Culture War (12 page)

“
He was a bandit,” said
Major Lopez, who had been summoned to the crossing by phone. “Villa
died badly. His bones were scattered and lost forever in the
desert.”

“
Whatever,” said the spider
commander, tipping his sombrero in salute. “I am a desert warrior
to be feared, too. Tell that to Czerinski! Tell him I now have a
mule! It is a war mule!”

Photos and video of the spider commander and
Buttercup were broadcast on Channel Five World News Tonight with
Phil Coen. Database images of Buttercup were sent across the
galaxy.

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Chapter 13

Saviano Juardo, David (the Nose) Silverio,
Lewis Pena, and two spiders, Eight Legs Roman, and Tony the Claw,
visited the spider commander at his office in New Gobi City.
“Where’s my pizza?” asked the spider commander, eyeing the
mobsters. “You’re late.”

“
Is that some sort of
slight against Italians?” asked Juardo. “If so, it’s in bad
taste.”

“
Sorry Juardo,” said the
spider commander. “I did not recognize you at first. I thought you
were that worthless Teamsters thug, Carlos O’Neil.”

“
We’re a different kind of
thug,” said Eight Legs, sitting on the edge of the commander’s
desk. Eight Legs lit a cigar and blew smoke across the
desk.

“
You certainly are not
Italian,” commented the spider commander.

“
It warms my heart to see
us spiders and the human pestilence able to work together in such
harmony,” added the commander’s military intelligence officer. “Do
you shine his shoes, too?”

“
Would you like some sweet
tea?” asked the spider commander. “It’s a hot day out, and you came
so far to see me.”

“
Maybe later,” said Juardo.
“We’re here to talk business. I want to put a hundred slot machines
in the lobby of the Marriott Hotel. The manager has already agreed,
but he said I would need your blessing.”

“
Denied,” said the spider
commander. “The governor wants casino gambling scaled back because
you human pestilence suck too much money from our communities. You
are a negative influence and a menace to society.”

“
I will pay you two percent
of all slot profits,” offered Juardo. “You don’t have to do
anything except kick back and get paid.”

“
I said no,” repeated the
spider commander. “There is no casino gambling allowed anywhere in
the Arthropodan Sector of the New Gobi Desert. The governor will
not allow it.”

“
This offer comes with
protection,” explained The Nose. “Without protection, things
happen. Bad things, even to marine commanders.”

“
I see,” said the spider
commander. “A hundred slot machines is a lot of slots. You have
that many?”

“
I am part owner of the
Riverfront Casino Hotel & Resort in New Memphis,” said Juardo.
“I will fly in the machines from there. They can be operational by
tonight.”

“
Get off my desk!” ordered
the spider commander, now irritated. Eight Legs Roman jumped up.
“If you don’t put that cigar out, I’ll have you shot!”

“
You had better be more
respectful,” warned The Nose. “Do you know who you are talking
to?”

“
The first thing you did
upon entering my office was to make threats,” said the spider
commander. “If you knew anything about Arthropodan culture, you
would already know that was a big mistake.”

“
He apologizes for his
rudeness and any misunderstandings,” said Tony the Claw. “This
human pestilence is new and merely trying to make an
impression.”

“
I’ll speak for myself,
spider breath,” said The Nose. “We made you a fair offer, and you
had better accept it, or you will have health issues. We don’t need
you. This visit is just a courtesy. You’re just a two-bit tinhorn
want-to-be desert despot. So, don’t be getting all uppity on
us.”

The spider commander drew his pistol and shot
The Nose in the nose, killing him instantly. It was messy.
Arthropodan marines burst into the office, pointing assault rifles
at the gangsters.

“
You Mafia thugs are all
under arrest,” announced the spider commander. “I have little
tolerance for your ilk. Be glad I didn’t have you all summarily
executed.”

“
Sir, we are but
respectable businessmen,” argued Juardo. “I am a member of the New
Memphis Chamber of Commerce and the Rotary Club. Can’t we work out
some kind of arrangement?”

“
At present you have
nothing I want,” replied the spider commander. “Until that changes,
you will rot in a dank, dark dungeon.”

“
I’ll tell you what I do
have,” said Juardo, reaching inside his vest pocket and removing a
letter. “I have a message from your governor.”

The spider commander read the letter, which
said, ‘Please cooperate with my friend, Saviano Juardo, and his
associates in our effort to create an economic prosperity zone in
New Gobi City. Together we can guide an already robust economy to
new heights. Sincerely, Arthropodan Governor of the North
Territory.’

“
Now, are we all on the
same page?” asked Juardo.

“
This says nothing about
allowing you to take over the Marriott Hotel and operate casinos in
New Gobi.”

“
The governor can’t put
that in writing or risk being recorded,” explained Juardo. “But
when you read between the lines, his message is clear. We have an
agreement to do business. I have permission to put in my
slots.”

“
I am to read between the
lines that you have bought the governor?” asked the spider
commander. “You want me to assume this letter is legitimate? We’ll
see about that. Lock them up!”

Their prison cell under Marine Headquarters
consisted of a large open bay filled with other prisoners. All were
spiders except one human sitting in the corner. Juardo walked up to
the human inmate. “I am Saviano Juardo,” he said, shaking hands.
“Who are you?”

“
Mark Mitchell,” replied
the human. “Dude, I’m so glad to see you. I was the only human
locked up here until now. These spiders keep stealing my meals.
I’ve lost thirty pounds at least.”

“
What are you in for?”
asked Juardo.

“
Smuggling skateboards,”
said Mitchell. “But it’s a totally bogus charge. The spiders are
just ripping me off. They impounded my truck, too.”

“
Possession of skateboards
can’t be too serious a charge,” commented Juardo. “When do you get
out? I need someone to contact my people.”

“
Dude, I think they’re
going to shoot me,” said Mitchell. “They won’t give me a lawyer or
tell me anything.”

“
Do we have access to a
phone?” asked Juardo.

“
Dream on, dude,” said
Mitchell. “We don’t have access to anything. What are your
charges?”

“
We are political
prisoners,” replied Juardo. “We were arrested for being Italian out
of season. It’s all just one big failure to communicate. I hope to
cut a deal.”

“
Your two spider friends
don’t look Italian,” observed Mitchell. “Are you Mafia? Are you
connected?”

“
There is no such thing as
the Mafia,” said Juardo. “How do we get out of here? Can we bribe
the guards?”

“
Only if you have money,”
said Mitchell. “Unfortunately, I don’t have any.”

At lunch time, three spider inmates came over
to Mitchell and stole his meal tray, again. Mitchell did not resist
or object. Juardo watched the spiders gather at the opposite side
of the lockup as they ate and talked. They gave Juardo and the
others hard looks. The spider inmates were still sizing up the new
human pestilence and their two spider friends. Juardo and the other
Mafioso waited for an opportunity, then jumped the top spider from
behind and beat him to the floor. Once down, the Mafioso kicked and
stomped the spider leader almost to death. The fight was over in
seconds. Guards found the spider unconscious, and took him away to
the hospital. There was no more stealing of food.

* * * * *

The spider commander called the Governor of
the North Territory on the phone for an explanation. He read the
letter again as he picked up the phone. The letter appeared to be
authentic.

“
Good afternoon,
commander,” said the governor, cheerfully. “By now Juardo and his
thugs have contacted you with a business proposition. What was your
reaction to their offer?”

“
I shot David the Nose
Silverio and threw the others in prison, pending execution and an
explanation from you,” answered the spider commander. “I hope you
have an explanation. I recorded and documented the whole
affair.”

“
Excellent,” said the
governor. “I knew you were my most reliable commander and would
pass my little test. Continue your documentation. I want signed
confessions. Then dispose of them. I intend to use this incident as
a pretext to demolish the Riverfront Casino Hotel here in New
Memphis. Juardo owns it. I will start excavations immediately. All
their assets will be seized.”

“
This seems like a lot of
trouble to go through for one hotel and a few thugs,” commented the
spider commander. “Why jump through all these hoops? Why not just
send in the tanks, blast the casino hotel, and arrest Juardo in the
first place?”

“
New Memphis is under joint
jurisdiction,” explained the governor. “I need justification to
evoke emergency powers and take such actions long-term. After the
Riverfront Casino Hotel is destroyed, there will be precedent
established. It will all be nice and legal. The other casino hotels
will fall like dominoes, and the Legion will be powerless to stop
us.”

* * * * *

Late at night, Saviano Juardo looked out
through the small jail door window at the spider guard in the
hallway. The spider was sitting in a chair asleep. Juardo could see
a team leader in another section unlocking a door to check on the
guard.

“
Hey, marine!” shouted
Juardo. “Wake up!”

“
Quiet, you puny human
pestilence!” responded the spider guard, striking the cell door
with his night stick. “Don’t make me come in there.”

“
Your sergeant is sneaking
up on you,” warned Juardo. “I was just looking out for your
welfare. Everyone knows that sergeant is out to get you. I noticed
that right away, when I first got here.”

“
You are right about that,”
commented the spider guard, now seeing the team leader.
“Thanks.”

The team leader entered the hallway abruptly.
“Stay alert!” snapped the team leader. “These Mafia types are
dangerous.”

“
It’s all under control,”
replied the spider guard, rapping the cell door again with his
baton. “I have had no problems with them at all.”

“
Don’t even talk to them,”
said the team leader, as he left. “That Juardo gangster is very
manipulative.”

After the team leader left, Juardo resumed
the conversation. “He thinks you are too stupid to know how to talk
to prisoners,” said Juardo. “He doesn’t realize it is you who keeps
this place from falling apart. That team leader is a fool to not
appreciate all you do here. I bet he has not once said ‘fine job’
for all you do.”

“
You are right about that,”
said the spider guard.

“
Sometimes it seems like
they promote only pricks and fools,” commented Juardo. “Have you
ever noticed that?”

“
All the time,” said the
spider guard. “It is like it is a prerequisite to be incompetent
before they promote anyone to team leader.”

“
You know who I am, right?”
asked Juardo. “I’m not a criminal. I am the owner of the Riverfront
Casino Hotel Resort in New Memphis.”

“
I heard,” said the spider
guard. “I have been there. It’s a nice place.”

“
Next time you are there,
ask for me,” said Juardo. “I’ll comp you the whole
weekend.”

“
Thanks,” said the spider
guard.

“
What are they going to do
with me?” asked Juardo.

“
Interrogation starts at
dawn,” said the spider guard. “I heard they want full written
confessions.”

“
They are going to torture
me,” said Juardo. “I can’t handle torture. I have a weak
heart.”

“
What can I say?” said the
spider guard. “I just work here.”

“
How would you like a new
job?” asked Juardo. “I need an experienced, qualified spider marine
like you to head up my security detail at the Riverside Casino.
Your commander shot my old security chief. You want the job? Could
you handle a substantial pay raise?”

“
That would be great,”
replied the spider guard. “But, I don’t trust any human pestilence.
No offense to present company.”

“
I don’t blame you,” said
Juardo. “You can’t be too careful these days.”

“
Saviano Juardo is a
righteous boss,” said Tony the Claw, joining the conversation. “He
treats us spiders with dignity and respect. And he pays good,
too.”

“
I’ll tell you what,” said
Juardo. “Because you are my friend, I want to help you out with a
gift. Pass me your communications pad, and I’ll put ten thousand
credits on your card, no strings attached. You don’t have to do
anything for me. I just want to pay you for being kind enough to
have this conversation with a condemned man.”