Authors: Coleen Kwan
“Julian?” Nellie asked, her voice shaky. “What… Is something amiss?”
“Yes.” His hands shook as he smoothed her curls. The lure of her red mouth was almost too much. “I should not have fondled you like that. It was uncouth and brutish.”
Her mouth formed an O of astonishment. “You didn’t enjoy it?”
“Of course I enjoyed it!” To curb his frustration, he turned back to the horses and snatched up the forgotten pail. “I enjoyed it too much, that is the problem.”
He marched to the pump in the corner and filled the pail. When he returned to his mare, Nellie was still standing there, her fingers twisted together. “Julian, I am as much to blame as you.”
Blame. Why did she have to put it like that? “Look, why don’t we forget it happened? Least said, soonest mended.”
“Is that what you want to do? Forget it?”
Scowling, he dumped the water pail in front of his mare. “I don’t want to forget it, but for now it’s probably best, what with all your…dilemmas.”
She fingered the loose ends of her hair for a while. “I suppose you are right. While I’m all at sea, it would not be fair to you.”
“I don’t give a fig about fairness.” He grabbed a couple of blankets and threw them over the horses. “And I make no bones that I’d like you in my bed, but if that does happen, I want it to be your conscious, measured decision, not a temporary lack of judgement.”
“You—you make it sound so dispassionate.”
“Don’t worry. If the time comes, I’ll have plenty of passion to show.”
He turned his back on her, as there were limits to his self-control, and he was beginning to regret not taking her by the hand and leading her up to the hayloft. If it weren’t for his damned principles, by now they would both be buck naked and he’d be in seventh heaven.
He busied himself securing the blankets. When he looked up, Nellie had disappeared, leaving behind only a tantalising trace of her scent. He uttered a curse under his breath, and his mare whickered in response.
“At least
you
will be sleeping comfortable tonight,” he muttered into her ears.
The freshly lit fire gave off a flickering illumination over Julian’s bedroom. The air was growing warm, but beneath the crisp sheets goose bumps dappled Nellie’s skin. Sheer nerves. Even now, lying naked in Julian’s bed, she couldn’t quite believe what she’d done. What she was about to do.
Her gaze darted about the room. This wasn’t her first visit to Julian’s chamber. A few days ago, with the aid of Mrs. Tibbet, she’d given the room a thorough going-over. The carpet had been beaten to within an inch of its life, the windows and curtains had been washed, and the furniture waxed and polished. At the time, her only thought had been to provide Julian with the comfortable, clean room he deserved; she’d never dreamed she’d be bold enough to visit his chamber in the role of seductress.
Was this the right way to go about things? When it came to the seduction of men, she was an ingénue, and Julian was far more experienced than she. Would he find her sufficiently alluring? She’d brushed her hair until it gleamed like copper, and she’d washed the dirt and mud from her body and rubbed rosewater over her skin, and now she lay in Julian’s bed with her hair fanned out over the pillows. But was that enough? She had no diaphanous negligee or French perfume or artful skills. Nothing but her body and her burning desire. Would that satisfy a man like Julian? Perhaps she should—
The door latch clicked and Julian walked into the room. As soon as he saw her, he stopped short, his eyes widening.
“Well.” He shut the door and moved to the foot of the bed, his steps slow and deliberate. “I did not expect this.”
She held the sheet up beneath her chin as her bravado rapidly deserted her. “Um, if you would rather I leave…”
“Oh, no.” His eyes gleamed like jet, possessing her. “If I’d known you were here waiting for me, I’d have been much speedier.”
Her heartbeat quickened. Down in the stables it had been so easy and natural to fall into his arms and kiss him, but here, in the intimate confines of his bedchamber with his personal effects around them, it was a different matter.
As he pulled off his jacket, he continued, “I take it this is your considered decision?”
“I, er, yes, it is. My—my considered,
measured
decision.”
“I’m glad.” Next came his boots. She jerked in alarm as they went flying across the floor. “What has brought this about?”
He had good cause to ask, she conceded. Once, she had been too puritanical, and now she sat in an unmarried man’s bed without a stitch on. What had effected such a turnabout? “I’m not the same person anymore,” she answered slowly, choosing her words with care. “The old Nellie Barchester is no more, the new one is still in the making, and for now I am…in transition. I know not what I’ll become, but the feelings I have for you—the emotions you stir in me—they are so urgent and powerful that I cannot deny them.” She paused to lick her lips as her thoughts churned. “Julian, you are a force of nature I cannot withstand, nor do I wish to. For this one night, and this night alone, I wish to…to escape from all other ties and simply be with you.”
His chest rose and fell with the force of his breathing. His gaze pinned her to the pillows. “You wish to forget everything else?”
“Yes.”
“Are you nervous?”
“A little,” she confessed. “No, more than a little.”
His mobile mouth lifted at one corner. “So am I.”
“You?” She found her lips twitching in response. “I find that difficult to believe.”
His eyes darkened as he bent over her. “Believe it, my dear Nellie.”
The resonance in his voice shook her, and she knew she’d never regret her decision. Whatever happened in the future, she would have this night with Julian. This night was an interlude from the past and the future, an escape from reality, a dream carved out of time. And Julian was her dream lover, the man of all her erotic fantasies. Eager to touch him, she sat up, and the sheet fell away, revealing her bare body.
Julian sucked in a deep breath as his sight riveted on her exposed breasts. “Be careful, my crumpet. I’m only human.”
She breathed heavily, stimulated by his frank admiration. “If you do not get rid of those clothes of yours, I shall be forced to use my claws on you.”
In a matter of seconds he shucked off the rest of his clothes, then tossed back the sheet to take his fill of her naked length. Instead of pulling her into his arms as she expected, he drifted his fingers over the scars that peppered her chest and shoulders. Unhurried, he moved to her face and lovingly stroked the marks crisscrossing her cheeks, his touch almost reverent. In the reflected glow of his eyes, she felt infinitely beautiful and precious. Her heart swelled. How fortunate to receive such tenderness from such a man. Impatient for more physical contact, she twisted up onto her knees and curled her arms around his neck. Mildness gave way to animal appetite. His mouth came down greedily on hers as he toppled her onto her back with his weight. At the first touch of his lips, her senses sang. Their mouths melded together in a fusion of ecstatic heat. The warm scrub of his body against hers ignited her every nerve. He was hard muscle and soft skin, rough hair and delicate fingertips, brute strength and athletic grace. The bulk of his chest rubbed up against her breasts, exciting her nipples to hard peaks.
He was not tentative with her. He cupped one breast and possessed the other with his covetous mouth, his lips and tongue and teeth toying with her nipple. Rings of pleasure rippled out from her nub, joining with the erotic titillation caused by his thumb roughly and urgently caressing the other. She couldn’t control the sensations exploding through her, couldn’t stop—didn’t want to stop—herself arching her back, pressing her breast to Julian’s mouth and begging him for more. She was on a wild ride into the unknown landscape of sensual pleasure, with Julian as her guide. When his lips drifted away from her breast, she almost cried out in frustration, only to realise he was not abandoning her but rather following the map of her curves down to her stomach. He nibbled at her belly while his hands worked their magic on her hips and thighs. Against the white sheets and the paleness of her skin, his body glowed like a river of bronze, licked by the flickering firelight, enticing her to touch. Obeying her instincts, she trailed her fingers over him, exploring every sculpted inch, revelling in his glorious beauty. She traced her lips over him, lapping and sucking at his tangy flavour. Nothing was forbidden, no inhibition held her back. His eyes sparked with devilish humour as he let her have full rein on his body. Only when she’d explored his pulsating erection with her lips and fingers and tongue for several ecstatic minutes did he reluctantly draw her away.
“Now is not the time for that, my darling.”
Taking charge once more, he laid her on her back. His fingers reached between her legs and caressed her with long slow strokes until she was drenched and writhing. Wet and mad with desire, she could only think of one thing—Julian entering her and filling her to the core. Acceding to her wants, he claimed her with possessive force, the delicious hard thrust of his body the sole reality in her thrumming universe. Their bodies moved together in primitive harmony, heat and tightness and spiralling pleasure, their coupling earthy and urgent. As he reached the deepest part of her, he awakened new facets in her and she found herself in a place she’d never visited before. In a quick hot rush that was almost painful, they climaxed together, and when they fell upon the pillows, she felt as if she’d fallen from a great height, and she was grateful for the darkness that suddenly swamped her.
After a while she realised Julian was calling her name softly, and she blinked her eyes open.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked, concern etched on his face.
She shook her head. “No, I merely…I was merely overwhelmed. With pleasure.” She gave him a weak grin. “You made me swoon.”
He tucked the sheet under her chin and felt her forehead. “I’m flattered you think so, but I’d rather my lovemaking didn’t render you insensible.”
She caught his hand in hers and pressed a kiss on the back of it. “Oh, Julian. Never have I experienced such—such magnificence. It was sheer bliss, was it not?”
“Magical,” he murmured.
Yes, it was like nothing she’d ever dreamed of, and now she’d had a taste she feared it would not be enough.
Sometime later the fire had died down to a glowing bank of ashes, and Nellie lay in Julian’s arms, her head curled upon his shoulder. The sweat was cooling off their bodies from their third coupling, and she hazily thought that she might be sated enough to sleep. Julian absentmindedly played with one of her tresses. His body seemed relaxed, but she sensed his thoughts were not so at ease. Glancing up at him, she felt a tremendous tug of emotion towards him. Always, in so many ways, he was there for her, even though he had equally pressing concerns of his own.
“Julian?” she murmured, twisting herself around the better to view his face. “Tell me about your birth.”
For a moment he looked startled. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything. For instance, how do you imagine you landed here on Elijah’s doorstep?”
He stroked her hair meditatively before saying, “I have no solid proof as yet. This is all conjecture, but…I imagine my mother, once her pregnancy was discovered, would not have been allowed to remain in the family’s Mayfair home. She would have been bundled off to spend her confinement in anonymity somewhere.”
“Somewhere like around here, perhaps?”
He nodded. “Perhaps. At the time of my birth, this place was quiet, remote. Mr. Cazalet mentioned my mother was accompanied by some old governess of hers. She must have been a confidante, if she went with my mother to have her brooch repaired. Perhaps this governess came from nearby, knew of Elijah’s kindness, and decided to leave the baby—me—on his doorstep, knowing I’d be well cared for.”
From the flow of his words she knew he’d already mulled over this possibility many times, and her heart went out to him. She didn’t quite understand the need that drove him, but she could see how the uncertainty gnawed at him, and that only increased her ire towards Sir Thaddeus a thousand-fold.
She placed her palm over his heart, wishing to feel his heartbeat. “And what will you do next?” she asked.
“I intend focussing my enquiries on this old governess. If I can identify her, she may be able to tell me more.”
“About what?”
“About the circumstances of my birth. I’m convinced that Ophelia Ormond was my mother, but I know nothing about her or how she came to be in such a dire situation.” He paused a while, his jaw flexing. “I wish to know who my father was, and why he abandoned my mother to such a cruel fate. Perhaps he was unaware of her condition or was forced out of her life…or perhaps he was simply an opportunistic rake with the morals of an alley cat.”
Beneath her hand, his heart beat faster. She smoothed his skin, longing to soothe the tumult festering within him. “Do you really want to discover that?”
“Like you, I want to discover the truth, however unpalatable.”
But Sir Thaddeus would thwart his every attempt. She knew without him having to state the obvious. How awful if Julian never achieved his goal. How terrible if he spent the rest of his life pursuing the unattainable.