Silvia looked at her hands.
‘Because I am ashamed,’ she said quietly.
‘What of?’
She looked up at April and her eyes were shining with tears. ‘Because I let your father down.’
April felt a sudden clenching of her stomach. Like she had some premonition that she wouldn’t like what she was about to hear, that it would change everything. But she couldn’t stop now, she had to know, however bad it was.
‘Let him down how?’
‘You have got to understand, April. It wasn’t easy living with your father, he was obsessed with his work, he’d be away for a week living in some horrible squat in Moscow or somewhere, I’d have no idea where he was, if he was alive or dead …’
‘That was his job,’ said April impatiently. ‘Don’t use that as an excuse.’
‘There were other … issues between us too.’
‘Oh God,’ said April, her hand over her mouth. ‘You had an affair, didn’t you?’
Silvia didn’t need to say anything, April could see from her face that she had guessed correctly.
‘It was when you were little. I felt so alone. I had no one to talk to, you have to understand what it was like. Robert was a shoulder to cry on.’
‘Robert?’ She felt sick. ‘Robert
Sheldon
? You had an affair with Mr Sheldon.’ Of course. She’d suspected something, but had never allowed herself to believe that it was true.
‘I never meant to hurt your father,’ said Silvia. ‘But it was as if he was punishing me.’
‘
He
was punishing
you
? You were the one who jumped into Hawk’s bed! You’re disgusting.’
‘April,’ said Silvia, moving towards her.
‘Don’t touch me!’ she cried, jumping away. ‘How could you do that to Dad? And with someone he hated.’
Suddenly April understood why her parents had spent so much time screaming at each other. When she was a little girl, she remembered them as happy and loving, but then something had changed, just before they had moved to Edinburgh, and ever since they had snapped and sniped at each other. April had assumed it was her; that she had simply grown up and noticed the tension she hadn’t seen before. But no, her mother’s selfishness had driven a wedge between them.
‘Darling, please try to understand. Love makes you do strange things sometimes.’
‘Love? How dare you talk to me about love? You must have hated him.’
‘I never hated your father, April. He was wonderful, but
we had problems in our marriage. They were there from the beginning, but we thought we could overcome them. Maybe we never could.’
‘Don’t start blaming him. You were the one who had the affair.’
Another thought hit April like a blow to the stomach.
‘Were you still seeing him? Is that why you came down here? So you could be close together? God, this is horrible …’
‘No, April,’ said Silvia fiercely. ‘Absolutely not. I would never have come within a hundred miles of Robert Sheldon, but … we came here because your father wanted to.’
‘That’s rubbish! You want me to believe Dad insisted I went to a school run by your lover? Pull the other one. You were still seeing him and you tricked Dad into coming here. I wouldn’t be surprised if you got him fired from the
Scotsman
on purpose!’
‘How dare you!’
‘How dare I? You’re the one running around behind Dad’s back, lying and cheating! Is that why you lied about where you were when he died? Because you were off having your affair?’
‘No! The thing with Robert was years ago, one drunken night, a horrible mistake.’
‘That’s such rubbish. As soon as Dad died, Hawk was around here all the time.’
Silvia ran a hand through her hair.
‘Robert was only trying to help. I think he feels guilty about … about what happened between us. Yes, he wanted me back, that much is true, but I swear to you, April, I never cheated on your dad ever again.’
‘Why should I believe you?’
‘Because it’s true.’
‘Is it? You’ve lied to me so many times. For all I know you and Robert Sheldon plotted to have Dad killed, to get him out of the way. Dad was so stupid.’
Like lightning, Silvia stepped forward and slapped her.
April stood there, her mouth open, holding her stinging cheek. Silvia stepped towards her, but April turned, trying to
run from the room. Her mother grabbed her and held her.
‘Think what you like about me, April. But never think about your father that way. He was a fine, brave, principled man. Yes, I cheated on him once, yes I was selfish and weak, but he was strong enough to stay with us. Any other man would have walked out on us, but he put his own hurt to one side in order to protect you. And because, despite it all, he still loved me.’
‘He loved you?’ yelled April, wrenching herself free and running for the door. ‘He
loved
you? Then he really
was
stupid!’
‘How could she?’ April stood sheltering under a tree as the rain swept down. She hoped it wouldn’t get into her phone, that would really cap her day off.
‘I don’t know, honey,’ said Fiona soothingly. ‘But I know she didn’t do it to upset you.’
‘What do you mean?’ said April. ‘You can’t imagine how much she hurt my dad.’
‘I can, actually,’ said Fiona. Her own family had split in two when her mother ran off with the local golf pro a few years earlier. ‘And I know what your mum means when she says it took incredible strength for them to stay together. But whatever happened back then was between your mum and your dad. Yes, she was selfish and stupid, but no one ever knows what goes on inside someone else’s relationship. Try not to judge her. I know that sounds like useless advice, but believe me, I’ve been through the same thing and it gets you nowhere trying to hate your parents, however idiotic they are.’
‘I suppose,’ said April, but she was still too angry to listen to reason, even if her friend was talking from bitter experience. ‘Why can’t adults behave like adults? They spend so much time telling us how to behave and getting all worked up about the way we look and speak and all the time they’re sneaking off to do horrible things. Are we going to turn out like them?’
‘We’ve got to be better than they are, if we can,’ said Fiona sadly. ‘I know you’re angry at your mum, but shouting at her isn’t going to help. Like I say, I have experience.’
‘Sorry, Fee, I don’t mean to reopen old wounds.’
‘Oh, don’t be silly. I’ve got over it, as much as I can. The
tricky part is grasping that your parents are human too. You want them to have all the answers, and it turns out that they’re as clueless as we are. That’s pretty scary the first time you work it out.’
‘It’s no excuse though, is it?’
‘No, of course not. But the bottom line is your mum is your mum and she always will be. You might not want to see her right now, but you will one day.’
‘I can’t stand the sight of her.’
‘Well then avoid her for a while. You’ll only say something you can’t take back. Or rather yell something.’
April shook her head. All she wanted to do was yell. At this very moment, she wanted to strike out at someone. Mr Sheldon in particular.
‘Well if I can’t yell at my mum, maybe I should yell at Hawk. God, I’d like to wring his neck,’ she said, kicking at a tree root.
‘Obviously. But again, just avoid him. You don’t want to get expelled from Ravenwood just when you’ve got Peter helping you on your investigation.’
April thought for a while, watching the rain dripping off the leaves of the tree.
‘Do you think my mum was meeting him that day?’ she asked. ‘I mean, she swears she wasn’t having an affair with him any more, but she’s not exactly told me the whole truth so far, has she?’
‘Possibly,’ said Fiona. ‘But does it really matter?’
‘Of course it matters!’ said April, ‘If she was going off to have some sort of horrible rendezvous, that makes it even worse!’
‘But weren’t you with Mr Sheldon just before it happened?’
‘Yes, he drove off in his stupid sports car. He could have gone straight there and killed my dad. And …’
‘What is it?’
‘Well, maybe that was why my mum wasn’t at home. Maybe Hawk arranged to meet her to get her out of the way so he wouldn’t have any witnesses. And maybe that’s why she lied about where she was.’
Fiona was silent for a moment.
‘It’s possible, but that’s an awful lot of maybes.’
‘Yes, I guess. But someone out there knows.’
‘Mr Sheldon for one. Perhaps you should ask him.’
April laughed.
‘I can’t just go up and say “Hey Mr Sheldon, I hear you were screwing my mother and I was wondering, did you also murder my dad?”’
There was a pause at the other end of the line.
‘What?’ said April. ‘Do you think I should?’
‘April, you’re my best friend and it’s terrified me hearing all about the things you’ve gone through over the past few months. The last thing I want to do is put you in more danger …’
‘But? I can feel a big “but” coming on.’
‘But they do say attack is the best form of defence. You and Caro have spent months sneaking around, reading books, doing research and where’s it got you? Maybe it’s time for a more direct approach. At least then you won’t be sitting around waiting for one of the Suckers to jump out at you.’
April felt a weird mixture of thrill and fear. She knew Fiona was right, she just wished someone else could go and do it for her.
‘So what do I do?’
‘Go and see Mr Sheldon tomorrow. Ask him about it straight out. He’ll probably deny it, but you’ll be able to see how he reacts, won’t you?’
It sounded crazy, but right now, April was so angry, she felt she could have walked into a lion’s cage and come out unscathed.
‘You know what? I’ll do it,’ she said. ‘I’d certainly love to see his face when I tell him I know everything.’
‘Good for you. So what are you going to do right now?’
April looked at the time. Eight-thirty. She knew she’d have to go back some time, but she couldn’t face seeing her mother right now. Let Silvia worry for a while – this time, she deserved it. April so wished she could see Gabriel, but she knew there was no way he could come back to Highgate.
‘I suppose I’ll call Caro. She’s been texting me since I met up with DI Reece. I’ll go to hers and we’ll see if we can plot our next move.’
‘Keep safe, okay?’
Just then her phone beeped in her ear.
‘Speak later, Fee,’ said April. ‘I think that’s Caro now.’
She quickly flicked through her phone’s menu, but the message wasn’t from Caro.
It was from Miss Holden.
I need to speak to you, it’s urgent. Can you come to school?
Mr Sheldon’s office, I’ve found something I think you should see
.
April frowned. Had Miss Holden finally seen sense and decided to help her out?
‘I hope so,’ she whispered to herself. ‘I could do with some help right now.’
April walked straight up the path to the school, feeling a new sense of purpose. Fiona was right; there was a time for gathering evidence and looking for clues, and there was a time to take action. She needed to take the bull by the horns, even if it meant the risk of being gored, because the longer April sat around and waited for something to happen, the more time she gave the Suckers to work out who she was and close in on her. April needed answers, and she was only going to get them by asking the right people – Miss Holden and Mr Sheldon were excellent places to start.
April walked up the steps and pushed in through the main doors: they were unlocked. Maybe Miss Holden had left them open, or perhaps they were always unlocked, she’d never been here this late. As she walked inside, April was immediately struck by how quiet it was, her shoes tapping on the stone floor. Empty buildings always had a neglected, unhappy air and Ravenwood’s high-ceilinged passageways added to the unsettling sense that she was both alone and being watched.
She was just turning into the corridor housing the headmaster’s office when her phone buzzed, echoing in the silence, and she pulled it before it could ring again.
‘Caro,’ she whispered, covering the mouthpiece with her hand. ‘Can’t talk right now.’
‘Where are you? I’ve been trying to call you. And why are you whispering again?’
‘I’m at Ravenwood, I had a message from Miss Holden to meet her here.’
‘Miss Holden? What’s she doing there?’
‘She’s found something in Hawk’s office. I can’t talk now, I’ll call you when I get out.’
‘April—’
‘Speak later,’ April hissed urgently and hung up, turning her phone off. She didn’t want it going off again and alerting some caretaker or security guard.
She tapped gently on Mr Sheldon’s door and could see there was a light on inside, so she pushed it open. There was a strange smell in the air, like burnt meat.