Authors: Judy Christenberry
“I’m not sure, but something is bothering you.”
Jennifer took a step away from Nick. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You don’t? Why are you moving away from me?”
She stood rooted in place, looking away from him. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do, and I’m not leaving until I get some answers.”
“This is my apartment, Nick Barry. You can’t threaten me in my own apartment!”
“I’m not threatening you, sweetheart. I just want some answers.” He moved closer. “Can’t we sit down and chat a few minutes?”
“It’s late and—”
“Jennifer, it’s eight-thirty!”
“Oh! I forgot because the girls go to bed early. I—I do, too, so I can get up early with them.”
“I don’t believe you.”
She stared at him before dropping her glance. “Okay, we can talk for a few minutes.”
She tried to reach the single chair in order to avoid sitting on the sofa with him, but he intercepted her. “Let’s both sit here,” he suggested.
“Fine!” she snapped, sitting down, her back straight and stiff.
He leaned near her. “Did you miss me while I was gone?”
“No, not at all.”
“Jen, what’s the point of talking if you’re just going to lie to me?”
“I didn’t—” She broke off as her gaze met his and she jerked it away. But she couldn’t lie to him if she was meeting his gaze. “I didn’t lie,” she said, looking at her hands.
“Look me in my eyes and say that,” he challenged.
“The—the girls missed you.”
“I’m glad, but I didn’t ask about the girls.”
She tried to turn away, but he scooted closer and lifted a finger to pull her face around to his. “Didn’t you miss me just a little bit?”
“Okay, fine, I missed you a little bit! Now—”
“Good,” he said, just before he kissed her.
Somehow, before she knew it, her arms ended up around his neck and she was kissing him back. When he pulled her tighter to him, she didn’t resist. Her mouth was open to his and she knew there was a reason to resist, but she couldn’t quite remember what it was.
He pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around her as he reslanted his lips over hers to kiss her deeper than before. His hands wandered over her body, stroking her and encouraging her closer.
She felt as if she had melted onto him, as soft and
pliant as warm wax. If she pulled back, his imprint would be on her forever. But she wasn’t pulling back. Instead, she was pressing against him, eager for more.
When his hand slipped below the short-sleeved sweater she’d worn to dinner, she almost convinced herself to protest, but his mouth moved more compellingly over hers, and she couldn’t seem to bring herself to pull away.
“Jen, I missed you so much,” he muttered as his lips moved to kiss her neck. Without his mouth on hers, she thought she could break the spell he had cast on her, but as she opened her mouth to do so, his lips returned to hers. She welcomed him like a long-lost lover.
Then, still kissing her, he stood and scooped her up in his arms.
“What are you doing?” she demanded in a whisper.
“I thought we’d be more comfortable in your bedroom,” he murmured, still nibbling at her neck.
“No!” she said insistently, finally coming to her senses. “W-we can’t do that. The girls might hear us! I can’t—I shouldn’t— Put me down!” While she kept her voice soft so she wouldn’t disturb the girls, she was definite in her protest.
Nick let her slide down his body, still kissing her. She managed to pull away. But she was panting as if she’d just run a mile.
“Please—just go. I can’t—”
“Okay,” he agreed. “I guess we can stop here. But, Jennifer, you can’t let the girls rule every aspect of your life. You have to have some personal time, too.”
“Just go home, Nick,” she said, trying to ignore the desperate plea in her words.
He kissed her again before he did as she asked. “Okay, I’ll go home tonight. But we still need to have that talk. Something’s bothering you, and I won’t rest until I find out what it is.”
A devastated Jennifer slumped against the closed door after Nick had left. She’d wanted to protect the girls from broken hearts, but she’d forgotten to protect her own. And she could definitely feel it cracking. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t believe Nick’s words. Deep inside she believed Hollywood would prove to have too much allure and Nick would leave them behind.
Nick had trouble settling down to his writing the next morning. Perhaps because he hadn’t gone to sleep at his normal hour. He’d spent a lot of time thinking about Jennifer. He should’ve expected her to reject his intention to make love to her, but he hadn’t. Somehow, he’d hoped she was feeling the same as him.
But not only was she not willing, she still hadn’t told him why. Of course, it could be because he’d rushed her. He’d called himself all kinds of names as he’d realized that. But it hadn’t made going to sleep any easier. His body was still on fire for hers.
After more than an hour, he managed to turn his thoughts to his book. He reread all that he’d written, which was five chapters. That took an hour. Then he was ready to write.
Only there was a knock on his door.
When he answered it, he found Jennifer standing on his doorstep. He swung the door wide.
“Come in.”
She stood her ground. “I just wanted to give you the copies of your photos you wanted.”
He refused to take the package she held out. “I have to pay you first. How much was the paper and film?”
“I think we agreed on twenty-five dollars, but you can pay me later,” she hurriedly said.
“No, come in. I just need to find my checkbook.”
She reluctantly entered his apartment.
“Are the girls napping?” he asked.
“No, but the housekeeper is with them,” Jennifer said. Then she suddenly got an edgy look on her face.
“I’m not going to attack you, Jen, so stop looking so apprehensive. Of course, I wouldn’t resist a kiss or two.”
“No, that’s okay,” Jennifer took a quick step backward.
He grinned and came closer, unable to resist temptation. “Just one kiss? That wouldn’t be too bad, would it?”
“You never stop at one kiss,” she pointed out.
“I promise I will this morning unless you say differently.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I do.” And he bent his head to kiss her. As he did so, his arms went around her, pulling her tight against him.
She was determined to protest after the first kiss, but she was the one who forgot. It wasn’t until he lifted his lips from hers that she realized he was honoring his promise.
“I— Thank you.”
He grinned. “You don’t have to thank me, honey. I’m willing to kiss you anytime.”
“I was thanking you for stopping after one kiss, not for the kiss.” Her cheeks turned bright red.
“Are you willing to tell me why you don’t want me to kiss you?”
“I don’t think that’s appropriate behavior for a mother,” she said, backing away again.
“I think it is. After all, she had to do a lot of kissing to get the children in the first place.”
“For most mothers, but not for me!”
“Which means you need to practice even more,” he said with a grin.
“No! No, it doesn’t. They won’t ever know that.”
“So if you grow old alone, they won’t blame themselves for causing you to sacrifice your happiness for them?”
“Of course not! You’re being ridiculous!”
“I don’t think so. Annie said you didn’t smile as much while I was gone. They notice these things.”
“Annie said that? You’re not making it up?”
“I swear she did.”
“Well, it’s not true.”
“So you hate my guts and like it when I’m not around?”
“No, of course not.”
She was looking very uncomfortable.
“So you like for me to kiss you?”
“Nick, I need to go. I’ll get your check later.” And she left his apartment.
He stood there, his hands in his pockets, staring at the door. He couldn’t help teasing her, but he believed there was some attraction there. He could feel it when he held her close. But there was something keeping them apart.
He’d just have to figure it out.
T
HE SECOND
N
ICK PICKED UP
the ringing phone, his agent cut right to business.
“How was Hollywood?” Jim asked.
“Fine.”
“An all-expenses-paid trip to Hollywood and all you can say is ‘Fine’? And you call yourself a writer!”
Nick laughed in spite of himself. “It was good, but I was in a hurry to get home.”
“You’ve only lived in Dallas for a few weeks. What could— Ah, a woman.”
Nick grinned. “Yeah. So?”
“A new acquaintance?”
“I met her the first day I moved in.”
Jim’s voice sobered. “Just remember what I told you. You’ve worked hard for your money. You don’t want some gold digger after you.”
“Not to worry.” Jennifer didn’t want his money. In fact she didn’t want anything from him.
“The guys in Hollywood are interested in you staying awhile longer the next time you’re out there,” Jim said.
“I’m not planning on going back anytime soon.”
“They called me this morning to hint that they could use you out there until they finish filming.”
“No, thanks.”
“Nick, if the woman’s that important to you, you can take her with you. I wouldn’t think she’d turn down a trip to Hollywood.”
“This woman would. Besides, they have tons of writers in Hollywood. They don’t need me to turn my book into a screenplay.”
“Aren’t you worried about how the film will turn out?”
“Aren’t you the agent who told me to look upon money from Hollywood as a blessing, but not to get too caught up in them doing a faithful translation from book to screen?”
“Okay, I just thought I should ask. How’s the new book going?”
“I just got back last night. It’ll take a while to get moving on it again, but I don’t think my deadline is in jeopardy.”
“Okay. Let me know if you run into problems.”
“Will do.”
Nick hung up the phone and sat staring at the wall. No, Jennifer wasn’t the kind to pick up and fly to Hollywood. Not with the three little girls in tow. He agreed with her that Hollywood was not the place for children. It was flattering that they were interested in him, but he had no intention of moving to Hollywood.
The more interesting stories were to be found right here.
B
ILLS, CREDIT CARD
applications, advertisements.
All the usual suspects in the mail today, she thought as she thumbed through the stack…till she came to a small manila envelope with a familiar scrawl. She recognized the handwriting; it was her uncle’s.
Could it be…?
She’d just about given up that her uncle, or social services, would scare up the photo of the girls’ parents that Steffi wanted so badly. With each passing day she’d held out less and less hope that she’d be able to come through on her promise to Steffi.
Her hand was shaking when she opened the clasp on the envelope and pulled out a handwritten note: “Did the best I could. Sorry it took so long.” It was signed by her uncle, and paper-clipped to a long thin strip of cheap photo paper. Jennifer looked at the photos, the kind taken in one of those booths at a carnival or boardwalk. Three different poses of a young couple, yet unmistakably Steffi, Annie and Missy’s parents, judging by the uncanny resemblance of the girls to the woman in the photo.
She couldn’t tell where or when the pictures had been taken, but she could see how happy the couple was, how much in love. Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks, and she let them come. She let herself cry for their loss, for the years that were taken away, for the children they’d never get to see grow up.
I’ll look after them, she silently promised the smiling
couple. I’ll always make sure they’re safe and they never forget you.
She’d have to find the perfect moment to give the photo to Steffi.
And to thank her uncle for the miracle he worked in getting it.
She took out stationery and began writing a note to him, all the while counting her blessings for having someone in her family who was on her side. Too bad her mother couldn’t be. But at least she had decent odds—fifty percent of her family supported her.
What about your half brother? asked an inner voice. What would he think?
She remembered then something Nick had said recently, how she shouldn’t let fear of rejection stop her from contacting her half brother. Her father had been wrong in denying a meeting between them, Nick had said.
For a while now she couldn’t get thoughts of William Carpenter out of her head.
Maybe this was a sign, she thought as she gazed down at her uncle’s note. He’d come through for her and given her something so precious. Perhaps she ought to reach out to a new member of her family. After all, hadn’t she always vowed not to be like either of her parents? By distancing herself from her half brother she was following her dad’s behavior. If she thought he was wrong, why was she acting like him?
That bothered her. And there was also the fact that
if Nick was going to go away as she thought he would, it might be good for the girls to know another man. Annie especially needed to know that men, other than Nick, wouldn’t hurt her.
Today, she’d decided, she’d reach out to her brother.
William had been eleven when her father had died, eight years ago. Jennifer had been nineteen, the age her half brother was now. A lot of years had passed, a lot of growing up, reflecting. The only way to know how her half brother felt now was to bite the bullet and call. And there was no time like the present. She put down the pen and dialed the number for her father’s widow.
When she answered, Jennifer took a deep breath and identified herself. Then she asked to speak to William.
“He’s in class right now, Jennifer. Is there something I can help you with?”
The woman sounded pleasant, unlike her own mother whenever Jennifer had mentioned her ex-husband’s wife.
“I—I just wanted to contact him,” she said, trying hard to keep up her courage. “I thought he might be interested in getting to know me.”
After a moment the woman asked, “Does your mother know you’re calling him?”
“I don’t live with my mother and she has nothing to do with me.”
“I see. Well, I’ll ask him to call you. I can’t be sure he will.”
Jennifer gave her her telephone number and her
address. “I’d like to meet him. I promise I won’t do anything to hurt him.”
“I’ll give him your message,” was all the woman said.
Jennifer was shaking when she hung up the phone. She had to remind herself to breathe as she stood up and went to get a glass of water. No one knew how William would react to the message, even if her father’s widow would relay it. But Jennifer had done her part. She’d taken the first step. Now only time would tell.
As she turned to put the glass in the sink, she saw Steffi come into the room.
“You got up early, sweetheart. And you seemed so tired after your ballet lesson today.” Her eyes shot to the envelope and photo on the table, and Steffi’s followed.
“If you’re busy, I can go back to my room,” she said, ever the adult child.
Jennifer deliberated. She could buy herself some time and plan how she would give the photo to Steffi, or she could just let her heart be her guide. As she looked at the girl, she opted for the latter.
“No, Steffi, I’m not busy. I’m never too busy for you.” She held out her hand and when Steffi took it, she led them to the sofa in the living room. Along the way she pocketed the photo strip.
“What is it, Jennifer? Is everything okay?” Steffi looked at her with deep brown eyes that seemed to see more than a six-year-old should.
Jennifer smiled. “Everything is fine. Wonderful, in fact.” She reached into her pocket and fingered the
photo. “Steffi, you remember when I told you I’d do my best to find a picture of your parents? Well, I…I did it, honey.” She took the photo out and proffered it. “Will this one do?”
Slowly Steffi reached for the precious gift. For a few moments she said nothing, merely looked at it, and Jennifer’s throat tightened. Had she done the wrong thing? Was it too much for the girl? Would the photo bring back memories of untold sadness, grief? She reached out for Steffi, her hand shaking.
“Steffi, are you okay?”
The little girl looked up at her, and a small smile split her face. “I look just like her. Look, Jennifer. Do you see?”
Jennifer let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “I see, baby,” she said through a smile.
“And there are three pictures. One for each of us. Wait till I show Annie and Missy.”
What an amazing child, Jennifer thought. And what an amazing set of parents to have raised such wonderful, thoughtful children. She wrapped her arms around the girl. “Why don’t you go show them, Steffi?”
The girl got up from the sofa, but before she ran down the hall she looked at Jennifer. “Thank you,” she said simply.
It was all Jennifer needed to hear.
T
HE APARTMENT SMELLED AS
good as a bakery. Zucchini bread was cooling on the counter, the cookie jar was
filled and Jennifer was icing a cake. It was what she did whenever she got restless: she baked. And the girls loved it. They’d already had more than their weekly allotment of cookies. She drew a deep breath and stood just as Annie came into the living room.
She stepped back to admire her handiwork when the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” she called to the girls, hoping to stop the wild rush to the door that was typical of them.
The three girls remained in front of the television, the cookies and lemonade holding them in place.
She swung the door open, expecting to see Nick. Instead, she stared at a stranger.
A familiar stranger. “Yes?”
“Are you Jennifer?”
“Yes, I am.”
“I’m William, but most everyone calls me Billy.” He held out a hand to her.
She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. All afternoon she’d been afraid to hope, afraid that he wouldn’t call her back, afraid that he would. What would they say to each other? How would they act?
But here he was in front of her, a smile on his face, his hand outstretched as if to bridge the years they’d been apart.
She took it in her own. “I’m so happy to see you,” she gushed, wiping her tears. “Won’t you come in?” She opened the door wide and ushered him into the apartment.
“Something smells good in here,” he remarked, looking around.