Authors: Tami Hoag
Jack frowned, shooting her a sideways look. “I must be losin' my touch.”
Laurel sniffed. “Losing your mind is more like it. You belong in a hospital. My God, you weren't even conscious the last time I saw you!”
“I'll live.”
Dismissing the topic, he looked down at her, taking in the deep shadows beneath her eyes. She couldn't have looked more exquisitely feminine or fragile, like a priceless piece of porcelain. That fragility had frightened him once, before he had discovered the strength that ran through it like threads of steel. But he had a feeling the strength was flagging today.
“How about you, sugar? How you doin'?”
“Savannah's funeral was today,” she said quietly.
Jack slipped an arm around her shoulders and eased her against him, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. It was all he needed to do. Laurel splayed her hand against his warm bare chest, above the pristine white bandage that bound his ribs, and simply cherished the way his heartbeat felt beneath her hand.
“I would have been there for you if I could have.”
She looked up at him, her face carefully blank as she tried to assess the shift of feelings in him and between them. “You don't do funerals.”
“Yeah, well . . .” He sighed, fixing his gaze on the roses that climbed the brick wall beside them. “That doesn't stop me from losin' friends, does it? It only stops me from being one.”
“Is that what we are?” Laurel asked quietly. “Friends?”
“You saved my life.”
“And you saved mine,” she returned, rising to pace in front of the bench with her arms crossed tight against her. “What does that make us? Even?”
“What do you want it to make us?” Jack asked, hearing the edge in his voice and cursing himself for it. He hadn't come here to fight with her. He had come for—what? And why? Because he couldn't stay away? Because he thought he had to end what had taken root and twined around his heart like the ivy that curled around the foot of the bench?
You can't have it both ways, Jack.
“I want more,” Laurel admitted. If that made her a fool, then she was a fool. If it made her weak, then she was weak. It was the truth. Too much of her life had been tied up in lies. She stopped her pacing and looked him in the eye, as sober as a judge. “I love you, Jack. I keep telling myself I shouldn't, but I do.”
“You're right, angel.” Gritting his teeth against the pain, he rose slowly. “You shouldn't,” he murmured and moved toward the gate, avoiding looking at her. If he looked at her, he would never be able to walk away.
“Not because you don't deserve it, Jack,” Laurel said, catching hold of his arm. “Because it would be easier not to. But I had an easy relationship once, and it might have been safe, but it wasn't fair to either of us.
“I can't take the easy way out, Jack,” she murmured, already trembling inside in anticipation of his answer. “Will you?”
“Sure,” he said, his voice little more than rough smoke, his eyes trained on some indistinguishable point in the middle distance. “Haven't you figured it out by now, sugar? I'm a coward and a cad—”
“You're neither,” Laurel said strongly. “If you were a coward, they would have buried me beside my sister today. If you were a cad, you wouldn't be trying so damn hard to do the noble thing and walk away from this.”
Tears rose effortlessly in her eyes, riding on the crest of her emotions. She tightened her grip on the solid muscle of his biceps, her small fingers barely making a dent. “In a lot of ways you're as good a man as I've ever known, Jack Boudreaux,” she said hoarsely. “I'd like a chance to make you believe that.”
And he wanted to believe it. God in heaven, how he wanted to believe it. The need was an ache within him he had spent a lifetime trying to bury. The need to be worth something, the need to be important to somebody.
He closed his eyes against it now, terrified the need would swallow him whole, terrified this moment was just a dream, a cruel joke, as every small hope of his childhood had been a cruel joke. It didn't make sense that she should love him. It didn't follow the plot line of his life that he should have this chance at happiness. There had to be a catch. The other shoe would drop on his head any minute now.
He just stood there, waiting, staring past her. His chin was quivering as he pressed his lips into a thin line. He blinked to clear his vision.
“Haven't you paid enough, Jack?” Laurel whispered. “Haven't we both?”
“I dunno.” He tried to shrug, winced at the pain. “You want a husband? You want babies?”
More than anything, she thought. The idea of giving him a second chance at those dreams, the idea of giving him a child, of the two of them creating a brand-new life that would begin with no mistakes and no regrets was a wish she had scarcely let herself imagine.
“I want a future,” she said simply, the wish too precious, too fragile to voice. “I want to go beyond the past. I want you to go with me.”
A life beyond the past. A life he had told himself he could have only in his dreams. He stepped back from her, slicking a hand back through his hair to rub the back of his neck.
Laurel watched him, holding her breath while her heart raced.
Jack turned and faced her, seeing all her hope, her fear, her pure, sweet beauty.
“I told myself if I had a drop of honor in me, I'd walk away from you,” he said softly. His lips twisted at the corners into a crooked, ironic smile. “Lucky me, I never had much to start with.”
Laurel went into his arms, her heart overflowing. She pressed her cheek against his chest. “You've got more than you know,” she whispered.
“I've got all I need if I've got you,” he said, and he lowered his mouth to hers for a kiss that was both bonding and beginning, promise and fulfillment . . . and love.
Epilogue
The
pirogue
slices through the bayou, as silent as a blade. The sun melts down in the west, as rich and warm as molten gold. All around, the swamp is dim and hushed. Waiting, peaceful. The frogs sing among the lilies. An egret glides down to join its mate in their nest of sticks on the trunk of a fallen cypress.
I look down at the woman in the boat. She smiles as if I own the moon. The courage of a tiger. The gentleness of a dove. My wife. I was nothing without her.
I pole the boat forward, toward home, and know contentment for the first time in my life.
Glossary of Cajun French Words
and Phrases Used in This Book
allée
avenue, path
allons danser
let's dance
allons jouer la music, pas les femmes
let's go play
music, not women
arrête sa
stop it
baire
mosquito netting
bâteau
boat
beau-père
stepfather
bébé
baby
bon à rien, tu, 'tit souris
good for nothing, you,
little mouse
bon Dieu
good God
bon Dieu avoir pitié
good
God have mercy
bonjour
good day
c'est assez
that is enough
c'est la vie
that is life
c'est vrai
that is true
c'est la guerre
that is war
catin
doll
cher/chère/chérie
term of
endearment
coonass
slang term for
Cajun, often derogatory
dépêche-toi
hurry up
espèces de tête dure
you
hardheaded thing
etalon
stud, stallion
grand rond
literally “big
circle,” traditionally called
at the start of a fight
grand-mère
grandmother
gris-gris
spell, charm
(as with voodoo)
joie
de
vie
joy of life
jolie
fille
pretty lady
laissez le bon temps rouler
let the good times roll
Le Mascarade
The
Masquerade
ma
belle
my beautiful
ma
douce
amie
my sweet
love
ma
bon
pichouette
my
good little girl
mais
oui/mais
yeah
but yes
mais
sa
c'est
fou
that's
crazy
ma
jolie
fille
my pretty
girl
“Ma
Petite
Fille
Est
Gone”
My Little Girl Is Gone
merci/merci
boucoup
thanks/many thanks
mon
ami
my friend
mon
coeur
my heart
oui
yes
pas
de
bétises
no joking
pas
du
tout
not at all
petite
fleur
little flower
pirogue
canoelike craft
restaurant et salle de danse
restaurant and dance
hall
roux
flour browned in
fat, used for thickening
gravy etc.
s'il vous plait
please
sa c'est de la couyonade
that is foolishness
sa me fait de le pain
I'm sorry
sa
c'est
honteu
that's a
shame
son
pine
his penis
techeue
poule
chicken ass
'tit boule
little balls
'tite ange
little angel
'tite chatte
little cat
traiteur
folk healer
tu
menti
you lie
une belle femme
the pretty
woman
va-te'n
go away
“Valse de Grand Mèche”
The Big Marsh Waltz
viens
ici
come here
BANTAM BOOKS BY TAMI HOAG
DARK HORSE
DUST TO DUST
ASHES TO ASHES
A THIN DARK LINE
GUILTY AS SIN
NIGHT SINS
DARK PARADISE
CRY WOLF
STILL WATERS
LUCKY'S LADY
SARAH'S SIN
MAGIC
And coming soon in hardcover
KILL THE MESSENGER
Praise for the bestsellers of
TAMI HOAG
DARK HORSE
“A thriller as tightly wound as its heroine . . . Hoag has
created a winning central figure in Elena . . . Bottom line:
Great ride.”—
People
This is her best to date . . . [a] tautly told thriller.”
—
Minneapoils Star-Tribune
“Hoag proves once again why she is considered
a queen of the crime thriller.”
—
Charleston Post & Courier
“A tangled web of deceit and double-dealing makes
for a fascinating look into the wealthy world of horses
juxtaposed with the realistic introspection of one very troubled ex-cop. A definite winner.” —
Booklist
“Anyone who reads suspense novels regularly is
acquainted with Hoag's work—or certainly should be. She's one of the most consistently superior suspense and romantic suspense writers on today's bestseller lists. A word of warning to readers: don't think you know
whodunit 'til the very end.”
—
The Facts
(Clute, TX)
“Suspense, shocking violence, and a rip-roaring
conclusion—this novel has all the pulse-racing touches that put Tami Hoag books on bestseller lists and
crime fans' reading lists.”
—
The Advocate Magazine
(Baton Rouge, LA)
“Full of intrigue, glitter, and skullduggery . . . [Hoag]
is a master of suspense.” —
Publishers Weekly
“Her best to date, an enjoyable read, and a portent of even better things to come.” —
The Grand Rapids Press
“A complex cerebral puzzle that will keep readers
on the edge until all the answers are revealed.”
—
The Midwest Book Review
“To say that Tami Hoag is the absolute best at what
she does is a bit easy since she is really the only person who does what she does. . . . It is testament to Hoag's
skill that she is able to go beyond being skillful and find the battered hearts in her characters, and capture their beating on the page. . . . A superb read.”
—
Detroit News & Free Press
DUST TO DUST
“Compelling and expertly told. Plot lines smolder
and ignite as the suspense builds. The result leaves . . .
the reader scorched.” —
USA Today
“[This] wintry tale of crime and punishment
packs a powerful thrill. Bottom line: Good cops +
bad cops = killer suspense.”
—
People
(Page-turner of the week, starred review)
“
Dust to Dust
breathes new life into the old good cop vs. bad cop genre. . . . A roller-coaster ride of a thriller that will leave fans awaiting the next installment.”
—
New York Post
“Sharp dialogue and an unusual plot make this a highly engaging outing for Hoag.” —
Chicago Tribune
“Practice must make perfect after all because
Tami Hoag . . . just keeps getting better. . . . Hoag not
only develops her characters, she also thickens the
plot with every chapter, until there is no alternative
but to keep turning those pages.”
—
The Orlando Sentinel
“As a master of complex plots, Hoag is adept
at faking readers into thinking they've figured out
what's happened, only to shatter their theories.
Dust to Dust
continues the tradition.”
—
Fort Worth Star-Telegram
“In this well-crafted thriller, Hoag sets a complex plot in motion and gives it a powerful, emotional center.”
—
Minneapolis Star-Tribune
ASHES TO ASHES
“Hoag has more or less taken over the serial killer
genre all by herself.” —
Chicago Tribune
“You'll want to lock the doors while you're
reading. . . . Hoag does her homework and gets the
details right in this creepy story. . . . Powerful.”
—
Minneapolis Star Tribune
“An up-all-night read.”
—
The Detroit News
“[A] detail-packed thriller . . .
The Silence of the
Lambs
comes to mind more than once.”
—
Entertainment Weekly
“[A] compelling . . . startling story.”
—
Chicago Sun-Times
“Hoag has a way of sneaking up on the reader
in superior thriller tradition. . . . She neatly side-
steps the graphic crudeness of some of her competitors, while still providing enough surprise twists and
stomach-turning carnage to satisfy any
heebie-jeebie enthusiast.”
—
Publishers Weekly
(starred review)
“Absorbing . . . always interesting . . . Once again,
Hoag doesn't disappoint.”
—
New York Post
“Promises to keep readers up reading into the night. . . .
A lot of bang for the buck.”
—
Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine
“Chilling . . . Patricia Cornwell wrote thrillers that
had readers turning the pages until 3 a.m. Now Hoag
is keeping readers up all hours.”
—
Sun-Sentinel
(Fort Lauderdale, FL)
“If ‘page turner' is a term too easily used, Ms. Hoag
has restored its legitimacy. Her stories shock us, shake us, take us to the darkest edges of criminal conduct.”
—
The Cincinnati Enquirer
“We who know a little about Tami Hoag's
novels lock the doors, grab a bowl of popcorn, and
settle down for an often unsettling read. With
Ashes,
we need to look over our shoulders every chapter or so because the evil therein gathers momentum with every move a serial killer makes.”
—
The Detroit News
“This is a winning psychological thriller that will
attract fans of Thomas Harris.” —
Booklist
A THIN DARK LINE
“
A Thin Dark Line
is chilling, it's atmospheric,
it's even romantic; but the novel's best achievement
is its making readers constantly interrogate their
ideas about justice and revenge, their own
presumptions of guilt and innocence.”
—
US
magazine
“This mystery defies you to put it down, and when you're done you're damn glad you didn't.”
—
Detroit News & Free Press
“Hoag deftly demonstrates that the search for
truth is rarely straightforward. Important clues are
cunningly buried, and the book's tension is as
sustained as it is palpable.”
—
Chicago Tribune
“With a flair for dialect and regional atmosphere,
Hoag captures the essence of the Cajun family
and working relationships while injecting suspense
and heart-pounding terror into a violent tangle
of justice, innocence, treachery, and public opinion.
A thoroughly engrossing read.” —
Booklist
“Hoag has evolved into a fine thriller writer.
[She] displays a firm grasp on locale [and] there's
plenty of suspense in waiting to see how it will all resolve. Psychopathic villains are common enough,
but Hoag has managed to endow hers with a
scarred entourage that provides a tragic note.”
—
Publishers Weekly
“Hoag is always a good gritty read.”
—
Kirkus Reviews
“Hoag writes big, full stories with complex
characters and situations. She doesn't shrink from the raw side of crime and the dark side of human nature.” —
The Cincinnati Post