeks. Even in his sleep he was sexual. He was so sexually intense, she couldn’t imagine him going without, but he’d said it had been a long time, and she knew Steve was an honest man. Painfully so. She ran her hand over his leg, which was bent and resting over hers, trapping her against him in the most delicious and possessive way, as if he were afraid she might disappear.

He stirred and pressed his hips forward. She smiled and tried to turn in his arms, but he tightened his grip and pressed his thigh more tightly to hers, holding her prisoner.

“I want you right where you are,” he said in a sleepy, sexy voice. “You feel incredible.”

He rocked his hips, his arousal moving between her cheeks, and he took her nipple between his finger and thumb, tugging it just hard enough to alight all of her senses. She felt herself go damp and closed her eyes.

“Grizz,” she whispered.

“Feel good, baby?” He sucked her earlobe between his teeth.

“Oh
Lord
,” she whispered.

He moved her hand to her breast, guiding her finger and thumb to replace his, and together they teased her nipple.

“So hot, Butterfly.” His voice was thick with desire.

He slid his hand down her belly and between her legs, which were still trapped beneath his thigh. She tried to open them wider, but she was lying on her side and his leg was too strong. He moved his fingers in and out along her wet folds. She bit her lower lip to keep from groaning at the dark pleasures he roused. Her sex swelled and pulsed, reaching for him, but he continued his relentless teasing. His hips withdrew, and she felt him shifting angles. His thigh lifted from hers, freeing her legs. His hips thrust forward, and he guided the wide crown of his cock against her center.

She pushed down, pleading for him to fill her, but he remained perched against her sex, sliding the head along her wetness, as his fingers worked their magic. A dull ache grew low in her belly, swelling with each stroke.

“Please,” she begged.

He put his mouth right against her ear and said, “Please what, baby?”

His heady voice sent shudders rolling through her. “More.”

She raised her knee, opening wider for him. He pressed on her clit and pushed just the head of his cock into her, stretching her, teasing her, as he laved his tongue over her neck.

“I want to feel you come like this, with us both aching for more,” he said.

His hips gyrated, his wide crown rubbing over all the right places, flooding her with need. She pushed her hips lower, but he wouldn’t succumb. His tongue glided over her shoulder, up her neck, and she couldn’t stop a whimper from slipping out.

“Please, Grizz. Let me feel all of you.”

“Soon,” he promised. “I want to feel you lose control. I want to hear my name sail from your lips as you come, before you get the rest of me.”

He pushed harder with his fingers, circling her sensitive nerves, moving over them, around them, until she was panting, blinking madly, unable to focus on anything but reaching that pinnacle. He sealed his teeth over her neck and bit down hard, sending shocks of pain shooting through her core and unleashing a violent tumult of pleasure.

“Steve—”

She clutched his hip as he slammed into her, burying himself to the root. Her inner muscles pulsed. Rivers of pleasure coursed through her, consuming her as he drove into her time and time again, each thrust harder than the last. His arm circled her waist, crushing her to him, rendering her unable to do anything more than take everything he had to give—and she freaking loved it. She abandoned all attempts to gain control and succumbed to the hidden part of her he’d unearthed. The part that brought a loud, guttural moan, that drove her fingernails into his arms. The part that wanted to be rough, possessed, claimed,
owned
.

“Harder. Take everything.” The words fell from her fast and unexpected, but she wasn’t embarrassed. She wanted to be taken hard by him—only him—and she was getting so much more. Despite how roughly he was taking her, despite the crushing weight of his arm across her body, raw, untethered passion seeped from his every pore. Passion that was driven by more than the need for release.

He grunted with each thrust, his strong fingers pressing into her. She could tell by his fast breaths and the sheer power behind his efforts that he was as lost in them as she was. His heart thundered against her back as his hips plowed into her, sending her spiraling into another toe-curling orgasm, and when he followed her over the edge, she felt every blessed pump of his release.

He held her as she came out from under her post-orgasmic haze.

“Baby,” he said breathlessly. He kissed her shoulder, her neck, her cheek. “Was I too rough?”

He shifted her onto her back and gazed into her eyes. Lust and power mixed with deep, unwavering concern stared back at her. It was overwhelming to see that much emotion in his beautiful eyes, but even more powerful was the look of pure, unadulterated affection she saw come over him. The “L” word slid to the tip of her tongue, and her throat thickened. She didn’t dare believe it. Not after just two days. Not when she was leaving in a few short weeks.

“Baby, did I hurt you?” he asked again, his eyes more serious, dragging her from her thoughts.

“No. That was amazing.” She reached up and touched his scruffy cheek.

“You make me feel things and want things…” His eyes were serious, his voice even more so. “Each time we’re together, I lose a little more control, and I want to go further, to possess more of you. If I ever get too rough, you have to let me know, baby. Promise me.”

“You would never hurt me.” She knew he was just being careful with his warning.

He touched his forehead to hers and whispered, “Never, baby. Not on purpose. Just promise me, if I’m too rough, you need to tell me.”

“I promise. Do you have some dark secret I should know about? A secret torture chamber? Whips or chains?”

He laughed. “No.”

“Then what
are
your dark secrets?”

The spark left his eyes, and her thoughts stammered. “Grizz?”

He rolled onto his side, and she turned onto hers, facing him. His arm circled her and he tugged her closer, easing the worry that had begun to creep in.

“No dark secrets, baby. Just a life already lived. Lessons learned.”

“What does that mean?”

He shrugged one shoulder.

“What does that mean—‘a life already lived’? ‘Lessons learned’? It sounds like you’re talking about a relationship gone bad.”

He shrugged again. “I don’t know.”

“Stop being cryptic.”

His lips curved up in a troubled smile. “I’m not trying to be cryptic. I just don’t know what you’re asking.”

“That makes two of us.”

He pulled her into a loving, tender kiss. “What’s troubling you, baby? Did I say something or do something that made you worry?”

“It’s more what you half said.”

His hand slid over her hip. “You want to know about old girlfriends?”

“I don’t know. You said there was no one here. I just…”

He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek. “You want to know about old girlfriends that weren’t here. I get it.” He sat up against the headboard and reached for her, tucking her against him.

“Maybe a little,” she admitted, and hoped she wouldn’t regret it.

“There isn’t much to tell. I’ve really only had one long-term girlfriend. Susan Nelson. We got together in our last year of college. I thought we wanted the same things out of life. I took a job in the Great Smoky Mountains and we moved in together.
Briefly
. The weekend I was going to bring her home to meet my family, she took off. End of story.”

End of story? That’s barely an outline
. “How long were you together?”

“Couple months before living together. Two weeks of living together.” His jaw tightened, and she felt his muscles tense around her.

Did you love her?
was on the tip of her tongue, but she held it back. Their relationship was temporary. They had an
expiration date
. She shouldn’t even want to know this much, but she couldn’t help it. He looked pained, and she wanted to know how deeply he was hurt so she could soothe him.

“Why did she leave?”

“Because people suck,” he said glibly.

The fatal flaw
.

“She hooked up with a stockbroker, left for
the good life
. She said I’d never be able to give her what she really wanted, and she was right. I’d never have changed my lifestyle for her. The thing was, she’d led me to believe that the life I wanted was what she really wanted.”

“The other night Jade made it sound like you’d never had a serious relationship.” She didn’t mention that Rachel had noticed a change in him when he’d returned that fall.

“Because she never knew. No one in my family did. I was away at college, working and going to school. I was busy; our calls were brief. I didn’t walk at graduation, so they didn’t come out, and then I took that summer job. It never came up.”

“Never came up? How can a relationship that leads to living together not come up?”

He looked right into her eyes; the honesty in his was palpable. “I have no idea, but I never told anyone about me and Jo, either. And as far as Susan goes.” He shrugged. “I guess I must have known things with her weren’t real, because I’ve already told my parents about us.”

“You…You did?” Her pulse quickened.

He nodded. “I didn’t even hesitate. It just came out. I was so young then. I thought I loved her. I realize now that I didn’t have a clue about love, because I didn’t feel for her one-tenth of what I feel for you.”