Darkness Falls (28 page)

“What do you intend to do?” she whispered against his finger, his words twisting around her heart and squeezing until her chest ached with longing and sorrow.

“I’ll no longer come for you unless you call. Or you’re at Death’s door,” he said in a soft, dull voice and a whimper slipped past her lips but her body was frozen. Standing up, he looked down at her, love and anguish making his green eyes shine in the darkness. He reached out as if to touch her but his hand fell short and she wished he would have touched her.

“Feryn,” she rasped, her tongue thick in her mouth. She didn’t want this gulf between them but she didn’t know how to fix it.

“We’ll be heading out in the morning to continue our search,” he said as if she hadn’t spoken, as if their hearts weren’t breaking. “Another key will be at your disposal but I suggest leaving Toby with his father the next time you decide to leave since they get along so well. Travelling through Netherspace doesn’t agree with him.”

She made a sound of agreement, watching her world fall apart because there were too many obstacles between them. As stubborn as he was, she was just as pig headed, especially when she thought she was doing the right thing.

He stared at her for a few more moments before he rasped, “Take care, Malorie.”

She squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to find the words that would make it right. Finding her tongue, she finally managed to whisper, “I love you.”

When there was no reply, she opened her eyes and found that she was all alone. He had left her. Rolling onto her side, she curled up into a ball and stared at nothing long into the night. She had expected fireworks and passion and, she didn’t know,
hope
that they’d survive this.

She didn’t expect him to let her go. Or maybe they were too different and this was always the way they were going to end.

Already she missed him, hating the distance between them, hating that she was the one who put it there even though there had been no other way.

Maybe in a few days they’d have cooler heads and they could discuss her reasons for why she let Hunter go. She wished she had someone to talk to, someone who had more experience than she had. Before, she always had her father but since this whole fiasco began he had been apart from her and she was screwing up left and right. She screwed up with Hunter and she screwed up with Jack. Even though Jack was around, he was no longer her husband, no longer her best friend, and she couldn’t talk to him about any of this. Now she was screwing up with Feryn.

It had never bothered her before how alone she was, even when surrounded by a sea of people. Since she was a child, she had always done what she had to do. If she had kept that doll when she was a child she would have gone soft and been useless in the fight against the vampires. But now, with Feryn, she knew what she was missing all of her life and it made it that much harder to be who she was, to do the right thing. If she had allowed her brother to remain an Aradian pet she wouldn’t have been able to live with herself. 

Now there were dozens of babies about to be born and she no longer knew what she was going to do. The mothers were going to be allowed to raise their children but was that enough? The women were enthralled by the Aradians and would be willing to do whatever was demanded of them. Maybe, she could make all of them see reason and they would let the children live a normal life in the human world, let the infant Breeders make the choice when they were old enough to make such a choice. She would even compromise and allow the tracking chips so the Aradians could keep track of the Breeder children.

No, she was being selfish because those babies were her brothers and sisters and she didn’t want to lose track of them. Even though she didn’t know Hunter very well, she still felt the ache of his loss deep in her gut. She would have loved to have gotten to know him better but she never had the chance and now she doubted she ever would. Hopefully Scott was going to be able to guide her brother through the complicated world and help Hunter understand things Malorie would never understand.

None of it mattered, though, not if Feryn ended up hating her for being who she was, if he released her from their bond and truly set her free. He loved her for now but he didn’t understand her and she didn’t think he loved her enough to tolerate her perceived betrayals much longer.

Was a Breeder destined to forever be an Aradian pet? Was she simply too young, too naïve, to ever be his equal? Was there any hope?

Her humanity rebelled at the thought that she was little more than a kept animal but then she wasn’t sure how much humanity she had left. Since meeting Feryn she had nearly died twice and everything had been flipped on its head. When she was with him, she felt whole but she didn’t like the idea of relying on anyone for her happiness, for her peace of mind. She had spent her entire life being responsible for so much that the thought of letting any of that go terrified her. As much as she wished she could lean on Feryn, let him shoulder some of her burdens, she was afraid of what would be left of her if she did.

What if she was wrong about Varick? What if she got Feryn’s hope up only to discover Varick was good and truly dead? That would be awful and she wasn’t sure they would be able to survive the crushing despair if her dreams turned out to be false.

Gasping in horror, she sat up abruptly in a panic. If Varick was truly gone, then Feryn was going to think she had set him up for the sole purpose of freeing Hunter. He was going to despise her because she
had
taken advantage of the situation to do precisely that and there was no way Feryn could know she had been absolutely certain in her belief that his son was alive.

“Please, please let Varick be alive,” she prayed to the silent night as tears filled her eyes. As much as she wanted Varick to be alive for Feryn’s sake, she knew that she had a very selfish reason as well.

She didn’t want Feryn to hate her.

Chapter 11

Rinsing her mouth out with some water, Malorie slumped against the sink, wishing the morning sickness would go away. For the fifth morning in a row since Feryn walked away, since she drove him away, she had been sick, sicker than ever. Nearing the end of her first trimester, she prayed to whoever was listening that the rest of her pregnancy wasn’t going to be so miserable. It hadn’t been anywhere near this bad when she had been pregnant with Toby. But, then again, Toby had a human father, not some arrogant half-alien.

She missed the stubborn bastard and wished he was around to comfort her as she struggled to keep her food down for the baby’s sake. Of course, neither of them was willing to budge in their beliefs and maybe it was for the best that he was giving her some space.

She still missed him.

Lifting her head, she stared at her reflection, wincing at the dark circles beneath her gray eyes. She looked like death and felt only slightly better. Between the bizarre dreams, Feryn’s memories, and the baby, she was barely getting any sleep at all. She would have thought with Feryn gone she would have gotten more because he wasn’t there to distract her with his kisses, with pleasure, but now she could barely fall asleep at all.

It was as if half of her soul was missing and that bothered her far more than the feeling of being suffocated. Yet this was what she thought she wanted, what she told Feryn she wanted. Why did he have to listen to her when she didn’t know what she wanted? If she weren’t so miserable, she would smack herself for that thought.

To make matters worse, Toby wanted to spend all of his time with Jack, which gave Malorie way too much time alone with her thoughts. That was always dangerous because in the silence, she started to think about Varick and the caves and she was almost certain she knew the snaking route through the caverns to reach him. That is, if he was still alive. Her deepest doubts liked to whisper in her ear that Feryn’s son was long dead and she was a cruel, heartless bitch to give her mate false hope.

Glancing down at the stone that she never let very far out of her sight, she debated whether or not she wanted to risk Feryn’s wrath by showing up at the caves. If she was able to find his son, he might be so overcome with joy and gratitude he wouldn’t think twice about what she was doing there. Or he’d never trust her again.

It had been days since she had heard from Feryn so it was obvious he was having little luck in locating his son. But
she
knew how to get to Varick, as long as she ignored her pervasive fear that he was no longer alive. If she could just talk to Feryn….

Wrapping her hand around the cool stone, she closed her eyes and debated whether or not she was foolish enough to chase after Feryn, chase after the danger that surely awaited her if she did. Taella was weakened after Feryn wiped out all of her vampires but she wasn’t defeated. Would she, could she, take retribution against an Aradian’s mate? The woman had been afraid of Malorie once she saw the mark on her stomach, and Taella had only seen a small portion of it. By now, Taella had to be aware of Malorie’s importance to Feryn by the loss of her vampires and the woman wouldn’t hesitate to take out her revenge on Malorie.

Or maybe she would use Malorie as a pawn against Feryn to bring the emperor down. That’s assuming Feryn cared enough to give everything up to save his wayward mate. He’d already destroyed an entire vampire horde on her behalf but that was before Jack, before Hunter. It would probably make it easier on him if Taella did capture Malorie and she was being maudlin because she was pregnant and miserable.

Licking her lips, she glanced out into the empty bedroom, knowing that the rest of the house was just as barren. Jack had taken Toby for a few days to do some male bonding, not that they needed to bond any more. The two of them were thick as thieves and while Malorie was grateful they got along so well, it left her feeling even more lost. Hence, her foolish idea that she could find Varick when Feryn and all of his Aradian resources couldn’t.

Staggering out of the bathroom, she collapsed onto the bed with the stone still in her hand. Since she was going to be sick either way, what difference would another trip through Netherspace make? As long as she concentrated on Feryn, she’d end up in his arms and then she’d be able to kiss him and maybe then everything would be better.

A slight smile curved her lips as she thought about her fantasy reunion because she knew the reality would be far, far different. If she showed up, stepping through Netherspace dazed and confused, Feryn would just send her right back. If she was lucky. Hell, he might decide she wasn’t worth the headache and just leave her in the sprawling caves with no way out because her dreams were only dreams and she didn’t actually know Varick’s location.

Or she’d end up in some foreign land because the caves had some sort of shielding around them and she’d be just as far away from Feryn as she was at present.

Her stomach rumbled but she was too exhausted to get out of bed and eat something. It hardly mattered since she’d probably just throw it up anyway. Fuck, she couldn’t use the stone to find Feryn; she barely had the strength to make it to the bathroom to puke. As the world spun around her, she gave into the oblivion of unconsciousness, her brows puckered into a frown.

~
Feryn
~

Feryn scowled as Malorie suddenly appeared on the ground at his feet. He was angry at her for setting the male free, he was angry that she went behind his back to do so, and he was angry that he couldn’t navigate the damn caves. Then she had to appear, defying him once again. But she wasn’t moving and, in fact, she seemed to be asleep. Kneeling down, he frowned as he pried her fingers open and found the stupid key he had given her. It was created from dark matter and was manipulated by thought and if he had been thinking at all he never would have given her one, let alone two. But she had asked for a way to travel and he could deny her nothing, even when he knew she might steal off with the young Bre… with her brother.

He had assumed they’d be able to track the boy since they had put two tracking chips on him, one in his arm and the other grafted to his rib. After they brought him back, he would have told Malorie that the boy was going to be given as much freedom as possible within reason. He wouldn’t have been kept in captivity at any rate, though he would have been expected to do his Breeder duty. Unfortunately, Malorie somehow managed to hide the boy very well and he had no idea how she had done it.

Fuck, he was a god among men. He had lived for thousands of years, he had seen so much,
done
so much, and yet this mere slip of a girl could light up his entire world with a simple smile. No matter how often he told her, she had no idea of the power she had over him and it terrified him. The girl should have been nothing but a means to an end for him but she had become his everything. Staying away from her had nearly killed him but he had had no choice. If she ever truly understood the power she had over him, he would be at her mercy. 

He had hoped that by removing the mark, she wouldn’t have this hold over him but he hadn’t been able to do it. Even before she begged him not to take it away, he couldn’t do it because it would have been like cutting out his heart.