Dark Love (The Two Sides of Me Book 3) (24 page)

“Can I help you?” I offer.

“Oh no, you rest. I have a system and Evan likes his things a particular way.”

“I do,” he agrees and slides one of the cases to make room for me to lie down. All of a sudden, that sounds like the best idea ever, but I feel bad letting someone else pack my things while I lay down like a lazy lump.

“You should rest before we go, Evan. And it’s time for some meds.”

“I can take my own pills now, Mia, and I’m fine, I’ll sleep on the plane, go ahead and lay down for a few minutes.” I can’t resist, laying down I don’t intend on sleeping, but it’s impossible to keep my eyes open.

I’m awakened an hour later when Evan sits on the bed next to me and whispers to me. “Mia. We have to go.”

“Hmm?” Did I go to sleep, wow where is all my energy going?

“We are all ready to go; the car is waiting. Gabriella and Simone are already at the airport.” Oh, I’d forgotten about them needing to go home too.

“Are they going to Seattle or back to Maine?” I’ve gotten so used to having Gabriella around I’m going to miss her terribly when she goes home to her own home.

“We will be stopping in Maine to drop them off.” My mood deflates; I don’t know why I hadn’t thought about the 2500 miles that will be separating us back in the states.

“I’m gonna miss her.” My eyes well up with tears, and he gathers me into his arms, I bury my face into his neck.

“Don’t cry baby, I have a strong feeling she will be coming to visit all the time, maybe we can convince her to relocate hmm?”

I sniff in a very unrefined manner and nod in agreement. “All right now, let me get you a tissue and then we really need to get going.” When he returns from the bathroom, and I’ve blown my nose, he crouches in front of me to slip on my comfy shoes. I bet he hates these shoes, he prefers me in heels, but I’m not hearing any complaints today.

“Up.” I stand, and he holds my coat out open so I can slip my arms into the sleeves. Why is he babying me so much? I should be taking care of him, not vice versa. He’s always liked caring for me but since his surgery I’ve gotten so used to being his caretaker that I’ve forgotten it goes both ways in a marriage.

He holds out his hand, and I lace my fingers with his. “Let’s go home,
baby.” Yea that sounds perfect.

“Unintended” by Muse

That damn key is in my pocket! We’re leaving, and I haven’t found the door it opens, maybe it’s not a door at all, what else could it be? I’m just going to ask, my time has run out, and my curiosity is peaked. “Evan.”

“Mmhm?”

“How upset would you be if you knew I went through your desk?” I clench my teeth and internally wince waiting for his response. His grip tightens so much my pinky finger hurts,
and we abruptly stop in the middle of the hall. The house is quiet around us, everyone is gone or in the cars waiting to leave for the airport.

“Did you find something interesting, Mia?” the chill in his voice alerts me that asking was not my best idea. I let go of his hand and feel around in the zipper pocket of my purse until I find the key. He isn’t looking at me; he’s never taken his eyes off the front door where we were headed.

“There was a box, with two keys.”

“Anything else?”

“Well yes but I only wanted to ask about the key.”

“What do you want to know about it, Mia?” he snaps Now I really wish I would have kept my mouth shut, he’s pissed.

“Nothing, I’m sorry I brought it up and sorry I went through your things.” I take his hand, and he watches as I place the key into it and close his fingers around it. The anger that had been radiating off of him seconds ago lessens.

“You are so damn curious; it’s going to get you into trouble someday. I’m going to show you what this key opens and then we are leaving this house and closing the door on my past for real, understand?” I nod in assent, taking my hand he leads me back upstairs and toward our bedroom but we pass it and continue on down the hall until we are standing in front of the door that if I remember correctly leads to a walk-in cedar closet.

When exploring one day I came across it and went inside to breathe the heavenly smell of cedar. Evan opens the door and nods his head indicating he wants me to go inside. Suddenly I don’t want to know whatever it is he’s going to show me. A sixth sense niggles at me, and I know I’m not going to like what I find. I’ve learned the hard way some things cannot be unseen or forgotten and God knows I don't need any more of those visions.

“I’ve changed my mind.” A rush of adrenaline flows through my veins when I see the many different emotions that fill his eyes and the vein on the side of his face pulses angry and engorged. I am for the first time since before his surgery afraid of my husband. Releasing his hand, I take a small step back waiting several seconds to see where the wheel of feelings will land before I dare speak.

“Is that ok? Can we just forget it?” I squeak.

“I don’t know Mia, can we?” His words are tinted with sarcasm, but I think he also really wants to know if it’s possible for me to control my curiosity and forget there is something inside that closet that I will never know about.

“I don’t want to make you angry and it’s clear that you are. I’d like to try to forget…”

He interrupts me “You won’t forget though Mia, it’s not in your nature. We may walk away right now and fly home, but it will come up again someday in conversation after it’s eaten you alive, exasperated you completely. And yes, I am angry, I’m trying to start a new life with you but every time we start down that fresh path some stupid fucking part of my past sabotages my efforts. So go inside Mia, I want to get this over with and be on our way home with a clean slate.”

He knows me, and he’s right, I would someday bring it up again after allowing it to fester and after I’ve imagined a million insane, bizarre things that could be behind that door. I step into the closet and switch on the light; it looks just like it did the last time I was here.

“On your right,” he says He doesn’t enter with me, it’s a good sized closet but not big enough for the both of us to move around comfortably. I turn to my right and face a cedar wall unsure of what to do next. I don’t see a door or anything to unlock. He hands me the key and points to the corner where the walls meet, and finally I see it, a tiny hole in the wood with no hardware or plate surrounding it, if he hadn’t pointed it out I would never have noticed it. I look back at him, and he gives me a ‘get on with it’ nod. I turn the key, and he reaches out to splay his large hand on the wall. When he pushes on it, I hear a loud click. It’s a door; the entire wall is a door! My heart is beating wildly in anticipation and fear of what could be behind a hidden door in a cedar closet in a former mafia leader’s home.

“Open it,” he instructs and I hesitantly push against the big door. The wider the door opens, the brighter the light becomes, and when it’s completely open I’m not sure what exactly it is that I’m seeing. It’s a small room or maybe a large closet; the walls are lined with what looks like torture devices all hanging on pegs aligned neatly and ominous. Many sets of handcuffs, lengths of rope, whips, bars, and other things I have never seen before are all organized waiting to be used to do who knows what.

“What… is this?” I say quietly overcome with shock. “It’s where I stored the toys I used with my subs. You’re holding their key;
the other was mine.” Looking down at the key I immediately hand it back to him as if it were hot
, not wanting to have any connection with the women of his past and the things they did together.

“These things don’t look like toys…they look like weapons and torture devices.”

“They served many purposes, pleasure, pain, punishment and yes, in my case, torture. I was known as the beast, and I absolutely lived up to that nickname.” Silence hangs heavily in the air between us as I absorb his explanation.

“Have you had enough? Is your curiosity satisfied? Can we finally lay my past to rest?”

“I just don’t understand, I mean why, what do you..?” He heaves a deep sigh.

“I was afraid of this; I didn’t want you to be exposed to yet another disturbing part of my past. Just know it isn’t a lifestyle I want anymore and leave it at that. We need to go.” I suddenly want nothing more than to do just that. I push past him leaving the cedar closet and the nauseating torture storage area; I need fresh air, or I’m going to be sick again. Cedar will never smell the same; it will be permanently associated with visions of Evan brutally punishing fantom women in my mind.

When I arrive at the car, Mr. Saint opens the back door for me; I slide in across the chilly leather seat, welcoming the dark. I need a moment alone to process. Now it’s time to rationalize and convince me that none of this matters. He’s not like that anymore, he just said so himself. The man I know and love is inside that house, not the one who previously ruled with an iron fist; he is gone. When will I ever accept that? When will the past stop crossing paths with our present?

Evan and Isaac arrive ready to go and climb into the car, Saint driving, Isaac up front and Evan with me in the back. Gabriella and Simone are in another car behind us with Cecelia. I’m shivering from a combination of the cold and the latest bombardment of Evan’s history. I don’t want him to notice, I’d like to just get out on my own side of the car and walk away, down the gravel drive to the lake and think, let the cold creep into my bones and numb me from the inside out. Evan pulls me in under his arm, reaching across he stretches the seat belt over my chest and clicks it into place. He holds me tight, snuggling me into my familiar spot, without a word he comforts me just by being there. The struggle that was going on in my head ends abruptly, love wins the battle and my fears get stuffed wherever I’ve been stuffing them since my heart was stolen by this crazy man.

“It’s all over, baby. We’re going home; I’m selling this house and assigning the Milan Dominus to Isaac permanently.” I’m relieved to know I never have to come back to this place; it holds bad memories for me and worse for Evan. “You’re shaking.”

“It’s cold today.” I don’t know why I try to deceive him, he will always be able to read my mind, he is very aware that it’s not the Italian winter air making me tremble, but he orders Saint to crank up the heat just the same.

“When we get home I want to plan our wedding.” Now that’s a subject change if I ever heard one, he must be desperate to redirect the conversation. Most men aren’t interested in planning a wedding; they usually leave it up to the bride to be or in this case his wife. But Evan is most certainly not most men and for the next thirty minutes I sit and listen quietly to his grandiose plans for our reception, honeymoon and get togethers leading up to the ceremony.

He wants to have it at the house in Seattle or home as I am quickly becoming to know it as. He has ideas for colors, tuxedos, bridesmaids’ dresses, photography and of course food. He is friends with many of the people we will need to deal with and surprisingly he’s made appointments for us to see a few of them already.

“Well you’re very excited about all of this aren’t you? I had no idea you were so knowledgeable on weddings.”

“I am excited
and happy, aren't you?” That edge of vulnerability in his voice shreds my heart, he will forever be haunted by his past and the idea that he isn’t worth having long term? Yes, he will, I’m going to make sure of it, I’ll love him with everything I’ve got and then some more after that until he never has to question it. I relax into him and stare out at the
countryside that I will most likely never see again, it’s beautiful and rich with history, ironic it’s some of that very history that will keep us from visiting again.

“What are you thinking?” he interrupts my daydreaming.

“You already know.” He chuckles softly and guides my head against his chest, tangling his fingers in my hair absently.

“We can come back again someday, but for now I need…we need to let the past die here. I am selling the house though. If we decide to visit we will stay somewhere else.”

“What about your house? The one you grew up in?” He shifts in the seat seemingly uncomfortable with the question. I can’t fathom why he wouldn’t want to sell it, just another place reminding him of his difficult start in life.

“No. It was my mother's home; I can’t let it go.” I take a breath ready to respond but think better of it, he loves his mother even after all she put him and Gabriella through. Or maybe he’s keeping it as a sort of punishment, that wouldn’t surprise me it was the first place he ran to when he became the beast and hurt me. Rubbing my hand and up and down his thigh to soothe him I say nothing, this is another facet of Evan that I will never understand. He covers my hand ending my attempt to comfort him to play with the diamond on my ring.