Dare To Be Wild (11 page)

“So, Jasilyn, when exactly will Todd be returning from his trip?” her mother asked over coffee.

Jasi cringed at the mention of his name because it meant only one thing, the personal inquisition was about to begin.

“Not for another week or two,” she said, feeling the jump in her gut. Once Todd returned the juggling of him and Belinda would begin.

“Will he be around for your birthday?” Harolyn asked. “It is the big four O.”

“I don't know, Mom. That's like another eight months from now.”

“I realize, but this is a big year for you, both of you. It's getting time to make some serious decisions. You understand how hard it was for me; you need to get started sooner rather than later.”

“Mom, not the ‘when are you getting married and giving me some grandbabies' conversation again,” Jasi whined.

“Your mother is merely trying to make the point that women can't wait as long as men can when it comes to having families. Todd can't keep dragging his feet about this. You don't want to wake up and discover it's too late, baby girl. Your mother and I were truly blessed that it happened to us,” her father said, offering his soft but precise summation.

“I understand and we have been talking about it,” Jasi lied. “But honestly, I'm not sure that a marriage is in our future,” she said, planting the demon seed without looking her mother in the eye.

Harolyn gasped for air like she'd been sucker-punched.

It killed Jasi that she was unable to live up to her parents' expectations in this one, totally reasonable area. Every Sunday without an announcement was another hairline fracture in her mother's heart. Her parents were correct, time was running out. And the telling tick of her biological clock was being drowned out by the very loud, psychological sobs of Harolyn's profound disappointment.

“I'm beginning to believe that Todd isn't really interested in settling down,” she explained, quickly spinning the facts into a sorted fabrication of the truth. “His work is so important to him and he's always traveling. I'm only saying that it might be time to face the fact that Todd might not be the one for me.”

“It's been a year. You're only now discovering this?” The words “at this late date,” though unspoken, came through loud and clear in her mother's question.

Jasi chose to reply with a simple shrug of her shoulders.

“What about a family?”

“I don't know right now. I still have some time, and if it comes down to it, maybe I'll have one on my own,” Jasi said, testing another pool of tepid water.

The shock on her parents' faces immediately let her know that
Plan B was a bust right from the start. “By yourself? Without a husband?” her father said, looking for clarification.

Jasi nodded, unable to verbalize the word that would only make the cracks deeper.

“But having a child out of wedlock is a sin, Jasilyn. I won't let you bring a bastard child into this world,” Harolyn informed her. “It's not fair and it's not right. I don't want to hear another thing about this. You and Todd will find a way to work this out,” she said, falling back on her faith in all things righteous, whether they were realistic or not.

Jasi didn't know what made her want to cry more, the fact that giving her parents the one thing they wanted most was looking further and further beyond her reach, or the fact that if they couldn't or wouldn't even consider the idea of her having a baby on her own, what would they think if they learned that instead of a husband she was coveting a wife?

L
ivia stepped onto the beach, wearing a sarong over her new bikini, and immediately felt grossly overdressed. Saline Beach was liberally dotted with the tanned hides of the island's naked sun worshipers. It was interesting to note that the gorgeous, bronzed bodies she'd been expecting to see were few and far between. Liv let out a big sigh of relief. The good news was if she was going to get naked, she didn't need to be worried about being the only tonally challenged body swimming in a sea of perfect physiques. This was going to be more like Arielle bobbing around in an ocean of inner tubes. There were more forty ounces than six packs, more saggy tits than grand tetons, and more doughy buns than those of steel walking around not giving a damn about their form or being fit.

If they don't care, neither do I,
Livia decided.

Ultimately, it really didn't matter because she was taking this whole journey one step at a time. Right now, all she was concerned about was finding some isolated spot to disrobe, catch some rays, cross another item off her list, and head back to fully clothed civilization. Livi was there to see, not be seen. But now, based on the jiggles, wiggles, sags and bags kicking up the clean, white sand, she wasn't even going to be doing much sightseeing either.

Feeling a bit braver about the whole nudie cutie (to coin Lena's term) thing, Livia headed over to the beach hut to rent a lounger, and then led the handsome islander carrying her rentals over to a
quiet patch of sand, not far from the water (in case she wanted to make a mad dash to take a cooling dip), but away from any fellow beach dwellers. Despite her vow to get butt naked in public, this was a personal exercise in private scandal. Livia wasn't ready to be any kind of exhibitionist.

She spread her towel on the chaise, sat down and began removing the necessary beach essentials from her bag. She pushed sunglasses into her curls and began to apply oil on all of her exposed skin, while mentally preparing herself for the unveiling. Liv was still debating between the slow ease versus quick rip technique. Not wanting to look like what she was feeling—a total punk—she decided to go for it. Thirty seconds later, Livia Charles was nude and lying on her stomach with her ass in the air.

She closed her eyes and released a relaxing breath as the slight ocean breeze whispered sweet nothings across her backside. Livia smiled into her towel and congratulated herself for having the guts to go through with this. She'd always shied away from anything new or remotely scandalous. Little about her or her life reeked of true adventure or spontaneity. Thinking about it, Livia realized that only thrice had she voluntarily taken major, life-altering chances—marrying, and then filing for divorce, and starting Havin' Your Cake. She was surprised how liberating this relatively minor show of boldness made her feel. The girls had been right; taking a few daring risks here and there did make Livia feel more vibrant and alive. She had to wonder, if four minutes of public nudity could make her feel this way, what was the rest of the week going to bring?

Lena's suggestion to come to St. Bart's had been spot on. It was everything she'd described and more. At that moment, Livia wished Aleesa and Lena were there with her. It would have been nice if they'd made a girl's trip out of this, adding more shared memories
to their sisterfriend journey together. But she understood their point. Some things one really needed to do on one's own, and if Lena and Aleesa had accompanied her, even this simple trip to the beach would have taken on an entirely different vibe. With familiar eyes watching and assuming, Livia didn't know how free she'd feel about doing just about anything—from wearing her new wardrobe to satisfying the deep-rooted wanderlust that seemed to be bubbling to the surface. They were right to realize that she needed some alone time to reflect and reinvent herself for this next chapter of her life.

Livia would be fifty in less than four months and as Jasi so succinctly paraphrased, “if not now, then fucking when?” Yes, Quincy and the fuck-it list might have brought her to this place, but her newly unearthed desire to find herself was keeping her here.

The sun was bearing down on her behind, but Livia wasn't quite comfortable with the idea of being sunny side up. Lying out on her back would leave her feeling open and vulnerable, two things, truth be told, she'd spent most of her days consciously avoiding. Liv had to giggle. Here she was hiding her perfect new bosom while exposing her raggedy old behind. She sighed—a typical move in Livi World.

Feeling ever so emboldened, Livia decided to flip over and change vistas. Immediately she received a valuable lesson about missing things in life by operating out of fear. Yes, she was sitting totally exposed, but the beauty of what lay ahead of her was absolutely breathtaking. Before her was a huge and spectacular cove, unmarred by hotels and villas. The beach was sandwiched between green bluffs that sloped gracefully into the calm, pool-blue waters. Out in the distance, she could see dots of white as sailboats made their way across the horizon. The sky, with its various shades of blue, tinged with white clouds, mimicked the beauty of the sea
and the wavelets below. The instruction was not lost on Livia. Paradise was stretched out before her, and had she not been bold enough to open up and expose herself (pardon the pun), she'd have spent the day staring at sand.

Livi sighed into the sea air as she thought about her relationship with courageousness. While she could pat herself on the back for having the guts to battle cancer into remission, when it came to the little things, like being brave enough to face her emotional and sexual boogeyman so she could move on to a full and emotionally expressed life, she choked. Everyone else around her seemed to be capable of finding their truth and living it. Why was it so difficult for her?

“Well, not everyone,” she addressed the gulls walking the sands.

Livia's mind went back to her “conversation” with Jasi before leaving for St. Bart's. In actuality, it was an ambush, with Jasi showing up at the bakery and trying to force a discussion—one she wasn't ready to have—about what had happened. But Jasi, being Jasi, couldn't, or wouldn't, accept her decision not to talk and had continued blurting out her mind's thoughts, even after Livia had slammed her office door in her face.

In hindsight, Livia felt badly about treating her friend with such angry disregard. It wasn't that Livia thought their relationship to be over, or that she didn't want to speak to Jasi ever again, just not until she'd sorted out her own anger and feelings about the subject. But Jasi's bullheaded insistence only made things worse. Now there were even more lies to overcome, in addition to Livia's irritation over Jasi putting her in stranger danger by arranging that sordid hook up with the bartender.

She couldn't believe that Jasi had pulled the same, “it's not what it looks like” move that most men try to put over on their suspicious women. Livia might be a bit naïve and inexperienced when
it came to carnal adventures, but she wasn't stupid. If this had been, as Jas declared, a one-time attempt to satisfy a curiosity, wouldn't the other girl, the expert, be going down on her, the novice, and not the other way around?

All of Jasi's blustering about taking control of Livia's own desires was a bunch of bull. She had lied, both directly, and by omission, to all of them. For all of Jasi's “I do it my way” convictions, she was as scared and insecure as the rest of them, but at least Lena, Alyssa and Livia put their fears on the table. Jasi hid hers away behind a veneer of over-the-top bravado.

“Let it go; let it go,” Livia commanded herself, willing away her friendship troubles. She expelled a deep breath and closed her eyes, settling into the lounger. She was here to revel in her rebirth, not worry about Jasi's problems.

The soft roar of the waves hitting the shore was so relaxing it was easy to clear her brain. Lulled into a state of total relaxation, Livia closed her eyes, ready for a yummy nap, as the soft caress of the ocean breeze blew over her. She sat still, smelling the salty sea air while allowing herself to feel the sexy mix of heat and cool caressing her naked skin. Suddenly, every nerve in her body was on high alert, turning her relaxed state into one of delicious agitation. She recognized the feeling. It was the same sensation she'd had sitting in the hallway of Naomi Maddox's home, and stepping into the manager's office at Jessebelle's. A montage of bodies, lips and tongues from her day at Jessebelle's flew into her head and settled on the serious almost sexing that had gone on between her and the Fox. That quick taste of male “hands on” attention had stirred up her appetite and been a source of craving ever since.

Livia felt the need to move, do something to break the surge of sexual energy that was suddenly overtaking her body and making her feel both uncomfortable and insatiable. Trying to snap the
tension, she bent her knees to her chest, which only made matters worse. Like a lover's tongue, the gentle wind snuck between the slight space between her legs and lightly licked her newly trimmed cooch. Immediately, Livi tried to shut down the pleasurable sensation by straightening her legs.

DON'T!
Quincy screamed.

Livia took a quick look around. She was still alone on her tiny stretch of sand. Why the hell not, she decided. She was here to stretch her wings and step outside of her sexual self. Might as well start right here and right now with a little natural masturbation.

Gingerly, she drew her knees back toward her chest and cracked her legs. Once again, Livia felt the air creep between her lower lips as her eyes surveyed the scene. Relieved to see that she was still all alone, she spread them wider, welcoming the wind's kiss. For a woman who didn't like to feel exposed, Livia felt deliciously vulnerable, splayed wide open, as elements seduced her tender, naked skin. She could feel her pussy tingle and her clit jump as her nipples hardened in response.

Livi's brain released a moan, but her mouth refused to give it voice. She gently lifted her butt off the chair and squeezed, pushing more blood into her clit. Both it and her breasts were screaming for attention. With her bottom lip tucked between her teeth, Livia covertly gave each of her nipples a quick tweak, causing her jealous pussy to rise higher in protest. Her actions felt sexy and slutty and fabulous as hell! Livi was definitely aroused, and had to force her hands to stay still and away from a begging Quincy.