“I need you, baby,” he whispered. “I need you to let me back in.”
“Waiting isn’t about punishing you. It’s about punishing me.”
“You have to fucking stop that,” he said, frowning at me. “Hasn’t life punished you enough with your shit parents and growing up like you did? Why do you have to keep hurting yourself? If anyone should be on your side, it should be you.”
“I guess, but I’m afraid to slack off. After all, look at what happened.”
“You didn’t slack off. You studied, but you needed more help than you thought. It’s your first fucking month at school. You think I aced everything on my first tests?”
“Yes.”
Smiling slightly, Cooper rolled his eyes. “Yes, but I’m perfect.”
I rubbed my cheek against his shoulder. “Soon, Coop. You just have to wait a little longer. I promise.”
Cooper didn’t perk up completely, but his mood did improve. Mine did too. No matter what happened on the quizzes, I knew I worked hard. While I might still be struggling, I wasn’t slacking off. This counted for something. Besides, failed quizzes or not, I was spending the weekend with Cooper.
On Thursday, I called Tawny who answered in a whisper.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
Tawny said nothing and I asked again.
“I’m scared,” she whimpered. “There are these weirdoes at the motel and one of them saw me at the window. I thought Dad might be back, but he wasn’t and the weirdo winked at me. Now, I have the dresser against the door and I’m afraid to leave.”
“Tawny,” I babbled, freaking out at how she was too far away and I didn’t know how to help her. “I have to get you here.”
“I can’t live with Mom. I can’t pretend.”
“Fuck her. She’s just like you said. I was lying to myself remembering those few good times. I wanted her to be a real mom, but she doesn’t care. She has some stupid smelly boyfriend and she’s drinking again. Fuck her and this apartment. I’m using my nest egg to bring you here and get us a new place.”
“What about college?”
“I’ll still have enough to get through the year and next year probably,” I said, thinking of how I might fail and have to redo classes. “I’ll work extra shifts during holidays and the summer. I just want you out of that place.”
“I don’t know where exactly I am though or how to get to a bus station. I’m stuck here and there’s like one convenience store then nothing. The only chance I have to get away is hitchhiking. What if someone bad picks me up?” she whispered, her voice breaking.
Tawny sounded like a little girl and I wanted to climb through the phone and hug her. I wanted to fix everything, but I had made a mess of my life and wasn’t sure how to find Tawny.
“You’re in Texas?” I asked, calming myself.
“Yes. I asked the lady at the convenience store what part of Texas and she acted like I was stupid. She said the southern part then said I had to leave if I wasn’t going to buy anything. I looked in the motel room and there’s no telephone book. I haven’t seen a manager or maid to ask. The only people I see are the weirdoes staying in the next room.”
“What’s the name of the convenience store? Oh, and the motel. I’m going to see if Cooper can find you.”
“I thought you broke up.”
“We did,” I said, losing a little of my confidence, “but if he can bring you here, I’ll spend the rest of my life paying him back.”
Tawny said nothing, but I heard her moving around.
“What’s wrong?”
“I hear voices. Sometimes, those guys come around the door and look in the window. I’m hiding in the bathroom. I don’t want them to come in here. Dad says they won’t. He says they’re just fooling around when they knock.”
“Dad’s an idiot. You need to find a weapon and keep it with you. I’m asking Cooper for help. He’s smart and he knows people and he’ll find and save you.” Again, Tawny said nothing so I did. “When was the last time Dad was around?”
“Yesterday. He didn’t get the money he needed and he can’t pay for the room much longer,” Tawny said then I heard her crying. “He said I’m lazy and I need to get a job. I told him I asked at the convenience store, but they’re not hiring. He said I need to walk my fat ass to town then he threw a beer bottle at me. He’s freaking out, Farah. He’s mad that you left and we don’t have money and he says I eat too much. I’m only eating once a day and it’s junk food. I haven’t eaten anything warm in two weeks, but he’s still mad. Now, he’s gone and I don’t know if he’ll come back?”
Crying now, I imagined my father the way he really was and not how I pretended. While he was nicer and more reliable than my mom, he was still a raging asshole. Mom might have left us with those bastards that day, but Dad was the one who put a target on our family. He was the one who brought trouble to our door. My parents could both fucking die for all I cared. I just wanted Tawny safe.
After reassuring Tawny, I called Cooper. God bless him for understanding anything I said over my sobbing. He listened then said he’d handle it. No ifs, no maybes. He was handling the problem and I instantly felt like it would be okay. Cooper Johansson was on the job and the damsel trapped in a shithole in Texas would be saved.
Before I hung up with him to call Tawny back, I told Cooper I loved him. Unlike his reaction to my panicked plea, he sounded so fragile when saying he loved me too. I knew he needed as much reassurance as Tawny so I ended the call with, “this weekend,” and he exhaled like it was all he had to hear.
Friday flew by, but I felt Cooper’s absence. I had plans to call Cooper after a trip to the grocery store. When the phone rang, I hoped it might be him. Once I hung up the phone, I stared at the wall and tried to process what the woman from the bank told me. While I wished it to be a bad dream, my nightmares weren’t like this.
My nest egg was gone. When I bought a book for class earlier, I used my card. The payment went through, pushing me five dollars over what was left in the account. Somehow, in the last few weeks, the money I saved for three years dropped from nearly eight thousand to a measly thirty dollars. I’d used up the rest and the only reason the charge cleared was because the overture was transferred to my credit card. A card I never intended to use unless for an emergency. I would never need the card, I told myself when signing for it. I would never be stupid enough to waste all of my money. Maybe I wouldn’t, but I knew who would.
If my mother had come home later, things might have turned out differently. Had she gone out to dinner with Tex instead of arriving home at that moment, I might have never confronted her. I wasn’t sure if fate was on my side or out to get me, but a few minutes after I hung up, the door opened and my laughing mother entered.
Amy saw me and showed not a hint of concern for what she did to me or what I might do when I learned she stole my money. In fact, she ignored me like usual and walked to the kitchen.
“I’m moving out,” I said quietly, instead of screaming like I wanted. “I won’t have the rent.”
My mother reacted like I expected. “That’s not acceptable. I can’t pay for this fucking place by myself.”
“Didn’t you save any of the money you stole from my account?”
“Wait now,” Tex said, standing between us. “Stole is such a legal word. Borrowed is more like it. No one stole nothing.”
“Like the bitch plans to pay me back. Like she could with her shitty job.”
“Fuck you!” Mom screamed, storming from the kitchen. “Ungrateful little cunt!”
“Ungrateful? You fucked over me and Tawny years ago and you’re doing it again. You stole my money!”
“Let’s just calm down,” Tex said, blocking Amy who looked ready to tear me apart. I truly hoped she made a move so I could claim self-defense. Meanwhile, Tex tried to play the voice of reason. “See, your mom had some bills to pay and she planned to give back the money.”
“Bullshit! You used it to go to the fucking casino! You wasted all my school money so you could party, you fucking losers!”
“I wasn’t giving it back,” Mom sneered. “You think you’re special because you attend some shit school? Or because you got some rich guy interested in you? He’s probably just impressed by all the skills you learned from those bikers.”
Five years of rage erupted as I ran at her, but Amy ducked and Tex shoved me to the ground.
“I don’t give a shit what you think Amy’s done,” he said, hands out as if to reason with me. “You never hit your mom. That just ain’t right.”
“You selfish bitch!” I screamed, jumping back up. “You let them take us to save your fucking ring!”
“Like you cared! I saw you licking your lips, getting ready for them! Where do you think they got the idea to take you? From you giving off all your whore signals!”
When I ran for her again, Tex grabbed me around the waist and held me back.
“You’re trash!” I screamed. “You’re a loser! It’s why Grandma hates you! You embarrass her!”
“You’re no better! You were always a fuckup! Whining about wanting this or that! Feeling sorry for yourself! What about me? I lost your dad because you played up the victim bullshit, but we both know you loved every moment with those dirty bikers! You were born to be a whore! Both you and Tawny! Why do you think you like that Johansson boy so much?”
Yanking free of Tex, I fixed my hair and held up my head. “I’m moving out. When Grandma asks why, I’ll tell her you stole my money. Let’s see whose side she takes.”
Knowing Amy was forever seeking her mother’s approval, I also knew how much it hurt to realize your parents would never really love you. Now, she could explain to my grandmother how she fucked up once again.
Walking to my bedroom, I shoved my clothes into the suitcase I brought with me only a month earlier. My hands were shaking so badly I kept dropping things, but I couldn’t stop moving. I needed to get out of the apartment and away from the bitch.
My mind was on reporting the theft when Amy stepped into the doorway. Glancing at her, I knew what she planned before she even moved. Instead of backing away, I met her halfway and landed a punch just as she did. We both staggered then I ran at her and shoved her against the wall.
“What?” I screamed in her face. “You can’t stop yourself from fucking up, can you? It’s in your blood to screw up everything you touch!”
“Fat bitch!”
Every time my mother pushed off the wall to attack me, I shoved her again. I wanted to tear her apart, but something held me back. What if I hurt her seriously and went to jail? What if she continued to ruin my life forever by giving me a record? I needed to follow the rules so I didn’t beat on her like she deserved.
Ready to break up our struggle, Tex appeared and I assumed he would take his bitch and leave. Instead, he punched me square in the face. Falling against the wall, I saw stars and my nose gushed blood. Once Tex nailed me, Amy hooted in triumph. Jumping around excitedly, she kicked me in the gut as I tried to stand.
Fuck the rules,
I thought, lunging for her. Before we hit the ground, I started punching wildly. My moves were frantic, but I made the bitch bleed before Tex yanked me back by my hair and threw me against the dresser. Smashing into the mirror, I toppled onto the floor as he stood large over me. Tex wasn’t Cooper, but he had a solid six inches and maybe sixty pounds on me. Yet, I had a shard of broken mirror in my hand.
Waving it at him, I screamed as loudly as I could without blowing out my lungs. Tex actually covered his fucking ears like a sissy kid. Amy rolled onto her knees, finally getting to her feet. She threw the alarm clock at me, but her aim was off and it smashed into the wall.
Once my scream ended, I moved towards the door. “Someone’s called the cops by now. If you don’t move out of my way, the police will find your corpses when they get here.”
“I’m going to kill you, Farah,” Amy said with complete sincerity.
“No, bitch, you’re going to run and hope you’re faster than Cooper. Knowing your tendency to fuck up, you won’t get very far. Now, back off.”
The banging on the front door startled Tex who looked ready to grab the mirror shard. The bastard still thought he could fix things, but it was too late. My face was a mess and I had bled all over my clothes. There was no way Tex could sell this was an accident or misunderstanding.
“I’ve called the cops!” a booming voice said through the door as I passed by Tex and Amy. Grabbing my backpack, I opened the door to find a neighbor looking freaked out. “What the hell?” he said, likely worrying someone other than me had a weapon.
“Did you really call the cops?” I asked, slamming the door and hurrying towards the parking lot. “Shit, I don’t have my phone.”
Going back wasn’t an option then the guy said the only thing I wanted to hear. “I called Johansson. He’s on his way.”
Thanking him, I suggested he return to his apartment just in case Amy and Tex decided to do something stupid. Stumbling to the front of the complex, I found a spot to hide.
From the very first day, no matter how much Cooper scared me or pissed me off, I knew he was mine.
Please let him come for me
, I begged while waiting between two cars and cradling my face in my lap.
The sound of an approaching motorcycle electrified my whole body, but I didn’t look up. There were plenty of bikers around here. No need to get excited or disappointed. Just wait for Cooper and he’ll come. When the bike stopped a few feet from me, I ran to him because the world was ugly everywhere except in his arms. Cooper was my home.