Darkness Reborn (Order of the Blade #5) (4 page)

She gasped in pain, and more cracks appeared in her skin.

Okay, so clearly not what she'd been looking for. Son of a bitch! What the hell did she want from him? All he did every day was protect the world from monsters, save innocents from a hell worse than death. That was his job, and now, here he was with one woman dying in his arms and he couldn't stop it?

Her relief cascaded through him, and he felt the warmth of their connection in his mind.
You save innocents, Kane
.
That's what matters to you.

Fuck, yeah, I do, but that's not what I live for.

Tell me about someone you saved. A child. A woman. An innocent. Let me feel it. Show me something good to believe in.
Her body started to shake more violently, and her eyes rolled back in her head.
Now,
she gasped.
Now, Kane, now!

He didn't get it. How would a story help her? But he didn't care. He tried to think back to all the times he'd gone to battle, all the deaths he'd caused, trying to remember one of the innocents he had saved. All he could recall was the death, the destruction, the carnage he'd left behind. The blood on his hands—

Seriously, Kane?
Sarah's voice was weaker now, barely audible.
That's what you give me when I ask for faith? That's all you have? I thought you had more...
Her energy grew fainter, colder, and he felt her distance herself from him.
You gave me hope. You were my last chance. Hope dies...

He was losing her! Kane swore, searching his mind for something worth remembering in his damned life. A child flashed through his mind. A small child.
A baby boy.

Anguish arced through her, and she gripped his arm.
A boy? Tell me. Tell me.

He couldn't remember. He just had an image in his head of a child.
Brown hair. Dark eyes.
Something caught in his gut, something important, a gnawing certainty that the child was important. Who was it? Why couldn't he remember?

More, Kane. How did you save him? Show me his innocence.
Sarah's voice was urgent, desperate, and he knew they were out of time.

He swore, unable to remember any more about the child. Frantically, he tried to think of another.
I—

Sudden movement caught his attention, and Sarah's original assailant materialized in front of him again. There was a rush of heat, and then another ten Calydons appeared, teleporting from hell knew where. Kane's weapons burned with the need to attack, but he couldn't risk engaging.

Sarah needed his help, and he wouldn't abandon her to fight.

The Calydons lunged at him. Kane immediately pictured the spot where he'd left his teammate and dematerialized, taking Sarah with him.

Ryland spun around, his weapons ready as Kane appeared behind him. Ryland's gaze immediately went to the woman in Kane's arms. Sarah's eyes were closed, her breathing shallow, her heartbeat too damn faint. "What's going on?" Ryland asked, moving into a battle stance before Kane even spoke.

Kane didn't waste words. "Tell me a fairytale. Now!"

"What?" Ryland stared at him as if he'd gone insane. "What are you talking about?"

"She needs to hear a story of angels, goodwill and redemption. I got nothing to offer. Talk to me."

Ryland glanced down at the woman, and something in the hard lines of his face softened. Kane was shocked by the transformation on Ryland's face. The warrior was always angry, always on the edge of violence, fury, and lack of control. And yet there was something on his face, an easing of tension, an expression of actual humanity as he looked at the woman in Kane's arms.

Kane instantly tightened his grip on her. "She's mine."

"Fuck that." Ryland strode across the earth right toward Kane, ignoring Kane's growl of warning. "How in hell's name did a bastard like you find an angel?"

Kane swore as Sarah groaned in his arms. He pulled her more closely against him, trying to infuse her with his strength. "I need a story of angels, you dumb ass. Not compliments about her."

"Shit, man, don't you get it?" Ryland looked up at him, and for the first time since Kane had known him, the warrior's eyes were green instead of the bottomless black pits they always were. Was that Ryland's real eye color, not the black they'd always been? "She's an angel," Ryland said quietly, almost reverently. "The real deal. Put her down. You aren't worthy of holding her. None of us are."

"An angel?" Stunned, Kane looked down at Sarah. Her dark brown hair was tangled around her shoulders, her face ashen, tight lines of suffering around the corners of her mouth. Her throat was still bleeding from the attack, and more blood was oozing from her side. There were bruises all over her throat, and she was trembling violently against him. Protectiveness surged over him, and he knew it didn't matter what she was. Right now, she was a woman who was dying in his arms, and he had to stop it. "Tell me a story of redemption, Ryland," he said quietly, trying to soothe her with the tones of his voice. "Without it, she dies."

Ryland immediately went down on one knee, and bowed his head, a show of respect so far from the rogue warrior he always was. "My mother," he said quietly. "She was the most beautiful soul that ever graced this earth."

Kane was stunned by the raw emotion of Ryland's words, of the depth of reverence in his voice. Ryland was a cold killing machine, who cared only about following his own path, about revenge, about his own brand of justice. He was a warrior who felt nothing, who saw no beauty, who had no depth to his soul other than death, pain and anger, and yet his sincerity about his mother was so evident that Kane could feel the other warrior's emotion. "Son of a bitch, Ryland," he said softly, staring at the warrior he thought he knew. "Who the hell are you?"

Ryland's head snapped up. "Don't swear in her presence, you bastard. She's a fucking angel, and deserves far more than a piece of scum like you or I could ever offer her. Don't ever forget it."

Kane.
Sarah's voice melted through his mind, and he swore at how weak she sounded.

Listen to Ryland. He's telling you about his mother.
Kane knelt in front of Ryland, meeting Ryland's grim face. "Talk, Ryland. Fucking talk."

"My mother died trying to keep me safe," Ryland said urgently, looking at Sarah. "I'll never forget the blood, the way she screamed when the—"

Kane hit Ryland in the side of the head. "What the hell's that? How is that a story of hope and faith?"

Ryland's eyes darkened to black again. "She's my mother. She is all that was good in this world."

"She died? How is that good?" Jesus, did the man have no sense of humanity? Even Kane knew there was no hope and faith in a story about dead mothers.

"To save the sorry ass of her fucked up son, yeah," Ryland snapped. "That deserves a chorus in the heavens by the angels themselves."

Kane.
Sarah's fingers moved weakly, and he caught her hand.
It has to be you. I can't feel his emotions. Only yours.

Shit.
His emotions weren't the kind that could save an angel, or anyone else for that matter. Kane looked at Ryland, desperate. "Help me, man. The feel good story has to come from me, but that's not my thing. I got nothing."

Ryland met his gaze. "Dante. It has to be Dante. Tell her about Dante."

Sudden grief poured through Kane at the thought of their leader who'd been assassinated so recently. "I can't—"

I feel that,
Sarah said
. You loved him. Tell me. Who are you thinking about?

Jesus. Emotions? She wanted him to talk about his emotions? He was a male. He didn't do emotions—

Ryland's machete was suddenly at Kane's throat. "You will get in touch with your emotions if I have to carve them out of you. You give the angel what she wants. Now."

Kane swallowed, the blade drawing blood as he met the eyes of the one man who understood how much it had broken him when Dante had died.
Dante Sinclair saved my life, Sarah. He found me in a sewer, left for dead. I was covered in scars. I was a violent, deadly bastard ready to cut off any hand that tried to help me, and he didn't give a shit.
Kane ground his jaw against the sudden swell of emotions, against the memories of that day when he'd been down in the rotting sewage, with no idea of what he was, who he was or how he'd gotten there. He could still recall that aching sense of loss and emptiness inside him, nearly crushing him with the void.

When Dante had reached out and extended his hand to him, it had been a lifeline Kane had never forgotten.

He saved you?
Sarah's fingers tightened in his.

He stared at her fingers curled so desperately in his hand, at the first sign of strength he'd seen from her. Her hand was so small, so slight, so vulnerable compared to his callused palms that were twice her size. The need to protect pulsed through him, and he clasped his hand more securely around hers, cherishing her small, vulnerable outreach.
Yeah, he did. Dante gave me hope when I had none. I didn't deserve it, Sarah. I was covered in scars, and my weapons were still bloody. I'd killed someone. Maybe many. We don't know. But Dante didn't care. He hauled me out of that rancid stink, and he offered me a chance to start again. I'll never forget that.
Emotions burned in Kane's chest, grief for his leader that he hadn't allowed himself to acknowledge since Dante had died. He'd shut it down, like any halfway decent warrior would do, and as hell was his witness, he knew why he did it.

It sucked to feel this kind of pain. He didn't want to think about Dante being dead. He just didn't.

Thank you,
Sarah whispered.
That's beautiful. Your love for him is so powerful.

Love? Fuck that. What was love? He honored and respected Dante, yeah, but there was no man love between them. Kane shifted uncomfortably, knowing that if love was what she wanted him to describe, he had no chance. He wouldn't know love if it stabbed him right in the eye.

Ryland jabbed him with the machete. "Don't be an ass. Pay attention to the angel."

The angel... Kane looked down at Sarah, and saw the faintest trace of a smile at the corners of her mouth. Her eyes were still closed, her body still trembling, the cracks still visible on her skin. But that smile. That faint, barely-there smile hovering at the corners of her mouth struck something deep inside him, something he'd never felt before, a soul-deep sense of rightness, of connection, of knowing that he'd done right, that he'd helped her.

He sifted his fingers through her tangled hair, needing to touch her. Her eyelids fluttered and then opened a sliver. Her eyes were a brilliant blue, like the sky on a clear summer day when the sun owned the earth and there was no one he had to kill. "Sarah," he whispered, her name like a gift of salvation on his lips.

Her trembling fingers closed around his hand, and the rest of the world fell away until it was just them.
No one has said my name with such reverence in so long,
she said.
It sounds beautiful the way you say it.

It is beautiful, Sarah.

She smiled faintly, and her fragility tore at his heart. "Kane," she whispered, her voice so raw and scratched that something inside him cracked. "Tell me what you see when you look at me."

"What I see?" He could feel her desperation, and knew that she was still searching for more positive energy to cling to. God, this was taxing him to his limits. He could slay a thousand demons for her, but feed her stories of hope and faith? He had no foundation for playing that role.

Ryland leaned closer, his shoulder bumping against Kane's as he peered at Sarah. "Tell her that she has eyes more radiant than the turquoise feathers of the hyacinth macaw as it takes flight across the Brazilian landscape, with the sun reflecting off its wings."

"A Brazilian landscape?" Kane stared at his teammate in shock. "Are you kidding me? Aren't you supposed to be nearly insane, almost rogue and a veritable bastard?"

"This is an angel," Ryland whispered reverently. "Don't you get it? She's why there's any good left on this earth. All goodness comes from the angels. Without angels, it's only darkness." He bowed his head to Sarah. "We honor you and serve you."

Sarah laughed softly, and she brushed her fingers over Ryland's shoulder. "Thank you," she said quietly.

Kane froze, his muscles going rigid the moment he saw her touch Ryland. Sudden fury burned within him as Ryland shuddered from the touch. A fierce possessiveness surged through Kane, and the brands in his arms vibrated with the need to unleash his weapons and take down his teammate for getting so close to her. "Back off," Kane said quietly, unable to keep the threat out of his voice. "Now."

Ryland lifted his head and met his gaze. Defiance flared in Ryland's eyes. "You don't get to claim her, Santiago. She's a gift to everyone." Ryland's fingers tightened over the handle of his machete. "You will not clip her wings and drag her into your personal hell."

Kane.
Sarah's voice was urgent, and she gripped his arm.
I need you. Now.
Her body was shaking again, and her face had paled.

Fierce protectiveness surged through Kane, and he didn't give a shit about Ryland anymore. Sarah was what mattered. Only Sarah.

He hugged her more securely against his chest, as if he could protect her with his body. He would be the one to tell her what he saw when he looked at her, not Ryland. He didn't have stories about love and hope, but this question he could answer. "When I look at you," he said fiercely, "I see a woman who has fought bravely to save herself. A woman with courage, who, despite all that she's dealing with, still has the ability to fight for hope and faith." He tightened his grip on her as her eyes fluttered open and she met his gaze. "I have no hope in my life," he admitted. "I kill to save the world, an endless spiral with no answers, and yet you touch my soul in a way I didn't know was possible."

Kane.
She set her hand on his arm.
That's beautiful.

He felt himself falling into the blue of her eyes, tumbling so fast he couldn't stop himself and didn't want to. He took her hand in his, tangling their fingers together. "In you, I see a beauty and a purity that exists nowhere else in this world." He didn't just see it. He'd felt it from that first moment, a depth to his soul that he hadn't accessed in so long. "I don't know anything about you," he acknowledged, "but you're like this burst of humanity into my soul that I never thought I would feel."

Sarah's eyes began to glisten with unshed tears. "You have such passion," she said. "I forgot what that was like." She rested her palm against his cheek, her fingers still trembling.

Rightness cascaded through Kane, and he set his hand over hers, holding her palm against his skin. The moment stilled, intensity filling him with such desire and need for her that it physically hurt. He could feel the thud of his heart in his chest, the rush of blood through his veins, and the burning of fire in every cell of his body. It was agonizingly painful, as if his entire being was fighting to come alive, to tear down the walls that had kept it locked down for so long.

He swore, tightening his grip on her as the darkness that had been chasing him for so long roared to life, trying to suck him away from this place that Sarah had brought him to. Agonizing loss assailed him, terror at losing this sense of humanity she'd given him. He didn't want to retreat back into a place where he didn't feel, where he couldn't hear his own heartbeat. He wanted to stay in the light with Sarah.

Her eyes widened, and she tightened her grip on him. "What's happening to you?"

"I don't know," he rasped out, fighting at the onslaught of darkness, against the void struggling to consume him. It felt like the closer he got to connecting with Sarah and his humanity, the stronger the darkness inside him became. A battle for his soul.

"It's happening again, isn't it?" Ryland was beside him again, his face intense. "What the hell is it, Santiago?"

"I don't know." Kane's back bowed from the pain, and his soul screamed in protest as the blackness swirled through him. "Son of a bitch—"

The air pressure shifted, and Kane instinctively threw himself over Sarah, reacting to the threat even before he'd had time to register what it was. He pinned her to the ground as a sickle careened through the air and slammed into his shoulder, right where her head had just been.

Ryland leapt to his feet with a battle roar, while Kane shielded Sarah with his body as dozens more weapons hurtled through the air, slamming into his back in an attempt to harm her. "What the fuck's going on?" He cradled his arms around her head, blocking her with his shoulders as he shouted at Ryland. Sarah curled beneath him, accepting his protection and burrowing into the shield he was offering her.