Damaged But Not Broken (New Adult Rockers) (26 page)

My dad sadly shakes his head. “You
don’t have to apologize for this, Paige. And I don’t blame you. If I hadn’t
been so weak, I wouldn’t have to spend a month in rehab. And if this is what it
takes to repair things between us, then I’ll just have to do it.”

There is so much more I want to
say, but I just can’t bring myself to say it. The miles stretch on and we
become ever closer to the facility. I feel the seconds ticking away but I don’t
speak and my dad doesn’t say anything either. Even though he claims he doesn’t
blame me, I don’t quite believe him.

I can’t slow down the clock and
before I know it, we’ve arrived. Blake jumps out before my dad and I, and he
quickly grabs my dad’s bags and sets them on the ground. My dad can barely look
at Blake.

“Thanks Blake,” he mumbles.

Blake holds his hand out and my dad
shakes it, finally looking him in the eye.

“Good luck,” Blake says.

My dad moves to gather his bags,
and Blake pulls me around to the opposite side of the car. He pulls me into a
tight hug. It’s such a relief to have him with me, and I lean into his embrace,
inhaling deeply as I smell his familiar scent.

“I’m so glad you’re here with me,”
I say, my voice cracking.

“It will all work out somehow. Take
as much time as you need. I’ll be hanging out here.”

I nod, too emotional to speak, and
I kiss Blake hard on the mouth, needing to feel more connected to him. Blake
responds, kissing me back, our tongues hungrily moving in tandem together.

I force myself to break away, and I
walk over to my dad. He gives me a curt nod and we head up the tree-lined path
towards the facility. Ironically, the rehab looks more like an exclusive
boutique hotel than a place for addicts.

“I just want you to walk me to the
door,” my dad says suddenly, once we’re about twenty yards away from the
building.

“But Daddy,” I object, “I want to
hear what they have to say!”

“Paige, I’m already ashamed enough.
I don’t need you getting me situated like you’re my Momma. I’ve agreed to do
this for thirty days, and I’ll stay for the full amount of time. There’s
nothing that they’re going to tell me that I can’t handle.”

We’re closer to the building, and I
notice there’s a wide wrap-around verandah, lined with white wicker rocking
chairs. It looks so inviting; it’s such a tease.

“Daddy, I just don’t understand,” I
choke out, my eyes overflowing with tears. My dad finally softens, and he drops
his bags on the porch.

“Oh, Paige,” he replies, leading me
into a wicker chair. The waterworks have opened up, and now I can’t stop the
tears as they flow down my cheeks.

I sink into a chair and my father
wearily drops into the chair next to me.

“I just don’t get it, Daddy. I just
moved back to Nashville – I’m living in the same house as you, for crying out
loud! And to be perfectly honest, I had no intentions of ever really trying to
pursue a relationship with you after what had happened when I was fifteen.” I
sob again, trying to gather myself while I let my emotions out. “But you
convinced me to give us a second shot, and I agreed. You were so remorseful and
you wanted to help my career. And even though things weren’t perfect, I felt
like we were really making progress!”

I stop so I can catch my breath and
calm down.

“Paige, I’m human.” My dad sighs.
“I’m far from perfect. I fuck up. A lot. And this is one of those times. But
I’ve tried to be a father to you, and I think for most of your childhood, I did
a pretty okay job.”

My dad
had
been a good
father to me, but of course his drinking problem had always been there.

“Well, yeah, aside from the
drinking,” I can’t help but say sarcastically.

My dad winces. “I know what the
drinking cost you. It cost you certain childhood memories-’’

I cut him off, jumping up angrily.

“Childhood memories?” I cry out.
“You think all your drinking cost me was some childhood memories?”

My dad’s face twists in pain.
“Paige, you didn’t let me finish!”

“You cost me my entire adolescence!
Your drinking literally cost me my life! If it hadn’t been for Blake, I would
still just be the empty shell that I had been since I was fifteen years old! Do
you have any idea what Billy and Riff took from me? They took my innocence!
They took my security! They took every good thing I had yet to experience!” I’m
on a roll now, pacing back and forth and yelling as my hair whips behind me.

“I lost my friends in Nashville! I
lost my friends in Bristol! I couldn’t have a normal relationship with a man! I
lived in constant fear! I had to put five locks on my front door so I could
sleep at night! Your drinking cost me
everything
!”

My dad is crying now, and I almost
feel bad. I drop into my chair and choke back another sob.

“I’m sorry, Paige. I’m sorry. I
thought you knew how sorry I am. How guilty I’ve always felt.”

And I do know that. If my dad made
one thing clear to me over the years, it was that he would do anything to take
back that awful night.

“I do know that, Daddy,” I concede.
“I just don’t know if you know how bad it actually was for me. Momma was the
one who saw what I really went through.”

“I wanted to be there for you,” he
says hoarsely.

“I know.”

“We can’t change the past, Paige.
But you have to accept me for who I am. Otherwise, we can’t move forward.”

And in a moment of clarity, I know
my father is right. I need to accept him for the man he is; mistakes and all.
But can I do that?

I’m quiet for a long time as I
think over what my father has actually said.

“Can you do that, Paige? Can you
accept me as I am? I’m trying – I really am. I got my shit together before I
came to you. I knew I couldn’t ask you back into my life without first being
clean and sober, and I had been a bum. I told you – I lost it all – my work, my
house, my car. But bit-by-bit, I put it all back together. And yes, I fell off
the wagon, but thanks to your love and concern for me, you’ve helped me this
time before it was too late.

I know you can only do so much, and
now I need to do the rest.” He takes a deep breath, and stares down at his
hands. “I think I let my guard down. I had you back, and everything was going
so well. I thought I could handle the tour, but I was wrong. I can’t ever let
my guard down.”

I listen to everything my daddy
says, and even through my hurt, anger and betrayal, I’m proud of him in a
weird, twisted kind of way.

“Alright, Daddy, let’s do this,” I
say, rising to my feet and picking up one of his bags. He looks up at me with
confusion.

“Let’s make you better. I’m hurt
and upset, but I want you in my life. I understand who you are, and I’m going
to work through my own issues.”

“Really?” he asks, surprise
coloring his voice.

I feel a pang of guilt; I must have
truly made my father believe that I didn’t want anything to do with him.

“Yes, Daddy. Come on. Let’s get you
inside and get you better.”

My dad pulls me into a strong hug,
and even though it’s awkward at first, I eventually relax and hug him back.

“I love you, Paige.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

It’s not even noon, and I’m already
emotionally exhausted. We walk to the entrance, and my dad stops and gives me a
weak grin.

“Well, this is me,” he teases,
pointing to the door as if I’ve walked him home.

I giggle; somewhat manically, and
then get serious.

“Don’t worry about a thing." I
assure him. "Becky has everything handled at the office, and I’ll be
checking in at home.”

“I know. I trust you.”

I give my father another hug and
then he pulls away.

“Go on,” he urges, motioning back
down the steps. “Get on back to that man of yours. Make sure you tell him thank
you for saving my baby girl. He did what I couldn’t do for you.” He sighs and
shakes his head, and I notice he looks older than his years.

My eyes well up again at Daddy’s
recognition of the way Blake has saved me. And it’s true, because Blake has
given me my life back. I can see a future now that I never could have imagined
before Blake came back into my life. Of course, it’s way too early to discuss
those things with Blake, but I could really see myself married to him and having
a family of our own.

A family.

Something I never dreamed possible
after my attack.

I blow Daddy a kiss and slowly
descend the steps. He watches me go down and then I turn back around to look at
him again. He gives a little wave, opens the door and disappears.

I don’t why, or maybe I do, but
once my daddy walks through that solid oak door, my shoulders cave in and I
start to sob. I blindly make my way back along the idyllic path, and before I
know it, Blake is scooping me up into his arms and carrying me the rest of the
way. I don’t know how he knew, but he somehow sensed I needed him.

“Shh.” He murmurs, brushing at my
hair. “You need to rest, Paige. Everything is going to be okay. I promise,
baby, everything will work out.”

He gingerly lays me in the back seat,
and I curl up on the cool leather. The car purrs to life as Blake pulls out of
the parking lot, and the last thing I recall before falling asleep is turning
onto the main road.

EPILOGUE

Paige

Three Weeks Later

“Dogs are ready!” Blake calls, and
I hurry back out with our drinks and salad.

“Mmmm, smells great.” I say,
swatting at his backside as I finish setting the table.

“Damn, baby. Are you going to eat
in your bikini?”

I give Blake a little shrug and a
coy smile. “Why not? No one else is here.” I settle down into my chair,
adjusting the straps of my ruffled bikini.

“Oh, I’m not complaining.” He
assures me, setting down the plate of hot dogs.

We dig in, fixing up our hot dogs
and enjoying the beautiful weather.

Our tour wrapped up a little over a
week ago, and we came home to a much-needed break. Our tour had been extremely
successful, more successful than my dad or any of us had ever imagined. We sold
all of our CDs, and both Rust and myself were set to cut our first albums in
the coming months.

There was actually a pretty big
demand for us to do another tour, but my dad’s people thought it was best to
put out a record first. They would leave the final decision up to my father
when he returned to work next week.

It was hard to believe that my father
had already spent three weeks in rehab. Of course, I hadn’t heard from him, but
I had high hopes for when he returned. I was surprising him with an update to
his “man cave” as I liked to call it. I'd bought him a huge 152-inch TV, the
biggest on the market and it came with 3D capability. Blake was practically
salivating to watch a game on it, but we still had to wait two more days to
have it installed.

My mind comes back to the present
as I watch Blake devour his hot dog. Since we’ve been home from our tour, Blake
has practically been living with me at my dad’s house. I know Blake has his own
house, but right now my Daddy’s house is big and empty and I like the company.

Plus, we have all the great perks
and amenities here, like the pool and patio. In fact, we’ve been so lazy that
we’ve basically spent our days lounging around the pool, napping and making
love. I can’t ever remember being so unproductive before, and it’s wonderful.

“So how do you think things will go
next week when your dad comes home?” Blake asks, preparing himself a second hot
dog.

That’s a loaded question. I can’t
tell if he means how things will go between my daddy and I, or what will happen
to our current living arrangement once my dad returns.

“I’m not sure,” I say carefully,
unsure of how to proceed. “I hope that my dad and I can move forward from here,
and I’m going to do as much as I can at first to help ease him back into his
home life.”

“Oh, I know,” Blake says quickly,
“I wasn’t talking about us.” He winks at me. “I may have to move out but I’m
not going anywhere.” He teases.

I sigh with relief. “I’ve enjoyed
all the time you’ve spent here,” I say honestly, “but I just don’t think we can
live together under my daddy’s roof while he’s here.”

“And I completely agree. I respect
your dad, and I respect your relationship with him. Plus, he’s my boss.” Blake
gives me a lopsided grin. “It would be kinda weird to run into him in my boxers
in the morning.”

I shudder at the thought. My Daddy
is a tolerant man, and he likes Blake, but I
am
still his little girl.

Blake takes a deep breath. “How
would you feel about moving in with me?”

I can tell he’s nervous to ask the
question, and I have a feeling it’s been pressing on his mind.

I take my time answering, wanting
to be honest without hurting his feelings. “This relationship has been the best
thing to ever happen to me.  I’m still so scared that I’m going to do something
to screw it up-”

Blake cuts me off. “Impossible.”

“Wait. Hear me out. I don’t want to
screw this up. And when my Daddy comes home, I need to be here for a while to
make sure that he’s okay and to try to repair our relationship. I’m worried
that I won’t be able to do that properly if I move in with you now.”

Blake nods, understanding as
always.

“And there’s one more thing,” I add
in a small voice. “It’s very childish of me.” I feel silly admitting this, but
I always want to be honest with Blake.

“What?”

“I don’t want to live in the house
that you shared with Savannah.”

I see the surprise on Blake’s face,
and then his face twists into one of shame.

“Damn Paige, I never even
considered that.”