Authors: Delsheree Gladden
Tags: #Romance, #Contemporary, #New Adult & College, #Sports, #Literature & Fiction, #Contemporary Fiction
They took a few minutes to stretch in silence, and then began their run at a leisurely pace. It was slow enough that Eli could speak without being winded. “How were the riding lessons, yesterday?”
“Jumping.”
Eli’s brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of her response.
Seeing his confusion, Leila said, “I was learning to show jump, not ride. I already knew how to ride.”
“That’s right, your aunt’s ranch.” Eli nodded, remembering that she had mentioned how much she loved visiting the country and spending time with the animals her aunt raised. “How was the jumping then?”
She actually smiled. “It was fun. The girl teaching me said I picked it up fast.” Leila frowned. “She was only fourteen, though. Maybe fifteen, tops.”
“What does her age matter?” Eli asked. “If she was teaching, she’s probably been jumping for years.”
Leila conceded his point, but picked up the pace, making conversation impossible. They continued on in quiet rhythm. Their routine path had become ingrained in them both. Eli could run for hours, or at least he felt like he could. He enjoyed the strain on his muscles and the comfortable exhaustion running provided. Leila, however, was firm about limiting her running to two miles. She handled the distance well by that point, but Eli knew she still held no great love for running, so he went along with her demands.
Even without speaking, the time spent with Leila was enjoyable. Being in her presence made him happy. Vance told him constantly that whether he was in love with Leila or not, his refusal to tell her how he felt was becoming sadistic. He was right, but Eli couldn’t change. He had to be around her. So he ran alongside her, only becoming despondent when they turned back toward the bench that marked the end of their run.
Leila immediately began to stretch out. When she finished and looked up at Eli, he expected her usual thanks for the run and brief agreement to see him the next day. When she looked up at him through trouble eyes, he began to panic. The feeling only intensified when she spoke.
“Hey, do you want to come up for a few minutes,” she said, giving Eli a shot of hope, “I need to talk to you about something.”
And then his hope went crashing to the pavement. “Uh, sure.”
Leila smiled and started toward her building without waiting for him. He was forced to jog a few steps in order to catch up with her. Desperately, he hoped she would say something, give him a hint of what was bothering her. She kept her thoughts to herself as they climbed the two flights of stairs. When Leila unlocked and opened her door, Eli hesitated at the threshold. He had been so sure earlier that Leila wouldn’t abandon him at Luke’s request. Now, he wasn’t so sure.
Regardless of his fear, Eli crossed into the apartment and closed the door behind him.
“Do you want something to drink?” Leila asked over her shoulder.
“Water would be great,” he responded.
Unsure of what to do with himself, Eli wandered a bit before seating himself at the breakfast bar. He watched Leila fill two glasses with water, her motions seeming so normal. Inside he was bristling with anxiety. His mind started running through scenarios. There was no way he was walking out and leaving her behind without a fight.
The dull plink of a glass being set down on the counter drew his eyes up to Leila’s. She had acted so casual while filling the drinks, but now her hands were shaking. Eli couldn’t stand it any longer.
“Leila, is everything okay?”
“Yes,” she said quickly, but then she started shaking her head. “I acted like such a fool.”
Confused, Eli asked, “Did something happen with Luke yesterday?”
“No, I mean with you.”
“I know I surprised you yesterday …”
“No,” Leila said, ready to burst with frustration, “I mean last weekend.”
Eli had no trouble remembering the previous weekend. The hungry look in Leila’s eyes as she looked at him and touched him was impossible to forget. She had consumed his thoughts the entire week. But he couldn’t think of anything she had done that had been foolish. The only thing he regretted was leaving her standing in his bedroom alone.
Leila gripped her glass and didn’t look at Eli. “Look, last weekend, I don’t know what I was thinking. I had no business commenting on your clothes, or … or invading your room. I stepped over the line and I feel like an idiot.”
“What line?” Eli asked. As far as he was concerned there didn’t need to be any lines between them. Sitting next to her at that moment, he didn’t even care about his own self-imposed lines.
Leila finally met his eyes. “We’re friends, not …”
Some thought brought a blush to her cheeks. Eli had no idea what she had been thinking, but he very much wanted to know. He found himself leaning toward her against his better judgment. “Not what?” he asked.
“Not … no benefits. Friends. We’re just friends, okay?” Her whole face was red, and Eli was pretty sure she was holding her breath. He found her sudden inability to form a coherent thought oddly funny.
“Of course we’re friends. Benefits? I’m not sure …”
“Forget that part,” Leila demanded, now a deep scarlet.
Eli laughed. He tried not to, but she was making very little sense. “Leila, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The effort it took for Leila to take a single deep breath was tremendous. Her palms rolled forward, pressing flat against the counter top. “I had no business commenting on your clothes.”
“Friends comment on each other’s clothes all the time.”
“But, I made you change them,” she argued.
Eli smiled. “Good thing, too. I got several compliments on the purple shirt. You were right.”
“I dug through your closet like I lived there and didn’t even let you dress yourself.”
“Leila,” he laughed, “you were trying to help.”
“I was in your personal space, touching … I mean buttoning, and I just barged into your room,” she spluttered.
“You didn’t …”
“Stop arguing with me!” Leila suddenly demanded.
Her frantic, red faced expression made it very difficult for Eli not to laugh. Only the serious edge of embarrassment underlying everything else kept him in check. It kept his mouth shut as well. Seeing that he was going to behave, Leila calmed herself back down and continued.
“I can’t believe how forward I was. I shouldn’t have been pushy about your clothes, and I had no business making you undress in front of me.”
Eli had to interject there. “You didn’t force me to do anything! I took my shirt off in front of you. What is so wrong with that? If I had a problem with you seeing me without my shirt on I would have asked you to step out while I changed. You’re getting upset about nothing.”
“But … I still …” Her head cocked to one side, still red raced and flustered, considering. “You weren’t bothered by that?”
“No, but if you were, I apologize.”
Leila shook her head quickly. “Of course I didn’t mind!”
Her adamant denial made him smile, but the return of her distressed frown pulled it back.
“Either way, I took too much liberty. I lost myself for a few minutes, when I turn around and saw … and you didn’t have your shirt on,” Leila admitted, the blush creeping back in.
Eli’s body reacted to her words, his pulse jumping ahead. He wanted to see that same look on her face again. He wanted to feel her hands on his skin. And he loved how she phrased her reaction. She
lost
herself. Clearly, she didn’t understand that he wanted her to lose herself completely in him, like he had lost himself in her.
Unfortunately, Leila was too busy wallowing in her unfounded misery to notice his agitation. “The way I acted wasn’t like a friend should have behaved.”
No, and Eli was glad for it. “There was nothing wrong with how you acted,” he argued.
Leila sighed. “I was kind of caught up in the moment, but after you left, I sat on your couch for an hour. The way you left so suddenly when I said I couldn’t go with you to the luncheon was like a slap in the face.”
Eli’s mind stopped drifting and focused intently. “Leila, I never meant to hurt your feelings. I understood why you couldn’t go. I was disappointed because I love spending time with you, but I wasn’t mad. I just needed to go before …”
She waved him off, keeping him from explaining that he only left because he knew that if he stayed in that room a moment longer he wasn’t going to be the only one missing a few articles of clothing. “When you left, I realized I had crossed the line with you and I felt horrible for doing it. I would never want to jeopardize our friendship. I felt so stupid because I know you don’t think of me as more than a friend.”
“You weren’t
jeopardizing anything! We are friends, but …” His fingernails dug furrows in his palms when Leila interrupted him again.
“I
think of you as a friend,” she said, crushing his argument even more. “I can’t even explain why I acted the way I did. I mean, you’re gorgeous, of course …”
That eased Eli’s clenched hands somewhat. It had other effects as well.
“… but that’s no excuse. You were perfectly capable of buttoning your own shirt.” Leila’s eyes dropped. “You tried to tell me, make me back off, but I didn’t listen.”
“What?” Eli was baffled by her words. When had he tried to stop her? All he had done was encourage her, beg her to forget everything but him.
“When I turned back around with your tie, you started to push me away. You should have. You tried to stop me again, but I ignored it, or didn’t understand. I know why you left after I said I couldn’t go with you to the garden party. I can’t imagine what you thought of me after acting so … forward and then turning my back on you. I felt horrible after you left.”
The red in Leila’s face had been replaced by glassy eyes. Eli ached for her sadness. It was so completely undeserved. A battle between keeping his distance so Leila could figure out what she wanted from him and giving in to his own desires raged in his heart. Before one could overpower the other, Leila continued.
“This week has been absolutely miserable for me. I half expected to walked down to the park the next day and find it deserted.” Leila hiccupped as she tried to suppress a sob. “Eli, I can’t stand the thought of you not being there every morning. Can we please just forget about last weekend and go back to how things were before?”
Eli’s lips parted, but he couldn’t find the words he needed. No, he didn’t want to go back. He wanted to see that look of pure desire in Leila’s eyes again. The feel of her hands on his skin was addictive. But Eli knew that if he didn’t grant Leila her request, everything might change between them. The distance they had felt the past week would only widen, until even the running stopped. It was too big of a risk to take. Right? Eli knew he should give her space and time, but she was so close to admitting she wanted him as more than a friend. Would a nudge in the right direction really be so bad?
Looking straight at her, intent on telling her he didn’t want to go back, Eli stopped when he saw the desperation in her eyes. Nothing he said was going to convince her that her guilt has unfounded. If he tried, he might lose her. Eli sighed.
“Of course, Leila.”
Her breath shuddered back into her body with relief.
“But …”
She choked up, drawing her arms around herself.
“But,” Eli said more gently, taking her hand in his, “you have to understand that I was never upset with you. I left because I thought I was making you uncomfortable. I wasn’t trying to push you away. I never meant to make you feel bad.”
Leila shook her head. She looked ready to argue, but Eli wouldn’t allow it. He had no intention of listening to her interpret his every move in the wrong way, but he also wouldn’t let himself correct her like he wanted to. Drawing on his education, he redirected.
“What brought all this up?” Eli asked. “You’ve apparently been holding everything in for a week. Why did you bring it up now?”
Taking the bait, Leila switched gears. Her shoulders drooped. “Luke asked me to stop seeing you.”
Eli nodded thoughtfully. That was what he had expected her to say. “What did you tell him?”
The look on Leila’s face made him smile. There was such disbelief in her eyes. “I told him no, of course.”
Inwardly, Eli was dancing in pure joy. On the outside he merely squeezed her hand appreciatively.
“Eli,” she said, “I love being around you. I care about you. I’m not going to give you up any time soon, but Luke’s request made me realize how much I wanted to fix things with you. I couldn’t bear to go another week without calling you or spending time with you.”
“You’re just using me for my apartment,” Eli teased, an attempt to lighten the mood.
Leila smiled. “True, but you being there makes it even better.” Her smile lasted a moment longer before slipping again. “Eli, I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
As a friend. His body shrunk in on itself. As a friend.
When would Leila realize how much he loved her? He wondered how long she could keep convincing herself that he could never want her.
“Eli, are we okay?” Leila asked timidly.
His hand closed around hers more tightly. When he pulled her against his chest, she didn’t resist. Eli cradled her in his arms, wanting so much more. “Of course we’re okay, Leila.”
She pulled against him more tightly. For too brief of a time, Eli relished her embrace. When she pulled back she was smiling. He knew he had missed her very much over the past week, but seeing her smile made it so much more apparent. How had he survived not seeing her smile or hearing her laugh for so long?
“Eli,” Leila said, “would you think it was totally pathetic if I told you that you’re my best friend?”
Eli grinned. “Not at all. You’re my best friend, too.”
“Really?” she asked, smiling. “What about Vance?”
“Oh, I’d choose you over Vance any day,” Eli said. And he meant it.
Chapter 19
The Most Average Request
Leila opened her apartment door with a nervous smile. The way Luke pulled her into his arms and planted a kiss on her upturned lips did little to ease her anxiety. She invited him in regardless, and led him to the living room where she had nearly every flat surface covered with paper, stencils, pens, and decorative scissors. She watched as Luke’s cheerful expression gave way to confusion.