What was he doing wrong? “I do not understand what you are telling me. We merged. I felt it. I know you felt it. How could that mean I left you with nothing?”
Colby wanted to turn away from him. She wanted to be left alone to figure out what she was going to do. There was no running away. No pretending it hadn’t happened or that it wouldn’t happen again. “I have no choice. You left me no choice.”
Her sorrow beat at him. He would have preferred her anger.
He could only nod in agreement. Of course he left her no choice. There was no choice for either of them. She was born for him. “You do not object to my touch.”
“Of course I object to your touch.” Anger was beginning to smolder in the pit of her stomach. It darkened her eyes and little sparks leapt around the comforter.
Heat flared instantly, his jaw tightening. “You lie both to yourself and to me.” His hand slid possessively over her breast, tugged at her nipple. He bent his head, watching her face, watching the helpless desire in her gaze, felt her body arc into his mouth. Deliberately he slid his hand between her legs to find her damp. He lifted his head to look at her. “Your body does not lie.”
She slapped his face as hard as she could. She didn’t have a good angle or a lot of room for movement, but the sound was
loud in the room. “What you did to me was the same as rape. I don’t care how much you lie to yourself, but it was. And you can do it again and again, but unless you have my consent,
which you don’t,
it is rape when you touch me. I despise you. I despise what you can do to me. I don’t want it. I don’t even like you, let alone want you touching my body.”
Anger was hot and ugly, churning in his gut, welling up like a fountain that she dared to defy him, dared to strike him, worst of all, dared to call him a rapist. Next to vampire, it was the worst condemnation he could think of. He slammed her wrists to the sheets, rising above her, his mouth coming down hard on hers. He meant it as a punishment, but the moment he touched her, the moment his tongue swept inside her mouth, he also swept inside her mind.
There was such pain. She was desolated. She didn’t like him, didn’t trust him. She had no tender feelings of being his lifemate as he had for her. Shocked, Rafael pulled away from her and sat up, pushing his fingers through his hair. She meant it. She wasn’t lying to him. Her body responded, but it was only her body. He had aroused her, knowing she was inexperienced, thinking she wouldn’t be uncomfortable when they came together. He had not wanted their first time together to be painful to her, but she hadn’t wanted it at all. She hadn’t wanted
him
at all. He pressed his fingertips to his temples.
What had he done? Lifemates were meant to be together for all eternity. Her reactions made no sense to him. He thought of her every moment of his existence. She wanted him out of her life.
Rafael. You are weeping.
Nicolas’s voice moved through him, making him aware of the burning in his chest. Rafael touched his cheek and found a blood red tear. He didn’t weep. He was a man. A Carpathian. A hunter of the vampire.
I understand none of this. It is her pain I feel. I have taken something precious from her.
Her virginity belonged to you.
Nicolas was pragmatic about it.
She has no choice but to accept you. Convert her, bring her home, and she will eventually come around.
Rafael winced. It hadn’t been the taking of her virginity, it had been the taking of her right to choose. He swept both hands through his hair. Was he so close to becoming a monster
that he already behaved as one?
Is that it, Nicolas? Are we both so close to turning that we cannot behave in an honorable fashion? If that is the case, we no longer belong on this earth.
Colby rolled away from him, her back to him. Her body throbbed and burned and she felt sick with wanting him. How was she going to get through the rest of the night? The rest of her life? She could taste him in her mouth. Feel him in her skin. She ached for him between her thighs. She may not want him, but she
needed
him the way an addict did a drug. The terrible pressure in her body would never go away without him. It wouldn’t matter what man she turned to, Rafael’s possession of her would haunt her every relationship. She burned. There was no other word for it. She lay there crying, tears running down her face, despising him, despising herself, but she wanted him buried deep in her body, hard and hot and taking her beyond anyplace she could go herself. He had made her his whore, pure and simple.
“You are not my whore.” Rafael was appalled that the thought had come into her mind. “Where do these thoughts come from?” He laid his hand gently on the small of her back, fingers splayed wide. “I’m sorry, Colby. I did not understand what you were telling me. I did not think beyond my need for you.” He was sorry for the pain he caused, for taking her without permission, but try as he might, he couldn’t be sorry for possessing her. He ached inside. He wanted to find a way to fix his mistake, but without knowing
why
she wasn’t responding to him other than physically, he had no way of doing so. He wanted more than her physical love. She was his lifemate and she was supposed to love him wholly.
His palm, meant to comfort, burned a hole through her back. Sent electricity sizzling through her bloodstream. Her body ached for his. She buried her face in the coolness of her pillow with a soft, desperate cry of protest.
“Colby,” he coaxed softly, “look at me.”
“I can’t. I can’t stop crying. Go away.” Her words were muffled.
“You know it is impossible for me to leave you like this. You need me. Let me help you.” He swept her hair from the nape of her neck and brushed a kiss there. He couldn’t leave,
not when she was in tears and her body was screaming for his. Every instinct he possessed demanded he see to her needs. He kissed his way down her spine to the small of her back. “Let me take care of you.”
“I can never look at you again. After tonight, I never want to see you again.” Colby turned over, her eyes swimming with tears. “I mean it. I’ll never be able to face you if I have to have you do this.” She
needed
him. She was terrified to let him touch her. The moment he did, she would be lost. She knew that. She was certain of it.
Rafael didn’t wait for her to fully make up her mind. He was already damned either way. If he left her frustrated sexually she would hate him and if he satisfied her she would hate him. His body was already hard and hot and making demands of its own.
“Colby, I am not a gentle man.” It was the only way he could warn her. He couldn’t find the emotion, even when he wanted it, not when it came to sex. He was dominant and passionate and demanded she follow his lead. He trailed his hand from her lips to her breasts, making her shiver with response.
“There’s a bit of news I wouldn’t have known,” she whispered and closed her eyes as he bent to take her peaked nipple in his mouth.
At once he lifted his head to pin her with his gaze. “Do not look away from me. You have to know that this is not just me taking you,
querida.
Not without your consent.” Her sorrow was killing him. He ached inside. It was a terrible feeling, claws raking his heart and lungs from the inside out. He touched a tear on her lashes, brought it to his mouth.
Even that was sensual. Everything about him, his eyes, his mouth, his smoldering expression. He didn’t have to touch her to make her body come alive. “You’re taking all my pride, Rafael,” she said.
He despised the sadness in her voice. He heard his own cry, deep in his mind, a cry of pain and sorrow as his despair merged with hers. “You accused me of something vile,
meu amor.
For me, you are the only woman I will ever have in my life. I thought it was a mutual feeling between us.” The shock still rocked him.
All the while he talked, his hands moved possessively over
her. Large, strong hands that cupped her breasts and teased her nipples. That swirled small circles across her stomach and slid between her thighs. Colby gave in because there was no other choice. She was desperate for his body. If he didn’t assuage the terrible hunger building inside of her, she didn’t know what she was going to do.
“How can you make me feel this way, Rafael? I’m so afraid, but it’s worse without you.”
He kissed her throat, his hair sliding over her sensitized skin making her shudder with pleasure. “You do not ever have to be without me, Colby. Lifemate is forever. Tonight, be in my world with my laws. I can do no other than to see to your every happiness. Your health and needs and desires will be forever mine.” He kissed his way down the valley between her breasts. “My world was one of darkness until you gave me back life. I know absolutely you are everything to me. You will always be everything. I may command you in bed”—he swirled his tongue around her beloved belly button—“but you command me in all other things.”
His voice was a soft seduction in itself. “I can take you places no other man can take you and always I will keep you safe. No man could want you more. No man could ever desire you or need you the way that I do. I am as much a prisoner as you feel you are. The need to be with you is as deep and as elemental as your need to be with me. Find a way to love me a little, Colby.”
His tongue stroked and swirled, moved over her skin, his teeth scraping, adding a small bite of pain that only seemed to enhance her pleasure. His hands shaped her body, the pads of his fingers finding every sensitive spot so that she jumped and writhed beneath him, flaming to life. Her blood rushed with a kind of liquid fire. She couldn’t find the strength to do more than lie there while he examined every inch of her, tasted every inch, learned a very thorough, intimate knowledge of her body. Tears burned in her eyes for the ache in his voice. There was honesty, even purity in his tone. He meant the things he said. His words, his absolute assurance, frightened her, but it drew her to him, closer to the fire. She tried to hold on to thought, to understand, but his hands and his mouth were destroying her so it was impossible to keep a single thought.
Heat seared through her body, flames danced over her skin, licking every inch of her until she was crying out again and again. His name. For him. Needing him. She crushed his silken hair in her fists, his face a sensual etching above her. He was everywhere. Around her, on her, and, God help her, she wanted him in her. She caught at his hips as he pressed tightly against her and she felt his invasion. Slow this time. Stretching her with incredible fire. He watched her face, watched as she took him into her body, as he pushed through her tight folds, deeper and deeper into her. She was mesmerized by the expression on his face, the harsh sensuality. The raw passion. He sank into her until he was lodged so tightly she felt too full, too stretched.
She couldn’t help the way her muscles tightened around him. The action heightened her pleasure, but he gasped and gripped her hips. “You are so tight, Colby. Feel what I am feeling when I take you like this.” He merged his mind with hers, and she felt his raging fire. Felt his need for her submission, the need of soft skin sliding against his hard body. The small cries he wrung from her added to what amounted to ecstasy.
He reared back, plunged hard. Colby heard his name echoing through her mind. She screamed it, not aloud, but more intimately.
“More. Give me more,” he commanded and began to drive into her.
She had no choice but to obey. Her body had a will of its own, arching her hips, tightening her muscles so that she pulsed around him. His arm caught her hips and held her down while he thrust roughly into her, sending shockwaves through her body. The tension spread, grew, the heat building and building and never relenting. He was merciless, even when she pleaded for release, even when she begged him. Every frenzied thrust wound her body tighter and tighter until she felt the strange hazing in her mind. She wouldn’t live through this tormented pleasure.
“Rafael.” He was her only refuge in the storm of lust and hunger. She couldn’t take it, couldn’t survive it. The sensations took her body over and built a raging inferno in her. Her body tightened around his, the orgasm ripping through her, over her, tearing up through her body until she screamed with
the release of it. It lasted an eternity, holding her in its thrall, breaking over her like waves as she felt him empty himself, filling her with his hot release.
Tears burned behind her eyes. She jammed her fist into her mouth to keep from screaming aloud. It was bad enough that he’d heard her in her mind.
“Again, Colby, say my name. Know who I am. Know whose body is buried deep inside your body.” He whispered the words against the swell of her breast.
“I know who you are,” she said.
“And you know I am not some vile rapist. I belong here, inside you, right here in your heart and mind, in your body. I am not ever going to give you up. Look at me,
meu amor,
know I am telling you the truth. I will never give you up. You have to come to terms with the fact that we belong together.”
His eyes burned fiercely, a dark reminder he was a predator she had taken into her home, her body, her life. She sighed, her body rocking over and over, little aftershocks she couldn’t control. The things he said didn’t make sense, yet she felt their rightness. He believed she felt as he did when he’d entered her room. He was driven to possess her by some law of his people she had no real knowledge of.
“Rafael.” She murmured his name, her body so exhausted she could barely think. “I don’t understand any of this. I don’t know why you believe these things or why they feel right to my body. I’ll try, though. That’s all I can promise. I’ll try to understand. But not tonight. I’m so tired.” She turned her head away from him, drifting as he slowly allowed their bodies to separate. She felt his mouth at her breast, his hands cupping her bottom. Each strong pull as he suckled sent more shock waves dancing through her body, but this time she was too worn out to do more than lay quietly, drifting off to sleep as he kissed his way back up her body before allowing their bodies to separate. Strangely, she might have protested had she had the energy. Instead she snuggled close to the protection of his body and slept.