Authors: Lee Monroe
‘Listen, there are some things you really are better off not knowing,’ he said quietly. ‘Things that might … well, that might give you the wrong idea about me.’
‘But that’s just it, I have no idea about you. I know that you are trying to help me in some way … and I really can’t think why you’re going to so much trouble, Soren. I mean, I know it’s because of Lila. But you hardly mention her …’ I paused. ‘What exactly is she to you?’
‘What?’ he looked sharply at me for a second. ‘I have already told you. Lila and I are meant to be together.’
‘Uh huh.’ I sighed. This conversation was going round in circles. And many things still didn’t seem right.
‘OK. Look … It is a little more complicated than I have let on perhaps…My past. Who I am…If you really knew …’
‘Tell me.’ I stepped forward. ‘Just tell me.’
‘I can’t.’ He looked pleadingly at me. ‘Just try and trust me … Soon … you will find out, but then you will have got what you want and it won’t matter any more.’
‘Soren!’ I flapped my arms around, exasperated. ‘You have to trust me! I’m not some innocent little girl any more. In the last year and a half I’ve dated a boy who turned out to be a fallen angel … fallen in love with a werewolf who just betrayed me …’ My voice broke, saying it out loud.
He moved over to me quickly and I felt his arms around me. His long neck nestled into mine.
‘It’s OK. I am sorry. I know you are strong. I suppose I am just trying to stop any more confusion than is necessary in your life.’
With the solid weight of his arms holding me, I let out a small, inappropriate giggle.
Soren pulled away. ‘Now, you find it funny? What is so amusing to you?’
‘It’s just … it couldn’t get any more confusing if it tried,’ I said, properly laughing now. ‘Or more weird, or difficult …’ I trailed off. ‘It’s not like another layer of confusion will make any difference.’
I smiled at him. He smiled at me.
‘Come. Sit with me.’ He drew me over to the bench by the kitchen table, then craned his neck to see that the door was shut.
Soren sat still without speaking for what seemed an eternity before he finally took my hands in his.
‘A long time ago, I did something … terrible here. Something I can’t even think about now, and would not, if it didn’t haunt me in my sleep. Because of what I did I was sent away from here. And I have stayed away … until now. My only friend on Nissilum has been Vanya …’ he hesitated, seeing my wrapt expression. ‘It is a long story, but needless to say, Vanya and I have a close bond – one that goes back a long way … and then there is Lila, of course.’
‘Yes,’ I said frowning a little, ‘there’s Lila.’
‘Lila is very precious to me. But not in the way I have led you to believe.’
My frown deepened. ‘In what way then?’
‘She and I were bound together in childhood, as I said. Sharing everything. She looked up to me. I looked after her. But then … when she was very young. I …’ He stopped and I saw that his face was stricken.
‘Soren, what is it? I coaxed. ‘You can tell me.’
‘I need to find her. I need to put things right.’
‘Put things right?’ I moved closer to him.
‘Lila is my sister,’ he got out finally. His whole body seemed to crumple as he spoke.
Did my heart skip a beat? It certainly felt like it.
‘Your sister?’ I slowly shook my head. ‘Why didn’t you tell me that before … and then, why are you so keen to break her and Luca up? I don’t understand.’
‘Because I won’t let her marry him,’ he answered sadly, ‘when he doesn’t truly love her.’
‘He may grow to love her. He will take care of her.’ I forced the words out, though it killed me.
‘She is second best.’ He said with authority. ‘It doesn’t matter how dutiful he is. She deserves better. She deserves to be properly, passionately loved.’
‘Why do you feel so strongly about this?’ I studied him. ‘I mean, I understand you want the best for her, but—’
‘Because I am the reason her life was ruined in the first place. The reason she was wrenched from her flesh-and-blood family and taken in by strangers.’ He turned, his face flushed, towards me. ‘I killed them. I killed all of them. Our parents, our brother and my other sister … Lila was the only one who survived.’
I drew my hands away, my whole body cold with shock.
‘This is a joke … right?’ All the blood had drained out of my face, I was sure of it. ‘You…Soren…tell me this isn’t true.’
‘I was young … a cub. I didn’t know what I was doing. An imbalance of some kind,’ he said, avoiding my eyes. ‘I was very angry.’
I knew I had unconsciously moved further back from him on the bench. I was trying to take this all in, make sense of it. But in my world, only monsters did that kind of thing. Killers.
‘Jesus, Soren,’ I breathed. ‘This is massive. I should never have come here with you, not knowing you … I mean, what kind of idiot am I?’
‘Please. Jane. Don’t think I don’t regret with all my heart what I did that day. I would never hurt you …’
I closed my eyes.
Where have I heard that before?
‘I am here to put things right … I need to put them right. For my sister. It’s the least I can do. I have come back to take care of her.’ He paused. ‘And the more I know you, know of what happened between you and Luca, I see that it is the only way. Don’t you see? This whole ridiculous set of meaningless rules and traditions here. Stopping everyone from doing what they really want to do. From being who they really want to be with.’
‘And that’s what you want? To spend your life with your sister?’
‘I … I want to put things right,’ he repeated dully.
I was still trying to digest this shocking information, when the door opened and Vanya appeared, stretching.
‘There you are,’ she said, running her fingers through her hair. ‘Huddled together as usual, plotting.’
Was it my imagination or was there an edge to her voice? I wasn’t about to get on the wrong side of Vanya. Things had already taken a turn I didn’t like.
‘Not at all,’ I said, getting up, hugging myself a little protectively. ‘In fact, we were just talking about me leaving.’
‘Jane!’ Soren seemed to recover his composure, standing alarmed. Vanya arched an eyebrow.
‘Already?’ She looked at the two of us suspiciously. ‘But you haven’t got what you came for yet – either of you.’
‘I’ve changed my mind about that.’ I gave Soren a pointed look. ‘It’s not worth all the trouble.’
‘Giving up, are you?’ Vanya unscrewed a bottle of something dark and potent-looking. ‘How terribly mortal of you.’
‘Leave it, Vanya,’ Soren warned her. ‘Jane knows.’
She stopped what she was doing. ‘You told her …’
‘I told her about what I did. Who Lila really is.’
‘Ah.’ She looked intently at me, then poured herself a glass of the bottle’s contents – and I thought her hand was shaking a little as she did so.
‘This is all too complicated,’ I said. ‘I don’t want to get involved. All I wanted was to be with Luca. I thought Soren was helping me because he loved Lila. But he was just using me to infiltrate society here … pretending to be something he’s not.’
I had no idea where that had come from. Except that I needed to believe it, because I was in a mess that was too deep and shocking.
Vanya opened her mouth to say something, then thought better of it and simply shrugged, settling herself in an armchair near the kitchen fire.
Soren was pacing the stone floor, head bent.
‘So I’ll just get my stuff.’ I paused, looking from Vanya to Soren. ‘Someone will have to help me get home …’ I had a sudden thought that they might refuse, now that I was being uncooperative. Why would they want to help me? Vanya had not exactly had my best interests at heart before. My heart sank. I had been so stupid. Too trusting. Had I not learned anything from Evan?
‘Of course,’ Soren said, surprising me. ‘I understand why you feel this way. I know what it looks like. I know I lied to you … But you would never have agreed to help me if I had told the truth.’ He gazed imploringly at me. ‘I don’t want you to go …’
‘Well, that’s too bad,’ I said. ‘I want to see my family. They’ll be wondering where I am.’
‘You’ve hardly been gone,’ Soren said quietly. ‘They won’t be worried.’
‘Well … I still want to go home. I need to get away. Just forget about all of this. Get on with my life on Earth.’ I started quickly towards the exit, running up the stairs to the front door. I didn’t have a coat, but I didn’t care, I could do without it.
‘Jane?’ Soren was at my side, one hand holding the door shut.
‘Just let me go, Soren,’ I said wearily now. ‘You’re here, on Nissilum. And you can do what you like. You don’t need me any more.’
‘I do …’ he said, his forehead creasing with distress. ‘You are not a stranger any more. You’re my friend.’
I glanced briefly at him, confused by his meaning, but he took his hand off the door.
‘Friends don’t lie,’ I said righteously and, wasting no time, I wrenched the door open, to meet the crisp night air. As I stepped out on to the cobbled street I thought I saw a figure in the shadows on the other side, but it moved back, indistinct. I squinted in the night and saw a black coat disappearing. For some reason I didn’t want Soren to see it too.
‘So, thanks,’ I said curtly. ‘If you’ll just help me get back …’
‘I thought we were friends.’ He wasn’t moving, ‘Please don’t go like this.’
I realised I was freezing. If I didn’t get home soon I would die of hypothermia.
‘Look, I just need time to think.’ I had no intention of ever seeing Soren again, but if pretending would speed up my departure, then so be it.
‘You haven’t got much time … If you leave now, then—’
‘Fine. I’ll find my own way home.’ I turned my back on him, not really knowing what I was going to do next. It looked like Soren wasn’t going to help me after all. As I started walking I was determined not to look back, to see him standing there. So what if he wasn’t there to take me back. Maybe I could find someone else?
I retraced the steps of our walk earlier that day, down the cobbled road, past the quaint little houses, silent, eerie … like everyone was already asleep. Then I remembered that this was the vampire quarter. It was dark, so if habits hadn’t died away, they should be circulating soon. I needed to be away from here before that happened.
The sound of my footsteps seemed to echo. I thought of the figure I had seen outside Vanya’s house and suddenly felt more afraid.
I stopped in my tracks. There might be one person left who could help me … someone I trusted … who was on my side.
Had been
on my side.
Dalya.
If I could just find somewhere to sleep tonight, somewhere I could hide out. I could set out to find her in the morning. Dalya would help me. I was almost sure she would.
But the wind picked up and sliced right through me, and though I was trying to stop the panic rising, I could feel my eyes pricking. I was scared and cold and alone. And I wanted to see my mother.
The wind seemed to be getting stronger, great gusts of wind, pushing me forward until my legs, my feet, lost the ability to move of their own volition and were propelled forward by some kind of gathering storm.
A large drop of rain splashed on my forehead. Somewhere back there, Soren was no doubt expecting me to turn and go back. My imagination was running away with me. Was this sudden change in the weather something conjured up by Vanya?
I let out a gasp as I felt hands gripping my arms, so tightly that I couldn’t turn back to see who was holding on to me so forcefully. This time there was no stopping the tears, they were streaming down my face, mixing with the rain which was pelting now.
‘Please,’ I whimpered as I pushed forward, ‘I just want to go home. Just let me get home.’
And then I felt him, his face against my soaked hair, and a familiar scent – sweet, woody – and I closed my eyes, relieved and confused at the same time.
‘Is that you?’ I said. ‘Is it really you?’
And then reality seemed to blur and, as the sky above us split with a fork of lightning, I felt his arms encircling me and his breath against my cheek.
And I finally passed out.
‘Y
ou’d think they would have brought you all the way to the door.’ My mother shook her head, about to launch into a disapproving diatribe.
‘I told them to drop me off in town,’ I said, rubbing at my wet hair with a towel. ‘Then the rain just came out of nowhere.’
‘Well I know this mountain has its own particular microclimate, but it’s odd that we didn’t see a drop of rain.’ She frowned, pulling at my sweatshirt. ‘Didn’t you take your coat? I could have sworn you left here yesterday with a coat?’
‘Oh, right …’ I shrugged. ‘I must have left it on the coach.’ I stopped rubbing with the towel and she whipped it from me.
‘A bath for you, I think. And I’m going to have a serious word with this Mr Balzac. Totally irresponsible.’