Authors: Nia Shay
"Yeah."
"Yikes. Knock off the talking-in-unison crap, you know it creeps me out." I swiped a finger through the whipped cream mountain on top of Cara's cup.
"Bitch," she accused mildly as I savored my stolen treat. "You've got your own."
"No I don't." I held up empty hands. "I managed to salvage the situation without taking any of Jordan's hard-earned money. Sorry I yelled at you, by the way."
"Whatever."
"Jordan?" Sara frowned at her sister. "When was he here?"
"A few minutes ago. Being a pest."
I wagged a finger at Cara. "Hey, don't knock it, brat. He was worried about you guys, which is more than I can say for anyone who was actually here last night. Don't take your friends for granted."
Sara scoffed, glaring at me "
You
should talk, after the way you treated Zeph."
My mouth fell open. I closed it with an effort, then managed to choke out, "Excuse me?"
"Oh, come on, Jade! You've got this gorgeous, amazing guy--"
"With hypno-powers," Cara added.
"--who's been longing for you and comes to find you and tries to win you back, like something out of a fairy tale--"
"You're romanticizing it," I muttered. "A lot."
"Whatever! It's obvious he adores you. He threw himself at your feet, for hell's sake, and you beat him up! You could've really hurt him. If that's not taking your friends for granted, I don't know what is."
I spoke through clenched teeth. "Apparently something I said last night didn't sink in, so let me say it again. He is
not
my friend. He. Has.
No
. Emotions. Savvy?"
She shook her head. "You keep saying that, but I never saw it. He seemed to feel things just fine."
"Yeah, thanks to the three of us. He mirrors people, remember? He smiled at you because
you're
attracted to
him,
not vice versa. And he talked to you because you were curious, not because he gives one ripe shit what you do or don't know."
I'd managed to keep my voice steady throughout my tirade, but I felt a nagging doubt even as I berated him. Was that true anymore? Had it ever been? Zeph's tortured expression haunted my thoughts, chipping away at the wall of self-righteousness that had protected me all this time. Suddenly I wasn't sure of anything anymore.
Sara barked a laugh. "All right, then by your logic he loves you because
you
..."
"Hey." I waved a warning finger in her face. "Finish that sentence and you're fired."
She folded her arms over her chest in a perfect gesture of so-there. "Besides, Zeph says he
does
have emotions."
"Oh, and you just automatically take his word over mine."
"Um, yeah. Because he wasn't the one acting like an escaped mental patient."
"That's right, he wasn't.
You
were." I tamped down my rising fury, drawing and releasing a deep breath before speaking again. "As I said before, you have no idea what you're talking about."
Cara frowned, clearly bemused by our argument. "You're right, we don't, because you didn't tell us the whole story. But you promised you would."
"I don't believe I ever used the word 'promise.' And now is hardly the time or place." I gestured to our very public surroundings.
"Fine, then let's go talk in the office. Val can run the register." As I opened my mouth to say 'no,' she added, "I never did get a chance to go back there and cool my shit like you told me to."
"You know, I think we've both been insubordinate today." Sara picked up her sister's line of reasoning, grinning slyly. "You really should give us a good talking to. Boss."
I looked back and forth between them, throwing up my hands. "Fine. Maybe then you'll believe me." Though from the looks of their triumphant smirks, I didn't hold out much hope.
We trooped into the office en masse, dismissing a perplexed Valeri, who agreed with a smile and a wink that the twins' attitudes were beyond unacceptable. When she picked up her chai tea and stepped out, I flopped down in the chair, letting it roll backward with my motion. The girls perched on opposite corners of the desk, facing me as a unit. I recalled Zeph in his similar pose the night before and shuddered. "You don't know everything, okay?" I blurted.
"Yeah. We established that already." Cara's words were a calm contrast to mine, for a change. "We're supposed to be fixing that right now, remember?"
"I know, I know." But I found myself reluctant to tell this part of my life story out loud. Despite his belief to the contrary, I had no interest in making Zeph out to be a villain. Maybe because I didn't exactly come out of things smelling like a rose, either. Or maybe just from my old fear of opening up to other people. Still, I couldn't expect them to be comfortable confiding in me if I wasn't willing to do so in return.
I took a deep breath and started to open my mouth, but Cara spoke first. "Here's what I don't understand. How did you get pulled into this Warden training when you were only eight years old? Your parents were just okay with it?"
I blinked, nonplussed. "Of course. My mother was overjoyed."
"And your dad?"
"Never had one. Or at least she never said anything about him. It was just the two of us as far back as I can remember. Then, the summer before I started third grade, these men came to our house. Society agents, though I didn't know it at the time. They were dressed like doctors--they did the basic tests, and took a few vials of my blood. A few days later, my mom woke me up and told me I was going to a new school for 'special kids.'" I snorted. "Which was a load of crap. It was just me and a bunch of tutors."
Sara frowned. "But...did she know what they were doing to you? That training sounds pretty harsh."
"Oh, yeah. She knew." I fell silent as I remembered the last words she'd ever spoken to me, the last time I'd called and begged her to let me come home.
Precious few people are ever able to atone for the sins of their fathers, little girl. You'd best be grateful for the chance.
I'd gotten word four years later that she'd died, without ever contacting me again. Which pretty typical of our relationship. We'd never been very close.
Sara's voice drew me out of my reminiscence. "So what does any of that have to do with you and Zeph?"
"Nothing. Well, a little, I suppose, since I was younger than the average Warden when I went through my training. See, I only gave you the basics before, but there's another, more...physical aspect to warding. By the Society's rules, I couldn't handle that part of things until I turned eighteen."
Two sets of eyebrows arched in mirrored surprise. "We're not talking about S-E-X here, are we?" Cara asked.
"No, but that's where it led, eventually. It's a very bonding experience, and well...I'd been in love with him for years."
"Yeah, I can see how that would happen."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh sure, he's gorgeous. That's part of it. But more than that, he needed me. And, naïve idiot that I was, I mistook that for his love in return. During those first few years, there were other Wardens that came and went, but I was the one who stayed with him. I was the one he called for by name. And when I was old enough, there was only me." I sighed with the memory. "The first time he kissed me, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven."
"Boss?"
"Huh?" I startled, and realized I'd been staring off into space for several seconds.
Cara's smile turned sympathetic. "So things went bad eventually?"
I nodded. "Big time. It got to be like an addiction after a while, for both of us. Do you remember how intense your feelings seemed around him last night?" When they both nodded, I went on. "Imagine loving someone that strongly. Imagine the sex."
They goggled. "Wow."
"Yeah, wow. And Zeph got a double dose--his own gratification, plus the echoes of mine. After a while, the sensations were all he cared about."
"So he was siphoning from you?" Sara asked, surprising the hell out of me.
"You heard me say that word last night," I recalled, shaking my head. "I forgot."
"Yeah. What does it mean?"
I had to wonder how much of our conversation they'd overheard through the office wall. "In short, it's psychological torture. Dark angels keep their Siphons trapped in their emotional state of choice and feed off them over a long period of time. Lust is the norm, though some of them prefer other, darker things. After a while, the Siphon really ceases to be a person anymore, just a puppet that produces emotion. A source for the dark angel to get his jollies over and over again."
Cara made a small noise of disbelief. "That is some scary shit."
"Yeah. And it's illegal, too, an automatic death sentence. That's exactly why Watchers have Wardens, so they won't be tempted. Some of them do it anyway, though." I looked at them significantly. "Any of this sounding dangerous to you yet?"
"But Zeph doesn't seem to be that way," Sara insisted. "And obviously you aren't some empty shell."
"Well, no. Things didn't exactly happen like that between us."
"So what did happen?"
I sighed, not sure how to explain. "He didn't interfere with my emotions per se. He just compelled me to give in to him when I wasn't cooperative. My feelings were genuine, but he used them to suit his whims."
"Really?"
"Yes, really." I sighed. "Like I said, we were both addicted to the emotional high we could give each other. The difference was, I could feel other things, but without my help, Zeph couldn't. So when I stopped playing along, he got demanding."
"And that's why you left him."
"Right. That's why I asked to be released from his service, anyway."
"What?" Cara screeched the word. "You had to
ask
permission
not to be exploited?"
I furrowed my brow at her tone. "Of course I did. I couldn't just pack up and leave him. He was my Ward."
"So what?"
"So, that's the way it works. Rules not withstanding, there's a psychic link that forms between Watcher and Warden. The Watcher is the only one who can sever the bond, so he holds all the cards. The Society was on my side--our relationship went against their rules--but he didn't want to let me go, not at first. So he didn't listen to them."
"But you changed his mind somehow." Cara's grin was devilish. No doubt she was imagining all sorts of cruel and unusual punishments.
"I didn't have to do anything to him," I explained, not surprised at her look of disappointment. "It's a two-way street, remember? So when my heart broke, so did his. And misery wasn't quite his cup of tea."
Of course, my heart had broken when I'd come to realize he didn't love me the way I loved him--months before things had deteriorated so badly I'd requested my release. Could it really have been my own sadness that had incited his demands for more from me? More love, more good feelings to overshadow the bad?
He
had
been desperate at the end, when nothing he could do made either of us feel any better. I'd realized it at the time, but I'd been too despondent to care. Now I began to wonder for the first time if Zeph really had suffered after I'd gone, if he'd missed me as much he claimed. I wouldn't have thought it possible, but....
"Jade?" A slim hand touched my shoulder. "You okay?"
"Yeah." I forced a smile for Sara's sake. "Bad memories, that's all."
"I'm sorry. I should have known you had a good reason for the way you acted last night."
"Yeah, you should have. But it's all right. Just keep in mind that things aren't always how they seem. And that you should trust your friends." She winced a little at that, like I'd expected she would. The message had been sent, but I felt petty for it. I sighed.
Cara patted my other shoulder. "We're with ya, boss. If a guy ever messed with my head like that, I'd cave in his ribcage, too."
Or punch him in the neck and kick him in the rocks,
I thought wryly. But I had Jordan's confidence to keep, so I just said, "I know you would, Xena. Now get your warrior princess ass out there and do your job, so I can send Val to the bank. Check the till and let her know if we're low on change."
"It shall be done, my goddess." With a high, ululating cry that nearly set my ears to bleeding, she flounced out the door.
A headshaking Sara trailed after her, but hesitated with her hand on the doorknob. "So what's our official stance on the Zeph situation? I mean, in case he comes back."
"He won't," I replied firmly, "so we're totally neutral. As a matter of fact, I'd appreciate it if you'd forget this ever happened."
Her eyes flashed. "Yeah, right. Just like you did, huh?"
Her attitude took me aback. "You've got a bit of fire in you after all, haven't you, Grasshopper?" I asked, pinning her with my gaze.
She shrugged and looked away. "I'm just saying. That's not a face you can really forget, is it?"
No, it sure as hell wasn't. But before I could say anything more, she'd left the room. Sighing, I fished a can of soda out of the mini-fridge and pressed the cold aluminum to my aching forehead for a moment, before popping the tab and downing the contents.
I reached for the Paperwork from Hell. As I flipped through it, I discovered Valeri had finished quite a bit more from where I'd left off last night. I smiled and made a mental note to recommend her for a huge raise at her next review.
The downside--now I'd have very little to do with myself for the rest of the day. Unless the shop got busy today. Thursday ought to be a little busier than Wednesday, but....
Ah, to hell with it.
I was still early, even now. I slumped forward and pillowed my head on my folded arms, closing my eyes. After a while, my headache began to subside and my thoughts to drift. I found myself replaying the sensual images from my dreams the night before.
Therein lie the perils of extended celibacy, I told myself drowsily. Now that I thought about it, though, the faceless body that had tormented mine hadn't been Zeph's--I knew every inch of his intimately. The voice that had murmured so seductively in my ear hadn't been his, either. Tell me what you like. Those words had repeated throughout the night. Tell me what you want.