Authors: Samantha Garman
“Haven’t been for a long time. You hungry?”
“Starved.”
I made us sandwiches and then sat at the table. “Kai’s mother continues to hate me.”
“Has she spent any time with you at all?”
“As little as possible.”
“I really wish you weren’t knocked up. What’s gossiping without a bottle of wine?”
“How about some chocolate?”
“Guess that will have to do.”
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“I wish it was under better circumstances.”
I sighed. “You know when you walk into your home and take a deep breath and feel the sanctuary of it?”
“Yeah.”
“Being here feels something like that, but also like I’m hopping from one rock to another, trying not to fall into molten lava.”
“That makes absolutely no sense.”
“There’s peace here, but there isn’t. I don’t know—maybe it’s the hormones. Or this is the place where it all collides, and when it’s over, I’m left with nothing but broken pieces.”
“You talk in riddles; you didn’t used to do that.”
“Sorry, my brain is scrambled.”
“Scrambled brains, yum. What do they taste like?”
“A little bit salty. From all the tears.” Shaking my head, I smiled. “Come on, let’s see if we can get Memaw to bake us something. You’re going to love her.”
•••
Kai and I had booked an expansive, cream-colored suite at the Hermitage Hotel, so we could get ready before the reception. Afterward, we’d come upstairs, soak in the Jacuzzi, and wash away the ordeal that would be this night. Kai, looking handsome in his tuxedo, had left thirty minutes ago. He was probably at the hotel bar having a drink. I was alone with Jules, who was helping me with my hair and dress.
“Stop laughing,” I demanded as I ran a hand down the ridiculous tulle skirt. I turned back to the mirror and stared at my reflection. I looked like a doll—lifeless and cold. “Why did I decide to do this?”
Jules sobered, rose from her chair and tied my sash into a bow. “Because you love Kai.”
“It’s that simple? I love him; therefore, I suffer?” I groused.
“Just wait. You’ll see.”
“See what?”
“I can’t tell you. It will be worth it, though.”
“He planned a surprise? Another one? He’s full of them.” I couldn’t help the smile that tugged across my face.
“He did good with the farmhouse, didn’t he? Trust him.”
I reached for Jules’ hand and squeezed it. “Can you tell I’m pregnant in this dress?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Sometimes I wish you’d lie to me.”
“No, you don’t. Then you couldn’t trust anything I said.”
“There is that.”
“You look beautiful,” she went on. “You’ve got that pregnant glow.”
I shot her a look, and she shrugged.
“The dress really isn’t that bad, just not your style—you can do this.”
“I don’t want to leave this hotel suite. It’s gorgeous and safe, and down in that ballroom, I’m going to have to talk to people I don’t know and smile until my face hurts.”
Jules linked her arm through mine and led me to the door. “Just think about what happens after the party.”
“It’s not appropriate to talk about.”
“
Ga-ross!
”
We laughed as we got into the elevator. I fell silent, listening to the sound of my own heart. There would be people I knew, and I’d take comfort in the small dose of the familiar. Most of my life had become the unfamiliar, but I’d deal with that, too; I always did. I was nothing, if not adaptable.
I searched for Kai, wondering why I couldn’t find him in the crowd. Letting Jules guide me, I didn’t know where we were going until I saw the stage. Kai sat on a stool, a mandolin across his lap.
His blue-gray eyes were devouring me, and I didn’t care that everyone could see. His face was a canvas, painted in shades of love and hope. My gaze slid to the lone man walking onto the platform. He carried a banjo and sat in the other chair.
I recognized Béla Fleck, whose song Kai had performed the first night we’d met—the song that always hummed just below the surface of my skin.
They played it for me.
When they finished, they moved into another song, something I’d never heard before. I knew it was written for me, for us. Kai stared at me, his heart in his eyes; mine was in my throat.
•••
I leaned into Kai, pressing myself against him as we swayed on the dance floor, our arms wrapped around each other. I sighed in dreamy contentment. “You are an incredible husband.” I stared at him as I brushed a hand down his tuxedo-clad arm.
Kai smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Award-winning?”
I laughed. “Yes. When did you write that song?”
“You nap a lot now—I had some time.”
“That simple, huh?”
“Ever hear of a little thing called inspiration?”
I grinned. “Starting to.” My journal writings had diverged onto a new path, paved with thick mossy trees and speckled with sunlight. I wondered where it would lead, and if I’d follow.
“So how’d you get him here?”
“Béla Fleck?”
“Yeah.”
“My secret. Just know that there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”
“Good to know.”
I brought his mouth close to mine, getting ready to ask him if he wanted to leave when George appeared next to us and asked, “Can I cut in?”
I swallowed my sigh of disappointment. I wanted to be with Kai, and only Kai, but our time alone would have to wait.
“Sure. I’ll go dance with Memaw.” Kai brought my hand to his lips, his eyes promising me joy and other things, before walking away.
George held out his arms and I stepped into them. “Thank you,” he said.
“For what?”
“For going along with this.”
“Did it make Claire happy?”
George’s lips twitched in humor. “Does anything make Claire happy? No, I was thanking you for myself. It made my home life far more enjoyable this past month.”
I chuckled. “You’re welcome.”
George looked over my shoulder and stared at Kai. “He used to be so restless. Now he looks happy.”
“He is.”
“We have you to thank for that.”
“Me?”
“I don’t know how I can ever repay you. What you’ve done for Kai, for our family…”
My eyes misted. “We’re family, George. You owe me nothing.”
George was about to reply when there was a shout from across the room. I turned at the sound, wondering what was happening. I saw Wyatt kneeling on the ground next to a form I couldn’t make out. Breaking free of George’s embrace I ran, shoving people out of the way. The crowd parted as I approached, and I saw a pale and unconscious Memaw on the floor. She looked small and frail, and the pulse at her neck fluttered like the beat of a dragonfly’s wing.
Kai yelled for someone to call an ambulance. His eyes scanned the guests, and I knew he was looking for me. When he saw me, he reached out, grabbed me by the hand and pulled me to his side.
I placed a hand on the frantic beating of his heart.
•••
The mood in the Ferris library was somber. George’s eyes were empty, his face painting a picture of disbelief. Memaw had had a stroke. By the time the ambulance had arrived, it was too late. Her life had slipped away, like soil through a closed hand.
Everyone was still in their formal wear, a painful reminder that hours ago we had been celebrating. Now, we would have to plan for a funeral.
Is this life? From happiness and health to death in one breath?
I glanced at Kai. Solemn face, haunted eyes, but his grip was strong in mine.
“I need to lie down,” George announced, his voice broken. Standing, he set his bourbon on the end table. He paused, looking unsure before leaving.
“Should we start thinking about the funeral?” Wyatt asked.
Claire nodded. “I’ll start the arrangements.”
George wasn’t in a mental state to see to it, and now Claire was the matriarch of the family. She had duties and impossible shoes to fill.
Lucy spoke up, “Please let me know what I can do to help.”
Wyatt and Lucy left, and the room was quiet with loss.
Claire looked at her son before her eyes darted to me. “Will you leave? After the funeral I mean? There’s nothing keeping you here anymore.”
Kai was about to answer when I interjected, “We haven’t talked about it yet, but I think we’ll stay for a few more weeks, at least.”
He gazed at me, tracing a finger over my ear, his eyes saying everything his mouth couldn’t. Turning his attention back to his mother, he said, “Get some rest, Mom.” Kai stood and kissed his mother on the cheek.
“Kaplan is coming by tomorrow to read the will.”
“We’ll be here,” Kai assured her. We were out the front door, and the cool night welcomed us, a reprieve from the subdued intensity of the library. “Want to go for a drive?”
“Sure.”
Kai drove us up into the mountains and parked. We got out of the car, and he stripped off his tuxedo jacket and bowtie, and threw them into the back seat.
“I wish I could get out of this dress.”
“You can.” He reached for my zipper.
“I’ll be in nothing but a slip.”
“Who cares? No one to see you out here.”
“I’ll be cold.” The weather had turned. It was officially autumn.
After he helped me out of the gown, I shrugged into his tuxedo jacket, and we climbed onto the hood and sat next to each other.
We watched the stars winking at us from above. I never saw them in New York due to the city’s light pollution. I had settled for so little, but I had thought it was so much. But moments like these were what mattered.
“You’re sad.”
“Yeah, but not in the way you think.”
“Explain.”
“I miss her already, but I’m not sure I believe it yet. I can’t help but hope she’s with my grandfather.”
“In a better place and all that?”
“Maybe. I think she’s with Tristan and Reece, too, and they’re all sitting around a table playing poker, waiting for the rest of us to join them.”
“She played poker?”
“Are you kidding? She taught me the game, and she was better at it than anyone. God, I learned so much from both of them—things I never learned from my own parents.”
“Tell me what you learned, tell me what you’re going to teach our children.”
His hand toyed with my hair as he answered, “My grandfather taught me how to play the mandolin, to hold a fishing rod, to recognize the right woman when she came along.”
“How did you know I was the right one?” I asked, snuggling close to him, undoing the top few buttons of his shirt and placing my hand against his warm skin.
“I wanted you for more than one night. I started thinking in terms of forever when I met you—and I’d never been one to dream about forever. I didn’t think I deserved it. You made me want to stop wandering, made me want to finish something, made me want to love you with everything that I am.”
A lone tear, an elegant dewdrop, escaped the corner of my eye. “And your grandmother, what did you learn from her?”
“Everything—,” his voice caught in the back of his throat, “everything else.”
•••
“Can I get anyone a drink?” Claire asked, ever the polite hostess. We shook our heads, except George, who didn’t appear to be listening. I sat on a leather couch in the library, holding Kai’s hand. Wyatt was alone in a chair, and Claire perched next to her husband, her spine straight.
Kaplan, the lawyer, picked up the document resting on the desk and cleared his throat. He read Memaw’s words, “My liquid assets, including stocks, retirement funds and bank balances are to be divided evenly between my son, George, and my grandsons, Wyatt and Kai. As for my home and all properties, including land—I bequeath to Sage Harper Ferris.”
“
What?
” I asked, feeling like I’d gone momentarily dumb. “Can you repeat that?” I stared at the lawyer, uncomprehending. Kai looked like he hadn’t even heard the news.
Kaplan reread Memaw’s will, and then Claire perused me as if seeing me for the first time.
“This has to be some kind of mistake,” Claire said.
“Mom,” Wyatt began.
“No, we have to contest this. She obviously wasn’t in her right mind.” Claire stood, her eyes blazing.
“Memaw was as sane as they come,” Kai stated.
Claire turned towards Kai. “Your wife,” she spat, “has been in the family for all of five minutes. This is
ridiculous
—how did you do it, Sage?”
“You think I
orchestrated
this?” I gasped.
“Stop it!” Kai pleaded. He stood, ready to defend me.
“Claire,” George snapped, coming out of the daze he’d been in for the better part of two days. “That’s enough. This was my mother’s choice, not yours. Sit. Down.”
“How can you be so calm about this?” Claire hissed.
George’s eyes were dull when they focused on his wife. “She discussed it with me before she changed her will.”
Claire’s eyes widened. “What? What are you talking about?”
“About two months ago, shortly after Kai and Sage came home,” George said, exhaustion pervading his voice.
With one last baleful glance in my direction, Claire stormed out of the room. George looked after her, his face weary, and said, “I don’t have the strength.”
“I’ll go.” Kai said, following his mother.
“Kaplan, I’ll walk you out,” George said.
“Thanks,” the lawyer said. “The rest of the details are spelled out clearly in the will. Call me if you have any questions.”
No doubt he was used to triggering emotional landmines. Perhaps this family was normal.
When I was alone with Wyatt, I said, “
I did not
—”
He cut me off. “I know.”
“I don’t understand. Why did Memaw do it?”
Wyatt smiled. “Honestly I think Memaw thought that if she gave you the land and house, it might give you two a reason to stay.”
Setting a hand on my belly, I leaned my head against the back of the couch. I felt a ripple just below the surface of my skin, realizing my child moved for the first time. Even in my state of grief, I was overwhelmed by a surge of joy and a deeper connection with the life I carried inside me.
It reminded me that birth and death were merely front and back covers—the stuff in between nothing more than a novella.