Cut Too Deep (10 page)

His cousin’s remark intended to hurt, and it did slightly. Paul had spoken the truth. A wolf should not pursue a lamb. He would likely destroy her, but hell if Miller could convince himself not to try.

“She’s different.”

“How so?”

Miller didn’t answer. He thought he knew Hadley. Though not a common name, Miller had accepted her sharing a name with someone from his past as coincidental. It was her eyes, and the familiar sadness in them that led him to have an investigator look into her a couple of weeks before his trip. He wasn’t ready to share his suspicions with his cousin, her, or anyone else until he confirmed them. If she was a girl from his past, then she wasn’t a lamb afraid of a wolf. She was far more skittish than that, and no doubt feared everything and everyone.

“Just mail the letter for me.”

Paul held the letter addressed to his employee in his lap the entire plane ride back to New York. He didn’t intend to follow through with delivering it, but he’d seen something in his cousin’s eyes that made him change his mind.

Paul considered Miller’s commitment to his sister noble, but it had seriously hindered Miller’s personal life. For that, Paul always harbored guilt.  He’d introduced the two the day he married Miller’s cousin, Katherine. Paul knew his sister was troubled, but Miller was smitten and begged for the introduction. He considered it gratitude since Miller had introduced him and Katherine to one another nearly a year prior. It wasn’t until Miller’s relationship with his sister became serious that Paul realized what behavior had led to his sister’s trouble. When Miller wouldn’t comply with her dark and disturbing demands, the relationship ended, and Paul urged Miller to move on, only Miller refused to let go of the desire to save Theresa Jensen and had been failing to do so ever since.

Paul loved his sister and wanted to believe she could be saved. Recently, he had come to the conclusion, she intentionally avoided redemption, although he could never convince his stubborn cousin of that. If the shy and timid woman in his office could offer Miller some happiness, then Paul owed it to his cousin and friend, to see to it that she received the letter.

S
aturday morning, Hadley woke late and surprisingly rested. She spent the day grocery shopping before taking a walk in the park through the thick summer foliage and nameless New York faces. A shady spot beneath a tree invited her to rest her feet that hurt from the new flats she’d chosen to wear.

Hadley leaned back against the trunk of the tree and reflected on the letter she wrote to Miller. Doubt swam around in her head, questioning whether she would actually find the courage to slip it in the mailbox.

She hadn’t eaten today, which was becoming habitual. She was far too thin, at least that was what Dr. LeClair kept telling her.
‘A sign of depression,’
he would say,
‘is not eating.’
She felt around in her purse for the granola bar she kept stashed in one of the side pockets. After peeling down the foil wrapper, the first sounds of an imminent bird attack began.

Three pigeons slowly approached from her right. They cooed in unison as they begin circling her. Hadley knew from experience how bold the park pigeons were. People constantly feed them, and now they expected her to do the same. Holding the snack to her chest, Hadley narrowed her eyes at the vicious little rats with wings. They inched closer to her. Stubbornly, she bit into the honey oat treat and chewed, taunting the birds by waving the bar at them.

Teasing the pests was the absolute wrong approach. The birds began flapping their wings and several of their friends joined them.  She flipped her hand in their direction, shouting, “Shoo... GO!”

Her efforts did nothing to deter the menacing beasts. Within seconds, what appeared to be hundreds of them surrounded her like Custer’s Army. One of them dove at her, its beak making contact with the granola bar. Feathers flew everywhere, sprinkling the air like snow. Only the pounding of her heart matched the deafening cooing. Somewhere from deep in the chaos, Hadley heard Mac say, “Throw the food, Hadley!”

She turned her head toward Mac’s unexpected voice.

“No! It’s my granola bar, damn it!”

The brazen pests would
not
win. They’d been terrorizing people in the park for years; taking food, like a playground bully stealing lunch money. Today, for humans everywhere, she would fight back!

Hadley began flailing her arms as the birds moved in closer. Pain shot through her hand when beaks pecked into her skin. Two of the little cretins bit into the bar. A game of tug-o-war ensued. She started frantically shouting at them to go away, but the onslaught continued, amid laughter from some passer-byers.

“Let go!” Mac yelled.

“No!”

“Do you seriously want to die by pigeon attack?” Mac laughed. “Let go! I’ll buy you dinner.”

Hadley huffed, but finally relented and tossed the bar away from her. The pigeons followed the granola bar, with the exception of one that hovered above her with intent. The lone remaining bird dropped a slimy, white bomb that landed with a splash on the middle of her thigh.

Pieces of granola in her bra scratched her skin. Pigeon shit stained her jeans. Her hair was layered with tiny feathers, one of which she choked on. And, the clincher, she was still hungry. Mac stood above her with his hand out, laughing along with a few strangers.

To avoid further humiliation, Hadley snubbed Mac’s offered hand and jumped to her feet. Fearful of needing Rabies shots to top her already adventurous afternoon, she surveyed her hands to make sure the skin wasn’t broken. Thankfully, it appeared she avoided a doctor visit. She dusted feathers from her clothing, cursing under her breath when spiky ends poked into her skin like tiny needles. Hadley glanced up at Mac, who noticeably held in his laughter.

Although Hadley would like to be angry, laughter erupted from her and continued until her belly started to ache. Mac approached with his hand stretched out to her. He pulled more feathers from her hair.

“I can’t believe you thought you could go to war with the park pigeons.”

“I hate those damn birds. They’re bullies.” Her eyes moved to the mountain of grey devouring the granola bar and then back to Mac. “I swear, from now on I’m bringing a slingshot to the park.”

“I think there are laws against that.”

“Yeah, well there ought to be a law allowing open season for pigeon hunting.”

Mac laughed and took her hand. “Come on, I owe you dinner.” Hadley pulled her hand away and stuffed it in her pocket. His lips twisted, but he didn’t comment about her blatant effort to avoid holding his hand. Instead he looped his arm though hers and pulled. “I’ll buy pizza.”

Hadley let Mac’s arm stay tangled with hers as they walked through the park. It wasn’t as intimate as hand-holding. On the way back to her apartment, they entered a small pizzeria. Mac ordered a large pie and started to sit down at one of the small side tables. Feathers mixing with pepperoni and cheese while she ate didn’t sit well with Hadley. She wanted to clean up first and invited Mac to her place to eat. He looked surprised by the offer, but accepted.

Hadley had spent many hours replaying what Dr. LeClair said during their last visit; how she didn’t have to share the details of her life with people. That advice made it easier to invite Mac over. She was slowly accepting her past didn’t have to control her. She wanted friends. Mac represented a comfortable person to experiment this new direction with.

She and Mac took the stairs up to her place. They waved at Mrs. St. Armont, who smiled back at them from her trusty rocking chair.

Mac made himself at home in the kitchen while Hadley went and cleaned up. It took a bit of doing to remove all of the feathers from her hair. Hadley chuckled loudly at the memory of the attack as she put some spot remover on her jeans, hoping pigeon poo didn’t stain. Her laughter stirred emotions in her. Even after a visit from the heartless Harold Duwatski, it had been a pretty amazing week. For the first time, Hadley thought she could actually accomplish some of the things she and Dr. LeClair talked about during their sessions. No longer afraid to try, the emotions that filled her heart were exhilarating.

Hadley joined Mac on the couch to eat pizza and reveled in how good it felt to share dinner in her apartment with a friend. He commented about her neighbor’s friendly demeanor. Without giving it any thought, Hadley told him about Mrs. St. Armont storming into her apartment, their conversation, and how they seemed to be friends now.

She rattled on until she noticed Mac’s gloomy expression and downcast eyes before he said, “Is she right? Are you…lost?”

Their eyes met with uncertainty. She’d filtered none of her conversation with Mrs. St. Armont, including her neighbor’s thoughts about her needing a mother’s love. Mac’s perfect eyebrows creased together. He reached out with his hand, tucking her hair behind her ear, and stroked her cheek. Hadley felt wetness from tears she didn’t know had fallen. She inhaled a harsh breath to fight them off.

“What happened to you?” Mac asked softly. Her confession the other night about multiple suicide attempts troubled him. He worried if she didn’t start opening up to her friends, she would isolate herself until she tried again.

Obviously getting to know people without sharing her past wouldn’t be as easy as Dr. LeClair made it sound.

Bits and pieces, Hadley. You don’t have to share all of it.

Mac waited patiently for Hadley to answer him.

“Truthfully, some days, I do feel lost,” Hadley admitted. Mac smiled when she glanced up at him nervously. “I miss my mom, and things haven’t been easy without her.”

“I understand.” The slight nod of his head casting sincerity over his crystal blue eyes eased her nerves. “I lost my mom, too. But, you have a friend. I never want you to feel lost. I’m here anytime you need to talk. I hope you know that.”

It felt amazing to admit Mac was her friend. She leaped across the couch to hug him. Surprised, Mac accepted her embrace, all the while vowing to erase her pain. Hadley loved that he didn’t push for anything else, though he knew significantly more happened in her life. He simply offered his unconditional friendship. She pulled back and looked into his earnest baby blues. Mac’s eyes comforted her many times. They were always truthful.

“Thank you.”

The bite in her voice made his heart ache. Mac didn’t know what happened to his beautiful friend, but her past left her fragile and delicate. He would always be her friend, and he would never let anyone break her.

Combined laughter bounced off the walls, amid friendly chatter, followed closely by a new trail of hope, an emotion that left Hadley beaming with happiness. The friends hung out for several hours before Mac went home.

Hadley picked up her cell phone. She scrolled through the contacts, looking for someone she hadn’t spoken to in a long time. Detective Don McAllister wasn’t exactly a friend, but he kept tabs on Hadley over the years.

The detective would never forget the night he found Hadley scared and alone as she wandered around her home, leaving a trail of small bloody footprints. In all his years in homicide, the scene in which her large brown eyes begged for help, haunted him more than any other. Her cheek sliced open, the awful smell, and her blood soaked clothing were a stain on his mind for years. Finding her as a young child amid a murder scene nearly caused him to leave law enforcement. Since then, he checked in on her several times a year. As crazy as it sounded, Don represented the closest thing Hadley had to a parent.