Dare to Touch (20 page)

To her, he was just her big brother. “What’s up?”

He held out his arms, and with a grin, she walked to him for a huge hug. “You took ten years off my life,” he muttered.

“If that actually happened every time you’ve used the expression, you wouldn’t still be here.” She squeezed him back. “I’m fine.” She stepped back and settled onto the couch in his office.

He joined her, taking the closest chair.

“How’s Big doing?” she asked.

“The kid’s shaken up. When the cops are finished with him, he’s going to go home for a while. And when he returns for training, he’s going to learn how to function in the real world.”

Olivia nodded in agreement. “I hope this incident helped him see the light. That not all people are good, even if they are family.”

Ian nodded. “And that’s enough business. How are
you
?”

She plastered a smile on her face. “I’m fine,” she said, getting tired of the expression that was nothing more than a lie. She twisted her fingers together in her lap and thought about Dylan’s ultimatum that wasn’t.

“You’re great, huh? That’s why your smile’s forced? Why you’re practically breaking your fingers?” Ian pointed to her intertwined hands and let out a low growl of frustration. “Do I need to kick Rhodes’s ass?”

“No!”

“Then whose?” her big brother asked.

“Mine,” she said, looking away.

He shifted to the couch, sitting close beside her. “Hey.” He lifted her chin with one finger. “What gives?”

She shrugged. “Dylan said he loves me. And I love him.” Her voice cracked as she spoke. “But he wants everything, and I don’t know if I have that in me to give.” No way would she mention not using a condom to her brother.
That
would be TMI.

Ian gave her his patented big-brother, reassuring smile. “History. You’re afraid it’s going to repeat itself. I ought to know. But Dylan isn’t Dad. And he isn’t Jeff. You can’t lump all men together.”

She smiled. “No, not all men. I had you and Scott. You were always there for me. But…”

“Dad wasn’t.”

“Right. Speaking of the devil, he’s been calling all morning.”

“Did you talk to him?” Ian asked.

She shook her head. “I know it’s weird, since I’m the one who forces everyone to go to his parties and to make nice, but he always shows up a day late. Like we’re—or I’m—an afterthought.”

And Olivia had a love-hate relationship with him. On the one hand, she’d been upset last night when he was the only one who hadn’t reached out to check on her. And on the other hand, she’d avoided his calls today, when he’d been trying to contact her. The man couldn’t win, but then that was the nature of her conflict with him. She sighed.

“I’m not Dad’s biggest fan, you know that,” Ian said.

She nodded. Of all their father’s legitimate children, Ian had taken their father’s betrayal the hardest. Or so it seemed. Olivia always tried to play nice, hoping for crumbs. Ian had all but frozen their father out.

“I get you, Liv. You still want the family you never had, you want Dad to be … Dad. There’s nothing wrong with that. But deep down, you know you aren’t going to get that from
him
.”

She nodded, the lump in her throat painful. “I do know that. You’re right.”

“Always,” he said with a grin.

She shrugged. “I know Dylan isn’t Dad. Dylan is… He’s perfect, and I still can’t move on completely.”

Ian let out a laugh. “I hate to break it to you, but no one’s perfect. Especially not Rhodes.”

She chuckled at that. “Fine. But you know what I mean.”

“Let me ask you something. If Mr. Hero is so perfect, why are you so afraid he’ll disappoint you?”

Damn, her brother always knew just where to zero in.

Ian cleared his throat. “That’s not what’s really bothering you. It’s what Dylan wants from you. And you haven’t really dealt with the fallout of losing a baby so young,” Ian said, speaking gently.

She balled her hands into tight fists and swallowed hard; the tears started flowing at just the
mention
of the baby. She hadn’t dealt with it well. Or at all. She’d seen a psychiatrist once, and she hadn’t gone back. Because the pain of it all had been easier to suppress than feel.

“One day, I felt the first flutters in my belly.” She pressed her hands to her stomach hard. “Then I lost the baby, and with it, I lost the ability to believe in anyone or anything.” Tears streamed down her face unchecked.

And poor Ian, who never knew what to do with one of his crying sisters, sat helplessly. But he listened, and she loved him for it.

“You haven’t lost it, Liv. You just need to be brave. Don’t shut down on Dylan now. Work through everything you have to before you blow a chance at real happiness. Because even a good guy like Dylan can only take so much.”

She flung her arms around Ian’s neck and hugged him tight. “I love you, you know.”

“I love you too.” He squeezed her back. “Now get back to work,” he said gruffly.

She stuck her tongue out at him playfully. “You hate it when one of us girls gets mushy.”

“So when are you coming over to see your niece?” he asked, taking her off guard.

Olivia tipped her head guiltily. That was something else she avoided, spending too much time with young kids. Even her brother’s child. She resisted the urge to touch her stomach. It was too soon to wonder. Too soon for any of this. “I’ll come by soon. I promise.”

Ian pinned her with a steady gaze. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

She nodded. “I’d expect nothing less.” She ducked her head and left, taking her time walking back to her office.

No sooner had she returned to her desk than the phone on her desk rang. “Hello? Olivia Dare speaking.”

“Olivia, it’s your father.”

She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. She should have expected him to try her desk when he couldn’t reach her cell. “Hi, Dad.”

“Hi, Dad? You’re threatened by a man with a gun, and all you have to say to me is ‘hi, Dad’?”

She pressed her phone to her temple before putting it back to her ear. “Who told you?” she asked, glad he’d finally called despite it all.

“Well, let’s see. First Alex, then Jason, and eventually Samantha and Sienna. They called me in L.A.”

But none of her full siblings had alerted him, and Olivia wasn’t surprised. “I didn’t realize you were out of town.”

“It was a spur-of-the-moment decision. Savannah and I needed time away, so we took a nice, long vacation. Didn’t I call you before we left?”

“No, you didn’t.” She drew a deep breath for courage, because confronting him had never been easy. “You forgot my birthday, you know.”

The silence that followed was awkward and uncomfortable. Finally he cleared his throat. “Didn’t Savannah’s … I mean, our gift arrive?” he asked.

“No.” She glanced around the office she’d decorated with pictures of her favorite Thunder players on the wall, plants on the windowsill, and photos of her siblings on her desk. Those were the people who cared.

“Olivia, I’m sorry. I know Savannah sent a present. I’ll have to have her check and see why it didn’t arrive.”

She blew out a frustrated breath. She believed her stepmother had sent her something. She liked her father’s second wife despite the circumstances. It wasn’t about material things. It never had been.

“It’s not the gift I care about,” she explained. “It’s the fact that you missed my party and you didn’t call.” And she’d always been the stupid daughter who made excuses for him to the rest of her siblings.
Why?

“I do tend to screw up with you kids, don’t I?” he asked, sounding low and defeated.

But she wouldn’t feel bad for him. She couldn’t. Not when he’d made her feel worse. Tears burned her eyes, and she opened the bottom drawer in her desk, where she kept a box of tissues.

Damn the man, she hated crying at work for any reason. She blotted her eyes and leaned back in the chair. “It’s fine. I have to go. I have a lot of work to catch up with. Bye, Dad.” She hung up without waiting for him to reply.

Somehow Olivia survived the long week of fending off the media, and she wanted nothing more than to spend the upcoming weekend doing nothing. Except nothing wouldn’t help her life.

So she drew a deep breath and made a list of things she would be able to do, things she needed to face in order to move forward. She hoped she could handle it. Because the risk of what she could lose if she didn’t was so very great.

Chapter Twelve

D
ylan let himself into his sister’s house, knowing it was just around bewitching time for Ava. Sure enough, the munchkin was attempting to avoid brushing her teeth by hiding behind the living room curtains.

“It’s not hide-and-seek time,” Callie called out to her daughter.

“Yes, it is!” came the reply.

Callie met Dylan’s gaze and grinned. “The good news is she doesn’t realize she can’t talk back to me while playing hide-and-seek and still … hide.” Callie tiptoed into the family room and swept her daughter into her arms, curtains and all.

Ava shrieked, then caught sight of him. “Uncle Dylan!” Another piercing scream, her flailing arms held out wide.

Dylan caught her easily. “How about I help you brush your teeth and tuck you in afterwards, and then you promise to go to sleep, hmm?”

“Yay! Teeth!” She waved her little hands in the air.

Callie clenched her jaw. “I hate it when she does a one-eighty for you.”

“And you love it at the same time, because she is going to bed.” He swung her over his shoulders and headed up the stairs.

A half hour and a lot of water splashing and story telling later, Dylan had tucked Ava into bed. Twice. She came out three more times, and his sister handled things until she finally settled in for good.

Callie groaned from the big club chair in the family room. “Business trips really do suck,” she muttered. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Dylan laughed. “I’m sure Matthew misses you as much as you miss him.”

“I’m sure he’s enjoying his night alone in a quiet hotel,” she said wryly. “But he’ll be home tomorrow, and Ava’s bedtime duties are all his.”

“Teamwork.”

Callie’s head picked up at the tone of his voice. He hadn’t meant to be so revealing, but the bedtime ritual with Ava had hit him square in the chest. What he’d never had growing up. What he wanted going forward. And who he wanted it with.

“Dylan, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” Callie asked, concerned.

His sister had always been able to read his moods well and visa versa. He knew it had more to do with how they’d raised each other than the normal sibling bond.

“Is everything okay with Olivia? Because I really liked her,” Callie said.

He smiled. “She liked you too.”

“So what’d you do to screw it up?” his sister asked.

Dylan rolled his eyes at her conclusion. “I told her I loved her and wanted a life with her. How’s that for a screw-up?”

“Oh. Wow.”

He shoved his hands in his pants and paced the small room. “I thought we had it rough, right? Dad bailed, Mom eventually did the same. We had each other … but we coped, right? We want to have the life neither of us had growing up. Hell, Call, I don’t want to be on the outside looking in anymore. Looking at the families and love other people have and wishing I had it for myself.”

Had he forgotten a condom on purpose? Hell no, he thought. There was no way he’d put Olivia through such emotional anguish and torture because of his own selfish needs. But would he be sorry if the end result was a baby? No, he thought. He wouldn’t. But she might be, and that scared the crap out of him.

His sister rose and walked over, wrapping her arms around him as she’d done when they were kids. “If Olivia doesn’t want that with you, she’s a stupid woman.”

He loved how she stood up for him. “I think she wants it. But she’s petrified of having it—and losing it. Again.” He explained about how Olivia had grown up with just her mother home, the blow with her father’s other family, then the pregnancy and cheating boyfriend and subsequent loss of her baby.

“Oh, that poor girl.”

“Yeah. But she’s not that girl anymore. And I want her to see that.”

Callie stepped back. “If she’s as smart as I think she is, she’ll come around. I know that’s not much to go on…”

He laughed, the sound hollow. “But it’s all I’ve got. Trust me, I know.”

“Are you seeing her tonight?”

Dylan shook his head. “I wanted to come here, and she promised her sister she’d go see a movie. I think a little separation is good. Healthy.” Something he might need to get used to if she decided not to fight for them.

*     *     *

Olivia followed the directions to the address that Madison had given her. A medical building on the nice side of town. The psychologist Madison recommended, someone she thought would mesh well with Olivia’s personality and needs. That made her laugh since Olivia didn’t know what she needed. She only knew what she couldn’t afford to lose.

She’d told Dylan she was going to the movies with Avery because she had a feeling she’d need time alone after this appointment. If she wanted to get past the fear of losing every good thing that came into her life, if she wanted to have the life he envisioned, she was going to need help. The help she’d walked away from years ago.