Dark Soul Silenced - Part Two (8 page)

Chapter Nine

Daniel was glad the paths they followed were narrow, often only wide enough for the horses to pass in single file.  He wasn’t ready to discuss his experiences in the keep.  Maybe he never would be ready to discuss some of them.  He still worried over his treatment of Razgul.  He’d thought himself far removed from the vampires, yet he had inadvertently followed in their footsteps — draining the life force from another creature.

Daniel thought back to his aborted transformation into a vampire.  Back then the darkness inside was driving him, trying to force him to drain the life force from something living.  Doing so would have doomed Daniel, would have bound the darkness to his soul forever.

Now he felt there was no such risk, at least not immediately.  There was no darkness inside trying to latch onto his soul.  The danger he’d faced this time had come when the darkness in Razgul had managed to cross into Daniel.  The actual act of draining life force had apparently had no consequences.

Daniel was horrified at the thought that he could destroy another life in such a way without even risking his own soul.  There and then he vowed never to commit such an atrocity again, no matter who the victim was or how urgent the need.

The memories from the fall of the Golden Order worried him too, though in different ways.  The fall of the Order, the way it had deviated from its original purpose, was worrying but understandable.  He had seen how others reacted to his new powers, and how they managed to live when the world around them held such horrors as the vampires.  That much fear would quickly be turned on anyone who was different or unusual.  What worried him about the memories was the darkness.  The Dark God.  Could it really be responsible for the power that every vampire wielded?  And if so, how could anyone stand against it?

Most worrying of all was his encounter with the unnamed vampire.  Until then he had viewed the vampires as a force of evil.  Cruel killers revelling in the deaths of their victims.  He had felt some pity for who they might once have been, knowing some at least would have been turned against their will — as he almost had been.  Now though he viewed them differently.  The vampire he spoke to had been a killer, she didn’t deny that, but she had also longed to see the sun.  She still remembered the person she had once been, and had apparently mourned that person.

Daniel knew those feelings were fleeting.  While controlled by her master, Razgul, such thoughts would have been buried too deep to find, and once the darkness growing within her gained enough power they would have vanished once more.  But for that short time her true thoughts and feelings surfaced, and they were far too human for comfort.  If many of the other vampires were like her then could he bring himself to kill them again?  He suspected he would have no choice, but fighting such viciously powerful enemies when his heart wasn’t in it would be exceptionally dangerous.

Daniel plodded onwards, showing the others the way to go whilst turmoil raged within his mind.

They stopped for food late in the afternoon.  Daniel sat apart from the others, picking at his food and staring off into the forest.  Despite worrying his way through the same thoughts time after time he still hadn’t got any closer to resolving the issues.

“You need to talk!” Sarah said, sitting down so she could face Daniel.

“
No, I do not.  But thank you for the offer.”

“
It wasn’t a question.  You do need to talk, whether you want to or not.  Ever since you returned from the keep you’ve been brooding over something.  Something that has you worried, or upset, or both.  You need to talk and I’m going to sit here until you do.”

Daniel found himself smiling at the determination in her voice and in her eyes.  To his surprise he slowly began to speak.  First he told her of the memories he had gained of the keep in the far distant past.  He told her of Ned and the fall of the Golden Order.  She sat listening, fascinated by his story.

By the time he finished everyone was preparing to move out again.  They wanted to keep moving until darkness forced them to stop.  The path they followed was wider than before so Mary was able to walk beside Daniel and continue their talk.

“
That is an amazing tale,” she said.  “And I can see that it would worry you.  That wasn’t everything that happened in the keep though, was it?  Something else happened.  Something worse.”

Daniel nodded slowly, then reluctantly began to speak of Razgul.  When he reached the point where he had sucked out Razgul’s life and memories he fell silent, unable to find the words to describe it.  Mary waited patiently.  Finally he spoke, though his voice kept breaking.  He described the terrible act he had committed and the result of it.

Once Daniel was through that part of the story he found talking about the darkness that had taken root in his soul was relatively easy.  That was something separate from him.  It was an evil that came from outside, not inside, and that was now gone, while draining Razgul’s life was Daniel’s choice.  Even if he hadn’t understood the consequences.

Strangely, talking about the unnamed vampire and her death was easy once he started.  He went on to tell Sarah how conflicted he was by his new understanding of the vampires.  How the thought of fighting them worried him, felt wrong.  How could he kill them now he understood them so well?

When he finally finished he fell silent, surprised to find that he did feel somewhat better.  Talking had helped, more than he would have believed.  He still felt weighed down but the weight had eased a little.  Sarah was silent for some time, mulling over what he had told her.  Finally she spoke.

“
No wonder you’ve been struggling.  I had no idea you went through so much in there.  I’m sorry.  If it wasn’t for us, and Mary, you wouldn’t have had to do that.”

Her words startled Daniel, rendering him speechless for a moment.

“No… I never…”  He tried again.  “I never once blamed you or Mary.  I swore to protect Mary and I failed.  I chose to go back into the keep.  Please, do not blame yourself.”

“
She’s my daughter and you risked your life for her.  In fact you’ve risked your life for her time after time.  I can’t help but feel responsible — anymore than you can I suspect.  So… now I know what is worrying you.  I think the last problem is actually the easiest to deal with.  You’re worrying that some part of the original person remains within the vampires, that somewhere within is a spark of good.  And that means they are no longer demonic creatures that you can simply kill with no remorse.  Right?”

“
Yes.”

“
I think you are looking at it in the wrong way.  Think about those people as they were before being attacked.  What would they want if they could see into the future?  What would they choose if they could see themselves turned into creatures of darkness?  Creatures that spread pain and misery, terror and death, wherever they went.  If they could see themselves replaced by a dark, twisted creature.  Wouldn’t they prefer death to that existence?  I know I would.  Wouldn’t you?”

“
Yes.  Yes I would.  But… what about the spark of the original person that may be left?”

“
I think you already know the answer to that.  The woman you met yesterday showed you.  If the original person would have preferred death to living as a vampire just imagine how that same person would feel knowing they
had
been living as a vampire.  Knowing they
had
been responsible for so much evil.  And knowing that very soon they would lose control again.  That they would return to killing.  They would want to die.  No.  They would
need
to die, to know it was at an end.  The question isn’t whether you should kill any vampires you meet.  It’s how could you possibly
not
kill them knowing you’d be condemning whatever remained of the person to suffer even more.”

Daniel walked head bowed for a while, considering her words.  Sarah walked beside him, staying silent.  Daniel felt tears well in his eyes at the thought of the fragments of lost souls trapped within many of the vampires.  Unable to prevent the terrible acts, yet seemingly still with some awareness and ability to feel horror.  Sarah’s words made sense.  There was no way to save the lost souls, no way to drive out the darkness without destroying them in the process.  Even if there was a way, how could anyone live with the dark memories they would then carry?

Slowly he felt his resolve return.  He knew he would always feel sadness each time he faced a vampire, knowing there was a chance the vampire was as much a victim as any it had killed.  Despite that he felt ready to face them again.  To bring their dark lives to an end.  The burden he carried felt much lighter.

“
Thank you Sarah,” Daniel said.  “You were right, I was looking at the problem in the wrong way.  When we face more vampires, as I am sure we will, I will be able to face them without regret.”

“
Good.  Now… as for what happened with Razgul, I think you are being too hard on yourself there.  Did you have any idea that drawing out his memories would drain his life force.”

“
No.  None.  And I was too busy dealing with the flow of memories to notice the effect it was having.  Only at the very end, when the memories had stopped flowing, did I realise what had happened.”

“
And would you ever do it again, for any reason?  If you needed to do it to save Mary say.”

Daniel stayed silent for a moment, studying Sarah’s face before he replied.

“No.  I am truly sorry, but no.  I could not do that again — not to any creature, even a vampire.

“
Good!” 

Her answer surprised Daniel.  He’d expected her to be upset.  She saw his expression. 

“Don’t get me wrong,” she said.  “I’d be torn inside if the situation came up again, but speaking now, with a clear head, I know I would never want you to do that again.”

They both fell silent for a time, then Sarah spoke once more.

“That leaves you worrying about this Dark God.  I don’t think I can help you much there.  From what you’ve told me it scares me, scares me really badly.  I just hope we don’t get too near it.  I can only think as far as getting Mary back.”

“
Maybe you have the right idea.  We need to focus on reaching Mary.  That is enough to worry about for the moment.  Thank you Sarah — you were right.  I did need to talk.  Now though I need some time to think things through again.”

“
Of course.  But if you go getting broody again I’ll be back to give you a talking to!”

Daniel smiled as Sarah slowed, leaving him to walk alone once more.  The smile soon faded.  He had told Sarah the truth — talking, and hearing her ideas, had greatly lightened the weight on his heart.  What he hadn’t told her was how worried he still was about the Dark God.  The more he thought about it the more he was certain that Rafael’s plans for Mary must involve the Dark God in some way.  Possibly as a sacrifice, possibly to turn Mary into another vessel for the darkness.  Or for something Daniel simply couldn’t imagine.  He walked on, still deeply worried but keeping his head up and back straight so that Sarah wouldn’t notice.

They kept walking until after the sun had set.  The trees around were becoming dark shadows and the group had lit several lanterns.  Josef had tried to call a halt as the sun set but Daniel had made it clear he would keep walking.  Sarah and Jon agreed.  Josef and the guards had no choice other than to follow.  That or spend the night alone in the forest without sufficient numbers to be safe. 

Besides, Josef was determined to be there when Daniel rescued Mary.  Josef’s faith had been shaken by what he had experienced but his overwhelming drive was still to battle darkness wherever he found it.  The creature that had taken Mary was seeped in evil, spreading darkness wherever it went, and needed to be stopped.  Josef clung to that in a world where old certainties were crumbling.

Finally Daniel drew them to a halt.  They had entered a roughly circular dip in the land.  It wasn’t much, just a few feet lower than the surroundings and only around fifteen yards wide.

“
This will do,” Daniel said.  “My barriers will protect us from creatures of darkness but not from the elements.  We should be sheltered from the worst of the wind here.”

“
All right,” Josef said.  “Samuel, get the fire set.  The rest of you, settle the horses in for the night.”

Josef thanked the Almighty that he’d had the men gather firewood during their journey.  The thought of searching for suitable wood in the near darkness sent a shiver down his spine, as did the thought of spending the night without a fire.

Josef walked to where Daniel stood lost in thought.

“
Ser Daniel, how are you?”

Daniel turned with a guarded expression on his face.

“I am fine, thank you.  I have a few things on my mind.”

“
Anything you want to share?”

“
Actually there is one thing.”  Daniels gaze became piercing.  “The question is whether you want to hear it.”

Josef was unsettled by the intensity in Daniel’s gaze and voice.  He tried to keep the tremor from his own voice.