Dads: A gay couple's surrogacy journey in India (3 page)

Then there are the practical issues with regards to your conception. On Monday, we have to do the sperm test which means that starting today, your dad and I may no longer waste our sperm, i.e. no sex. This is really strange, because I normally don't give much thought to my sperm. I think about having sex, sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes all the time. But never have I had to think about my sperm, because until now, I just assumed they'd never see any real action.

Yet this week, as I was counting down to today and the official start of our abstinence (they say three days before the test to really fill your cojones to the rim), I've been obsessed with my nuts, and oddly haven't been able to even jerk off. I wonder if I'll be able to perform in the toilet when expected to on Monday or how we'll do this… I hope you'll never have to go through anything like this!

This morning as I was showering, I reminisced a little and thought about my life in Switzerland, growing up, particularly in the light of something President Obama said when he talked about how his daughters had “i
nfluenced” him. (I don't buy the explanation, but it's an interesting fact.)

“Malia and Sasha, they have friends whose parents are same-sex couples. There have been times where Michelle and I have been sitting around the dinner table and we’re talking about their friends and their parents and Malia and Sasha, it wouldn’t dawn on them that somehow their friends’ parents would be treated differently. It doesn’t make sense to them and frankly, that’s the kind of thing that prompts a change in perspective.”

Things surely have changed. When I grew up, the only gay people were middle-aged men (women weren't even 'visible' yet or maybe just considered spinsters, like my great aunt who I suspected was a lesbian), but there were no gay couples, let alone gay couples with kids. Today, rainbow families have become, if not an everyday thing, something you see every now and then, and today's kids grow up with a different view of the LGBTQI community. So no doubt you'll grow up with friends in all kinds of family constellations and loving parents of all sorts. That makes me hopeful.

When I was a teen, the prospect of becoming a parent seemed impossible, and today I'm saving sperm to make sure you get the best possible start. It's an amazing world…

Speaking of sperm… There's a film that often comes to mind when I think of this whole mess: Woody Allen's “Everything you always wanted to know about sex”…

The headline, my dear child, I will explain to you when you're a lot older. Then again, by the time you're old enough to read this, you are old enough to understand what it means. LOL

Anyway, today, your dads had their long expected date with a fertility doctor at a local fertility clinic to do our sperm tests and find out if indeed our swimmers are good enough to penetrate the egg and fertilize it to create you.

We were there early as it is with 'dates' like these. We were both VERY nervous (I slept miserably last night) and anxious to get it over with.

Or so we thought.

Because the clinic had other plans. All sperm must be handed in by 9 am!

#&%!

To make matters worse, your dad and I must deliver the sperm fresh (within an hour of ejaculation) to the clinic or else it's ruined!

So tomorrow morning, your dad and I will be rushed to get 'it' over with, fill the tubes… Erm, speaking of filling the tubes, who squirts a whopping 50 ml? No, we don't have to… The amount is not decisive.

Oh joy… Your fathers' sample containers…

To be filled!

Once filled, your dad will rush to the jetty, take the 8:03 boat to town, rush (I hope the police aren't reading my blog) to the clinic to hand in the samples before the 60 minute period is over (see below) and before 9 am or we'll miss tomorrow's lab time.

Anyway, here are the instructions for what we have to do (it's hilarious if you think about it):

Abstain from cumming 2-5 days prior to the sampling day (check!)

The sample must be handed in at the clinic within 60 minutes of ejaculation, not too cold and not too hot. The nurse suggested we carry the samples under our armpits!!! (Was that for real?) The doctor said inside a jacket (much more sensible). I just can't see your dad on the boat or driving the car squeezing sperm samples under his armpits? ROFL.

To get an ideal sample, it is important not to include normal skin bacteria. Hence, we need to properly clean our willies tonight with lots of soap and only with water in the morning. They also specifically asked us to clean under our foreskin! The level of detail...

We need to indicate the time of ejaculation on the tube.

And if not the entire “sample” is contained, we must inform the staff at the clinic? I wonder what they mean. I guess I should've asked…

I recall smiling during our 'talk' with the doctor (it was more like an idiotic grin) throughout. He was very serious and did his best to make us feel at ease, but when he started to ask about surgery and stuff, I got confused. Now how does a stomach surgery affect my sperm count? 

Oh, you're only referring to willie-type-surgeries…

Gotcha! (Why didn't he say so from the beginning?) 

The whole exercise was a study in 'things-you-never-thought-you'd-be-doing' in your life…

But, alas, at least we should get the results quickly. By Monday at the latest, we should know if our swimmers are worthy of the egg! If they are, we can move on to the next step and apply at the clinic in India!

I'll keep you posted on our “progress” tomorrow. It will be a thriller meets porn, trust me! Needless to say, it WILL be quite stressful to time having “fun” with not missing the boat and cumming at the right time… Another sleepless night ahead? Note to self: stack up on porn, just in case we underperform at 7:50 am tomorrow morning… 

Dear child!

There are things in our lives that are SO embarrassing that you either blush, grin and shut up or crack-up laughing and get it over with… It's difficult to explain when you are forced to do things “in public” that are normally considered extremely private and "hush hush" like masturbating or having sex.

When I say public, I don't mean for everyone to watch, but for everyone to know… It's that feeling that everyone you look at knows: he just did it.

Like the guy from the glass factory that called me this morning, a neighbor from whom we ordered a new glass sheet for our coffee table. He mentioned he had seen Alex on the boat lately, later than usual… You could tell that he was kind of curious and I was like, erm, do I tell him why he was late and what he was carrying with him? *blush* I didn't. I just said we had 'things' to do at home… (And here we go blushing again.)

Anyway, as I feared, it was a bad night. I slept badly, woke up early, had the weirdest dreams of you reading the blog and being totally embarrassed by your embarrassing parents, Alex and me not being able to perform our duties today, etc.

When I couldn't stand being in bed any longer, I got up, ten minutes before the alarm rang anyway. We briefly discussed the question: “how are we going to do this?” Your father didn't really have an answer so I sent him to the shower to get cleaned up, no soap on the wiener. When he came back, he got dressed, dressed up really, in slacks, a shirt and a jacket, looking really nice. “Is that how you're going to jack off?” I wondered, getting the evil eye.

I just threw on a pair of soft sweat pants and a tee. After all, I knew that I needed to be comfy for what was coming. With my coffee in hand, I went to the office and started looking for porn to get me jump-started. Trust me, when you must jerk off, it's not as easy as you think…

“Lämnat!” Sperm delivery notice: 08:51

And the more you think about it, the more difficult it gets. So more porn, and when Alex joined me, I realized that this wouldn't work. So more discussions about how to do this, looking at the clock and only 20 minutes left to do it.

Remember, we only had this tiniest window of opportunity and we had to time “it” just right, cum too early and the semen is dead on arrival, cum too late and miss the ferry. LOL, The logistics of ejaculation! :)

Even for a couple who's had sex so many times, this became too weird, and instead of having a private, romantic moment together, we both withdrew from each other to get it over with. Alex in one room, me in another. Luckily, we both managed to “perform” and deliver an ample amount of ml to the container…

I put both containers in a sock to keep them a bit warm and Alex placed the sock with the semen containers inside his jacket (not under his armpits…) and made it to the ferry in time. He then rushed across town and delivered the “specimen” at 08:51 to the clinic. Luckily, there were no traffic jams, no accidents or delays to the ferry to ruin things for us.

Now we have to wait for the results while our swimmers are centrifuged, abused, and who knows what else they do to them… :)

Patience has never been one of my strong suits!

It's one of the stupid standard questions you'll hear during every job interview. What are your strong sides? Which are your weak ones? One of my strong sides is definitively to put up with the question again and again… LOL

Anyway, I'm not a very patient person and that, as most things in life, is for better and worse. Not being patient means I make sure things happen, but being as impatient as I am, I also don't like to wait for others to get their job done. Sometimes I'd rather do it myself, making sure it's done the right way and fast.

It's not that I'm a junkie for instant gratification, I actually like to wait for some things, like the beginning of our next trip. I will be patiently counting down the weeks and days to zero. Because for some things, anticipation is almost as much fun as the event itself, almost… ;)

Right now, I'm waiting for two things, news about my blood tests, done almost two weeks ago, and for the results of my sperm tests. Because, without them, I can't send my paperwork to the clinic and without that, we can't choose the donor and without the donor, the clinic can't choose the surrogate and get the process of syncing their ovulating cycles started.

If I understand the process correctly, the egg donor and the surrogate mother will need to be in a synchronized ovulating cycle (with the donor presumably a little early) so that the egg can be fertilized in vitro before being implanted into the surrogate. Don't ask me about the details, I'm no expert, yet.

However, I have a hunch I will become one soon enough, over the course of the coming weeks and months, and I promise I'll keep you posted.

But right now, waiting for the results is killing me. I want to know, I want to proceed… Get on with my life. I'm not sure if you can understand this, but having had to wait for such a long time, now that we're on the final stretch, I just can't wait!

If that makes me a bad person, I'm the devil himself!

Thankfully, there are things that keep me busy in the meantime, the household being one of them, and finding a job being another. But in all honesty, my mind is settled on one thing and one thing only. I can't blame myself. LOL Have a great weekend!