Dark Season: The Complete Box Set (38 page)

Sophie

“
Two people are sitting in a room,” says Alex, who seems to have attached himself to me and now follows me around the recreation room whenever I decide to be social. “Do you understand?”

“
Yeah,” I say, walking over to the window and looking out at the depressing little garden. It's early morning. I spent all of last night staring at the ceiling, trying to work out what's going on. I didn't get very far. I guess I was waiting for Patrick, hoping he'd turn up and save me. I don't understand why he's left me here to rot.

“
Okay. Two people are sitting in a room, and one of them says to the other one: You're crazy. And the other one replies: No, you're crazy. And the first one replies, No, you're crazy. Do you see where this is going? It's a cycle of negativity and desperate attempts to use subjective viewpoints as facts. Do you see how fucked-up this whole place is?”

I nod. “It is,” I say, staring at the trees in the distance.

“It's seriously wrong. It's... bureaucratic and it's vicious. They put power in the hands of these assholes who get off on labeling other people as crazy. Then they wonder why nothing improves and why everything just turns to shit. Do you understand?”

“
Why are you in here?” I ask.

"Doesn't matter."

"Why are you in here?" I ask again.

“
I stabbed my best friend seventeen times,” he says, matter-of-factly. “During a three-legged race at school”.

I stare at him. “Was... No, I don't want to know. Did your friend survive?”

Alex shrugs. “I don't know. It's all propaganda, anyway. Like those pills they make us take. Do you take yours?”

“
I do,” I say.

“
I put them in my mouth,” he says. “But I get rid of them so they don't work”.

“
How do you do that?” I ask.

“
I swallow them”. He looks at me, clearly expecting to be called a genius. “That way, they don't stay in my mouth and start affecting my brain”.

“
That's brilliant,” I say quietly.

“
The only one here who's got it all sorted out is John Tarmey,” Alex says. “He makes them do what he wants them to do. He has them all under control. They'll never tell John Tarmey what to do. Do you understand?”

I look around the room. Half a dozen fellow patients are scattered about, all looking as if their souls have been ripped from them and burnt. “Which one's John Tarmey?” I ask. “The guy in the wheelchair? The guy on the sofa? The guy hiding behind the plant who thinks the rest of us can't see him?” I wave at that last guy; he kneels down behind the plant.

“Tarmey's underground,” says Alex.

“
Explains why I haven't met him,” I say.

“
He's in the box. He never comes up. And they're scared of him. He's broken all their noses, and that's just the lucky ones. Some of them end up in hospital because of what he does to them. But it's their own fault, because they shouldn't keep trying to make John Tarmey come out of his box. Do you understand?”

“
Yes, Alex, I understand,” I say. “I understand everything you say, you don't need to keep asking”.

“
Okay,” he says.

I hear my name called by the woman at the nurses' station. Without really saying anything, I head off across the room. I'm fully aware that Alex is following me, but I have no intention of stopping or acknowledging him. I figure I'll just wait it out, and eventually he'll get bored of me.

“Pills,” says the nurse, handing me a small plastic cup containing three pills. They're little green-and-turquoise capsules. I don't even remember what they're called, but I swallow them anyway. “You want some water with those?” the nurse asks, after they've gone down the hatch.

“
No thanks,” I say.

“
You have to go and see Dr. Penfold,” she says. “He's waiting for you in his office”.

“
I'm not seeing him until tomorrow,” I say, turning to leave.

“
You have to go now,” says the nurse. “He has someone with him to see you”.

I turn back to her. “I'm tired. I just took my pills”.

“Orders are orders,” she says, and then she looks at something that's just behind me. “And Alex, you can't go with her. Go and sit down”.

I hear Alex shuffling away. “Thanks,” I say. “He was kind of getting on my nerves”.

As soon as I'm led into Dr. Penfold's room, I realize this is going to be uncomfortable. My mother is there, with her usual concerned face on, but sitting in the corner is an entirely unexpected person: Shelley, my best friend, the one person who has actually met Patrick and knows that my story is completely true.

“
So you're here to apologize and let me out?” I ask, kind of knowing that this is unlikely.

“
Sit down, Sophie,” says Dr. Penfold.

I take a seat, glancing over at Shelley. She smiles at me but looks away. She seems tense.

“Are you okay, honey?” my mother asks.

I nod. There's no point trying to explain anything to her.

“We thought you'd like another visitor,” says Dr. Penfold. “Your friend Shelley was kind enough to come up today with your mother”.

I look at them. “You two shared a car?”

Shelley smiles, my mother looks annoyed.

“
Sophie, you said in one of our sessions that your friend Shelley experienced some of these... unusual happenings while she was with you. Is that correct?”

“
Yes,” I say. “That's what happened”. I look at Shelley. She doesn't seem to want to make eye contact with me. Somehow, I don't think she's going to corroborate my story so we can get out of here.

“
You said...” Dr. Penfold looks down at his papers. “You said that she went down to the vampire's lair with you and helped you defeat a man named Martin Keller who was trying to kill the vampire. Is that right?”

I nod. “That's what happened,” I say.

“A modern day Van Helsing,” says Dr. Penfold, smiling. “And you believe your friend here actually met the vampire and saw him in action”.

“
She did,” I say. I don't bother to look at Shelley. I can tell she's avoiding looking at me, so I don't want to exacerbate an already uncomfortable situation.

Dr. Penfold turns to Shelley. “Did any of this happen?” he asks her.

Shelley shifts awkwardly in her seat. “Well...” she says. “I mean... We
are
friends and all. I don't want to call anyone a liar...” She drifts off, clearly not sure what to say.

I turn to her. “Did it happen, Shelley?” I ask.

She looks at me, her eyes filled with... what is that look? Sadness? Concern? No, it's pity. “I just want you to get well,” she says eventually.

“
Are you saying none of it happened?” I ask.

She takes a deep breath. “None of it happened,” she says eventually. “I'm sorry, Sophie. I want to believe you. I really do. But all this stuff you're saying I saw, I didn't see any of it. None of it happened at all. It's just...”

“In my head,” I say flatly, with no emotion in my voice.

“
It's stuff you need to get over,” she says. “I just want you to get better and get out of here. I've missed you”.

“
I've only been here a few days,” I say.

“
Yeah,” she says, “but you were missing for nearly a year”.

“
I didn't go missing!” I say, starting to get annoyed. Why do they all keep saying this? How have they managed to get Shelley to agree to their insane claims?

“
I was worried about you,” she says. And the thing is, looking at her now, I believe her. She seems genuine. But then there's the stuff she's saying about having never met Patrick, and I know for a fact that's not true. So how have they got her to lie?

Dr. Penfold looks at my mother, and then back at me. “I would like a moment alone with Sophie, if that's okay with everyone?”

I don't look at them, but I hear the chairs move as my mother and Shelley get up and head to the door. Once they're gone, I try not to look at Dr. Penfold. There's something deeply strange going on here, and I can't work out what it is, but people are saying things that I know aren't true. It's like some kind of conspiracy. I know Patrick is real, and I know I wasn't gone for a year. I remember everything that's happened to me over the course of these crazy few months.

“
I have to discuss something delicate with you, Sophie,” says Dr. Penfold. “I asked your mother and your friend to leave the room because this is a medical matter and it's entirely up to you whether you want to tell them the nature of what I'm about to discuss with you. There's no right or wrong answer, you just have to decide for yourself. Do you understand?”

I look at him. “Yeah,” I say. I'm starting to get worried. This sounds serious.

“We performed a pregnancy test on you,” he says.

I swallow hard. “Am I?”

“No,” he says. “You're not pregnant. We double-checked to confirm”.

I relax a little. After what happened with Patrick last week at Gothos, I was convinced I'd turn out to be carrying his child.

“But Sophie...” Dr. Penfold continues, “we did find some other indications. I went back over the results of the medical exam you had when you were first brought here, and it's absolutely clear that at some point in the past month you have in fact given birth to a child”.

I stare at him. “I've what?”

“You've carried a child through a full pregnancy, and you've given birth. Do you remember any of this?”

I shake my head. “I haven't had a baby,” I say. “There's no way. I'd remember having a baby!”

“You don't seem to remember anything from the past year,” he says.

“
There's nothing to remember!” I shout back, getting to my feet. “I haven't been missing, and I wasn't pregnant!”

“
Please calm down,” he says. “Haven't you noticed any breast tenderness? Anything unusual about your menstrual cycle?”

I look away. The truth is, I
have
noticed some tenderness in my breasts, perhaps even some swelling. But that doesn't mean I've given birth. You can't give birth without noticing.

“
There's an additional consideration, Sophie,” he says. “If you've given birth, I'm required by law to notify the authorities. There's the very serious question of where the baby is now. If you really don't remember, I'm going to have to assume that there's a real possibility that the child is at risk. I'm also inclined to believe that your amnesia might be your way of covering up the trauma of whatever happened”.

I sit back down. “I can't have given birth,” I say. There's no way I could have lived an entire year, including a pregnancy and childbirth, and forgotten it. Is there?

“To start with,” says Dr. Penfold. “I'm going to need to know the name of the father, if you know it. It's possible that you left the child with him. And please, we must be serious here, Sophie. None of this vampire talk now”.

“
Patrick...” I mutter.

“
Sophie, please!” He seems annoyed, as if he's losing patience with me. “There is a child's life at stake here. You have to at least tell me who the father might be. If there are a number of possibilities, you must let me know all of them”.

“
Patrick,” I say. “Only Patrick”.

“
Patrick doesn't exist,” says Dr. Penfold. “Or... if he does exist, then he's not a vampire. He's an ordinary man. You must tell me how I can reach him. If he has that child, it's important that we track him down”.

I think about it for a moment. “If he has a child,” I say eventually, “there's no way he'll let you track him down”. Could it really be true? Did I have a child with Patrick, and then I forgot all about it? And if that's what happened, did Patrick take the child? And how did I end up here?

“What happened on Monday?” I ask.

“
What do you mean?” Dr. Penfold says.

“
People keep saying 'what happened on Monday', as if I did something on Monday. I don't remember anything. What happened?”

“
It's not important right now,” says Dr. Penfold. “Your health, and the health of your child, must take priority. Please, Sophie, as a mother, think of your child”.

I shudder at the words he uses. As a mother? There's no way I'm a mother. I'd know. It might sound crazy, but I feel sure that I'd sense it if I had a child. I'd know he, or she, was out there somewhere. Wouldn't I? Isn't that something mothers can do?

“You have to talk to me,” says Dr. Penfold.

At that moment, there's a knock at the door and an orderly enters. He seems to be pretty flustered. “Problem with John Tarmey,” he says. “He's started banging on the walls of his room”.

“I'll come,” says Dr. Penfold. “Take Sophie back to her room”. He turns to me. “You need to think about whether this continued denial of reality is worth maintaining if it risks harming your baby”.