resting on his shoulder while she told him about Monique
and Karol Kalinowski.
‘Poor Monique!’ he said. ‘Where is she now?’
‘At the chateau. She clings to Solange like a frightened
child, and Solange talks to her and listens in a way that tears
at your heart. She’s the most wonderful mother, you know.
Crazy and capricious as she is, she loves her family to distraction, and in their times of crisis her strength is amazing.’ She sighed. ‘You know, Francois has seen to it
that Kalinowski is never allowed back into France. But I
can’t help thinking about his wife and children - it could be
that their only means of escaping the Germans is to seek
asylum in France. He should have told Monique from the
start that he was married.’
Armand nodded soberly. Then he chuckled. ‘I shouldn’t
have liked to be in Kalinowski’s shoes when he came face to
face with Francois!’
They sat quietly then, and as Claudine trailed her fingers
lazily over his bare arm, inhaling the acrid smell of sun
dried grass and listening to the buzz and rustle of the forest,
she felt herself beginning to relax at last. Bringing his hand
to her mouth, she kissed it, almost in gratitude - she had
been half-afraid that nothing, not even Armand’s love,
would be able to exorcize the restlessness and doubt that
had plagued her since the night of the July ball.
At first she had told herself that she had drunk too much
champagne, that it was because she was missing Armand
that she had felt that dreadful, demeaning desire for Francois again. But in her heart she knew that didn’t explain it. It didn’t explain why she had lain awake night after night,
waiting to hear his footsteps on the stairs, dreading, and
hoping that he would come to her bed. He had not come,
and on the few occasions when their paths crossed she had
had to turn away, terrified he might detect the anarchic lust
she experienced whenever he looked at her. But it was a
feeling that was mercifully starting to fade as she sat with
Armand’s arms tight around her and the breath of his kiss
on her cheek.
‘Did you talk to Francois about the other matter?’ he
asked.
She nodded. ‘He wanted to know if there had been any
strangers in the area, but there’s only Claude Villiers. He
said he would have him checked out. What do you think?
D’you think there’s still someone here?’
‘While you were away I did get the impression I was being
watched once or twice, but it’s difficult to know whether one
is imagining it or not. Is Francois intending to return to
Lorvoire?’
‘He didn’t say. But I don’t think so.’
‘Mm. A pity. I wanted to talk to him.’
‘What about?’
It was some time before he answered, and in the silence a
strange foreboding stole over her. She felt his mood
beginning to change, she felt him withdrawing from her into
the sadness she had detected in him when she arrived. She
waited, hardly daring to breathe lest it should inject further
life into her dread.
‘Well,’ he said finally, ‘if they do raise the age for
recruitment, I want to go, Claudine. I shall have to discuss it
with Francois first, because it’ll mean there’s no one here to
run the vineyards, but I don’t imagine he will raise any
objections - except that neither of us will feel happy about
leaving you here unprotected. Which reminds me, you
shouldn’t have come through the forest alone, however
eager you were to see me. Don’t do it again.’
‘No sir!’ she said, saluting. But there was more to come,
she knew it.
“Why didn’t you write while you were away?’ he said
suddenly.
She was stunned. Not only because of the reproach in his
voice, but because it hadn’t even occurred to her to write.
‘I take it you did miss me?’
She sat up and turned to look at him. ‘Of course I did,’
she answered, her voice imbued with feeling. ‘I’m surprised
you even need to ask.’
He smiled. ‘That’s all right then, isn’t it?’
But it wasn’t. There was something in his voice…‘What
is it?’ she said. ‘What are you thinking?’
He lifted a gentle hand to her cheek. ‘Of how much I love
you.’
‘No. There’s more, Armand. Tell me, what is it?’
He laughed, and turned his eyes into the forest. ‘The truth,’
he said. ‘I’ve been so terrified of losing you these past weeks
that somehow, in my mind, I’ve managed to convince myself
that it has already happened, but I’m refusing to see it.’
‘But Armand, I love you!’ she cried. ‘You know I do.
Nothing has changed, except perhaps that having been away
from you, I love you more than ever.’
‘Even though I can never give you the life you have now?
Balls at the Polish Embassy, soirees at the Bois de
Boulogne, visits to the opera, a household of staff? They will
all be things of the past if you come to live with me.’
‘But they don’t mean anything! All the time I was in Paris
I wanted to be here, with you, the way we are now. I love you,
Armand. You’re all that matters to me.’
He shook his head. ‘No, Claudine. I know you’d like that
to be true, but it isn’t. I’ve been thinking about it while you
were away, and I know, as you do too in your heart, that
there’s no future for us, and if we go on like this I’ll only
make you unhappy. That’s why I want to talk to Francois. I
want him to pull strings for me to join the army, because that
way it will be easier for us to say goodbye.’
Her face was ashen. A terrible panic was beginning to stir
inside her. ‘No!’ she cried. ‘No, you don’t mean that!’
He held her away as she made to throw herself against
him. ‘I do mean it, Claudine. This time apart has shown me
how futile our love is. You don’t belong to my world, any
more than I do to yours. I want you to think about that, and I
want you to be honest with yourself. You can’t leave your
family, and you know it.’
‘But we’ll chink of a way, Armand! We’ve always said that,
that one day we’ll find the answer. I couldn’t bear to lose
you. If you want to go and fight for France, I’ll even talk to
Francois myself for you, but if you’re going just to be away
from me, then I beg you not to do it.’
He looked away, but she saw the tears in his eyes and
threw her arms around him. ‘I beg you, cheri!’ she cried. ‘I
beg you. Don’t do this.’
He buried his face in her shoulder, and suddenly he
started to sob. ‘Dear God, if only I had the guts!’ he said
savagely. ‘If only I had the courage to walk away from you
now. I want to fight for my country, but I’m afraid to leave
you. Afraid you won’t be here when I get back. I love you so
much I can hardly think straight. I wanted you to beg me to
stay. I needed to know that you love me that much. I’m so
afraid of losing you, of having you tell me that it’s over. I
thought about nothing else while you were away. I waited for
your letters, and when they didn’t come I thought you’d
stopped caring, that maybe you’d found someone else.
Someone who is worthy of you, who can give you the life and
happiness you deserve. Claudine, hold me, please, hold me.
Tell me you love me. I’ve got to hear it. I know I’m a coward,
that I don’t deserve your love, but without it I’m nothing.’
‘Oh, mon cheri? she cried, lifting his face and holding it
between her hands. ‘Of course I love you. And you’re not a
coward. You’re wonderful and kind and the biggest idiot
I’ve ever met in my life. How could you have put yourself
through such torment? But I’ll never go away again, and nor
will you. We’ll find an answer, I will find the answer. Trust
me.’
His eyes were still clouded with uncertainty as he looked
at her, and she smiled at the way his tears had left furrows in
the dust on his cheeks. ‘Will you spend the night with me
tonight?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ she whispered.
By the time he left her at the bridge he was more his old
self, and was even laughing about his ‘pathetic display of
tears’. Whereas, in the past, she had always been the one
who was reluctant to let go, this time it was Armand who
found it hard to part. Claudine wondered if he had noticed
the change. But inside the chateau, on the nursery landing,
Magaly was waiting with news which pushed all thoughts of
Armand from her mind. She flew down the stairs to the
family sitting-room, where she found Louis and Solange
talking quietly.
‘Magaly told me,’ Claudine said. ‘But what does it mean?’
Louis took off his spectacles, and her heart almost!
ground to a halt as she saw the terrible anguish in his eyes.
‘It means that in a matter of days France will be at war,’ he
answered soberly.
‘But Communist Russia and Nazi Germany!’ she cried.
‘It doesn’t make sense. How could this have happened?’
‘Nobody knows,’ Louis said in a voice that cracked with
fatigue. ‘Maybe the details will come out later, but it will be
too late to change anything. A non-aggression pact between
Russia and Germany means that Poland and all her people
are already lost.’ He turned to Solange and gripped her
hands between his own. ‘I’d like to lie down for a while, cherie,’ he said. ‘I’d like you to come with me.’
‘Is Monique in her room?’ Claudine asked. ‘I’d better go
and tell her the news.’
As Claudine walked up the stairs in front of Solange and
Louis, she was thinking again of Armand. She had never
seen him like that before, so uncertain of himself, nor had
she ever seen Louis anything but strong - and the
bewildering change in two men she had come to depend
upon so much was in its way as horrifying as the imminence
of war. But it wasn’t until later that night that she began to
feel the full impact of the day’s news; to face up to the
chilling reality of war with Germany, and even the possibility
of defeat.
The nation’s mood over the next eleven days vacillated
between dread and hysteria as Britain and France sighed a
formal alliance with Poland, then tried to persuade her to
negotiate with Germany. Poland refused, and in the early
hours of Friday morning, September 1st 1939, German
troops crossed the frontier into Poland.
Francois telephoned at eleven thirty on the morning of
September 3rd and asked to speak to his father. Claudine
took the call, since Louis was in the chapel with Solange. ‘Where are you?’ she asked him.
‘In Paris.’
‘Are you coming home?’
‘No. I can’t. But I’m glad to talk to you, Claudine, because
I want you to start packing, now. I want you and Louis to
come to Paris, and from here I’ll see you on a flight to the
United States. I don’t want you to argue, I just want you to
get out of France while you still can.’
‘No!’ she cried. Tears were stinging the backs of her
eyes and the ghastly panic she had been trying to stave off
over the past eleven days suddenly threatened to overwhelm
her.
‘Claudine, listen to me,’ he said. ‘Neville Chamberlain is
going to broadcast to the British nation at twelve fifteen on
the BBC. It will be a declaration of war on Germany. France
will follow within hours. So please, start packing.’
There was a pause as she took in the full impact of his
words. Then, as she slowly started to come back to life, her
shoulders straightened, her head lifted, and in a voice of
inflexible resolve she said, ‘No, Francois.’
‘Claudine…’
‘No, Francois! I won’t discuss it any further. I’m not
coming to Paris. I’m staying here where I belong.’ There
was a fierce determination in her voice that she had never
used with him before, and she thought he was smiling as he
said, ‘AH right, I won’t force you, though I ought to. But if it
is your wish to remain in France, you’ll have to understand
what it will mean. This is a war we cannot possibly win,
Claudine. Now the Russians have signed their pact with
Germany, our case is hopeless - unless the United States
decides to back us. So far they have not committed
themselves, and I don’t believe they will until forced. By
then France will probably be a defeated nation.’
She could hear him breathing at the end of the line, and
for a moment, more than anything else in the world, she
wanted him to come home.
‘I will, as soon as I can,’ he answered her. ‘But I don’t
want you looking to me for your strength. You have your
own strength, Claudine, and if you stay at the chateau you’re
going to need it. Our son is safe as long as Corinne is there,
but you are a different matter. I’ll come home as often as I
can, but I have no idea yet what will be required of me in the
months ahead. If Armand stays he will give you the support
you need, for as long as he is able.’
There was a choking dryness in her throat as she said,
‘What do you mean, as long as he is able?’
‘I’m saying that I am doing all I can to see he stays at Lorvoire, at least for the time being. But the day is not far off when France will need all her men - no matter what their