“She won’t work with you. Asked for separate shifts.”
“Oh.”
Kevin leaned towards her, his eyes bleary. “What did you do?”
“None of your business. We just fell out.” Willa stared at the dance floor which was becoming a watery blur.
“I can see that.” When Willa volunteered no more, he added, “I told her no can do.”
“What?”
“Separating shifts. I can’t carry on like that. So you’ll have to make up, whatever it is. You’re on together next Friday.” Kevin fumbled in his jacket pocket. “Cigarette?”
In a daze, Willa took one and let Kevin light it. As she drew in, she thought of Jolene, and could feel her mouth forming the same shape as her mother’s. She stretched slightly and leaned back in her chair like Jolene did after a drag, blowing out the smoke in a thin blue line. Then she reached for the glass of vodka with her other hand. It all felt very familiar somehow.
p.
The next morning she couldn’t remember anything beyond that moment. Jolene filled in some of the gaps: Kevin hammering on the Dukes back door at four o’clock, Willa throwing up on the stairs, Sid bellowing at Kevin for letting her get drunk, Willa crying and retching over the bath. She remembered a little of that bit, especially how cold she’d got.
Jolene was philosophical about it, she’d seen plenty of drunks, and said even kids who live in a pub have to obliterate themselves once before they learn. Willa remembered her mother hadn’t been so cool about Bliss doing the same thing. Sid brought her some disgusting drink with egg and Worcestershire sauce which made Willa throw up again. It seemed Sid had stayed the night,
All day she moped in her room playing music—quietly. Judas stayed curled up in the corner, his dark nose tucked under his tail. The worst thing was she had to work again that night on the five till one shift. Willa doped up on aspirin and arrived just in time.
Louie was there, finishing up. Willa closed her eyes and wished she didn’t look so bloody awful. Kevin and Simone yelled out, “Hey, party girl! How’re you feeling?” and laughed heartily. Louie gave her a funny look and Willa guessed she’d heard the whole story all afternoon.
She changed into her uniform and tried to act with some dignity, but the others couldn’t wait to goad her as soon as she came in. Louie walked straight past without a word while Kevin said, “Keith Colling, eh Willa? Well, you’re a dark horse.”
“Keith?”
Kevin spluttered. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember!”
Willa turned quickly after Louie, but she’d disappeared. The room spun. And Willa did remember something about Keith. He was sitting beside her at Retro with his arm around her shoulders, talking earnestly and squeezing her upper arm. “Oh, god.”
Simone was smirking as she took off her apron. “You were wasted, girl, really wasted.”
“Tell me about it.”
Simone just smiled and shoved her apron in the laundry bag.
“No, really Simone. Tell me.” Willa lowered her voice. “
What happened?
”
Simone looked at her in surprise. “How much do you remember?”
“Dancing, sitting with Kevin and you guys, smoking a bloody cigarette, that was dumb, then … just patches. Keith … with his arm around me? Something outside … a taxi.”
“You were chucked out, because you chucked up on the dance floor.”
“Oh, god.”
“That was only the start. Girl, you threw up everywhere. Outside the club, in the taxi—do you know how much that costs?”
Willa was dumbstruck.
“Hey, its okay. Happens to the best of us. And Keith paid up.”
Willa ran a hand across her face. “Keith.”
“Yes?”
“I don’t know what … I did.”
“Ohh.” Simone raised her eyebrows cheekily then relented. “Nothing to worry about. He was keen, you were pissed. He was trying to kiss you when you threw up on the dance floor. I don’t think he tried again.”
“I can’t believe it, he’s such a creep.”
“The best friend of our beloved leader?”
They laughed and Simone nodded in Kevin’s direction. “He’s your biggest worry. He wants to do it all over again tonight.”
“Like hell.”
Willa managed to get through the evening without being sick, but it was a battle. Just the smell of hamburgers made her stomach turn. Kevin put her on table duty, but that didn’t help much. Half-eaten food was even more sick-making. Finally one o’clock came round and they handed over to the night shift. Kevin’s invitations to party were only playful—he could see how awful Willa felt.
“Never mind, plenty of other nights. Keith won’t be going anywhere.”
Willa sighed. “Tell Keith to lay off, Kevin. I can’t stand him.”
“So you say, but your actions say otherwise.” He chuckled and sauntered up the stairs to his office.
Willa untied Judas from the loading bay and walked slowly home. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so tired.
She didn’t hear from Keith all week, to her relief. Maybe Kevin had passed on her message. At school Willa was finding it increasingly hard to concentrate on anything. The only subject she was interested in was professional cookery, so she went to those classes, but she just couldn’t face more than one or two other classes a day. She took off and walked Judas through the Woodhaugh bush for hours at a time, or went to movies in town. On Thursday she sat through the entire Star Wars trilogy next to a middle-aged teacher with a bad toupee who said he was wagging school too.
She’d seen virtually nothing of Louie all week, only Mo, who’d come to ask her what was going on.
“She doesn’t want me around,” Willa said.
“Why?”
“Hasn’t she told you?”
Mo drew back her long dark hair. “You know Louie. She can’t talk about anything that matters. She just looks in pain whenever I mention you.”
“Her mother found out.”
“Oh shit.”
“And chucked me out. Louie hasn’t invited me back.” Willa stood up. “I don’t know any more than that, Mo.”
“Can’t you at least talk about it?”
“It’s up to her.”
Mo sighed and folded her arms. “It’s stupid. You two … well, you were really happy, even I could see that.”
Friday at Burger Giant came around too fast. Willa had half-looked forward to it, half-dreaded it; in the end it was just more no-talks. Louie worked stony-faced out front with Deirdre while Willa served at the drive-through window. Even Kelly and Rebecca were quiet, working in the kitchen with Marty. Then at tea break Willa was sitting alone in the tiny staffroom when Louie came in.
She looked shocked to find Willa there, but walked stiffly over to a spare pink chair on the other side of the room. Willa found it almost unbearable to be so far away from her. After a minute or two, Louie broke the silence.
“Willa, I—um, I’m sorry about this.”
“What in particular?” Willa heard her voice, hard and suspicious.
“Everything. Having to work together like this. I hate it.”
“I’m sorry you feel like that.” She did it again, and this time she saw the sting on Louie’s face.
“I miss you.” Louie’s voice cracked and she looked down at the old newspaper she was holding. God, it was Cathy all over again. Willa hardened herself.
“And what do you want to do about it?” she asked.
Louie shook her head. “I don’t know. I just need some space, some time…”
“Well, you’ll miss me then, won’t you.” Willa couldn’t take any more. She stood up and walked out, shutting the door quietly. As she stood there gathering herself, she heard an odd strangled sound from inside and knew Louie was crying. She wanted to go back in and tell her it was all right, but she knew it wasn’t. It was the pattern she’d got into with Cathy, being rejected and then comforting her for doing so. This time she was going to protect herself. The knowledge that Louie was crying made her feel stronger somehow.
When she saw Louie downstairs later Willa turned quickly back to the drive-in window. It was cold work, the electric window sliding back and forth letting in blasts of freezing air, but Willa preferred it to the heavy smell in the restaurant and kitchen. Keith turned up and hung around trying to talk to her, but she froze him out until he gave up and disappeared. Finally it was knocking off time. Willa was just giving the money to Marty when Deirdre came in looking puzzled.
“Willa, there’s someone on the office phone for you. She doesn’t sound right. I’ll do that,” she offered, fixing the till.
Willa went upstairs to Kevin’s office. It was Cathy.
“Willa, help me, please…” she cried.
“What is it? Cathy? What’s happened?”
“Will you come here, please? I’m scared.”
“What do you mean? Where are you?”
“I’m at the church,” she whispered. “I … I don’t want to die, but I need you, Willa…” and she started weeping in a high-pitched keen.
“Oh no, don’t do anything silly, Cathy. I’ll come.”
“Will you? Will you really?”
“I’ll come now, if you promise to wait for me—all right? All right?”
“Come quickly.”
The line went dead.
Willa hung up and tore downstairs. She ran straight into Louie, putting on her jacket.
“Louie, you’ve got to help me. It’s Cathy, I think she’s going to overdose.”
Louie looked back blankly for a second, then her face changed. “Where is she?”
“The church. Of the something or other saints, I know where. God, god, god, I have to get a taxi.” Willa turned to run back upstairs when Louie grabbed her arm.
“Dad, he’s right outside, he’ll take us. Come on!” She pulled Willa through the door outside and slammed straight into Keith, waiting in the carpark.
“Get out of the way!” yelled Louie, but Willa stopped.
“It’s Cathy,” she said to him. “You’d better come.”
“What?” Keith gave a stupid smile, but Louie grabbed his shoulder and hauled him with her.
“Come
on!
”
The Mercedes was right there, its lights on, engine purring. Louie threw open the passenger door, screamed the news at her father and pushed Willa forward. “You get in the front, you know where we’re going.”
The car screeched around the corner and motored down the one-way system, through an orange light, swerved to the right and over the disused railway line according to Willa’s directions until they lurched to a halt outside a pale blue building with a white cross.
“Round here,” called Willa, running down one side. A light was on in the back room of the hall. Louie sprinted after her.
The side door was unlocked and they burst into the room where a small pale girl sat on a wooden chair. She was staring at the table where there was a telephone, a Bible, a bottle of Coke and several packets of tablets.
“Cathy!” screamed Willa, falling down beside her. “What have you taken?”
Cathy was so small and fragile, nothing like what Louie had imagined. Her tiny oval face turned to Willa and dissolved. “I didn’t,” she whispered and dropped her head so the blonde hair fell forward. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
She was like a china doll, thought Louie, frighteningly breakable. Had she always been like that? What had Willa seen in her? Louie felt large and gawky suddenly, and tried to overcome her growing hostility to this girl. She watched Willa take a deep breath and turn to Tony and Keith. “She’s fine.” They both stopped, awkward, unsure. There was an acrid smell in the room—old dust mingled with what Louie realised was Keith’s sweat.
Cathy was sobbing silently. Her voice was a thin squeak and she grabbed Willa’s hands. “I can’t do it, Willa. I can’t get over it.”
“Cathy…”
“I try. I have tried,” she said, looking up at Keith. “But I keep thinking about it. It’s there in my head, all the time, and I don’t know if it’s me or … sometimes,” her voice shook again, “I think I’m possessed or something.”
Willa held Cathy’s hands, and tried to rub some warmth into them. “There’s nothing wrong with you Cathy, nothing at all. You just need to talk to someone about it.”
“Come on Catherine,” said Keith, stepping forward. His fair hair was cropped very short, and Louie noticed a red rash around his neck under the familiar collar and tie. “That’s enough. We’ve gone through all this, and you have to be strong.”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” muttered Willa.
“Don’t listen to her, Cathy, she doesn’t understand.”
“Keith, she’s a mess. She needs help.” Willa glared at him, pain visible in her face. Louie wanted to leap in, grab Willa away from these people, but she was excluded, invisible in this old battle.
“She’s got help,” said Keith. “She’s got her family and her church, and we’re all praying for her. You’ve been doing so well,” he said, his tone softening as he knelt beside Cathy. “You’re just tired. You know you can do this, Cathy, please don’t give up.” Cathy buried her face in Willa’s shoulder and began sobbing silently Keith made an exasperated noise and stood up. “It’s your fault,” he said to Willa. She looked at him, her arm still around Cathy.
“You did this to Cathy. It’s your fault,” Keith repeated, his face flushing. “It’s sick what you did. It’s sick and wrong.”
“It is not.”
“The Bible says so.”
“I don’t care what the Bible says.”
Louie was shocked. She looked from Keith to Willa as Cathy burst into loud weeping.
“Then you’ll go to Hell,” said Keith. “Don’t you care about that?”
“I don’t believe in Hell.”
“Oh,
what?
That’s just crazy. I suppose you don’t believe in God!”
“No.” Willa had stood too, let Cathy go.
Keith looked about him, his mouth slack. “Willa, you don’t know what you’re saying. It’s evil, it’s sin,” he said, his face suddenly contorting. Louie was surprised to see tears in his eyes as he advanced on Willa. “I know you’re a good person underneath. I can help you change. Give yourself up to God and there’s still a chance for you. For us.”
Willa looked as if she’d been hit by a stone. She took a step back and stared at him. “It was you. You wrote those notes. It was you all along, wasn’t it?”
“I only said the truth. You know that.” Keith began pleading with her to let him help her, and his face was so desperate Lome almost felt sorry for him. Willa broke away and headed for the door.