Damned if I Do (7 page)

“Can you get my phone?” I ask Carl. “It’s in my purse in the living room.”

He chuckles. “I’m not your—”

“
Now,
Carl. Please?”

He disappears from the doorway, leaving me alone in the room. It feels like he’s taking so long I begin to suspect that he’s angry at me. Then he comes back with my phone in hand.

“What do you want to do?”

I squint at him, unsure if I’d even be able to look at screen at the moment. Any sort of light is making my eyes feel like they’re burning inside their sockets. “Send a text.”

“I’ll send it.” He doesn’t sound angry at least. “What number?”

I lick my dried lips. “Uh…it’s the last text message.”

“Jude?” He sounds too interested.

I inwardly groan. “Yeah. Send him a message that I’ll be at Twin Fangs tonight. And no, you can’t go, Carl.”

Carl pouts and starts typing in the message. I don’t feel too much sympathy, because it’s all for his own good. I know I’m overprotective of him. Although Carl is in a better position than Amelia, since he’s not next in line to be the Harker, I still want to take care of him.

“Sorry, Carl. I know you want to see him, but having one hunter in a vampire bar is already dangerous.”

“Dangerous for you too.”

“I laugh in the face of danger, haha ha ha,” I deadpan.

“Message sent,” Carl announces, putting the phone down.

“Thanks. Sorry,” I say again, feeling guilty. Carl really wants to be a part of the vampire hunting world, yet I don’t want him to get caught in the crossfire. He’s been on a few hunts with me, either as my weapons-carrier or as a back-up, but he’s still not ready. His mom really wanted him to live a peaceful life, and, well, you don’t get one of those when you’re around me. “Next time. When I know more of what we’re up against.”

“It’s all right.” Carl turns to leave. “Do you want me to wake you up for dinner?”

I smile at him. “Please.”

He shuts the door behind him, and I close my eyes in the dark room. I’m not sure it is because I have a bad headache or I didn’t get much sleep the night before, but I fall instantly asleep.

Jude

I don’t really tuck myself in for sleep during the day, but I am lying down in my haven and about to pull the covers up over me when I get a text from Edie. I have to read it a few times to really get what it means.

“What the fuck?”

Meet me at Twin Fangs tonite. Wear something cute.

This doesn’t sound like Edie at all. At first, panic overcomes me, and I wonder if she’s being held captive and whoever is doing this is trying to lure me into some sort of trap. Surely they don’t know my feelings. I’ve been careful to keep myself and my digging separate from being associated with the Harker.

Then I calm down and realize that it’s just what it is—a joke. Edie never writes anything like that, so it has to be tongue-in-cheek. Plus, she’d never say “tonite”. She always makes sure to use correct grammar and punctuation. On the contrary, I don’t do that at all because I know it gets her riled up. I learned five months ago that a riled up Edie is still better than the despondent one she can be whenever she gets pulled into the throes of her depression.

Maybe she’s forgiven me for trying to glamour her last night and this is a peace offering. I know it’s too good to be true…but I still hope.

Twin Fangs is an interesting choice. She wouldn’t go to vampire bars unless she has a specific purpose in mind.

I briefly debate telling her that I want to meet somewhere else, and decide against it. Twin Fangs is as good as any to start. I still can’t help the hopeful tremor in my hands as I type in my response.

ill find u

It’s a reply that I would have sent in any case. So if it is Edie making a joke, I’m still playing around. And in the unlikely event that it’s someone who has her phone and is trying to get a rise out of me, well…

I make the decision to arrive on Sixth Street early to stake out the place at nightfall. I have only a few hours left. I need to rest and be fully energized and awake in case the shit hits the fan tonight.

They say that vampires don’t dream. Yet as I lie in my bed with the hurricane shutters pulled tight over the windows, I have the vision of her in my head and the scent of her still filling my senses.

Then I remember what I am, that nothing can ever come of it. I want something that I can never have because I’m a thing that I hate, from a time that I can’t remember.

It will never work out. I’m such a hopeless, lovesick fool.

Edie

I had horrible nightmares about Amelia betraying me and stabbing me in the back. I woke up with tears in my eyes.

There’s a single text message from Jude’s new phone number that I see on my way to the spaghetti squash dinner that Aunt Tessa made.

ill find u

I scowl at the text and then see the original message that Carl had sent.

“Carl!” I yell, feeling the blush in my cheeks. “Carl, goddammit!”

His head pops in the doorway of the kitchen area with a big, mischievous grin. He cackles. “You’re never going to ask me to send a text for you again, now are you?”

“Carl…”

“Hey, be thankful. I could have said what you really wanted to say.”

I glare at him and decide not to send an apology message back, because it would be overcomplicating it. I still didn’t know what to make of Jude. Mike was easy to understand, simple, safe. Jude was…something else entirely, something my emotions didn’t know how to process.

“Dinner,” Aunt Tessa calls from the dining room.

Begrudgingly, I sit down across the table from Carl.

“Are you going to take me with you tonight?” he asks.

“No.”

After dinner, I have a mostly clear head, so I login to my account on the V-boards on Carl’s computer.

Anyone know anything about the Progenitor?

They’re going to think I’m crazy asking about a fairytale. Hell, I feel crazy typing the question. But if Meghan tells me to find him, I have to follow up in every avenue that I can. I’m getting desperate.

I send Graeme a text message that I’ll be late again tonight and to not wait up for me. Whether that means he’ll spend another night in the recliner or not, I have no idea. I hope not. Guilt eats at me with the thought of it. I send another text telling him to hug Amelia for me.

I head downtown.

Thankfully, the headache is fully gone by the time I park my beat up Lancer in a spot in a back alley by ten o’clock. Another dark night, another dark alley. I’m reminded of the night before in Rice Village and shiver at the memory.

I head towards East Sixth Street and the too-obviously-named Twin Fangs, which is a popular nightspot for vampires and their willing victims. I’ve been there several times, although I’m never what you’d call “welcome” there. When you’re the Harker, they don’t exactly roll out the red carpet for you. In fact, you’re met with as much hostility as a Longhorns fan walking into a Sooners bar.

A few blocks away from Twin Fangs, I start getting the jitters. I’m going to go into an already dangerous situation and ask if the boogeyman exists. I’ll either be laughed out the door or I’ll have my shoulder dislocated again.

Where is Jude anyways? I’m not really in the mood for his games tonight. I know that he does it to make a heavy situation lighter, but I want to get this over with. It makes my cheeks flush in anger to think that he’s probably mucking around somewhere else. Or waiting to see how long until I crack without him.

I wish that Austin would change their smoking laws so I could light up. It could really help with the nerves. I’ve tried electronic cigarettes; it’s just not the same.

“Dammit, Jude,” I say under my breath. Once again, he’s probably hiding.

“Edie? What are you doing here?”

I freeze. It’s a voice that I’ve heard a million times before, one that’s whispered scandalous secrets about my first crush and gossiped about school. I’ve spent countless hours on the phone with it through the different phases of my life.

I turn around, dreading what comes next.

“Sam?”

My best friend is standing two yards away from me, dressed in a skintight skater dress with a skull pattern and heels. There’s a guy I don’t recognize on her arm and a small crowd of people behind her. I only know about half of them. Thankfully, Mike isn’t among them, or else I would lose all semblance of keeping it together.

As it is, they all look at me like I’m some sort of weird specimen to be dissected and examined. Probably because I’m walking around by myself looking slightly like death with a slightly bruised cheek, a hoodie on in May, and a tangled mass of hair.

“I thought you were at Jay’s tonight,” I say lamely. Out of all the places in Austin they could have gone to, they decided to go out tonight near a vampire bar?

Sam offers me a smile, but it’s a bit forced, like she’s regretting calling my attention. My heart shatters that much more in my chest.

“We decided to go out to dinner and then hit the bars after.” She hesitates and I see the question pass between her and the guy she’s with. They’re already that close? When did that happen? Her life has been moving forward without me for the first time in ten years. This is what I wanted. Right?

“Do you want to come with us?” Sam asks.

The dreaded question. My past self and my present self are
en route
for a collision that I can’t stop.

“I…
can’t
…” I say in a strangled voice. Every fiber of my being wants to, but I know that pushing her away, not getting too close is the only way she won’t get hurt, either as collateral damage from my own battles or from losing her friends.

Sam’s face falls, and I know that I’ve hurt her. I shouldn’t care, but I do.

“I see,” she says. “Well, uhm…”

“She’s meeting me for a date.”

I stifle a cringe when I feel the well-muscled arm drape around my shoulder, both a protective and a possessive gesture. Out of all the time to be pulling something like this… He must have been waiting for an opportunity to embarrass me. I’d been so caught off guard by Sam’s unexpected appearance, that I didn’t even notice my vampy sense ping.

Some Harker I am.
Good thing Jude is a good guy (I think) or else I’d be dead.

“My name is Jude,” the vampire says, flashing them a fangless smile. “And you are?”

I can see it in the group, the change that happens at Jude’s arrival. Sam and the two other girls look a little starry-eyed at his appearance. The guys change their stances ever-so-slightly to look that much more intimidating. I know posturing when I see it.

Jude has that effect on people. He’s not even glamouring them and he has them in the palm of his hand.

“This is Sam,” I say, trying to shoulder myself out from underneath the weight of his arm. He squeezes it tighter and I’m stuck. He’s enjoying this.

“Ah, Sam,” he says, holding his hand out. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

He actually hasn’t. I’ve worked so hard to keep various aspects of my life separate; I’ve never mentioned her to him.

She takes his hand and he squeezes it back. “I…I…”

Jude rumbles a chuckle and kisses my forehead in a playful gesture that makes me squirm. I don’t want this, even if he’s trying to save me from the pain of pushing my friend away yet again with half-baked answers. Still, I close my eyes, inhale his scent, feel the closeness of him, and I can almost imagine he’s human.

Almost.

“Any other night, and we could definitely join you,” Jude explains. “But we have reservations. Didn’t you notice that I’m wearing something
cute
, Edie?”

To my utter horror, I already have. Dressed in a distressed pair of jeans and a black t-shirt that stretches too tight across his biceps, he looks good. It’s ludicrous, because I’m not wearing anything remotely sexy for a date, but the group nods in understanding.

“Okay. I’ll call you, Edie,” Sam says distractedly as the group continues their trek in the opposite direction. It’s not quite a goodbye, but not quite committed either. Probably the best outcome for now.

“You’re welcome,” Jude breathes in my ear, snapping me back to the present.

I reel out of Jude’s grasp, free of the others’ scrutiny. “For what? Coming up and making yourself look like you’re my current warm body?”

He raises an amused eyebrow. “Figured that text didn’t come from you.”

“Welcome to my cousin’s warped sense of humor,” I say dryly. “And I
have
to push Sam away. It’s too dangerous for her to be my friend. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“She’s already hurting, Harker.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. We should get going.”

“
Why
are we going?”

“I got some information,” I say. I see his hesitation, his sharp intake of breath. “What?”

“I got some more information too,” he says. “After you left Houston last night.”

“Oh.”

He actually seems nervous about this. “Tell me what yours is and why you want to go to Twin Fangs.”

“Have you heard of the Progenitor? I’m going to ask if anyone knows of his whereabouts.”

At my words he gets really still. At first, I think he’s trying to figure out what the Progenitor is. After all, he’s an amnesiac, and whatever initiation new vampires have with their masters is lost upon him. I know for a fact that the Progenitor is as much of a boogeyman to young vampires as he is to young hunters.

Then Jude bursts out laughing.

“What?” I ask, confused.

He runs a hand through his dark hair, rumbling a full belly laugh. I’ve known Jude for five months and I’ve known plenty of vampires before that, but I’ve never seen one laugh so hard before. He nearly has tears in his eyes.

He’s the weirdest vampire.
That’s what makes him so different. In any other circumstance, his laughter would be welcome and genuine. Tonight, he’s only perplexing me more.

“What?” I ask again.

It takes him a little longer to compose himself. “We got the same information,” he says.

“H-how do you mean?”

“Last night, an old acquaintance sought me out when I got dinner.”

I blanch at that, not wanting to know if he did something I wouldn’t approve last night. Feeding is a very intimate act. For some reason, the thought of him with some drugged out floosy in his lap bothers me just as much as the thought of him drinking blood. I manage to hide my disdain. I think.

“He told me about some news he’s heard,” Jude continues. “About the Progenitor.”

“What about the Progenitor?”

“That Anthony is trying to find where he is.”

I blink. “That’s…more information than I got. A…friend…told me that I should find the Progenitor for a possible cure.”

“A cure? For…you?” He’s not hiding the hope in his voice.

I swallow thickly. “Maybe. I’m not sure.” I don’t want to get my hopes up. After so many dead ends, I can’t handle disappointment. “Then she had to leave.” I don’t want to mention seeing the ghost of my sister both in this plane and in the Void, and I can tell that Jude picks up on my reluctance.

Thankfully, he doesn’t push the matter. Instead, he gently says, “Every clue about the Progenitor’s whereabouts ends up only being a day or two cold. So Anthony is constantly following the Progenitor, but he’s too late. Meaning that if we can find the Progenitor, we can find Anthony.”

“I don’t know,” I say. “It all seems too convenient.”

“Why?”

“Because up until a few hours ago, I’d always believed that the Progenitor was a fairytale. It does seem too convenient. Too…easy. What if it’s a trap? Do you trust your source?”

He hesitates, which isn’t a good sign. “Do you trust yours?”

Yes.

“Usually, fairytales have some sort of basis in truth,” Jude says. “I mean, vampires are real.”

“So are vampire infections that eat you from the inside out.”

“We’ll try it,” he says. “Otherwise, I have no other leads at the moment. This story corroborates what your ‘friend’ told you earlier. And if there’s a cure…” He looks so handsome when he gets excited. “It’s worth a shot.”

I have only have a few more months left. I’m willing to try anything. I let out a breath.

“Okay,” I say. “Lead the way then.”

His face breaks into a brilliant smile and he holds out his arm for me to slip my own through the crook. I give him a skeptical look even though my insides are flipflopping from his grin.

“I’m wearing something cute,” he says again.

“I told you, my cousin sent that message.”

“I think you secretly like it.”

Dammit.
No glamour and I’m still blushing like an idiot. I push past him, refusing to give in, and storm towards the direction of the bar. He follows with an exasperated sigh.

It’s going to be a long night.