Dark Kiss (The Two sides of me Book 1) (2 page)

Chapter 2

“Can’t Get You Out of My Head.” by Kylie Minogue

Sleep… something that’s so easy for most people eludes me every time I slipped between the sheets. Even though I’m exhausted I have to medicate myself heavily to sleep without the night terrors that accompany it. My past haunts me when I close my eyes; during the day I’m able to press the attack down deep, far from the surface, but being vulnerable during sleep enables the horrific experience to return and torture me all over again. My recovery has taken a long time, and I still attend a support group for victims of violent crimes and take medication to sleep but I make it through each day, and that’s about it.

I have friends and family but the absence of a partner, a man, boyfriend, husband or whatever in my life is routinely brought to my attention by those who don’t know my secret. I try to convince myself that being an aunt to my sister’s children will fulfill my maternal needs, and that living my life as a single woman isn’t all that bad. 

My fear of men has crippled me; I’ll never have a relationship with a man. I have an awesome career though, I’m financially stable and I remind myself how lucky I am every day. I pull on a tank top and shorts, take my pills and snuggle up with my pillows, the only things I’ve slept with for ten long years, I drift off into a dreamless, blissful state and my last thoughts are of Evan. If I could dream. I know it would be of him.

I’m off for three nights after my four-night stretch, and Evan is never far from my mind. This obsession or whatever it is, is driving me nuts. ‘Thanks a lot Callie!’ I keep wondering what this bizarre connection is all about. I fill my time with my normal activities, workouts at the gym, visiting my sister and playing with her kids, Kylie and Tanner, whom I adore. Being with them is as close as I’ll ever come to having children.  After my attack I was encouraged by my shrink to pick up a hobby, and I have no idea how I came up with glass blowing but I did. I spend a lot of my time at the Seattle glassblowing studio; it relaxes me and brings out my creative side. While trudging through my days I sometimes have this nagging feeling that I should be somewhere else. It tugs at the back of my mind constantly. It’s all I can do to restrain myself from making up an excuse to drop by work, I do check in with a few co-workers to see if Evan has regained consciousness but that’s a negative, he’s still out. His sister has apparently arrived and is sitting with him every day. Somehow I get through those three days off and while driving to work for my next shift I have an urgent feeling, I have to just
get
there. Walking back into the ICU I go straight to the charting station connected to Evans room, he lies still in the middle of the big room, a beautiful woman at his bedside. She holds one of his big hands in hers and reads from an iPad with the other. Dressed in expensive-looking jeans and a soft, cream-colored sweater, she seems to have a glow that surrounds her;  angelic. Long black hair hangs in a low ponytail down to her waist, and it’s obvious that she’s related to him; she has the same beautiful bronze skin and long legs crossed with one foot swinging slowly back and forth as she sits dutifully at her brother’s side. At least I’m assuming it was his sister; I haven’t been here for three nights and she could be his wife or girlfriend, but no… they look too much alike, and what is it to me who she is anyway?

Disgusted with myself, I go to the locker room and put my purse away, clock in and find the day nurse that had been caring for him. She quickly gives me the report; his condition hadn’t changed much, some of the swelling had gone down in his brain, he’s still in traction, and still hopelessly gorgeous.

Going to the room to look him over and get his vitals, I greet the woman at his side.

“Hello, I’m Mia, I’ll be taking care of... your brother is it?”  Sitting up straighter in the chair and uncrossing her legs, she puts her iPad down on Evan’s bed and extends her hand.

“Yes, yes, I’m Gabriella, nice to meet you.” I shake her hand, feeling a little awkward; I don’t usually shake hands with family members. I suddenly realize just how much she looks like Evan, like exactly like him.

“Nice to meet you Gabriella, how’s he doing today?” 

“The same I suppose, he’s so still; I’ve never seen him like this….it’s strange. Evan is perpetual motion, always has been; we’re twins, we haven’t been close the past few years though,” she says this with a sadness that makes me feel her pain, after being with him just one shift I can’t imagine life without Evan.

“Twins, ahh, I was just thinking how much you look alike, it makes sense now. I was told you don’t live here in Seattle, where did you travel from?” 

“Maine…about as far away as we can get from each other.”

I move to the bedside and take his vitals, listening to his lungs while we keep up this little nurse/family conversation. I notice she seems sad about the distance between them, but don’t want to be too nosy. Twins that don’t keep contact…there must be something serious going on there. Gabriella relaxes back into her chair and takes Evan’s hand again.

“We don’t have any other family, our parents aren’t alive and there are only the two of us,” she explains. 

“I’m glad he has someone here with him. He can probably hear when you talk to him you know. I always tell family to talk to their loved ones, you never know, it could help him wake up.”

“Oh, I wasn’t sure if that was a myth; I’ll start taking to him more, do you think I should read to him?”

“Sure, anything to stimulate his brain is good.”

“Ok, I really wish he would show some sort of response…well sort of.” Gabrielle sounded a little worried about the prospect of Evan waking up.

“What do you mean?” It’s none of my business, but I can’t help asking. “Well Evan is a little… difficult, maybe I shouldn’t say anything in front of him if he can hear me…”

“Oh…ok, well if you want to talk about it I’m always just outside the room on the other side of that window, I’ll be charting there.”

“Ok, thank you Mia,”

Leaving the room I sit at the charting station right outside Evan’s door and wonder what she meant by “difficult”, and why didn’t they keep in touch, they’re twins! I catch up on my charting and start considering looking through Evans chart to see what kind of work he does, or Googling him to learn more about him. What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t research my patients, but then again I’ve never had a patient this mysterious and handsome before. Ok, so looking to see where he works isn’t too ‘stalky’, is it? I can do that can’t I? I flip to the first page of his chart with all of his admitting information, looking for the place of employment section and it says ‘Dominus’, he’s the owner.   Hmmmm that sounds a little like ‘dominatrix’… feeling silly about comparing the two, I giggle to myself. I wonder what kind of business Dominus is’ I could Google it.

No, it’s none of my business.

Just take care of the guy Mia, God! 

Just then, bringing me back from my thoughts, Gabriella steps out of his room with a long, expensive-looking camel colored coat on; she wears the same colored boots with a higher heel than I could ever hope to walk in. She pulls off a look of casual and dressy, expensive and exotic with ease. She holds her head high, looking very confident, and nothing like the look from earlier when she mentioned Evan was ‘difficult’; that was more like fear. 

“Good bye Mia, please take good care of my brother, I’ll be back tomorrow.” 

“Sure, of course I will, and we have a number that we can reach you at if he comes around right?” 

“Yes I gave it to the day nurse, and please call me right away, I’ll come any time.” 

“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow then.” 

“Goodbye.” Gabriella strides to the elevator and disappears when the doors slid shut. I suddenly can’t wait to be alone with Evan and I’m  glad his sister has gone home.
How selfish Mia, geesh, what is your deal?! 

Again I administer his scheduled medications into his IV and touch his warm, soft hand. I hope nobody is watching me from the hall; I closed the blinds to the window facing my charting station and shut the door. Leaning down close to his mouth I suddenly have the urge to bite his perfect full bottom lip. What the fuck, I’ve never bitten or wanted to bite anyone before.

What. Is. Wrong. With. Me?! 

Instead, I reign in that compulsion and whisper to him, “It’s Mia, I’m back tonight, I’ve got you Evan, you’re in good hands.” I need to do something that will allow me to touch him, but professionally, and I settle on a shave, opening a cupboard in the room to gather supplies to shave his face with. I can’t believe no one has done this in the four days I’ve been off; he’s going to look like a lumber jack soon if no one does it, albeit the sexiest lumberjack who ever lived. I move the oxygen cannula from his face and lay it next to him on the pillow. Propping my hip on the bed next to him, I settle in and feel the heat from his body against mine, I take a deep breath and blow it out, his hair flutters from my breath. Foreign feelings spark through my body, feelings I’ve never experienced before. I calm myself and begin to smooth shaving cream across his face and neck. Slowly and carefully I begin to shave his face, moving the razor up his neck I gently grasp his chin and move his face around to the correct angles to get a close shave. I take my time and enjoy touching him in such an intimate way without him being conscious. I feel a little guilty, this could have been done much quicker but I draw it out, I just can’t get enough of him. When I’m finished I place a hand on each side of his face and feel the smooth skin that is now exposed. Wow he’s even more handsome with a clean-shaven face, it that were humanly possible. I move my hand to brush the dark curl of hair from his forehead; he has a gash at the hairline that isn’t clean enough for my liking. I remove my hands from Evan’s face and collect supplies to clean his wound. Speaking in a soft, low voice I explain every move I make as I clean and bandage him up. Suddenly I lean down and rest my cheek against his, feeling his warm breath on my neck I turn and softly press my lips on to his.

OH. MY. GOD.  What am I doing?

Quickly I replace the oxygen, clean up my mess and leave the room, shocked at my own behavior. This is ridiculous; I’m out of control, maybe I should have someone trade patients with me…. no…I can’t. I don’t want anyone else touching him, but where is this possessiveness coming from?

For the rest of my shift I keep my hands to myself unless I have another nurse in the room with me to reposition him. It’s miserably difficult but I make myself do it.  Again I can hardly pull myself away when my shift is over. Melissa, his day nurse today tells me his sister comes around 9 a.m. This comforts me somehow and makes it bearable for me to go home and sleep, but I have the security of knowing I’ll be back tonight at seven p.m.. although it seems like forever from now…

Chapter 3

“A Lonely Man.” by Daniel James

At home I wash my face, tie my obscenely long, thick blonde hair in a knot and grab a bottle of water before curling up on my bed for a little while before I take my sleeping pills. I pull out my iPad, hesitating for a moment before I Google Evan’s place of business that’s listed on his chart.

Dominus; it’s an exclusive, very elegant looking restaurant with a nightclub included. After investigating further, I learn that Dominus is not just one single restaurant. There are many locations all over the world, from here in Seattle to San Diego, Chicago, Italy, France, Miami, New York, Brazil and even Australia! Holy crap, this is a very successful man. And the pictures…. wow, I can’t believe the degree of extravagance, it seems no expense was spared decorating these places, and the nightclubs look a little dark and mysterious, a little creepy even maybe. Ok, now I’m even more intrigued, and a little voice in the back of my head is telling me I should stop right here. Digging any deeper is only going to be trouble, dangerous even, but do I listen? 

NO! SHUT UP little voice! 

After searching a little further, I learn he is 36 years old, lives here in Seattle and grew up in Maine but was born in Italy.  Hmmm, Gabriella lives in Maine; he was the one to put down roots on the opposite side of the country. Strangely this is all I can find, I’ve hit a brick wall. There are pictures of him at Dominus in various locations around the world.  Oh those eyes…. so that’s what they look like when they are open…. green, no not just green, so bright green that they’re almost glowing, like a cat.  Seems strange he has green eyes with such a dark complexion and Latin descent; I would have guessed them to be brown. Looking at several photos, I realize that in every one he’s alone, as in no women or date; he’s also never smiling, although he’s not frowning either, he’s just more like, withdrawn or defensive.

He owns places where important and famous people gather and spend shit loads of money, why wouldn’t beautiful, famous women surround him? 

Scrolling down I come across a collection of photographs taken in Dominus locations all over the world; famous people, I mean like REALLY famous people are posing in every one. Frustrated I finally put down the iPad and take my sleeping pills. Maybe I could ask his sister about it, but then again she said they weren’t close any more… images of Evan standing in his restaurants float through my mind as I drift again into my dreamless sleep.

Waking up during the day can be unsettling; the room is dark and I don’t quite know the time. I roll over and realize it’s still early and I’m feeling creative. The Seattle Glass Blowing studio is a place of healing for me, somewhere I can fully throw myself into, making something beautiful and escaping reality, if only for a short time. Hopping out of bed and grabbing my iPad, I start some music and head to the shower. I stop in front of the bathroom mirror where I examine myself, I have crazy bed head with long, tangled blonde hair that worked its way out of the knot it was in. What was I doing in my sleep these days? 

Shadows under my eyes give me away as having been working too much and I could use a vacation somewhere warm, where I can get some color to my skin on a sandy beach. I turn on the water, strip down and step into the hot shower that instantly steams up the bathroom. I work on washing all of my hair and tap my foot to the beat of the music while dancing around periodically, washing and shaving. I rarely do anything without music, except at work and even then when it’s slow I sneak in my ear buds while charting or observing a sleeping patient. Evan sleeping, and there he is again, invading my thoughts.

Am I ever going to get this guy off my mind?

Stepping out of the shower I look in the mirror again. Hmmm, slight improvement; I now have some color in my cheeks from the hot water. I dry off and blow-dry my hair, which takes time and patience. I dress in old jeans and a tank top and layer a navy blue UW sweatshirt over top. Layering is necessary; the fall weather is bringing cooler temperatures, but it’s roasting hot in the studio. I gather my hair back into my usual thick braid and grab some boots. Purse…where is my damn purse? I lose my belongings on a regular basis. I don’t know how I manage that; it’s probably a 50 lb. purse, how the hell do you lose that? Ahh, it’s on the floor by the front door and I scoop it up, heaving it onto my shoulder and pulling the hood up on my sweatshirt when I step outside; the wind is chilly today. My red Volvo S60 is parked on the street, my one indulgence in life. I make good money and I have all my student loans paid off, but I live well beneath my means. I own an apartment above several small shops, a bakery and boutique; the smells from the bakery that drift up to my place are heavenly. I go out occasionally with a very select group of friends; trust is a monumental issue for me since my attack, and I suppose the very safe car is in a way related to that as well. I panic at the thought of breaking down and being alone on the side of the road, exposed and vulnerable. Simply put, my car is my baby.

When I arrive, I see my friend Jay working on another vase. I think he’s made a million; he turns toward me and I see the beads of sweat covering his bald head, sliding down his neck and disappearing into his shirt. Jay is one of the only men in my world that I trust, I’ve known him for 10 years, since I started coming here searching for a therapeutic hobby.

“Hey Mia, long time no see!” he calls out enthusiastically. 

“Hey Jay, nice vase,” I tease.

“Yea practice makes perfect right?” he answers, shrugging his broad shoulders.

“Well you should be faultless by now, you must give your wife flowers every day to keep them all in use!”

“Naaah, she puts ‘em all away; I think she’s sick of me making them too.”

“Maybe you should branch out, make a candy dish or something,” I reply playfully.

“Ehh I’ll stick to what I know.”

“Ok, suit yourself.” I shed my sweatshirt and grab a steel rod. I begin to gather molten glass from the first oven and my vision is clear in my mind; a multicolored light fixture, that will hang from the ceiling, spiking out in all directions. Working the glass onto the steel rod, it’s like turning caramel onto an apple and I let my mind wander to Evan. I wonder what he’s like when he’s awake? Of course I want him to wake up, but a teeny tiny, selfish part of me likes him sleeping so I can admire his beauty without feeling self-conscious; he’s just that gorgeous. I carry my glass to the marker and begin shaping, repeating the process with red, lavender and blues, yellow and greens that flow, merging the glass into a beautiful, enormous artistic light fixture, colors flaring out all over.

Looking at the photographs of Dominus inspired me, it’s to be a beautiful light that could be hanging in any one of his restaurants or clubs. Jay shoots me a shocked look.

“Holy hell Mia, that thing’s a monster! It’s gorgeous though; I’ve never seen you make anything like that before!”

“Yea, had some inspiration hit me this week.” Yea, inspiration named Evan Lawson.

Man I’m sweating my ass off, I’ve spent so much time working on this piece that I’m soaked by the time I’m satisfied and place the light into the anneal to cool overnight. Overnight… shit, I need to get out of here so I can get home and shower before work. As I’m cleaning up my supplies, Jay gives me a little wave.

“Leaving so soon?”

“Yep gotta work tonight.”

“Okay, see ya next time Mia, come by more often, I miss seeing you around here.”

“Will do Jay, and have fun with your millionth vase,” I tease.

“Yea but it’s perfect right?” He holds up his nearly finished product. “Yea Jay it really is.”

It’s a perfect, tall and slender purple vase, I really do like it.

“Hey do you have plans for that?”  I ask.

“Nope, just gonna add it to the collection I guess.”

“Can I have it? I have a patient that’s going to be with us for a while and he could use something beautiful to look at when he wakes up. He’s in a coma.”

“Yea sure, you got a little thing for this guy, shame on you for taking advantage of a guy in a coma!” he snickers and my mouth drops open; how could he know that, is it that obvious?!

“Of course not!”  I’m blushing a dark shade of pink, I can feel it crawling up my neck to my face.

“I’m just messin’ with ya Mia, sure you can have it, just take it out of the anneal tomorrow when you pick up your piece.”

“Thanks.” I hurry out the door to avoid any further teasing, and because I’m going to be late for work.