Dancing in Circles (Circles Trilogy) (26 page)

The sarcastic tone in Robert's voice dropped. "Not goin' back to Shore for a bit."

"What'd you do?" Paul crossed his arms.

"Colins found out I dropped outta Westland and revoked my probation. Going back inside." After a moment's pause, he added, "Gee, with luck, maybe they'll give me Mike's cell."

Paul paced across the floor at the foot of the bed. "Why the fuck did ya quit Westland?"

"I had no choice. I've missed too much school. Carl was bitchin' about work. My love life…well it sucked. So I go do a couple'a months, get this fuckin' thing done, and then I'm a free man."

"Free to do what?" Paul stopped and glared at his friend.

"Don't know. Stuff. No school, no work, no probation officer, I can do whatever I wanna."

Paul hit the end of the bed then pointed at Robert. "This is the stupidest thing you've done."

"I'm tired of walkin' around like I'm on eggs. Everyone's just waitin' for me to screw up so they can look down at the pathetic kid from Shore. I don't need that shit. I'm gonna need a job when I get out."

Paul ran his fingers through his hair. "Why?"

"I quit."

After two flustered attempts at speaking, Paul blurted, "I am so gonna walk over there and beat…why?"

"I'm sick and tired of Carl. Never, ever, did anythin' right by that man. He's always criticizin', complainin' and yellin'. Forget it. I don't need that shit."

Paul took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "What happened between you and Julie? I thought ya…you know."

To Julie, it seemed an eternity before Robert answered. She clenched and unclenched her fists and fought to keep her breathing calm.

Robert's voice was low and sad. "I've no idea. We went out Saturday night. Things got heavy. Sunday, she wouldn't talk to me."

"What'd you do?"

"Made love to her."

As Julie's stomach sank, she heard her mother gasp, but she couldn't turn and look at her.

Robert continued, "We'd talked about it. She said she didn't think she was ready. I don't know why it happened, it just did. I tried to talk to her about it, but she got her message of
get lost
across, so I moved out. Man, I…." The rustle of the bedsheets muffled his words.

Paul glanced at the other three empty beds then back at his friend and waited for him to speak. "Shit, I wish I could turn back the clock and make that night go away. Even though it was the best night of my life. I hurt her and I'd give up everything not to have done that."

"Maybe you just need to talk to her." Paul stared towards the hall. "I'm sure her parents would let you move back."

"I really liked livin' in Westland. It's so quiet. You should see Julie's family. Nobody's hittin' anybody. Nobody is screamin' or cryin'. Nothin' like Shore where the guy next-door rapes his daughter, or old lady Bonners shoots up the bar on Lexin. Gang wars under streetlights in shoppin' center parkin' lots. There's always a horn bein' blown, or a siren screechin' somewhere. We live in a lousy part of town. It's no wonder everyone thinks we're garbage."

Paul sat on the edge of the bed and hit his friend's foot. "Yea, we do, but you were tryin' to do somethin' about that."

"Nothin' I've done is gonna matter. The guys don't care. Their feelings have been numbed by where they live. There'll always be rich people and there'll always be poor people. For some reason, we get to be the poor people."

"What about the guys?"

"Handin' over my leadership. I tried to stop a gang war that everyone else wanted. They didn't care if they got killed. If they died, they wouldn't have to face themselves in the morning. I'm no good as a leader if I won't listen to what my gang is sayin'."

Paul jumped off the bed and resumed pacing. He scratched his head then flung his hands up. "What about your dreams? We've talked about what ya wanted to do. You're always tellin' us to go for our dreams. You're always tellin' us just cause we're Shore don't mean we don't got dreams. Ya keep sayin' that someone's dreams is what keeps'im alive. What about your dreams?"

"Don't got any. Not no more."

"I can't handle this. I gotta go." Paul walked out to the hall then paused next to Julie and her mother. He rubbed his forehead. "I've never seen him like this. He's so down. If he goes back in, he probably won't come out alive."

Julie wiped her eyes and blew her nose.

Mrs. Anderson placed her hand on Paul's arm. "He sounds like someone who's feeling very sorry for himself, which is understandable considering what he's been through. Come on. I'll buy you a coffee."

"He sounds to me like someone who needs a hug." Julie stepped into the room.

Robert stood next to the window. Julie had the distinct impression he was savouring the remaining moments of his freedom. She kissed him on the cheek. "I'm sorry."

He turned his head, glanced at her, looked down for a moment then continued looking out the window.

"I said I'm sorry. What more do you want?"

"Nothin' from ya." Robert's tone was ice-cold anger.

Julie stumbled back stunned from the hardness in his voice. She'd expected him to forgive her. To love her again.

"I put my guard down, and ya hit me with a clean hard shot." His brow darkened and the muscles in his neck bulged.

Reacting before thinking, Julie shoved Robert. "I fell in love with you, damn you! I tried not to. Did the fact that you kept telling me you couldn't love me stop me? No, I'm too stupid for that. I fell for you anyway."

Needing to control his anger, Robert crossed the room and settled back into bed. He wanted to yell and scream. She'd hurt him and he was furious. He clenched his fists. "Ya aren't the only one who cared. I told ya I care for ya more than anyone else. I tried to be up-front. I don't know what I'm capable of as far as a relationship goes. I tried tellin' ya what I felt Saturday night. I didn't mean to make love to ya." He closed his eyes and trembled.

"I've wanted to apologize since Sunday." Robert locked his gaze onto hers. "I'm sorry for what I did. Ya looked so beautiful, and the way ya danced was so sensual that my emotions just overwhelmed me. When ya wouldn't talk to me, I figured ya were really pissed. I didn't mean to hurt ya. I'd give anything to erase that night."

Julie sat on the edge of the bed. "Hold me, please."

Robert wrapped his arms around her. She trembled at the touch of his embrace. "You've got it all wrong. It's all my fault. I wanted you to make love to me. I needed you. You said you needed to be loved by someone, so did I. I needed someone."

"What are ya talking about?" He slid his hand along her back. "Your family loves ya."

Julie rested her head on his chest. "No, I mean a grown-up relationship. All my life people have only thought of me as a brain. No guy ever told me I was beautiful. When Christopher began liking me, I was so taken. Here's this big, good-looking jock who liked me. Now I know he only dated me because he wanted another conquest.

"Then you came along. This tough guy from North Shore. You turned out to be the most compassionate person I've met. You weren't after me just for a quick…you know. You actually want to be with me. Don't ever think I want to forget Saturday night. That was the most wonderful night of my life."

Neither spoke. They clung together, revelling in the warmth and closeness of each other.

Julie pulled away then reached up and held Robert's face. "You took a chance and made love to me. And how did I repay you? By turning away."

Her voice cracked with a sob as she struggled to continue speaking. "I'm the one at fault. You've been ripping yourself apart because you thought I was angry. I was scared. You opened up feelings that I wasn't ready to deal with. You misinterpreted my confusion. I don't deserve it, but I beg for your forgiveness."

Robert placed his hands behind her head and pulled her face closer to his. Waves of frustrated passion consumed both of them. While their lips met hungrily, their hands roamed each other's bodies, remembering the curves and sensations. Julie's hand ran up the side of Robert's stomach. He grimaced in pain and leaned away from her. "Well that snaps ya back to reality, don't it?" He chuckled. "There are better ways of gettin' me to stop kissin' ya."

Julie leaned back and lifted her hands into the air. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"

"I'm ok. Ya just hit the worse cut."

She calmed her breathing. "I watched it on TV."

"Watched what?"

"The fight."

His eyebrows rose. "My fight?"

"No, the world heavyweight championship."

"That, I could understand. How'd ya watch me fight?"

"CBHY had a news reporter and cameraman on the scene."

Robert rubbed his forehead. "Ya saw the whole thing?"

"I didn't see you fight Juan and the other guy, but I watched you fight Marco. Didn't Paul tell you?"

Robert shook his head and lay back on the bed.

Julie sat closer. "They probably have a copy at the station. I could get it for you."

"I'm not sure I wanna watch myself get beat up." He grimaced and placed his hand on one of his injuries. "'Sides I fought the wrong battle. Between this and school…."

"You've missed a lot, but you can get caught up."

Robert looked down at the bed and picked at the sheet. "I won't be goin' back to Westland. I dropped out. They're comin' to take me to the prison infirmary."

The sadness in his voice brought tears to Julie's eyes. She sniffed. "Why did you quit? You were doing great. You got an eighty-something in English. You beat me in bio. Sorry, I don't know what you got in calculus."

"I aced it. Ross tweeted me my mark."

Julie gasped. "You wrote a perfect calculus exam and you're quitting school?"

"I don't wanna go no more. They sent me to Westland to try and show me what the rest of the world looked like. So I'd get out of Shore. They didn't bother asking anybody if they minded me going there. I'd rather go back to a cell than put up with the shit."

She reached for his hand and interlaced her fingers with his. "Can't you change your mind?"

An announcement stating afternoon visiting hours were over interrupted their conversation. Julie lifted his hand to her lips and kissed him. "I'll be back at seven. I promise."

"Don't know if I'll still be here."

"Rip a stitch or something." She hopped off the bed and hurried to the cafeteria. Julie slid into a seat next to Paul and looked at her mother. "We've got a big problem. I think he'd rather go to prison than go back to school."

Mrs. Anderson frowned. "Paul, are you available tonight?"

"To help Robert, anytime."

"Be at the house in thirty-five, forty minutes. Come along, Julie." She handed her daughter the car keys. "You drive. I have a bunch of phone calls to make."

***

At 6 o'clock, Mrs. Anderson glanced around her dining room table. Seated at the opposite end of the table was her husband. She smiled at him and nodded. He cleared his throat. "Thank you all for coming. Quick introductions. A friend of Robert's, Paul…I'm sorry I don't know your last name."

"Paul is fine."

"Next to him is Emily Murran and Carl, Robert's boss. And my daughter, Julie." He nodded to the people seated on his right. "Mr. Morris, the principal of Westland Prep, James Colins, Robert's parole officer and Cordelia Paulin, head of the Westland parent teacher committee."

Most people smiled and nodded greetings to each other. Cordelia and James did not make eye contact with anyone.

Mrs. Anderson pointed to the food on the table. "This is informal. There are sandwiches and veggies. Coffee and tea. Help yourselves. We have a problem to solve. The connection to all of you is Robert. Right now, he's in Mercy General feeling depressed and not thinking clearly. I think we can all agree he's been through a lot in the past few weeks. Whether we think what he has done is good or bad, we can discuss later."

She accepted the tray of sandwiches from Julie, placed two on her plate and handed the tray to Francine's mother. "As I understand it, a deal was arranged where Robert must serve either a prison term or finish school. With a little political influence and monetary support from Mrs. Murran, he was transferred to Westland Prep as an attempt to get him away from the Shoresmen. Any major disagreements?"

No one spoke. Mr. Anderson swallowed his bite of sandwich. "Robert dropped out of Westland and quit his job citing his inability to attend regularly. He made these choices. Neither were thrust upon him. He knew if he quit school, he'd be sent back to jail to finish his sentence. He's made what appears to be a mature, logical choice. Mind you, his reasons are all wrong."

"He quit Westland because he's tired of trying not to make a mistake." Julie bit her lip to steel her nerves. "And because he and I…it turns outs a broken heart hurts even if you are a notorious gang leader."

"His true reason for quitting is that he can't leave the gang." Mrs. Murran glanced around the table. "He's tied to it with bonds that are almost stronger than blood. We probably all saw the fight last Friday. While terrifying in its violence, he should be commended for his bravery and loyalty to his gang."