Daughter of Texas (14 page)

Her hand tightened on the mug. Did she dare trust God enough to take the risk?

Gisella's hand on her shoulder drew her out of her thoughts. “You know, I've always lived by the adage that if something is worth loving then it's worth fighting for.”

Arching an eyebrow, Corinna stared. “You think I should fight for Ben's love?”

Mirroring Corinna, Gisella arched an eyebrow. “
Do
you love him?”

Suddenly finding swallowing difficult, Corinna slowly nodded. She did love Ben. With her whole heart.

Gisella grinned. “Then you know what you have to do.”

“But I'm afraid.”

“That he'll reject you?”

Breathing deep and then letting the air out through pursed lips, Corinna said, “Partly.”

“And the other part?”

How did she explain to this woman who lived the same risky life? “How do you do it? How do you do this job knowing how dangerous it is?”

Dawning entered Gisella's eyes. “I see.” She moved to the counter, her gaze taking on a faraway look as if remembering something that made her sad. “I do this because I want to make a difference.”

Turning to fully face Corinna, she said, “And yeah, it's not safe. But life isn't always safe. Or easy. Or simple. I'm careful and I depend on God.” She shrugged. “That's all any of us can do.”

She pinned Corinna with a pointed look. “You just have to decide for yourself. Do you want to play it safe and live without love? Or is love worth the risk of facing an uncertain future?”

Gisella set her mug in the sink. “Search your heart, Corinna. Ask God. Only you can make that choice.”

With those words hanging in the air, Gisella walked out the front door. Alone, Corinna turned to stare out the kitchen window at the blue, cloudless sky. Her heart galloped like wild horses spooked by a rattler. Could she risk it all? Was her love for Ben big enough, strong enough, was her faith deep enough?

Dredging up faith from the far reaches of her soul,
she lifted her voice toward Heaven. “I do love him. But God, I'm so afraid.”

She had a choice to make. Could she accept the risk in choosing Ben?

Only one way to find out.

 

Sunday morning the echo of a knock jerked Ben awake from a restless dream, reliving the moment on the stage when Jimenez took his shot. Sharp, stabbing pain in his side took his breath away. Only in the dream, it was Corinna who'd taken the bullet. A residual shudder of horror rocked through him as the remnants of the nightmare left to be replaced with reality.

He breathed in, filling his lungs as much as the pain would allow. Sunlight streamed through the skylight overhead, bathing him in warmth.

Sitting up, Ben pushed the sheet back and let out a wry scoff. He'd fallen into bed at 3:00 a.m. in his clothes. He glanced at the clock. Almost 10:00 a.m. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he told himself he'd have to thank Cade Jarvis for insisting he head home for some sleep. Obviously, he'd needed it.

But he had to get back to work. Anderson would be going undercover on Monday and there was still so much to put in place beforehand. He sensed they had a long way to go to crack the case, but each clue brought them closer to the Lions and Greg's killer.

The sound of the front door opening and closing echoed through the quiet apartment.

His heart stalled. Only one person had a key to his apartment. Corinna.

Knowing the time had come to face the inevitable,
he gingerly rose from the bed and padded down the hall in his stocking feet.

Corinna stood frozen in the middle of the living room hugging her purse like a shield. She was a vision in a soft pink dress that hugged her curves in all the right places and flirted with her knees, exposing her well-defined calves and slender ankles. Open-toed silver sandals revealed pink polish on her toes. She'd left her shoulder length hair down and flowing over her creamy shoulders exposed by the thin straps of her dress.

Her expression of uncertainty hit him like a sledgehammer, reminding him how fragile and vulnerable she was. Then her dark eyes flashed with anger and something else…relief or resolve? He wasn't sure.

“Hi,” he said inanely.

“Hi, yourself. Hope you don't mind that I let myself in. I wasn't sure you were here so I was going to leave you this,” she said, pulling an envelope, the kind that housed a card, from her purse.

“That's fine.” A knot of dread bunched up in his stomach. What had she written on the card? He held out his hand for the envelope.

She hesitated. “I guess since I'm here, I don't really need to give this to you.”

Code for she wanted to talk. The living room seemed suddenly too small for the two of them, too close. “I'll make us some coffee.”

He edged past her to go to the safety of the kitchen. He caught a whiff of Corinna's citrusy scent and fought the urge to pull her close and bury his nose in her hair.

“I've already had some, thanks,” she said following
him, blocking the exit. For such a petite woman, she made a formidable barrier.

“I haven't.” He made quick work of starting the Brew Master.

When the machine gurgled and began spitting out dark java, he turned to face her. Wretchedness stabbed at him. The torment of her presence squeezed the air from his lungs. He'd tried so hard to stay away these past few days, hoping that time and distance would help them both realize the crazy attraction and emotional connection zinging between them was born out of crisis and grief and not something that could last.

But he was lying to himself.

And having her right in front of him, her gaze devouring him like she hadn't eaten in a week, made his resolve to do the honorable thing by denying his feelings crack. But not break. He had to stay strong and not let himself give over to the love in his heart.

“Why didn't you return my call yesterday?”

He blew out a breath. “It's been a crazy time. We've got a lot going on.”

“Are you any closer to finding my father's killer?”

“We're on his trail. Anderson is going undercover to track down a good lead. Don't worry though, I won't rest until we have the person responsible for Greg's death.”

“I know you won't,” she replied, her voice holding a note of admiration. “Gisella told me you all are sure I'm no longer a target.”

“That's true. Jimenez agreed to a polygraph test and passed. He was the only one after you. Now that he's
in jail for attempted murder, you've nothing left to fear. I'm sorry I didn't tell you myself.”

Her eyes narrowed as she considered his apology. “You can make it up to me.”

Mild surprise flickered. He arched an eyebrow. “Oh. How?”

She leaned a hip against the counter, relaxing slightly. “Well, first by going to church with me this morning.”

He blinked. “Church?” What day was it? He'd been working so much he hadn't even realized… “You want to go to church?”

A soft smile touched her lush lips. “Yes. I figure I'm going to need my faith if I'm going to get what I want.”

Anticipation sizzled along his nerve endings. “Okay. Sounds a bit odd.”

She gave a delicate shrug. “The Bible says
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
I'm choosing to believe Him.”

“I don't think that verse means God will grant you any wish you want, but rather He'll put the right desires in your heart.”

A beaming smile lit her face, making his toes curl.

“Then it's true,” she said. “Because my desire goes against logic and reason. Therefore, He must have given it to me, right?”

He tried to sort out her words and found them as clear as the mud at the bottom of the Rio Grande. “I haven't a clue what you're talking about.”

She giggled, a pleasing sound that strummed his senses. A tremor of pure attraction shuddered through him. He sucked in a sharp breath.

When she smoothly advanced on him, he found himself cornered, his back literally against the wall. His palms began to sweat. Emotions bounced around his chest like pinballs.

She laid a warm, delicate hand on his chest. “What I want, Ranger Fritz, is you.”

Sure he hadn't heard her right, Ben stuck a finger in his ear and shook it as if to make his hearing better. She couldn't have just said she wanted him. Him? His pulse beat at sonic speed and his temperature skyrocketed through the roof. “Excuse me. What did you say?”

The edges of her mouth tipped upward in a coy smile. “You heard me.”

Who was this vibrant and determined woman in front of him? Gone was any trace of the icy aloofness he used to receive from her. This was no fragile ballerina needing to be coddled and protected. He'd seen glimpses of this woman over the past month but now…wow. His mind exploded, sending him off balance. And the love he'd already acknowledged detonated within him, filling every fiber of his being. He fought to breathe, to think.

“I did hear you. And it's out of the question for so many reasons.”

Clamping his hands on her upper arms, though careful not to touch the tender welt from the bullet grazing, he lifted her slightly off her feet and set her aside so he could move past her without knocking her over.

She dogged his steps into the living room. “How can you say that?”

Needing air, he opened the sliding glass door. The happy sounds of the children who lived in the apartment
complex playing outside stirred a painful yearning in his soul. He shut the sliding glass door, blocking out the sounds of his deepest desire. A family to belong to. He had a family. The Rangers were his family.

Anything else… He couldn't.

Keeping his back to her, he said, “I can't. You and me, well, a relationship between us wouldn't be right.”

“You can't? Not right?”

The confusion and outrage in her voice stabbed at him. His resolve faltered, but he stayed the course for her sake, as well as his. He never broke a promise.

Turning, he steeled himself to meet her gaze. She deserved the respect. “I made a promise to your father to watch out for you.”

Her face showed confusion. “And you did. Admirably. You saved my life, you caught the bad guy and put him in jail. What more could anyone ask?”

Anguish clogged his throat barely letting the words pass.

“You don't understand. The promise was more encompassing than that. Your father wanted more for you. I want more for you.”

“More?” She made a face. “You're right. I don't understand. What
more
could there be?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “A good life. A safe life. A life without all the baggage that comes with…my world.”

An indignant light entered her dark gaze. She held up a hand. “Hold up! Wait a sec. You don't get to decide what kind of life I need.” She pointed to herself. “I get to. And I've lived in your world my whole life.”

“Not really. Your father kept you insulated. He didn't ever want to put you at risk. And I don't either.”

She cut the air with her hand in a slicing motion. “Do you think I haven't thought this through? Do you think I haven't told myself that I should walk away from the pain and sorrow that is inherent with the life of a Ranger?”

She advanced on him. “A wise woman told me life isn't safe. I know that. Ben, I don't want safe. I want…” Suddenly, she hesitated as insecurity flashed across her face. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Tell me you don't feel anything for me and I'll walk away. I'll leave you to your life.”

His mouth was as dry as cotton. Her words scorched a trail to his heart. He couldn't tell her he didn't feel anything. He would be lying. He loved her. The words sat on his tongue but refused to let go.

“Look,” Ben said. “You don't know what you're saying. What you're asking. You deserve so much more than the likes of me. I can't let you settle.”

Frustration crossed her face as she shook her head. “Not your call.”

He had to make her see reason. “Your feelings are born out of grief. They won't last. You need time to figure out what you really want in life. This has been an intense month. You've lost your father. You've been shot and shot at. Your world has been turned upside down. You've changed—”

“No. I haven't changed.” She stepped closer. “But I've grown. I finally feel like I can be
me
. There's no more anger and resentment holding me down. I do know what I want in life. Time isn't going to change that. And
yes, it's been an intense month. We've both suffered a great loss.” Tears filled her eyes. “My world imploded. But I survived, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually, because of you.”

“But that doesn't mean you…” He couldn't bring himself to say the word love. He couldn't hope her feelings were real. If he allowed her fully into his heart and then she left…he didn't want to go down that awful road again.

“Yes, it does.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned back to look up into his face. “I love you.”

Everything inside him stilled. Joy blasted through him. He tamped it down. Slowly, he extracted himself from her embrace.

“You deserve so much better than me. You should have a life that doesn't put your safety at risk.”

She shook her head with a determined gleam in her eyes. “You don't get to make that judgment. That's a decision only I get to make. And I choose you.”

“You don't understand.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Loving me puts you in danger. Puts me in danger. And my team. If someone wanted to get at me, all they would have to do is go after you. I can't live with that.”

“That's ridiculous.” Her expression hardened with determination. “If every law enforcement officer thought that way none of them would marry and have kids. Besides, aren't you the one who told me God is good? If you really believed that, then you'd trust God with us. Where's your faith, Ben?”