Authors: Shelli Stevens
“All right,” she agreed and took the flashlight from him. “Be careful and hurry back.”
“Of course.” He lowered his head to drop a quick kiss on her mouth. “It’s freezing out there.”
Once he’d disappeared, Madison pushed aside the coffee table and spread the comforter on the floor. That would have to do for cushioning them. Then she grabbed their pillows and set them down, and afterwards laid the faux fur blanket on top of the comforter.
There. Between the fire and their body heat, that ought to keep them warm.
Gabe reappeared with a stack of logs balanced in his arms and kindling clutched in his fist. Madison rushed forward to help him, relieving him of a couple of logs.
“Thanks.” He set the rest down next to the fireplace. “Now all we need is to find some matches.”
“Hmm.” Madison frowned. “It’s times like this I wish I smoked.”
Gabe laughed and shook his head. “I think there are some in the kitchen drawer. Here, I’ll take that flashlight back.”
Realizing she still had to get ready for bed, she padded off through the darkened cabin.
Lord I’m brave.
She felt her way along the wall toward the bathroom. Even though her normal routine for bed took about a half-hour, the fact that she now did it blind made her skip some aspects and pick up the pace. She made her way back to the living room ten minutes later.
“Ah, too bad, she found her nightgown,” Gabe commented from his seat next to the small, but steadily growing fire.
“You were hoping I wouldn’t?” Madison grinned and sat next to him on the fur blanket.
“Well, I wouldn’t have protested nakedness.” The fire crackled beside them. “And I have to warn you that I have no intention of going in search of my pajamas.”
“Oh, darn. That means I’ll be sleeping next to a naked man.” She gave a dramatic sigh. “I swear, the sacrifices a girl has to make in a storm.”
Gabe laughed softly. “You’ve got a better sense of humor than I remember, Maddie. Back when you were a teenager…”
“Yes?”
“Well.” He shrugged. “You weren’t as laid back. You always seemed so focused on being popular and were surrounded by a bunch of uptight snobs.”
A prick of guilt stabbed at her stomach. “Yeah…”
Gabe winced. “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have said that.”
“Don’t be sorry. In fact, I agree,” she confessed. “I’ll be the first to admit that I was a spoiled, materialistic snob back in the day. I think what changed me most was living in Italy. Somehow it put into perspective what I really wanted in life. That’s what made me decide to get my MBA when I got back.”
“Italy did all that? Sounds like an impressive place.”
“The people were amazing, too. Have you ever been to Europe?”
He shook his head, staring at the fire.
“We should go.”
He looked back at her and lifted an eyebrow. “We should go to Europe? Together?”
“I don’t know,” she replied after a moment. “I was just throwing it out there. I guess I meant you should go. You don’t have to go with me, necessarily. I just think you would enjoy it very much.”
Gabe scooted closer to her on the blanket, watching the way the fire highlighted the conflicting emotions on her face.
“If you go back, would you go alone?”
“I assume so.”
“Aren’t there any friends you’d take?”
“I don’t have many close friends,” she admitted, casting him a sideways glance. “Like I said, I’ve changed since high school and haven’t seen any of those girls in years. And I was so focused in college that I didn’t have much time for a social life. The friends I did make are still in Oregon. We call occasionally and email, but you know how it goes.”
He kept staring at her with a pensive expression. “I don’t have the kind of friendship with them that you have with my brother.”
“Most people don’t have the kind of friendship that I have with your brother,” he acknowledged. “He’s like blood.”
“Okay, I know you mean that in a good way.” She grimaced. “But seeing as we’re sleeping together, it makes me really not want to think of you in a brotherly fashion.”
“Don’t worry, there’s no danger of that.” His lips curved into a half-smile as he touched a strand of her hair. “I stopped thinking of you as a little sister the night of Eric’s welcome home party.”
“You did?” She sighed and closed her hand around his fingers. “I couldn’t tell. You were so hard to read that night. I thought I was losing my touch.”
“It took all my will not to bend you over the balcony.” He kissed the side of her neck. “And take you right then and there.”
“Wow.” Madison giggled, heat coursing through her body. “There’s a visual. Maybe we should try that the next time you come to dinner at my parents.”
“Maybe not.” His smile slipped slightly. “I don’t think your father would be too happy to know we’re sleeping together.”
Madison gave a frustrated sigh. “Gabe, you’re sleeping with me, not my entire family.”
He nodded, but didn’t look convinced.
“Has Eric ever said anything to you about keeping away from me?”
“No, Eric’s never said a word.” He cleared his throat. “But your father has.”
Madison frowned and sat up straighter on the blanket. “When? When did he say something? What did he say?”
Gabe shrugged. “He just didn’t want you to get hurt again. Told me to be very careful when I was watching over you.”
“Was this at dinner last week?”
He nodded.
“Why would he do that?” she asked, shaking her head. “It just doesn’t seem like something he’d do. I don’t think he was trying to warn you off, necessarily.”
“He was worried about your breakup with Bradley,” Gabe pointed out. “He thinks you’re in a world of hurt.”
“Bradley?” Madison snorted. “We’d been on the verge of breaking up since I moved back from Oregon. Even when we lived together, our relationship was dysfunctional.”
“You lived together?” Gabe frowned, looking disturbed by the news.
“Yeah,” she nudged him in the side and smiled. “Are you jealous?”
He paused. “Yeah, a little.”
Her eyes widened, pleasure curling in her belly. “Well, then, I guess we’ve both had our dose of jealousy for the night.”
He didn’t reply. What was he thinking about? Had she said the wrong thing?
“How’s this rebound thing working out for you, Maddie?”
Rebound? Was she still considering this a rebound relationship? Was he? She looked closely at his face, now really curious as to what he was thinking.
“I think it’s going great,” she answered carefully. Lord, what should she say? What did he want her to say? “I’m definitely not regretting getting involved with you.”
He grunted in response. “So, you think you’ll be wrapping up the buffer stage soon?”
“Buffer stage?” Her eyebrows crinkled together. “What are you talking about?”
“You told me I’m the buffer between you and your next relationship,” he reminded her. “Do you remember saying that?”
“Oh.” She glanced down at her hands. “I guess I did say that.”
“I’m just wondering how long you want to keep this up?”
Keep this up
? “I don’t know. I’m not interested in anyone else right now. I don’t see why we can’t keep what we’ve got going.”
“Ah, but when you
are
interested in someone else, then that’s when our buffer relationship ends?”
Madison gave a short laugh. Was he messing with her head? She sobered when his expression didn’t change.
Wow, he was completely serious
.
“Gabe.” She hesitated. “I don’t understand. Aren’t you the guy who doesn’t do relationships?”
“I thought I was.” He held her gaze. “But I’m not sure of anything anymore. Are you, Maddie?”
It hit her then. So hard that she couldn’t speak for a moment. She wasn’t sure what she wanted. But she was sure she didn’t want to consider Gabe just a fling anymore.
“No. I’m not,” she answered in a soft voice. “Maybe we should just see what happens. Not put labels on anything, but just see how it goes.”
“As long as we take away the rebound status.” Gabe smiled, looking a little more content. “I think it’s a little hard on my ego.”
Madison laughed and looked straight at him. “Would you answer a question? You can say no. I realize it’s personal.”
He shrugged. “What do you want to know?”
“Why you became a cop.” She hurried on when his expression became shuttered. “I know you’ve said you don’t want to talk about it, but I was hoping you might have changed your mind. That maybe you could trust me—”
“Why?” he interrupted, turning to look in the fire. “Why should you want to know about my past? What difference could it possibly make knowing?”
“I’m not sure it’ll make any difference,” she admitted, laying a hand on his shoulder. “There’s just so much I still don’t know about you, things that you’ve never told me.”
His body went rigid, the previous atmosphere of relaxation and flirting gone.
“Well I’m not sure I’m ready to tell all just to appease your curiosity, Maddie.”
“It’s not just curiosity,” she replied in exasperation. “Like you just pointed out, things have changed between us. I care about you. Is that so hard to believe?”
He didn’t look away from the fire. “You don’t want to care about me. I’m not worth it.”
“Gabe.” Her heart ached for him. What was hidden behind that wall surrounding his emotions? “Oh, Gabe. Whatever it is, I wish I could take away the pain.”
He stayed quiet for a long time. “My pain is nothing compared to what happened to my brother.”
Madison blinked at his words. What brother? With caution, she said, “I didn’t know you had a brother.”
“I don’t anymore.” Gabe smiled, but it twisted his lips bitterly and lacked warmth. “I killed him.”
Chapter Eighteen
He stared at her as if he’d expected her to freak out, maybe shrink back with horror or run from the room terrified. But she didn’t believe it, not for moment.
“No, you didn’t.” She shook her head. “I know you didn’t. Tell me the whole story.”
“You want the whole story?” Gabe asked, his expression cold. “I had a brother who was six years older than me. His name was Ricardo; everyone called him Ricky. Ricky was amazing. He graduated high school with a 4.0 average and was given a scholarship to UCLA. He never let circumstances like where we lived or who our parents were get in the way of his dreams. He raised me after Mom and Dad died.”
Gabe stood, his body rigid as he began to pace in front of the fire.
“He wanted to take me out of the shit-hole neighborhood we were living in.” He shrugged. “And I didn’t want to go. I didn’t see anything wrong with my life. I was a twelve-year-old wannabe gang-banger.”
Maddie stayed silent, trying to associate the younger Gabe with the Gabe she knew now. It was impossible and she shook her head.
“Not a pretty little picture, is it?” Gabe asked, misinterpreting her gesture.
“No, I—”
“It gets better,” he went on. “When my brother found out I was going to be initiated into a gang, he left school during a final exam. All to come back to stop me from ruining my life.”
Madison held her breath.
“My initiation was to beat up an elderly man walking his dog in the park.”
“Did you do it?” she asked before she could stop herself. The horrific image flickered through her mind, and nausea raged through her as she waited for his answer.
“I think I would have,” Gabe replied. “If Ricky hadn’t shown up.”
Her relief was immediate, though her instincts deep down told her that he wouldn’t have done it.
“No, you wouldn’t have. But thank God Ricky was there to stop you.”
“Ricky being there was no blessing.” Gabe gave a harsh laugh. “It was his death sentence.”
Madison’s insides twisted and her throat grew tight. She almost didn’t want to know, but could guess what happened next.
“There were two of us getting initiated that day. Me and another boy a couple years older than me. His initiation was different.” He paused. “He was told to shoot and wound, but not kill, the next person who came down the trail.”
She clenched her fists. “Was it Ricky?”
His silence she took as an affirmation. She stood and put a gentle hand on his arm.
“The boy was either a terrible shot or an excellent one.” His tone had gone flat, his expression blank. “Because the bullet went straight through Ricky’s heart. He died right away.”
“You didn’t kill him, Gabe.”
“I may not have pulled the trigger, but I killed him.”
“You were a messed-up kid,” she argued. “You were twelve years old, for goodness sake. You were a product of your environment.”
“Oh, do you think so?” His tone mocked her now. “So then why wasn’t every kid on my block in a gang? Why didn’t Ricky join a gang instead of aiming for a college education?”
“You have to stop blaming yourself.” She reached up and took his face between both of her hands, forcing him to look at her. “You were a child. Look how far you’ve come since then.”
“But if I hadn’t—”
“Ricky chose to come after you. He must have known the risks involved. That showed how much he loved you. And what you’ve done with your life since shows how much you must have loved him.” She met his tormented gaze.
“I’m on the verge of being promoted to head up the gang unit,” Gabe admitted, some of the anguish diminishing in his eyes. “It’s what I’ve wanted to do ever since Aunt Martha took me in and helped me get my life in order. If I can make a difference in their lives, just get these kids on track…”
Warmth swept through her. “That’s wonderful, Gabe. I really do think it’s your calling.”
Gabe’s hands covered hers and tightened about the wrists.
“Why don’t you think I’m a terrible person, Maddie?”
“Because you’re not!” she cried. The need to convince him swelled stronger inside her. “God, you’re not. You’re a wonderful man who had a very difficult upbringing. Please, Gabe, forgive yourself and let it go.”
“Maddie.” He groaned and pulled her into his arms, his touch gentle as he caressed her cheek. “You should hate me for what I just told you.”
“Oh, Gabe. I could never hate you. Never.”