Cesare came to her and pulled her close to him. “No, I didn’t mean it like that, Ana.” Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I know how much you hate it when I do that. I apologize. I’m just … you stopped me from kissing you, so I thought that what Angelo had said to me was true. I thought that you were still with him.”
She shook her head. “I am not. I stopped you because I don’t want to be hurt again.”
“What do you mean, love. Who hurt you?”
She rested her head to his chest. “Angelo made me realize that I don’t want the same kind of relationships that I used to have. I don’t want to love in secret, I don’t want a fling, and I don’t want to share the man I love with another woman.” She looked up into his eyes. “I want to be loved, Cesare. I want to be cherished and put above everything else. I want an effortless, uncomplicated love because I’ve never had it before. Why don’t I deserve to be happy? Why don’t I deserve to have a perfect love, a perfect wedding, and all that other shit I missed out on when I was younger? I’ve been through so much bullshit, that I just can’t take complicated anymore. I’m ready to move on, I’m ready to be a good mother to my daughter. I want to smile. I would love to have some grandkids, and yes, I may want a husband. A
real
husband. I’m only forty-four years old. It’s too soon for me to give up on hoping for love.”
“You want to be courted?”
“Yes!” She was glad he got it without her actually having to say the words. “Is it too much to ask for a little romance? I want to go out on a date! I want to talk about something other than the past. I want flowers, and diamonds, and surprise romantic getaways. And I want it all from a man that isn’t fucking another woman. I want it from a man that only wants to be with me.”
There, she’d said it all out loud. She finally spoken her desires to someone else, and it felt so damn good.
“And all of this, you want it from Angelo?”
There it was. He’d asked the stupid forbidden question, and the damn broke loose. Cesare tried to comfort her, but she just shook her head and took several deep breaths until she’d calm once again. Fuck this depression. “Admittedly, I am finding the break-up between Angelo and me difficult,” not only him, but her recent loss of love for the deceased father of her daughter, “but I am getting through it. I know what I want, and Angelo Salerno will never be the man to give it to me. I’m okay with that, he made his choice. It just hurts that once again I put myself in the position to be hurt by him and I’m disgusted with my weakness.” She took a deep breath and shrugged. “I am a strong woman. I will survive. I just need time, that’s all.”
“Because you still love him?”
“Unfortunately, Cesare, there will always be a part of me that still loves him.” Coming to the conclusion that her and Angelo were not meant to be hurt like hell. Anastacia still wasn’t over him, and it pissed her the fuck off.
She felt Cesare’s hand on her face as he wiped her tears and lifted her head until their eyes met.
“Ana,” he said.
She sniffled. “Yes.”
“Next week is the anniversary of our daughter’s death. When she died I wasn’t financially equipped to provide her with a head stone, but once Angelo and I got S.O. on its feet I was able to provide her with a very nice one. Every year on the anniversary of her death I go to Italy alone and sit with her. I bring her flowers, talk to her, and imagine what type of shenanigans she’d be into if she were on this earth. It is one of the things that has helped me heal since what happened. I was wondering … if you would like to make the trip with me.”
Yes, Anastacia was crying again, it had become her thing today. She kind of liked it.
“She is buried on private land and a gorgeous garden surrounds her grave. We will stay close to her in a peaceful bed and breakfast I enjoy for my visits there. I usually stay for a week to clear my head and relax, and spend time with Gabriella—”
“Yes!” she said happily, not needing to hear anymore. “Yes, Cesare. I would love to go with you. I’ll talk to Carterina about it and she will forgive my absence.” She hesitated, wanting to talk to him about something else, but not knowing what he’d say. “Cesare, I think that maybe we should talk to the kids about—”
Cesare nodded before she finished. “I agree. It’s time to tell them.”
“I know you were worried about hurting Kyle, and I don’t want to see him hurt either, but they need to know. They need to know that they are related.”
“We will talk to him together. Then if you’d like, we can take Mikilo, Kyle, and Carterina aside and tell them about their sister together.”
Anastacia smiled. It was funny how all roads lead her back to her sweet, sweet Cesare. Maybe the universe was trying to tell her something. Hopefully …
“Yes, Cesare. That would be perfect.”
Chapter 12: Toxic . . .
Angelo had been standing silently, watching them for the past five minutes, and they still didn’t notice he was there. Angelo was sure that Cesare wouldn’t be doing what he was doing if he knew that he was standing in the kitchen watching them.
His jaw tightened with a vicious anger.
They looked like a couple; comfortable, intimate, and happy. Anastacia stood at the counter, mixing something in a large bowl, while Cesare stood behind her and instructed her on what to do next.
Cesare reached forward and grabbed a small ramekin of what looked like powdered sugar, and poured it into the mixing bowl. Placing his hand on Anastacia’s, he slowed her stirring while he rotated the bowl.
“Keep it steady like this,” he said to her softly. “We must be sure it’s folded into the icing well.”
“Can I taste it now?” she asked with a soft smile.
Cesare chuckled. “It’s not finished yet, Anabelle.”
“But it looks so tasty,” she giggled. “Carterina is going to love this. It combines three of her favorite things to eat: cookies, cream cheese icing, and fruit.”
“Now if we could only find a way to incorporate Doritos in here somehow.”
Anastacia laughed. “We can just put those on the side.”
“She will have some with her lunch then.”
She nodded as her smile widened. “She will be surprised that I cooked.”
“Pleasantly surprised,” he corrected. “She will be pleased that you did something so kind for her. You will see how much she loves you, yes?”
“We can only hope.”
“She loves you, Ana. This gesture will only make her love you more.” He kissed the top off her head. “You are a good mother,
Anabelle
, stop doubting your sweet daughter’s love for you. All we can do as parents is our best. You’ve done better than your best considering the circumstances, sweetheart. Carterina is a very understanding young woman.”
“You’re so sweet, Cesare.” Turning to face him, she rested her head against his chest. “You finish stirring. My arms are tired,” she pouted, wrapping her arms around his waist.
Pouting? Anastacia Stone didn’t pout. And what was she wearing? Angelo was positive that he’d never seen Anastacia like this before. Every morning when Anastacia Stone woke up she was dressed and put together before the sun completely rose. The Anastacia in the kitchen now was anything but put together. Her hair was messy like she hadn’t brushed it in weeks, and she wore extremely baggy purple pajamas with an assortment of different puppies on them. The outfit was nearly falling off, and her entire shoulder was exposed. He noted how many times Cesare touched her exposed skin, he’d even saw Cesare’s hand slip beneath the fabric of her shirt as he began to rub her back and they swayed back and forth.
“You rest, then we will finish them together.”
She nodded, and then looked up into his eyes. “Do I still get all of the credit even though I’m taking a break?”
Chuckling, he kissed her forehead. He dipped his finger in a small bowl of flour on the counter and tapped her nose with it, leaving a large dot of flour on her nose.
They laughed together.
“There you go, Anabelle,” Cesare said through laughter. “The mark of a good cook.”
“That is the mark of a messy cook.”
“Look at this counter, Ana. You are a messy cook.” She playfully pinched his side. “Hey,” he warned through a chuckle, “no violence in the kitchen. You know the rules.”
“Yes, Cesare,” she whispered, feigning sweetness.
“All right, now turn around and watch.”
She did as he’d instructed. The two of them were completely lost in their own world. Angelo continued to remain silent as he watched them decorate thick, round sugar cookies with icing and fresh fruits formed into various designs. Jealousy and rage made a slowly crept through his entire body. He and Anastacia had never done anything like that before. Why was it that she was so guarded when she was with him, and with Cesare she looked so … free?
Angelo didn’t even need to ask, he could already tell they were fucking each other.
Once they finished, Cesare cleaned the counter and dishes while Anastacia sat on the clean area and watched, eating one of the desserts they’d just made.
“How long will you stand there before you make your presence known?” Anastacia asked as she took another bite of her cookie.
Cesare looked at her with a confused frown, but she turned to face Angelo. Angelo didn’t say a word; he was too angry to speak. He was sure right about now he’d say the wrong thing anyway.
Anastacia’s demeanor immediately went cold and she cocked her head to the side. “Manners, Angelo,” she said, her tone empty of emotion. “It’s impolite to stare.”
Angelo smirked. “Am I not permitted to gaze upon my love? It’s been so long since I have stood in the same room as you. What if I’ve missed you?”
She let out a bitter laugh. “I’m sure you haven’t, Angelo. You have your
Cynthia
to keep you occupied.”
Angelo chuckled coldly. “Well, when she’s not around, I miss you.”
“Angelo,” Cesare chided, “that was below the belt.”
Angelo waved a dismissive hand toward him, causing Anastacia to roll her eyes. “You’re a fucking child, Angelo. You’ll never change, will you?”
“And obviously neither will you, Anastacia. You drop one, then it’s on to the next one. Shall Cesare and I discuss when it will be my turn to fuck you again?”
“Angelo!” Cesare yelled angrily. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
Angelo’s head snapped in Cesare’s direction, and a vicious, angry fire filled his eyes. “Who in the
fuck
do you think you are talking to?” he snapped in Italian. “You shut your fucking mouth until I tell you to speak!”
Cesare paused, seemingly stunned by Angelo’s words. A dark anger fell over his face right before he snapped his mouth shut and nodded his head.
Both of their attention was directed to Anastacia when she began to clap her hands. She smiled and shook her head as a dark laughter fell from her lips. “Wow,” she laughed. “Look at you, Angelo Salerno.” She shivered in mock fear. “The big bad mafia boss
‘shut your mouth until I tell you to speak’
he says. You’re scary, I’m frightened. I’m sure Cesare is, too.” Frowning, she shook her head. “It’s just so surprising how far you’ve come, considering where you came from. Because if I am remembering correctly, you came from the same place he did,” she pointed to Cesare, “yet you have the audacity to stand here and disrespect him in such a manner. The man who stood with you in many battles in Italy. The man who assisted you in building your empire from day fucking one. So I’m just confused as to who the fuck
you
think
you’re
talking to, Angelo.”
With a furrowed brow, she rubbed her forehead in disgust and clenched her jaw tightly. “And never mind what you said to me, the woman you claim to love so much. I truly welcome you to say something else, please. Insult me again, yell at your
best friend
and
brother
again, too. I’m actually begging you to do it. Because the more you say, the less I love you. And I am desperately—
desperately
—looking forward to the day when loving you is a distant memory.” When Angelo said nothing, Anastacia nodded. “That’s exactly what I thought. I’m going to lie down.”
Cesare quickly walked over to her and assisted her down from the counter. Without uttering another word, Anastacia left the kitchen. Once she was gone, Cesare turned to leave out the side door.
“I’m going for a walk.”
“Cesare,” Angelo called after his friend. When Cesare turned to face him, Angelo sighed. “I apologize, brother. I shouldn’t have used such a tone with you. Please except my apology and my word when I say that it won’t happen again.”
Cesare remained quiet for a moment before a frown fell over his face. “Do you remember what you said to me when we started the Salerno organization in the living room of my apartment? You looked at me and said,
‘We will finally have something that is ours, Cesare. No more being treated like lap dogs, no more disrespect, and no more taking orders from dictators like Luchini.’
That was the day I told you I had your back. We didn’t meet Bruno until four years after we started, and Alessandro didn’t come on board until after we made our first million. Just you and I, working hard to take over New York.”