Darius (Starkis Family #5) (12 page)

“Let me show you around,” he said, reaching for his door handle.

Taking in all the details, I waited for him to walk around the truck. The porch spanned the entire length of the small house and had two light-blue Adirondack chairs at either end. In front of the single door was a striped welcome mat with shades of blue and green. That was how this place made me feel—welcome.

“We’ll take a little walk around outside first,” Darius said.

I admired the myriad of perennials lining the path. I’d always loved flowers, even though fresh-cut flowers were a luxury I’d never been able to afford.

Darius leaned over and pinched off a bright red rose in full bloom. “Be careful of the thorns.” He handed it to me.

I placed my fingers carefully on the stem and brought it to my nose. “It smells wonderful. Thank you.”

He watched me as though I were an anomaly.

“What?” I asked, suddenly self-conscious.

“I’ve just never met someone so appreciative of the little things.”

They may have seemed like little things to him, but to me, a single perfect bloom was a rare treat. “I guess it’s the way I grew up,” I said, shrugging. “You don’t take anything for granted when you have nothing.”

He stepped into my path, stroking my cheek as he looked at me. “I can’t believe there weren’t dozens of people vying to take you home.”

His kind words brought unexpected tears to my eyes, probably because there would always be an abandoned little girl inside me waiting for someone to tell her she was special and worthy of love. “They all wanted babies. The window for adoption is usually pretty short. Once it closes, you start to lose hope and eventually just accept your fate.”

His large, calloused hands framed my face, and his soft lips felt like a brush of velvet against mine. I wrapped my arms around his waist as I tipped my head back, craving contact in a way I never had before. When he slipped past the barrier of my lips, I thrust my hands into his hair, pressing my body against his. Maybe it was our surroundings or the depth of emotion in his kiss, but I felt more at home than I ever had. Like I was exactly where I belonged.

His breathing was slightly labored when he finally broke away and rested his forehead against mine. “I’m crazy about you, Chels. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

That was the ultimate compliment as far as I was concerned. Had he told me he wanted me, I would have stepped back, maybe reinforced my safeguard, but he’d parroted exactly what I’d been thinking about him, making me believe we were in the same place.

I stood on my toes, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Me too. I cried myself to sleep after you left last night.” Being honest was the only way to make him understand I wasn’t taking this lightly.

He looked shocked. “I never meant to make you cry.”

“I was crying because I was angry with myself. I thought I’d lost you because I couldn’t find the courage to open up about Shaun. That’s why I had to come here today. I didn’t know if it would be too late, if you’d already written me off, but I had to try.”

He reached around his neck to hold my hands then bring them to his lips. “When I saw you sitting in my sister’s office, I realized I don’t want to let you go. This is real for me, as real as it gets.”

God help me, I was falling in love with this man. As terrifying as it was, I had no doubt that was what I was feeling, and while he seemed to be into me too, going from like to love was a huge leap.

When I didn’t respond, disappointment crossed his face, but his smile quickly masked it. “Let’s walk around back. If you think you love this place now, wait ‘til you see the best part.”

I stopped in my tracks as soon as we rounded the corner. I just wanted to take it all in. The white sandy beach that stretched for miles, the crystalline water melding with the cloudless blue sky, the white sails drifting in the breeze. “Wow.”

It was hard for me to imagine that people got to live here every day, wake up to the sun rising over the water and fall asleep to the lull of waves outside their open window. I wondered if they knew how lucky they were. Looking at Darius, I wondered if he knew how blessed he was to have been dealt the hand he had in life.

“Seeing this place through your eyes makes me realize how great it is.” He linked his hand through mine. “I love how appreciative you are… of everything.”

I wondered if he had any idea how grateful I was that he’d come into my life when he had. We stood in silence for a few minutes as he stood behind me, closing his arms around me so I could rest my head against his shoulder. I couldn’t remember a more perfect moment in my life, with the steady beat of his heart against my back as the spicy scent of his cologne teased me before the breeze carried it away.

If there was a line in the sand, I’d just crossed it. I was pretty sure my heart would agree that turning back would be difficult, if not impossible, now.

Darius

As we walked into the small cottage with the casual seaside décor my sister had convinced me would be perfect, Chelsea’s excitement was infectious. From the slip-covered furniture to the old pine chest and collected shells, every new discovery lit her up. And she lit me up in a way I’d never anticipated.

The more she valued the little things in life, the more anxious I was to treat her to the really big things. I’d never met a woman more deserving of a little good fortune, and Chelsea’s reaction to the cottage just reinforced my decision to buy and renovate the old building.

“I wouldn’t change a single thing about this place,” she said, running her hand over a knotty pine desk tucked into a corner.

Kara had scoured antiques shops all weekend looking for that piece of furniture, and she’d claimed it was perfect. Judging by Chelsea’s smile, she was right.

“I have to admit you’re making me second-guess my decision to tear it down,” I said.

She gripped my shirt, looking up at me. “Can’t you feel the history here?” Biting her lip, she closed her eyes. “I can almost hear kids laughing and dogs barking.”

The only thing I could hear when I looked at her was the pounding of my heart in my ears as a little voice warned me to wait until she’d told me her story before I decided whether I could live with her demons. “Let me fix us something to eat while you wander around and check out the rest of the place.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Make yourself at home.” I could easily imagine her spending every weekend here with me while we stayed in the city during the week.

“Are you sure I can’t help you in the kitchen?”

“No, I’ve got it under control.”

Since the cottage was small and open-concept with everything on one floor, I could watch her wander from room to room as I added bread, crackers, olives, cheese, grapes, and cold meat to a tray, along with a couple of bottles of water. I could have really gone for a beer, but I still wasn’t clear on why she refused to drink. Until I was, I’d decided to refrain.

“Do you want to eat outside?” I asked, pausing in front of the sliding doors leading to the rear deck.

“That would be great.” She opened the door for me before following me outside. “I have to admit, this place isn’t at all what I expected.”

“Too feminine, isn’t it?” I grumbled. “That’s what I get for asking my sister, the interior designer, to help me decorate it. Seascape, she calls it.” I rolled my eyes. “Baby blue doesn’t belong in a bachelor pad. I don’t care what the hell you call it.”

She giggled, patting my hand. “Aw, does it threaten your masculinity?”

“Maybe.” I grinned when she leaned in to kiss my cheek.

“You don’t have to worry. You’re all man. Anyone can see that.”

Let me prove it to you.
Had she been any other girl, I would have said that aloud. But I wanted to take it slow with Chelsea, build up to and savor the intimacy. I’d never thought I’d enjoy the chase since no other woman had ever made me work for her before, but I’d realized there was a lot to be said for taking your time and getting to know each other before falling into bed together.

She twisted the cap off her bottle and took a small sip. I watched her jerky movements as she piled food on her plate. She was obviously anxious about what she wanted to tell me. I just wanted to get it over with so I could assure her it was no big deal and we could move on.

“So Shaun…? He was your first and only love, huh?”

“Yeah.” She popped a grape in her mouth, followed by a square of cheese, and took her time chewing. “I never even saw it coming to be honest. I started working as a waitress at the comedy club when I came to town. He was the headliner and a good friend of Billy’s.”

“He’s the reason you got into comedy?” I didn’t know how I felt about him having such a lasting impact on her life.

She smiled. “Yeah. I used to help him work on his act, and since I came up with pretty good material, he told me I should be the one up there instead of him. But I had terrible stage fright.” She laughed, shaking her head. “It took me three months to work up my nerve.”

“But you did it with Shaun’s support?” I was trying to sound curious instead of jealous, but I wasn’t even convincing myself.

“Yeah.” She spread brie on a cracker as though she needed to buy some time to collect her thoughts. “He really helped me reinvent myself, take risks I probably wouldn’t have without his encouragement.”

If this man was responsible in any way for the strong, independent woman sitting before me, I supposed I owed him a debt of gratitude, but I didn’t think I could ever shake his hand without thinking about the intimacy he’d shared with the woman I wanted.

“Conquering my stage fright was just part of it though. Comedy helped me find my voice. I learned how to express myself, tell my story in a way that entertained others, which believe it or not, can be kind of cathartic.”

“I’ll have to take your word for that,” I said, popping a couple of grapes in my mouth. “I’ve never been real big on sharing.”

“I’m not either if it’s one-on-one like this,” she said, gesturing between us. “That’s why this is so hard for me. It’s easier when there’s a crowd. When I’m expecting laughter instead of sympathy.”

I wondered why she’d expect my sympathy, but I didn’t want to ask. This was her story to tell in her own way and time.

“So, long story short, I fell in love with comedy.”

That part I knew. I wanted to know more about her relationship with Shaun. How long had they been together? Who ended it and when? Did she still talk to him? Was he still in love with her? So many questions raced through my head, but instead of asking them, I ate in silence for a few minutes while she did the same.

“Then I fell in love with Shaun.” Her eyes darted to her plate when I looked up from mine. “It was great at first.”

“At first? What went wrong?”

“It took a while for me to realize he used comedy to mask his depression.”

Daphne had implied a lot of comedians did that. Maybe she was right. “His depression, was it serious?”

“I didn’t think so at first.” She picked up her fork and pushed a few olives around on her plate. “I thought it was just mood swings—no big deal, right?”

I’d once dated a girl with severe mood swings. She said it was PMS, but my sisters reminded me girls didn’t get PMS every other day. “But it was a big deal?”

“After we…” I could tell the words were tough for her, but she looked me in the eye as she said, “Got engaged, it got worse.”

I sucked in a sharp breath, closing my eyes when I realized that probably hadn’t been the best response.
Breathe. Stay calm.
“You were married to this guy?”

“Yeah.” She swallowed, pushing her chair back as she curled her hands around the iron armrests. “We’d only been dating a few months. It wasn’t like me to be so impulsive, but Shaun convinced me we could build a life together, that we could have the family I’d…” She looked out at the water. “Never had.”

He’d played on her weakness. The bastard. “How long were you married?”
More importantly, how long have you been divorced?
I didn’t want to be her rebound guy.

“Um…” Tears sprang to her eyes, and she stood.

Damn it. The last thing I wanted was to console her because she was broken up about another man leaving her, but it killed me to see her cry. Especially since I could tell how hard she fought against emotional displays.

She stood at the edge of the deck, her hand wrapped around the wood handrail. I got up and stood beside her, torn between putting my arm around her and walking away. I didn’t know if I wanted to hear any more. I wasn’t a coward, but I wasn’t used to having such a strong reaction when the woman I was dating shared details about her past relationships. I didn’t know how to handle my feelings, let alone hers.

“Three days,” she whispered. “That’s how long we were married.”

My shock must have been evident, but I couldn’t suppress my reaction. “You had it annulled?”

“He killed himself.” She drew a deep breath, and if pain were audible, I would have heard hers. “I walked into our apartment and found him.”

“Jesus.” I pulled her into my arms, crushing her against my chest. Why she found it so hard to let her guard down and let someone else in made sense now. This man had promised to love her forever, and he’d left her willingly in the most unthinkable way. “I’m so sorry, Chels.” I kissed the top of her head. “I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for you.”

Her sobs were silent, which made them even more heart-wrenching. Her slight frame trembled with her effort to try to maintain her composure, but I could tell she was on the verge of letting go.

“I should have seen the signs,” she said.

I didn’t want to torture her any more by asking for details. I trusted they would come with time, but I couldn’t deny her revelation only brought more questions. “Don’t beat yourself up, sweetheart. It was his decision. I’m sure there’s nothing you could have done to prevent it.”

“I could have reached out to his family, told them that his depression was getting worse. Maybe they could have convinced him to get the help he needed.”