Dare To Love (30 page)

Devin and Thomas were barely walking down the
pier when they were harried by endless questions:

“Where were you?” “What happened” “What took
you so bloody long?”

Thomas had a few of his own for Mrs.
Hornebrook and Fitzwater when he met Katrina’s eyes. She was not
angry, rather the contrary, she looked scared. He watched her give
her brother a welcoming hug, then observed her drawing near.

“May I have a word?”

“Certainly,” Thomas announced, motioning for
her brother to linger alone, he then noticed Henry arriving
alongside Devin, shaking his hand.

Katrina had to spurt out what she was going
to say before she lost her nerve. “Thomas, let me begin by telling
you that I was terribly upset when you abandoned me on our wedding
day. The pain from the embarrassment will brand me evermore.”

“I know—”

“Let me finish, Thomas,” she said, wiping
away a tear. “I meant what I said when I told you that I cared for
you. But a woman like me has goals and I could not be kept in
suspension forever. Not once have I heard you speak of your
devotion to me, and yet, I believed it would come with our
nuptials. I am no martyr Thomas, I am a social climber and I am
sorry to say that I used you to gain status in the ton.”

Thomas laughed and fingered the lining in his
hat. What a relief, she was letting him down? “A social climber?”
He quipped with a sneer, “Why, I knew that the first day I met
you,” he paused, having had a better word for it, like snob. “But
that inspiration did not scare me away, love,” he voiced, lowering
his intonation. “Why, I exercised you as well. No hard feelings, we
had fun, did we not?”

Katrina was beet red. Her dismissal was not
going according to plan, instead of him afflicted with remorse; it
was she who was suddenly feeling grief jabbing at her heart. “I
married Henry.”

Thomas did not seem the least bit surprised,
he knew her too well and Katrina had been spoiled to the core. If
she did not get what she wanted immediately, she had to lash out
and try to harm him instead. He turned around and judged her new
husband. Henry stood defeated and lowered his eyes. “Did you now?”
Thomas cracked, turning back around to meet Katrina’s resentment.
“Does he make a fine husband?”

“Yes,” Katrina added with a stiff upper lip.
“Henry is a good man.”

Thomas lowered his voice to a charming
timbre, “Does he finish you as well?”

Katrina stared at his lips and felt her own
separating. No, she thought, but she would never admit to that.
Henry was a pleasant lover, while Thomas was sinfully carnal. Still
allured by his engaging glare, she said, “Yes, we are
enceinte.”

Thomas perked up immediately, “Why, that’s
wonderful! Congratulations!” He presented, whirling around and
walking towards Devin and Henry. “I could not be happier,” he
remarked, patting Henry on the back. “Congratulations, ole boy, I
guess this means you’ll be asking for an increase in pay?”

Henry laughed and stood erect now. “I must
say Thomas; you are taking this news very well.”

Thomas had news of his own to share, if
only…if only he knew her reply? He had expected to see Gwendolyn
here receiving him with open arms, but she was nowhere in sight.
Thomas gazed around the threesome and spotted Mrs. Hornebrook with
Fitzwater. “Mrs. Hornebrook, has any letters been delivered to the
manor?”

“Letters, Your Grace?” Mrs. Hornebrook
questioned back. “Just the usual mail, social invitations, tax
statements, invoices and receipts.”

Thomas stood grave, he then looked at
Fitzwater. “Have you seen or heard from her Fitzwater?”

Fitzwater knew exactly whom he was speaking
of. “No, sir,” he answered feeling melancholy for his employer.

“You did get my note, is that correct?
Regarding the delivery of the gifts?” Thomas asked dejected.

“Yes sir and they were promptly sent,” Mrs.
Hornebrook lied, feeling his anguish with each realization. She did
not have the heart to tell him that they were barely sent three
weeks ago due to bad weather.

“When?” Thomas quietly asked, bowing his
head, taking off his hat.

“Four months ago, sir.” Fitzwater confirmed,
wavering also.

Thomas then closed his eyes. Four months…with
no reply? What does he have to do to make her love him? Why does
she keep treating him this way? What was wrong with her? Runs away
when he gets too close, some kind of panicky reaction when emotions
get excessively comfortable. He loved her more than ever before
only to have his heart crushed once again. What cruelty! What pain!
Worse than the floggings he used to receive when he had stolen
food. Amplified torment knowing she did it deliberately. Used his
flesh and then discarded what she couldn’t fit into a traveling
case. What a fool he was, what a complete and utter fool to hang
onto such a small expectation that they’d finally be a real family.
All that hope and probability blown to smithereens! She must have
married her Scotsmen, he realized; must be kept under harsh
boundaries to not utter another word. Oh God in heaven, Gwendolyn
had made her choice, and now…so should he.

Thomas pulled away from his servants and
headed off to be alone, not recognizing his friends attempt to call
him over, or Katrina’s shattered reconsideration.

Katrina watched him trudge away and her heart
fell to the ground. “Thomas!” She shrieked, spinning Devin’s head
around towards her fright.

Devin immediately rushed to her side and
grabbed his sister by the shoulders. “Stop it, Katrina, stop it.
Your husband is barely two feet away, and here his wife is crying
after another man? Show some restraint, will you?”

Katrina buried her face into her brother’s
shoulder and continued to watch Thomas melt through the crowd. Her
heart was shattering in an earth-crushing whack. Tears began to
fall from her eyes, as she shut them tense realizing she could no
longer see him clearly.

CHAPTER
TWENTY-NINE

“Why willna ya marry me, Gwendolyn?” Charles
asked, dropping the flowers to his side. “The townspeople all
believe we are already married. I do not wish to pretend, I want ya
tae be by me side.”

Gwendolyn remained in a lying position on a
lounge in her parlor, a knitted shawl across her torso and legs.
She was not feeling well that morning and decided to stay in
seclusion. “You are a wonderful man Charles, and I do not want to
hurt you.”

“Why wood marrying me, torment me?”

“Because it would not be fair…because you
would be sharing a life with a woman whose heart belonged to
another.”

“Did ya ever love me, Gwendolyn?”

Gwendolyn stared at Charles’ genuineness. For
so many years he had been her savior, rescuing her from a pit of
gloominess. Each day would get easier and easier to adjust; it was
like she was living another life – a dream life. Neighbors were
close by and friendly. Everyone knew everyone and when someone was
rumored to be sick, Charles was the first of the neighbors to
volunteer his hands to work in the fields. She loved that about
him. He showered her with happiness and she had been nothing but
grateful. He was a kind, gentle man and she hated hurting him.
“No.”

“But ya let me—”

“Yes—I know, I do not regret that, not one
little bit. I will always care for you Charles McMillen. You have
brought nothing but joy and happiness into my life, you are a dear
man and I consider you a dear friend, you’ve given me comfort when
I needed comforting, humor when I needed to laugh…but I have always
loved Mary’s father.”

Charles shifted with anger and
possessiveness. “Blasted noble, the next time I lay eyes on the
mon, I will tear him limb from limb.”

“No Charles, no one is going to tear anyone’s
arms off.”

“But Gwendolyn, the babe needs a fatha,”
Charles conveyed, scratching his chest, “If he willna take
responsibility, then I will. I always thought I’d be a good
fatha.”

“Yes, yes you will be…someday, Charles. You
are such a good man; I do not deserve a friend like you.”

Charles stared at his former fiancée. He
recalled when he first laid eyes on her; she was like a gem in a
pile of corn. Poised and exquisite, this was no farm girl. She
hypnotized him with her confidence, her knowledge of the sea, and
her quick wit. He welcomed her flirtatious moods and looked forward
to the days when he could hold her in his arms throughout the
night. But alas, it was not to happen, his future bleak and filled
with solitude once more. Friendship was all she was offering.
Closeness he would greet with open arms if she would keep her
word.

“If I canna have ya as me wife, Gwendolyn,
then I will settle for yar kinship,” Charles let go disappointed,
“Anythin’ ya need, ya can call on me.”

“Thank you Charles.”

He slowly walked over to a table and placed
the flowers gently on top. He was just about to exit and caught the
door deciding to test her pledge. “If ya feeling better tamorra’,
will ya accompany me on a journey?”

“Where you off to?”

“Scarborough Harbour.”

“What business do you have at port?”

“Och now,” he said scratching his head now,
“Seems I am not tae only male having problems with the female
persuasion.”

Gwendolyn laughed, “What happened?”

Her amusement always seemed to melt his
heart. She was still his friend, thank God. “Me damn bulls willna
mate with me heifers. Had tae acquire male bovine from a friend of
mine in Shrewsbury. Four steer heading by way of transport
ship.”

Gwendolyn thought about it. “I don’t know
Charles; fish smell makes me queasy regardless.”

“Och now, com’on Gwendolyn, ya’ been pinned
up in yar cottage for nearly a month now. Mary can even come along.
She would enjoy a change in scenery. Ya know the lass always liked
the ocean.”

“Yes,” Gwendolyn cast down, “Yes…she always
has.”

The following morning, Charles was seen
scratching his head in bewilderment. With Gwendolyn and Mary by his
side, he was beyond perplexed.

Charles surveyed the hefty steers and shook
his head, “They look identical tae me others!”

The seamen all laughed at the Scotsman’s
density. “They’ve got his stink on’em,” one sailor spat out. “The
bull is rejecting the heifers ‘cause they’re familiar,” another
sailor joined in.

Gwendolyn covered her daughter’s innocence as
Mary stood fixated, her mouth open wide from the chap’s candid
narration.

“Charles?”

“Aye, Gwendolyn?” He asked, turning to eye
Gwendolyn with her hands over her daughter’s ears.

“Mary and I will be walking the merchants.
Meet us in about an hour? Do you think you will be done by
then?”

Charles gazed around him and at the bulls.
“Plenty ‘nough time, Gwendolyn, have a good time. Dinna purchase
everything ya see. Make sure tae barter the price. Dinna accept
face value.”

Gwendolyn huffed and dragged Mary away by her
hand.

Thomas felt Katrina’s eyes upon him, but he
did not care. The Junia had been found deserted, floating near the
coast of Scarborough Harbour, that’s all he had time to think
about. Business, finances, ships. No women had entered his mind. No
women…well, maybe one. The only one who always seemed to occupy his
thoughts when he allowed her entrance.

Thomas set eyes on Devin and his friend gave
him a half smirk considering the circumstances. Devin tried, he
really did to try and cheer him up. He even took him to Bristol for
a night of cards, drinking, and Devin was hopeful, wenching. Two
bar maids, nice looking brunettes in fact, decided to give the two
gents their sole attention that evening, and sat in the men’s laps
the whole entire evening. Thomas acted like he was enjoying
himself, but deep down inside, Devin knew he was miserable. Thomas
even lifted the female off his lap and set her aside several times
just so that he could straighten out his waistcoat. Who cared about
his bloody clothes why wasn’t he feeling amorous with the curvy,
soft female bouncing on his lap? What was it going to take to get
his friend’s mind off his woes?

Rowing away from the Junia, Thomas now eyed
Katrina. She was sitting next to her husband with Devin on the
other side. She looked unhappy, but so was he. Even if she were
available he would never go back to her. After spending time with
Gwendolyn, no woman would ever measure up to her level. Gwendolyn
was perfection, he realized. All his life, he searched for her
equivalent, probing through the handful of women he allowed into
his life. With Mrs. Putnam, it was her brazenness like Gwendolyn’s,
which kept him intrigued. With Mrs. Carmichael, it was her sense of
adventure, similar to Gwendolyn’s, that kept him coming around for
so many years. Then, it was Lady Krausman, her youthfulness and
humor parallel to Gwendolyn’s that caused him to spend so much time
with her. Then Katrina, his harbor of comfort, her gracefulness
constantly compared to the one-woman… hell and damnation, the only
female he simply could not get out of his head.