Dark Heart Forever (32 page)

‘Gabriel didn’t die of a broken heart.’ Luca said softly.

‘He didn’t.’ A voice at the entrance to the hut made us all start. Turning, I saw my mother standing behind Dalya. Her hair soaking wet, hugging herself.

‘Mum.’ I backed away from Evan, practically tripping over all the stuff on the floor. But Mum held her hand up to stop me.

Evan looked shocked, and outraged.

‘How did you get out?’ he snarled. ‘I’m warning you—’

‘Listen to me.’ She cut through him, her voice firm and authoritative. The adult amongst us. We were silent, waiting for her to go on.

‘I didn’t break your father’s heart,’ she said more wearily. ‘He broke mine. He didn’t love me. He told me so. Told me to go and never come back.’

I frowned. What was she saying?

‘Liar.’ Evan spat at the ground.

‘But I didn’t want to believe it,’ she went on. ‘I deluded myself that it was my decision. My mother was sick … I was human. It would never work.’ She shook her head. ‘I even wrote it all down. I thought if I wrote it down, it would become the truth.’

‘You expect me to believe that?’ He scowled.

‘It’s the truth.’ She looked straight at him. ‘I am not a liar.’

There was a pointed silence as she stared him out.

Luca cleared his throat then. ‘Evan, would you believe it, if you saw it written down … by your own father?’ he asked.

I looked from one to the other, confused.

‘What?’ Evan snapped.

‘Your father wrote a letter,’ Luca said quietly, ‘addressed to you and Dorcas. Dalya found it, in the palace. In Gabriel’s bureau drawer.’

Dalya, who by now was her familiar dark-haired self and wearing my mother’s jacket, nodded, shaking a little from the cold.

‘I didn’t mean to pry,’ she said demurely, ‘but I thought there might be some clue …’

‘Enough!’ Evan looked furious, but a little uncertain too. He backed away and leaned against the wall. ‘Where is this letter then?’

‘Nissilum,’ said Luca patiently. ‘We could hardly bring it with us as werewolves.’

‘No,’ Evan said, darkly sarcastic.

My mother stepped forward then. Her jeans and shirt were clinging to her. She was wet through. And she looked younger somehow than I’d ever seen her.

‘Listen,’ she said. ‘Your father was a good, strong man. He dreamed of having his own family. Living a peaceful life. Guided by morality …’ She glanced quickly at me before continuing. ‘He knew he could never have that with me. And he wanted it.’ I watched as tears gathered in her eyes. ‘He wanted your mother, and you. More than anything.’

There was a silence as Evan digested her words. He was obviously struggling to hide any emotion other than sheer contempt. Hatred even.

‘He would never have left us if it hadn’t been for you,’ he began, his voice catching slightly. ‘Whatever you tell yourself. If you had never existed he would never have been tempted to—’

‘Evan,’ she said, exasperated. ‘Part of being a man is accepting responsibility.’ I glanced at my mother with admiration, then at Evan, whose face twisted with frustrated rage. That really got to him. For the first time what was written in his eyes was real.

‘How dare you—’ he spat out at last, unable to articulate anything beyond that, as he clenched and unclenched his fingers.

‘Life presents many challenges,’ Mum went on, fearlessly. ‘Temptation is one of them.’ She reached out then and took hold of my hand. ‘And free will governs us all. We have the power to choose.’

I held my breath, waiting for Evan to explode, but he seemed frozen to the spot by Mum’s words. Lifting my head, I met Luca’s eyes. He didn’t look away, but held my gaze. The sound of the rain seemed the perfect backdrop to what we were facing up to.

‘Jane,’ Mum said quietly. ‘Nothing is simple. Particularly not love. You must trust what your instincts tell you.’

Was she warning me or giving me some kind of blessing? When I saw Luca looking at me in a way that I could no longer describe as just ‘friendly’ I hoped it was a bit of both.

From behind us, Dalya broke the spell. Clutching my mother’s jacket to her, she sighed heavily, then spoke to Evan.

‘I can show you the letter,’ she said, her voice wobbling slightly. ‘Back home.’

‘Bring the letter to me,’ he snapped, his eyes down. ‘Then I will decide.’

Dalya looked to Luca for guidance. He hesitated, before replying.

‘Go and fetch it.’ He spoke to Dalya, though his eyes were on Evan. ‘I will stay.’

Dalya nodded and turned to leave, when she stopped, with her back to us. We saw another shape approaching. I held my breath, hoping it wasn’t Ulfred or Henora come after their errant children.

But it was worse than that. My heart sank as Lowe came clearly into view. I heard Luca groan slightly, while Evan looked amused.

‘Excellent,’ he said. ‘Another interfering do-gooder come to talk me round.’

Lowe ignored me, simply put his hand into his pocket and drew something out. ‘You forgot this,’ he said, thrusting a piece of paper at Dalya.

Confused, I glanced at Luca as a smile replaced the frown on his face. My mother’s hold on my hand tightened protectively.

Luca stepped across to his brother and embraced him. Over his shoulder Lowe’s eyes met mine, but this time there was no malice, just a weird kind of acceptance.

Dalya handed what I now saw was a folded letter or note to Evan.

‘Here,’ she said kindly. ‘This is from your father.’

Evan’s hand shook as he unfolded the letter, and to my surprise, he cleared his throat, now looking more like a boy than a monster, he began to read out loud:

My dearest Dorcas and Raphael

I am slipping away. It is not my body, it is my mind. I know neither of you will understand. But I cannot go on living as one of the Seraphim, one who is supposed to guide and protect his family and the population of Nissilum – I can’t go on knowing what I did many years ago. It was a moment of foolishness, of rare human weakness, but I became infatuated with a mortal girl.

She was beautiful and strong and brave and she lived a life that I could only dream of. One where human error is tolerated, sometimes embraced. I wanted to be part of that. I was just a boy. I dreamed of her, and I misused all my power to get her. And she fell in love with me. I thought I felt the same way. But I realised after time, that she could never give me what I truly wanted and what Celeste and Cadmium wanted, a wife and children who were untainted by human, mortal blood. I did not treat her well. I left her and though I knew she travelled to see me, I didn’t go to her. I felt such guilt, I confided in my sister, who took my pain to be the pain of heartbreak, and so I let it be believed. Because I knew what I had done was callous and cruel. Anna did not deserve it.

The guilt I feel now is partly to do with that, how I treated Anna, but partly with tainting my family with that brief, adolescent crush. I am not pure. I do not deserve my position here. Or my life.

I love you both more than I can say. And Raffy, the thought of leaving you brings me more pain than you can ever imagine. Go carefully, boy. Rein in your emotional nature, become what I am not able to become. A true leader, a role model to all on Nissilum. I am so proud of what I know you will become.

Gabriel
.

Glancing up I saw my mother’s face was wet with tears. And across from me, Evan stood, suddenly smaller and vulnerable, though doing everything he could not to show it.

‘I’m sick of you,’ he hissed at Luca and me. ‘Just make sure I never have to see you again.’

We were speechless. Relieved. Hardly daring to move.

Evan pushed past us, his elbow digging into me as he went. I could hardly believe that only a few days before he had been my adoring boyfriend. But I didn’t feel hurt. I didn’t even feel surprised. I felt nothing for him.

When Evan reached the entrance to the hut, where Dalya stood nervously with Lowe, Luca turned to speak to him. ‘You did the right thing,’ he told Evan. ‘Thank you.’

‘C
ome, Dalya,’ said Lowe, tugging at his sister’s arm. ‘We should get back before Henora and Ulfred discover we have all disappeared.’ He nodded at Luca. ‘I will make it right,’ he told him. ‘They will never know about this.’

‘Thank you.’ Luca smiled. ‘I just need some time …’

Lowe fell behind Raphael and, together with Dalya, the three of them walked out into the sodden dark of the early morning.

My mother wiped at her eyes with her hand. ‘Now I need to wake up Dot and my husband,’ she told Luca, sounding more like her usual brisk self. ‘They are heavily sedated in the hut next door. Evan just knocked me out with his fist.’

I looked down at the bottle on the floor.

‘Some potion Tilly made up for him …’

Luca shook his head. ‘Traitorous shrew,’ he said. ‘But knowing Tilly, she will have vastly exaggerated the potency of whatever she gave him. Dalya will go back and fetch a remedy,’ he told my mother. ‘They will be back to normal in no time.’

Luca and I helped Mum put Dot and my dad into the truck. She insisted on driving back home herself, giving me one last thoughtful look before she climbed inside and started the engine. When the truck had pulled out of the field, through the broken gateway, it left Luca and me alone together.

I prepared myself for the fact that this would be the last time.

‘Thank you,’ I whispered. ‘For caring about us.’

‘Come here.’ Luca held out his arms and I nestled willingly into them, feeling his body still hot, trembling, as I stroked his slender, muscular back. I pressed my face against his chest. He traced down one of my cheeks with his finger. ‘They will be back to normal in no time.’

I nodded, though I realised that I too was trembling, unable to look into his eyes. This was the end.

‘Jane,’ he said after a pause. ‘You know what I told you. About never falling in love with you? How dangerous it is? The risk…’

I swallowed the disappointment, the pain I knew was coming.

‘It’s OK,’ I said. ‘You don’t have to say it again.’

He put his arms around my waist, holding me tightly to him.

‘You’re wrong. I do have to say it,’ he murmured, ‘and I will say it every day for the rest of our lives.’

I finally raised my head and saw his lips, level with mine. ‘Say what?’ I said, trying not to dwell on how full and kissable his mouth looked.

‘That I love you. And I want you … like a boy wants a girl. And I don’t think I want that ever to stop. However much of a risk it is.’

He stroked my hair away from my face as I gazed up at him.

‘We’ll find a way to do this,’ he whispered. ‘If it means we have to be apart sometimes, then so be it.’

‘Luca.’ I smiled. ‘Can this really work?’

He laid his head on top of mine as my fingers felt the soft strength of his body, his long torso, breathing in his familiar woody smell.

‘Our hearts are bound together,’ he said, ‘and I am free to decide who I love. And what I want. Nothing – not the pressure of my family, or what anyone else thinks – matters.’

And as I pulled free to look up at him, he lowered his head and his lips moved closer to mine, and then, finally, we were kissing. Not softly or tentatively, but hungrily, his mouth moving across to my neck and then to my lips again, pushing away my hair, and letting his hands explore my arched back.

I knew then that whatever I had felt with Evan was just a fraction of what I was feeling now. I was scared. But this time I loved being scared.

‘You’ve no idea how often I have wanted to do this,’ Luca said in between kisses, his breath quick and heavy. ‘And how much I have wanted to touch you. Every inch of you.’

‘I don’t know why I didn’t see it,’ I said softly. ‘And now that I do see it, I don’t think I can stand being without it … Without you.’

Luca tilted my chin up gently. ‘I promise I will do everything I can,’ he said. ‘I have a few battles to fight. With my parents. With Celeste and the angels … They trust me. And who knows what Raphael will say or do next … He has stepped so far into the darkness now I don’t know if he will ever properly come back … But what I feel for you is far too much to let you go.’

He kissed me quickly and firmly on the mouth, causing sparks to dance around my heart.

‘I can wait,’ I said, hoping that I really could. That time and practicality and other people wouldn’t get in the way.

‘I will wait.’

Jane and Luca’s story continues in

DARK HEART RISING

coming soon in 2011
…

Pressed back against the dark wood panelling I felt his lips brush my cheek. no longer cold, but warm and full, gently touching my skin. I felt myself breathe out, not wanting to feel anything, but feeling everything all at once. I shut my eyes, not daring to turn towards him.

‘I never thought I would feel like this for a human,’ he whispered into my hair, and I felt the softness of his mouth as it tenderly kissed my neck. I shivered, hot suddenly, and instinctively my back arched.