Dark Passage (25 page)

CHAPTER 18

All of the tube was black and it was thick
now, filling his throat, and in his head it was a big ball of black
nothing. He could feel it up there and he knew it was getting
bigger and he wondered if it was going to get too big. He could
hear the sound of his dragging breath, and it was as if his breath
was cinders grinding across more cinders.

Then it began to go away, the black and
the cinders. He had his eyes closed as he reached up and loosened
his tie and unbuttoned his collar. Now the air was going in
smoother and faster and the tube was getting thin and then it was
melting and then it was gone,

He opened his eyes. He saw dark brown
branches and bright green leaves against the heavy hot yellow. He
closed his eyes and told himself it would be nice to sleep for a
while.

Gliding into sleep was very nice, and
staying in sleep was soft and light and proper, because it was not
a full sleep and he sensed the comfort of it as he rested there
with his eyes closed, taking in the air and getting rid of the
shock and the hurt.

Then when he opened his eyes again he knew
he had slept there for a couple of hours at least and he knew he
was much better now and he could get up. He got up slowly. He
wondered if he could stand without leaning against anything. He
could stand all right. He could move his legs. He felt his throat
and it seemed to feel swollen but there was no pain now, only a
heaviness on the outside. He turned and looked at
Arbogast.

He saw Arbogast resting face down. The
back of the head bulged out.

He went over and rolled the body face up.
He looked at the face.

The eyes were open and wrenched loose, and
there was blood where the flesh was split. The nose was torn apart
and the hole was big and black and green and yellow, going up and
going deep and going through the head and making the bulge. There
was blood all over the mouth and all over the chin. There was dried
blood in the ears and clotted blood on the coat and the
shirtfront.

There was blood all over the gun where it
rested near the body.

Without sound the body said, “I started
out to get something.”

Without sound Parry said, “You got
it.”

He stooped to pick up the gun and he saw
the sticky blood all over his hand. He took out a handkerchief and
wiped off the blood. Then he examined himself for more blood. He
couldn’t see any blood on his clothing and he knew the body had
fallen away from him when the bullet went in.

He picked up the gun, keeping the
handkerchief between his hand and the gun so as not to stain his
hand with more blood. Then he walked deeper into the woods and
established a hole for the gun. He covered the hole and smoothed it
carefully. Then he walked away several yards, made another hole and
buried the blood-stained handkerchief. Then he came back to the
body and looked at it.

Without thinking of it, he reached in a
coat pocket, took out a pack of cigarettes and a book of matches.
He put a cigarette in his mouth as he looked at the body. Standing
there and looking at the body he lit the cigarette.

He stood there smoking the cigarette and
looking at the body.

He was puzzled.

He couldn’t understand why he felt no
regret, why he felt no horror at the sight of this dead thing on
the ground, this thing he had killed. It had always seemed
impossible that he would ever kill anyone, that he would ever have
either the cause or the impulse.

Wondering about it, he knew he wasn’t
glad. At the same time he wasn't sorry. It was something mechanical
and as he stood there looking at the body he knew it was one of
those logical patterns. It was geometry. He was alive and the thing
on the ground was dead. It had to be that way and the pattern was
expanding now, taking in Irene, because he knew now he had wanted
to stay with Irene, and he knew now every time he had gone away
from her he had wanted to go back. And each time he had managed to
hurdle that want as it came rolling toward him. Now it was with him
again, greater than ever before, and there was no need for hurdling
it, because he knew the identity of the murderer. He knew how and
why Gert and Fellsinger had been killed, and he knew what he had to
do now. He was building the method, telling himself how he could
prove the guilt of the other person, forcing the showdown that
would display and clarify his own innocence. And the pattern kept
expanding, showing him the simple and ordinary happiness he had
always wanted, the happiness he had expected to find with Gert, the
clean and decent happiness of a little guy who wasn’t important and
had no special urge to be important and wanted nothing more than a
daily job to do and someone to open a door for him at night and
give him a smile.

It kept expanding. It began to glow. He
would get a confession from the murderer after showing the murderer
the absence of any loophole. And then his girl would be waiting for
him. He had tears in his eyes, knowing she was waiting for him even
now, knowing she wouldn’t need to wait much longer. The happiness
flowed from the pattern and flowed over him. A job in a war plant,
and Sundays with his girl, and every morning and every night with
his girl, his little girl.

He was telling himself that everything was
all right now.

He walked away from the body. He walked
through the woods, came out on the empty lot, walking slowly. He
walked across the empty lot, slowly working on the cigarette as he
told himself what he had to do. He crossed the road and got in the
car and turned on the motor. Before he released the brake he turned
his head and looked across the empty lot, across the yellow
emptiness broken by the line of green woodland. And the woodland
seemed very quiet and passive.

Then the car was moving. He took it into a
U-turn and started back toward the city. His wrist watch was still
working and it showed him two forty-five.

Coming into the city he parked the car on
a narrow side street three blocks away from a busy section. He was
feeling hungry and the pain of his throat had gone away completely.
He told himself there was no reason why he shouldn’t eat something.
He got out of the car and walked toward the busy section. Then he
was in a restaurant and he had pork chops and vegetables, a cup of
coffee and a piece of pie. He sat there with another cup of coffee
and a cigarette. He had another cigarette and then he walked out of
the restaurant and went down the street and stood on a corner
waiting for a taxi. Three taxis went past without paying any
attention to him. The fourth taxi picked him up.

The taxi moved slowly through heavy
traffic.

Parry looked at his trousers, his sleeves.
He looked all over and there was no blood. The taxi was making a
turn. He lit another cigarette. The taxi was getting away from the
center of town. He moved across the seat so he could see himself in
the rear-view mirror. He arranged his tie and smoothed his hair. He
leaned back and breathed the heat that gushed in through open
windows. The taxi made another turn. It was going faster now. The
taxi went up a steep street, then down, then up again. Then the
taxi was going through a section devoted to apartment houses. The
taxi came to a light and stopped and there was a drugstore on the
corner.

“I’ll get out here,” Parry
said.

“You said-”

“I know, but I’ll get out here. It's only
a couple blocks away.”

“You’re the doctor.”

Parry paid his fare and walked into the
drugstore. He picked up a telephone book and his forefinger ran
down a line of names. He closed the book, went over to the counter
and made change, getting two dimes and a nickel for a quarter. He
went into a telephone booth and dialed a number.

Someone said, “Hello.”

“Mrs. Rapf?”

“Yes?”

“How are you, Madge?”

“Who is this?”

“A friend of your husband.”

“I don’t have a husband. Anyway, I don't
live with him.”

“I know, that’s why I'm
calling.”

“What do you want?”

“I’d like to meet you.”

“Say, what is this?”

“Nothing very special, except I just
started working here a few weeks ago and I don’t know many people.
I met your husband and he told me about you. He gave you a nice
build-up.”

“Oh, he did, did he? What are you, a leper
or something?”

“I told him I’d like to meet you and he
gave me your number. I hope you don't mind.”

“I think you got a lot of
crust.”

“May I see you?”

“You may not.”

“Look, Madge, I think you’d like
me.”

“Who gave you permission to call me
Madge?”

“When you see me you’ll give me
permission.”

“Oh, I will, will I?”

“I think so. From what your husband said,
I think you’re the type I like. And I'm sure I'm the type you
like.”

“I don’t like the fresh type.”

“I’m not really fresh. Just sort of
informal.”

“What do you look like?”

“I’m good looking.”

“How tall are you?”

“Average.”

“Thin?”

“Yes.”

“How old are you?”

“Thirty-six.”

“How come you’re not married?”

“I was. Twice. They weren’t the type I was
looking for. I’m looking for a certain type.”

“You don’t mince words, do
you?”

“What’s the use of mincing
words?”

“What’s your name?”

“Allan.”

“Allan what?”

“Just call me Allan.”

“What did my husband say?”

“I’ll tell you when I see you.”

“How do you know you’re going to see
me?”

“I don’t know, because that's up to you.
But if you're at all curious, I'm right here in the neighborhood. I
could drop in and say hello. When we see each other we'll know if
it's worthwhile getting started. And if it is we'll have dinner
tonight.”

“I’d like to know what he
said.”

“I’ll tell you.”

“Tell me now.”

“I’d like to, but that might spoil my
chances of seeing you.”

“You putting a sword over my
head?”

“Not because I want to. But I’m very
anxious to meet you.”

“I’m not dressed. I was in the bathtub.
It's such a hot day.”

“There’s no hurry.”

“I’ll tell you what. I'll slip something
on. Be here in fifteen minutes, make it twenty.”

“All right, twenty minutes,”he said, and
he hung up. He walked out of the booth and went over to the counter
and asked a clerk for a pack of cigarettes and the clerk handed
them to him. Then he glanced at his wrist watch. The clerk asked
him if there was anything else. He said he didn't think so. Then he
saw boxes of candy stacked in pyramid fashion and he asked the
price and the clerk said two dollars and he asked the clerk if
there was something more expensive. The clerk ducked under the
counter and came up with a violet box with violet satin ribbons all
around it and said four and a half. Parry said that was really
expensive and it ought to be something special. The clerk said it
was really something special, all right, it was continental style
chocolates and there wasn't much of that stuff around any more and
this was the last box in the store and if he wanted something
really special he ought to take this while the taking was good. He
bought the box for four dollars and fifty cents plus tax and he
told the clerk to wrap it up fancy and the clerk smiled knowingly
and went to work on the box. Parry took the package and walked over
to the magazine stand and stood there looking at the covers. A
woman came in and bought a hot-water bottle. A little boy came in
and bought a bar of candy. A man came in holding a hand to a
swollen jaw with a prescription in the other hand. Parry glanced at
his wrist watch. A young woman came in and asked for something and
the clerk tried to make a date with her and she asked the clerk why
wasn't he wearing a discharge pin. He said he had a double hernia
and he'd show her if she wanted to see and she walked out. The
clerk came out from behind the counter and came over to Parry and
said things like that burned him up. He opened his shirt and showed
Parry an awful looking scar that ran from his chest down along his
ribs and he said he got that at Kasserine Pass. Parry glanced at
his wrist watch. The clerk said it burned him up the way people
went around making remarks and he said he was good and fed up with
people anyway. He was buttoning his shirt and saying one of these
fine days he was going to haul off and punch somebody in the mouth.
The owner of the store came out a small side room and stood in the
center of the store looking out through the open doorway at the
black street turned yellow by the sun. A little girl came in and
said she forgot what her mother sent her for and went out again.
The owner of the store put his hand in front of an electric fan and
shook his head and walked across the store and turned on another
electric fan. A sailor came in and sat down at the soda fountain
and asked for a peach ice-cream soda. The clerk said there wasn’t
any peach. The sailor took strawberry and sat there mixing the ice
cream with the soda and said that was the only way to enjoy an
ice-cream soda. An old woman came in and bought a bottle of mineral
oil and walked out. The sailor said it was sure a hot day and the
clerk said it sure was and the sailor asked for another strawberry
ice-cream soda.Parry glanced at his wrist watch and walked out of
the store.