Authors: Katie McGarry
“Trent’s full of shit.” I pitch into the bag her toothbrush, hairbrush, then pause when I notice a small brown bag behind Mom’s tampons.
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“What’s this?”
“I don’t know.” Her hand moves up and
down her arm again. “Shirley put it in there when she brought me home.”
I snatch the bag. “I thought you said Trent took care of you when you came home.”
“I meant to say he came by here this
morning.”
Inside the brown bag are a roll of fifties and a prescription bottle of the drug needed to help Mom detox from heroin.
Thank you, Shirley.
I try not to think about what she sold or what she did for the money. It’s here and I need it and that’s good enough for the moment. I throw everything into the garbage bag and go into her bedroom. The pickings are slim in the clothing department and I toss the less stained and torn clothes into the bag.
“Elisabeth,” Mom says in a whine. “Maybe
we should put it off—by a day or two.”
“We are not putting it off by a day or two, we’re leaving. Where are the keys to the car?”
“I…don’t…know.” Which means she does
know.
I swing the bag full of stuff and knock her liquor bottles off the bedside table. Glass
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shatters against the wall. “That’s what
Trent’s going to do to your head one of these days. We’re getting out of here!”
Frustrated, I stalk out of the room and
quickly glance toward the spare bedroom. The door is open for once and I freeze. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
I rest my head against the door frame—too dizzy with disappointment to stay upright on my own. On an old coffee table I found near a Dumpster a couple of years ago are several bags of white powder. Smaller baggies and balloons lay on the floor. I can barely whisper the words. “You’re selling heroin.”
Mom shoves me out of the way and shuts
the door. “No. Trent does. I used to let him keep it here overnight at times, but after the night you busted out his windows the police got nosy with him so he brought it here for good. It was the least I could do.”
My fingers open and close. “
You
busted out the windows of Trent’s car. I took the fall so they wouldn’t send you to prison.”
“Pretend you didn’t see it, Elisabeth. Trent will be mad you know. He thinks you ratted him out to the police.”
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“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I
shout in her face. “Do you not remember the outcome of our last heroin experience?”
Forming a gun with my fingers, I point it to my forehead. “He was going to kill me, Mom. I was eight years old! He pushed the gun against my head and cocked the damned trigger.”
Mom shakes her head too quickly and won’t stop. “No, he wouldn’t have. Your father said he was just trying to scare me and your dad.
Your father said you were safe the whole time.
He swore it.”
How can she lie to herself so easily? How can she continue to turn away from the truth again and again? Then Mom rubs her arm. I stumble back and hit the wall. God, I’m no different. All the signs of a heroin user were there, for weeks if not longer, and I ignored every single one.
But I’m not ignoring the truth, not anymore.
I go into the living room and start throwing crap off the kitchen counter to find her keys.
I’ll drag her out by her hair if I have to. The knob on the front door turns and my heart squeezes and drops. I’ve taken too long and Trent is going to kill me.
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BETH BLINKS RAPIDLY WHEN I WALK IN.
Standing in a tiny kitchen, she holds a garbage bag. I’ve never been so relieved to see anyone in my life. Nor have I ever craved to shake someone so badly.
“Going somewhere?” I focus on remaining
calm. Beth doesn’t react well to threats or anger or anyone standing in the way of her doing anything.
Beth turns her back to me and throws papers and trash onto the floor. “Get out.”
“Fine with me. Let’s go. We’ve come into
Louisville twice for dinner and we have yet to have that date.”
Beth leaves the kitchen and rummages
through a card table. Her hands shake and her face is too pale against her black hair. “I’m not playing, Ryan. Mom and I are leaving today.
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That’s been the plan the entire time,
remember?”
“It was.” My eyes dart around the confined room trying to pinpoint the threat that has Beth terrified. Adrenaline pours into my
bloodstream, preparing me for the unseen
attack. “But you changed your mind on
Saturday.”
A woman enters the living room. Too thin.
Stringy blond hair. It’s the first time I’ve seen Beth’s mother up close. “Who are you?” she asks.
I force myself to look into her flat eyes.
They’re the same color as Beth’s, but without the shine. “I’m Beth’s boyfriend, Ryan.”
Her lips struggle into a weak smile. “You have a boyfriend, Elisabeth?”
Beth tosses an empty plastic two-liter onto the floor. “Ex-boyfriend. He fucked me and then he told his mommy and daddy he hated me. Where are the damned keys, Mom?”
My calm snaps. “I didn’t do that to you. If you’ll give me a chance I’ll explain about my parents.”
“Mom!” Beth screams and her mother
flinches. “Keys. Now!”
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“Okay,” she says and shuffles down the
hallway.
Beth whirls and her nostrils flare. “Get out, Ryan.”
“Not without you.”
Her fists curl and she smacks her leg with the words. “My. Mom. Is. An. Alcoholic. And a heroin addict. Her boyfriend’s favorite pastime is beating the shit out of me and if I’m not around he has no problem taking his
aggressions out on my mother. I have maybe minutes to get her out before he comes back and kills us all.”
An eerie calm courses through me. Nobody
hurts my girl. “He hits you?”
“Yes, Ryan. He hits me and kicks me and
slaps me. I’m his own personal violent video game. If I don’t get my mom out of here he’s going to kill her and if he doesn’t, then the heroin will.”
Every word Beth says is probably true, but I don’t care about her mother. Beth is my only concern. “What’s going to happen to you if I let you walk out this door with your mother?
Do you honestly think that getting in a car and driving to a different town is going to make
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anything better?”
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“YES,” I AUTOMATICALLY ANSWER, but a voice in the back of my head screams no. “It has to.”
Looking out of place in his baseball
uniform, Ryan takes up almost the entire living room thanks to his large body. “You know
what I think?”
“I think you lied to me.” He did and I try desperately to hold on to that.
“I screwed up. I’m not perfect. I lied to my parents about us, but I’ve owned up to dating you. They know I love you.”
It’s the right words, but… “You’re too late.”
“Bullshit!” Anger blazes out of his eyes.
“For months I thought you were the most
courageous person I knew. You’ve never
apologized for being yourself, but standing here right now, I realize you’re a coward.
You’re so terrified of feeling anything that
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you’d rather give up everything good in
Groveton in order to feel safe.”
My head jerks to the side and my eyes
narrow. “Safe? I’m standing here in a fucking drug den trying to save my mother from a
boyfriend who will be thrilled to kill me, then torture her. There is nothing safe about this.”
“This is your safe. You’d rather struggle in this life than live in Groveton.” He glances at the squalor of the apartment. “You
feel
in Groveton. In this life, you don’t have to feel a thing and that makes you a coward.”
I drop the bag in my hand and raise a shaky hand to my forehead. He’s wrong. He has to be. That’s not why I’m running. I need to save my mom because if I don’t, who will?
Ryan closes the gap between us. My heart
stutters when he places a hand on my waist. “I wish I could say that I’m the one that drove you away, but I’m not. I don’t have that power.
You’ve been running from the moment I met you and I’d bet you were running before that.
“You’re a lot like that bird in the barn.
You’re so scared you’re going to be caged in forever you can’t see the way out. You smack yourself against the wall again and again and
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again. The door is open, Beth. Stop running in circles and walk out.”
His other hand brushes the hair from my
face and my lower lip begins to tremble. “If I leave her she’ll die.” My gut twists and my eyes burn.
He cups my face with his hands and I lean into his touch. Ryan can always do this—make me feel safe. He continues, “If you stay it’ll kill you. Maybe not physically, but you’ll die on the inside. If you don’t want me, I’ll give you your space, but you have built so much more in Groveton besides me. Give up on us if you need to, but don’t give up on you.”
The instinct is to flee. Instead, I grab on to his arms. Fear claws at me and I don’t like how naked it makes me feel. “I’m scared.”
Ryan lowers his forehead to mine. “So am I, but I’ll be less scared when we leave here.”
The front door opens. Bright sunlight blazes through the door and a gust of cold air
announces the entrance of the devil. Trent’s looming figure stalks into the living room.
Losing control of my body, I feel my hands drop to my sides as my heart jumps to my
throat. Ryan edges his body in front of mine.
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Trent slams the door behind him and
chuckles when he sees me. His eyes dart to the bag by my feet. “You should have stayed
away.”
Behind me, I hear the soft shuffles of my mother. “Elisabeth was just leaving.”
Urging me in the direction of the door, Ryan presses his hand into my back. My mind
screams
run
. My feet cement to the floor. It doesn’t matter if I move or not. Trent won’t let me walk out that door again.
“Let Ryan go.” I say it as a plea and Trent flashes a smile. It’s the first time I’ve asked anything of him and the bastard enjoys it.
Trent opens a box of cigarettes, puts one in his mouth, and lights it. He sucks in a long drag and blows out the smoke as he stares at me. I shiver as I watch the glowing ashes. The last time, Trent enjoyed listening to me scream when he burned holes in my arms. “Go ahead, boy. Get out. My problem isn’t with you.”
“Not without Beth.” Rage shakes Ryan’s
voice.
I love Ryan despite everything, and if it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t be here. Shoving my hands against his chest, I push him away.
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“Go!”
Ryan sizes Trent up and Trent does the same to him.
“Walk out the door, Beth,” says Ryan. “He’s not going to touch you.”
Trent laughs. Ryan is sturdy, strong, and young. Trent is larger, older, and a mean bastard. Last year, Isaiah and Noah took him on and the two survived because my uncle
threatened Trent with a gun. My uncle isn’t here and I’m not lucky enough to own a gun.
Ryan inches toward me and the door. His
eyes never leave Trent. “Let’s go.”
My pulse pounds in my ears. Maybe we can
walk out. “Mom?”
“Don’t you dare move, Sky,” Trent says.
I hold my hand out to her. “Come with us.”
Ryan yells my name as his arms fly out in front of me. Pain slices my head. The ground rushes toward my face. A combination of
darkness and light flickers from behind my closed lids. Noises blend into a high-pitched buzzing as warm liquid trickles from above my eyebrow to the bridge of my nose. I lick my lips and flinch at the salty taste of blood.
My eyelids flutter and I fight to keep them
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open. The room shifts and spins. Forcing
my eyes to focus, I see the shattered remains of Mom’s table lamp on the floor next to me.
The buzzing fades and I turn my head to the sound of a struggle and grunts. Ryan shoves Trent into the front door by tackling him at the waist. Trent quickly responds by punching Ryan in the stomach.
Ceramic cuts into my hand as I crawl toward them. “Stop.” My voice comes out soft and hoarse. Ryan stumbles but is able to block a hit, then buys himself seconds by socking Trent in the jaw. I force pressure onto my legs so I can stand, but I fall.
Sitting in the fetal position on the other side of the room, Mom rocks back and forth on the floor. I swallow and force words out of my raw throat. “Help Ryan, Mom.”
“I can’t.”
“He’s going to kill us!”
Mom lowers her head to her knees and
continues to rock.
“Mom!” I scream. “Please!”
Mom hums loudly and my heart breaks
open. She’s never going to change. No matter what I do. No matter how I try. My mom will
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always be this poor pathetic waste of life. I won’t be her. I can’t. I grab on to an overturned chair and force myself to my feet. Trent tackles Ryan and they both go crashing to the floor.
“Leave him alone!”
Trent rises to his knees, punches Ryan in the face and Ryan falls once more. Panic tears at me. He’s going to kill Ryan in front of me. The fucking bastard is going to take away
everything I love.
I launch myself at him and smack and hit
and claw. He bends my wrist and arm in a way not physically possible. Bones in my arm snap and pop. A scream tears through my body as pain blinds me.
He lets go and I fall to my knees in agony.
My scream becomes silent as Trent squeezes his fingers around my neck. I gag and try to suck in air. Nothing happens. Thoughts flash through my head at a frenzied pace. I need air.