Dance with Deception: Scandalous Secrets, Book 1 - Exclusive Edition (Scandalous Secrets - Exclusive Edition) (30 page)

        
His son, his heir, is a year old today. Since he has his dear Sebastian, he has no need for the child I am carrying
.

“Dear God in Heaven,” Sebastian blinked, in an attempt to focus his blurred vision until the fluid script was again legible.

        
I don’t know what I’ll do next. My child can’t suffer from my mistake. I must find a father for the life that grows within me
.

Mind reeling, Sebastian steadied himself by sitting behind the writing desk, pressing his fingertips against his throbbing temples.

Colin is my half-brother
. The realization winded him, as if he’d been punched in the gut. All this time, Colin was his brother and he never knew it.

Sebastian tried to assimilate all he had learned. His father’s indiscretions began much earlier than his mother had suspected. He remembered the note his mother left him upon her death. What had his mother said?
Your father wasn’t always the man you knew. When we were first married, he was loving and faithful
. The former Duchess of Davenport never knew that her husband’s illegitimate son lived on a bordering estate.

Certainly, the world has gone utterly insane, Sebastian thought, struggling to understand the magnitude of the truths described in this journal. It
then dawned on him that Gwen’s suffering must equal his if not outweigh it. First she discovered that her husband lied both to her and about her, then learned sordid details about a mother she loved dearly.

Little had he known that his wife’s world had been sent reeling off its axis the day before and he had done nothing to alleviate her suffering.

Sebastian set the diary down upon the writing desk where he found it and went in search of his wife. He would offer his support, whether she wanted to accept it or not.

By the time Gwen returned to the stables, it was well past two.

Sebastian stood, petting a black mare. The creature whinnied as she scratched the dirt underneath her hooves.

“Where have you been?” Sebastian asked in a tone one would use when speaking to a child.

Gwen resented his condescension and returned it two-fold. “I’ve been riding. One usually does that with a …” Gwen pointed to her mare before articulating the word “horse.”

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Forgive me. I didn’t mean to sound so—”

“Arrogant? Patronizing? Infuriating?”

He tilted his head to the side. “All of the adjectives listed and then some?”

“Apology accepted.” Gwen consented to his help as she dismounted then quickly stepped
beyond his reach.

“I looked for you and couldn’t find you.” Sebastian’s tone was now devoid of accusation.

“If I wanted you to find me, you would have,” Gwen answered with cool defiance, turning on her heel.

Sebastian caught her arm and pulled her closer to him. “Not so fast.” His tone was gentle as he encircled her with his arms.

She struggled to break free from his grasp without success.

“I’ve waited all day to see you.” His tone was patient, further infuriating her.

“Now you’ve seen me,” Gwen said before sticking her tongue out at him, acting every bit the child he was treating her like. “Have you seen enough?”

His laugh was deep and rich, as if only she could do something so juvenile and manage to look captivating. Releasing her, Sebastian pressed his hand against the small of Gwen’s back.

“Walk with me,” he suggested, handing the reins to the stable boy with his free hand.

Gwen closed her eyes and exhaled a long breath before asserting, “I don’t wish to speak to you.”

“Avoiding something doesn’t make it easier to face.” His tone was brimming with understanding as he led Gwen to the gardens. Although Sebastian was well aware that Gwen had learned terrible news there the day before, he hoped that returning to the place where all had been revealed and seeing it in a different light would help heal her open wounds.

When they reached a grassy knoll, he laid his
jacket on the grass and offered his arm for her to lean on while she sat.

He then joined her on the grass. “I know I hurt you and I am so sorry for that.”

“I just wish you would have been the one to tell me,” she murmured.

“God knows I wish I had been.” He stroked her smooth cheek, his confidence strengthened by the fact that she didn’t pull away. “I was afraid you wouldn’t forgive me.”

She averted her eyes from his. He followed her gaze to an orange and black butterfly resting on a wildflower. Her voice wasn’t much louder than a whisper. “I would have done anything for you. When I think of how gullible I was. The things I did with you—”

“That wasn’t wrong, Gwen. None of what we experienced together was wrong.” His voice was strong and unapologetic.

She tipped her head up toward the feathery white clouds floating above them, remembering how she used to study the clouds with her brother when they were children, each searching for shapes within the clouds. She recognized a dragon floating above her, the memory of her brother his and recent actions with Sebastian leaving a foul taste in her mouth, as did her memories of her conversation with her husband the night before.

“I thought a great deal about what you said to me last night,” she still stared at the sky, squinting in the bright sunlight.

“I said things I didn’t mean.”

“No, you were right,” she admitted, turning to
face him. “I am guilty of romanticizing you and believing you to be my savior.”

Sebastian pushed a stray curl away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “I liked seeing myself through your eyes. I wanted to be your champion.”

“Perhaps you expected too much from yourself?”

He remained silent. The more he considered it, he knew she was correct.

“I thought you could fix everything in my life and gave you too much control over my happiness.” Gwen plucked a blade of green grass then began to shred it with her fingernails.

“Relying on your husband isn’t wrong.”

Her brown eyes were solemn. “It is when you don’t know who you really are.”

“Where do we go from here?” Fear knotted in his abdomen. He couldn’t believe he was groveling. “Tell me we can fix this.”

“I want to.” She reached for him, tracing his smooth jaw with her forefinger. “But there are things I need to accept before I can attempt to move forward with you.”

Sebastian’s gaze softened with understanding. “I know what you’re referring to.”

Gwen sat upright, fear in her eyes. “What?”

“Your mother’s journal was lying open on your desk.”

She glanced at her hands, which she placed in her lap. “Then you know about Colin.” She stated it as a fact, not as a question.

“Yes, I do.” He caressed her cheek. “I’m sorry
you found out that way.”

“Did you know?”

He shook his head. “No. My father had many affairs throughout his marriage to my mother, but I never considered that he and your mother—”

“I always wondered what caused Colin to leave us behind, but I never expected some gruesome family secret.” She squinted in the afternoon sunshine. “No wonder he never looked back.”

“I am sorry, Duchess.”

“How does it feel?” Gwen turned to face him again. “Knowing that you have a brother out there?”

Sebastian paused before answering. “I have yet to assimilate it.”

A forced smile tugged at her lips. “I bet you wish you’d never gotten involved with me. Your world would have remained the same and you wouldn’t have had to face any of these horrid truths.”

He leaned into her, brushing his lips against hers. Relief washed over him when she didn’t recoil from his kiss. “Nothing will ever cause me to regret loving you.”

Sebastian meant it. Months ago, weeks ago even, he would never have wanted to fall in love. Now he had, and he could never return to that dark place that had been his heart.

“Do you think your mother knew?” Gwen asked, closing her eyes so her long, dark lashes cast shadows upon her cheeks.

“I’m certain she didn’t.”

Gwen lounged backwards, lying half on his
jacket while the rest of her body was cushioned by the thick lawn as she gazed at the sky. “Dear God, this is such a mess!”

Sebastian’s heart filled with wonder as he stared at his wife. Even after the terrible truths she learned in the course of one day, Gwen still appeared innocent. Her hair fanned out, accentuating her serene countenance while her lips and cheeks retained their usual pink hue.

He joined her, reclining on the lawn as his attention turned toward the same crisp, light blue sky that Gwen studied. “You never told me where we go from here.”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “All my life, I’ve been part of someone – first Tristan’s twin, then Lachlan’s daughter, and now your wife. I suppose I need to discover who I am.”

“Are you sorry that you married me?” He didn’t dare face her, opting instead to hold his breath, awaiting her answer.

She rolled onto her side and propped her head up with her right hand. “No, but I do regret that our marriage began with a lie. If I’ve learned anything from reading my mother’s journals, it’s that one lie begets another and then another. Each is stacked upon the next until they crumble around you.”

This time he turned toward her, mirroring her own position. He wanted to look her in the eye, to convince her that he was being truthful. “I believed that I was saving you from a loveless marriage.”

“I know you did, but you also benefited from your own duplicity. It was a means of getting what you wanted.”

Sebastian understood too well. He looked away from her, at the many blades of grass separating them. “Can we get past this?”

“I hope so. I’m trying to. I just don’t know if I can ever be the same trusting girl you married.”

“I’ll love you no matter who you are.”

Sebastian leaned into her and gently kissed her lips. He proceeded with caution, not wanting to scare her away. His kiss was slow and seductive, soft and intimate. He wanted his kiss to prove to her just how much he loved her.

Gwen pulled away from him, her eyes searching his and Sebastian had his answer. It was in those beautiful brown eyes that he knew better than he knew himself.

She would forgive him.

“I need time, Sebastian,” she spoke in a whisper.

“You may have as much time as you wish.”

She breathed an audible sigh of relief.

“But,” he traced the outline of her heart-shaped lips with his fingertips, “that doesn’t mean I’m will stop wanting to kiss you.”

His fingers traced a path from her lips down along her jaw then across the bare skin of her décolletage. Sebastian heard the catch in her throat before his fingers halted their descent just above her cleavage.

“I’ll wait for you to come to me.” His fingers brushed, albeit slightly, the fabric above her breasts. “Please don’t keep me waiting too long.”

Gwen swallowed hard, visibly shaken. He could tell that she wanted to rush into his arms, but she
couldn’t, not yet. She needed time to trust him again and Sebastian was certain he would make her do just that.

As if realizing she was incapable of promises, Gwen offered him one simple truth. “I do love you.”

Even though he knew she did, his heart nonetheless soared when she spoke the words aloud. Those four words would sustain him until she returned to his arms and his bed.

Husband and wife walked back to the residence in silence, each satisfied with the progress they had made. They joined Victoria for dinner, hoping that her conversation would sustain them.

Both were sorely disappointed.

“Victoria, what is it?” Gwen asked with a tone of concern. “You haven’t touched your plate. Are you feeling well?”

Victoria shrugged as she traced the fleur-de-lis pattern in the tablecloth with her fingernail.

Gwen turned to Sebastian, giving him a look that conveyed it was now his turn to reach his sister.

“Tori,” Sebastian tried with much difficulty to keep his tone light. “Why don’t you tear your attention from the marvelous pattern on the table linens and tell us what is bothering you?”

Victoria turned her attention to the wall instead. “I’m not hungry.”