Dare to Be Different (14 page)

The officer left them to sit alone in the room while he gathered the information that he had offered to them. No one said a word in that small room. In the deafening silence, Lindsay felt as though the walls were closing in on her. All she wanted was for her mom to take her in her arms and hold her, promising that everything would be just fine—but Lindsay knew that she couldn’t do that yet. So, she remained very alone in her regret and her fear.

The officer returned, had each of them sign a few papers, and gave them copies of everything they signed, as well as instructions for her court appearance—which was a full ninety days away
Lindsay sighed. The uncertainty of this would be hanging over her head for at least that long.

The Martins were escorted to the door, and they left the station. At the car, Lindsay began to climb into the backseat and realized that she would never be able to get into the backseat of a car without remembering how it felt to be a common criminal on her way to jail. Nothing would ever be the same for Lindsay—or for any of them.

Chapter 10

The weeks that followed her arrest were even more difficult than Lindsay had imagined they could be. Not only had she been forced to face her parents’ disappointment, but she’d also been the subject of whispers and secret conversations everywhere she went. At church, the youth council had a meeting about her and she was asked to step down from her new student-leader position in the youth group. At school, her teachers and guidance counselors no longer saw her as an exemplary student; she had become an example of a bad seed. In an attempt to make an example of her, she had even been suspended for three days. It seemed unfair that she was the only one who got suspended, but Lindsay didn’t wish trouble
on her friends—even though they did seem to be avoiding her.

She lived in constant fear and dread of the court date looming in the distance. Would she really have to spend time in jail or a juvenile facility? People told her that there was no way that it could happen for her first offense and for something so minor. But others, including her attorney, told her that her particular judge, rather than letting kids off easy, sometimes liked to make examples of young people as a deterrent for other kids.

She also had to attend the drug and alcohol meetings that Officer Marshall had recommended. Of all her punishments, those meetings were by far the worst. She sat there, twice each week, in the presence of adults who had real problems with drugs and alcohol—true addicts. Some of them were there as part of a probation deal, others were court ordered, and some were there voluntarily. But none of them were there as a thirteen-year-old girl who had tried to buy a beer, having never actually tasted alcohol in her life. She felt so conspicuously out of place, sure that no one understood why she was there at all.

Her parents agreed that it was a good idea for
her to attend the meetings because she could see firsthand how poor decisions caused big problems for people. She had to watch a video about people whose children were killed by drunk drivers. She learned about diseases and other horrible things that happened to drug users. It was a dark and very real glimpse at a world that Lindsay had never expected to see.

But far, far worse than any punishment or any meeting that she had to attend, Lindsay suffered under the crushing weight of her parents’ disappointment. Every time she looked at them, she saw sadness in their eyes. She longed for the lighthearted days when happiness and trust filled her home. Lindsay knew that her parents blamed themselves, which made it even harder for her. She wished that it could be like when she was a little girl and did something wrong. The punishment was swift and just and then over. She wondered if the consequences of this mistake would ever end.

“Mom… “ Lindsay hesitated as she walked into the family room where her mom was sitting and staring at a book whose pages she hadn’t turned in over an hour.

“Yes, Lindsay, what is it?” her mom gazed up at her and tried to smile, but she still looked tired and sad.

Lindsay couldn’t figure out what to say to get things back to the way they had been before. “Oh, nothing, Mom. Would you like for me to start dinner?”

“That would be nice, Lindsay. There’s a box of frozen fried chicken in the freezer. You can just put that in the oven and make some macaroni and cheese. It’ll be good to sit down and talk as a family over dinner.”

Lindsay’s heart sank. By
talk
, she knew that her mother meant Lindsay would have to listen to her parents tell her once again just how disappointed they were and how she would have to work hard to regain their trust.

She wanted to run, to hide, to pretend that everything was the same as it had been before the stupid dare. Instead she trudged into the kitchen to start dinner.

A month had gone by since that fateful night. Lindsay couldn’t bear her parents’ looks of disappointment any longer. Every time she was with
them, she felt her guilt weighing heavily on her. She didn’t want to carry it anymore, but she wasn’t sure how to get rid of it. Lindsay felt like her parents only thought she was sorry because she had been caught. She just wasn’t sure how to get them to see how truly sorry she was for what she did so that they would start believing in her again.

Then, Saturday afternoon during her quiet time, she read Proverbs 28:13: “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

That’s it!
Lindsay had told her parents what she’d done, but she’d never confessed the sin behind it. She closed her Bible and stood up with purpose, resolved to finally put this to rest. Finding her mom upstairs folding laundry and her dad cleaning out the garage, Lindsay knew it was time to bring them together for a talk.

“Mom?” Lindsay called up the stairs.

“What, Lindsay?” Her mom called back.

“Can you come down here for a minute? I want to talk to you and Dad.”

“I’ll be right down.”

When Lindsay heard that, she went to the garage door so she could call for her dad only
to see that he was already on his way back into the house. “Oh good. I was just coming to get you. I’d like to talk to you and Mom, if you don’t mind.”

“Nothing has happened, has it?” Mr. Martin asked with a panicked tone.

“No, no, nothing like that. Just have a seat. Mom is on her way down.”

When both of her parents were seated on the couch and looking at her with questioning eyes, Lindsay sat down in the chair opposite them but then jumped up again, nervous about how to say what she needed to say.

“Mom and Dad, I’ve asked for this opportunity to talk to you for several reasons. Mainly I want to tell you how sorry I am. I know I’ve said it before, but this is different. I’m not just sorry that I made a bad decision or that I got caught or even that I’m being punished—I deserve that, I know. I’m also just so very sorry because what I did wasn’t just
wrong;
it was a
sin.”
Lindsay sounded excited at the announcement of her realization.

Her parents looked at each other and then back at her, their faces not quite as stern as they’d
been before. “Go on,” her mom said.

“When Kelly told me what the dare was and if I didn’t do it that I’d be kicked out of the group, I didn’t really think about what it would mean to do it even though I knew it was wrong. I didn’t think about how I would appear to the girls by willingly going along with something that my heart was telling me not to do.”

Dad leaned forward, hands clasped together. “Why do you think your heart was telling you not to do it?”

“I think …” Lindsay swallowed hard, not sure exactly how to put her thoughts into words. “I think it was God telling me it was wrong. I think it was my conscience—the Holy Spirit—trying to show me that what I was about to do was a sin.”

“But do you understand why it was a sin?” Mom asked, tears sparkling in her eyes.

“I think so. I think it’s because by doing it, I wasn’t being a good witness to the girls. I wasn’t showing them that being a Christian means choosing to do things that are right, things that are good and holy, and choosing
not
to do things that are wrong—especially when they’re illegal.”

Lindsay ran out of steam and put her head in her hands and began to cry. A month of regret and fear had finally broken her. She was heartsick over the way she had ignored God’s will and hurt her parents but so grateful for forgiveness and unconditional love.

Instantly her mom was at her side and her dad wasn’t far behind. They held her and rocked her back and forth. Both of them were crying, too.

“Oh, Lindsay, sweetheart,” her mom cried. “We have been praying so hard that you would finally come to understand this, that you’d understand we were still hurting. You hadn’t asked God for forgiveness yet, and we couldn’t force you to do it when you weren’t ready.”

“You’ve proven to us that you’ve learned from your mistake, Lindsay,” her dad said, his voice gruffwith emotion. “There is a difference between being sorry that you got into trouble and true repentance. We’ve been praying for you to find your way to true repentance.” He paused for a moment. “Speaking of prayer, the one thing that I’ve missed most is that we haven’t been praying together as a family since this happened.”

“Yes!” Lindsay wiped at her tears. “I’ve missed praying with you guys so much! But I just couldn’t do it because every time I thought about it, the guilt was so terrible that I couldn’t breathe. “

The three Martins joined hands. Lindsay felt an electric spark at the touch of her parents’ hands. She realized that it had been almost a month since she had let either of them do that.

With a deep breath, her dad began, “Father, we come to You broken and sinful. Not one of us is perfect. We have all sinned and fallen short of Your goodness and grace. We need You now more than ever. Please fill us with Your peace, Your grace, Your wisdom. Thank You, Father, for answering our prayers and leading Lindsay back to You, back to her family. Unite us as a family once again.”

“Jesus,” Lindsay began to pray, “please, please forgive me for what I did. Help me to find forgiveness from those around me. Please show me how to rebuild the reputation that I have destroyed by my actions. And, Jesus, please help me to face my consequences and get through this time with my head held high. If You can use me in some way to reach other kids through this,
please just show me how.”

“Heavenly Father, I thank You for my family.” Mrs. Martin’s voice caught as she began to cry once again. “I thank You for my daughter, who has found her strength in You and, like the little lost lamb, has come back into the fold. Please unite us, and help us get Lindsay through this time. Lord, please let Lindsay know just how much we love her. Show us how to help her and give us wisdom to know what to do.”

The Martins all said, “Amen,” at the same time, united once again.

Chapter 11

“Morning, Mom,” Lindsay said cheerfully, as she bounced into the kitchen. She looked refreshed and happy, like she’d had a great night’s sleep. Mom smiled back at her daughter, reflecting the same sense of relief and buoyancy as Lindsay.