Daughter of the Winds (20 page)

“
There were some suggestions about amendments to the constitution which were not well received by the Turkish Cypriots. They rejected these suggestions and it led to some heavy fighting. Mainly between extremists though, not really fights between Greek and Turkish neighbours. Many Turkish people chose to live in enclaves where they thought they were safer. But remember, it was their choice.” His words were self-assured but they were spoken quietly.

“
How much of a choice do any of us really have though, Stefanos?” I asked gently. “They wouldn’t have left their homes to live in enclaves unless they felt that they didn’t have any other option or that their families were in danger.”

Stefanos
shrugged. I was beginning to hate that shrug. It really meant he didn’t agree with me but was trying to bite his lip. I appreciated the effort but I didn’t back down.

“
So if all this was happening back in... when? ‘63? The problems were rife long before the Turkish invasion in 1974, right? So the invasion can’t be taken as an isolated incident, can it? It was just the culmination of many attacks against the Turkish Cypriots.”

I knew I was playing devil
’s advocate and was likely to be shot down but it was the fastest way to get an answer from him.

Stefanos
chose his words carefully. “Certainly yo
u
coul
d
see it that way. However, you could also conclude that the Turkish have a history of overreacting and that the strength of their overreactions showed they were waiting for an excuse to start a war.”

“
No one wants to start a war!” I said louder than intended.

“
I used to think no one wanted to start an argument either and yet, here you are, Leni.”

That silenced me for a minute and I sipped at my sc
alding coffee wondering whether he was right. A reluctant smile edged its way up my face. Generally I shied away from any kind of quarrel but I was enjoying bantering with Stefanos.

“
Please remember Leni, that sometimes peopl
e
wan
t
to play the victim. Some see problems where there are none, fights where there is apathy, hate where there is dispassion.”

“
Eloquent. Why’s your English so good?”

“
I study at University in England. I come back in the busy season to help my father and work on my tan. The rest of the time I study English and History and dream of a unified country.”

“
Can it though? Can the island be unified? I mean, can Turkish Cypriots and Greek Cypriots forgive each other and live side by side again? Is that even possible?”

“
I don’t know. You talk to individuals such as my parents and the answer is ‘yes’. They do not hold a grudge against any individual Turkish man or woman. And yet...”

“
What?” With my eyes I urged him to continue.

“
My mother still weeps for the niece that she lost. Our churches have been knocked down in the North to be turned into mosques or to make way for Turkish hotels. Our graveyards that once held our families have been built upon. How do we move on from that? Forgiveness is something that does not just happen once. You have to forgive every day. My mother wakes up every day and forgives the men that killed her sister and her niece. I don’t find it quite as easy.”

“
So you don’t think you can live side by side then?”

“
Actually I do. There are places where Greek Cypriots and Turkish Cypriots live side by side today.”

“
Really? Where?”

“
Pyla. It is not far from here,” he said, pointing off to his left. “It is now the only place where we live harmoniously side by side. There are about eight hundred Greek Cypriots and five hundred Turkish Cypriots.”

“
I would love to see that. Could you take me there?”

Stefanos
nodded. “Let’s go today.”

I ignored his blatant attempt to
sidetrack me from my foray into Varosha.

“
So, if a resolution can be reached about the Ghost Town, you think unification would be possible then?”

“
Anything is possible, Leni.”

Stefanos
took my hand and looked at me softly, his simple words loaded with meaning.

I snatched my hand back from him as if stung.
“Stefanos, I’m married!”

He smirked
. “Yes. But he is not here with you. I am.”

H
e leaned in closer to me as I pushed myself as far back in my chair as I could. Even at this enhanced distance though I could feel his warm breath on my face.

“
Sorry Stefanos. No,” I frowned. I wasn’t entirely sure if his overtures were genuine but nonetheless it was disconcerting.

“
You are an interesting woman, Leni.” He laughed and sat back in his chair in bafflement. “Never have I been attracted to a woman who annoys me quite so much.”

“
If this is your way of seducing me, it really isn’t working.”

He laughed even more at that, his ego not showing the slightest dent.
“You argue with me all the time, you think that you are always right abou
t
everythin
g
, and half the time you look at me like you think I am an idiot. And yet, I still want you. Why is that?”

It was my turn to shrug.

“You know, I meet a lot of English girls here in the summer. They are younger than you and they agree with everything I say, they hang on every word and they cry when they have to leave me to go home. I could have any one of them, you know.”

“
Don’t let me stop you.”

He smiled broadly and turned his attention to the women passing a few feet away from us.
Within seconds he was attracting admiring glances and second looks from a variety of ladies. At least he didn’t seem heartbroken at my rebuff. Even though his attention was unwarranted, I felt aggrieved that he had so swiftly extinguished his ardour. I got the impression that he was trying to make me jealous and, angrily, I acknowledged he had succeeded.

I took the correct change out of my purse to pay for our coffees and placed them on the saucer by my side.

“Stefanos!”

He snapped his head round to look at me.
“Huh?”

“
Whilst I might not be about to leap into bed with you, could you at least wait until I’ve finished my coffee before you snare my replacement?”

“
Sure. Drink up.”

“
Are you that desperate?”

He scoffed.
“No. I want you to meet someone, that’s all. C’mon.”

He stood up and started walking away with his hands in his pockets.
I picked up my bag and nodded my thanks at our waitress and followed him into the sunshine.

“
Where are we going?” I asked as I trotted after him.

“
I’ve told you, there is someone I want you to meet. I was in Famagusta to meet a friend. See? Not to spy on you. We have a little business to take care of but after that I am sure he will be happy to talk to you about the problems between the Greek Cypriots and the Turkish Cypriots.”

“
Is he as biased as you are?”

“
No. He sees things more clearly than I do.”

“
Greek or Turkish?”

“
Neither. He is British but he has been in Cyprus for a long time. He does a little work with the UN and the rest of the time he works at the museum. Do a little shopping or something, huh? Meet me in front of the museum in one hour. It is down this road to your right hand side. Okay?”

“
Okay. That’d be great.”

Stefanos
smiled and started to walk away from me, looking at his watch.

“
Stefanos?” I called after him.

“
Yes?”

“
How do I know you’ll come back for me? What if you meet up with one of these women who are more interested in your company than I am?”

“
Ha! Then she can wait. They are always happy to wait for me.” He grinned “They are well rewarded for their patience.”

H
e walked backwards a few paces to see what effect his remark had on me then turned and continued on his way with a smile.

Picking a direction at random I began to move cautiously through the unfamiliar streets.
People jostled me out of the way on their way to meet friends or to go to work. Twice people spoke to me in Greek or Turkish and I had to reply that I didn’t understand them. They looked surprised that I was British. In just a few days the sun had coloured my skin mocha. The only thing that gave me away as a foreigner was that I was wandering aimlessly through streets that I should have known well.

Once or twice people looked at me and smiled, their eyes holding onto mine for a fraction longer than was usual.
Each time I wondered if they were going to say something. I thought there might be a flicker of recognition, a spark of kinship, but then they were carried away on the tide of people.

I d
on’t know quite what I’d been expecting but perhaps, deep down, there was a part of me that hoped for a sudden embrace from a stocky stranger with cries of, “You are the spitting image of my good friend Helene. God rest her. You must be her daughter.” I wondered, as I looked into the sea of brown eyes whether I might see my own peeping back at me in mirror image. Where was the fanfare? Where was the welcoming party proclaiming that Helene Kostas’ lost baby had returned?

Laughing inwardly at my own deflated sense of self
-worth and my pointless drive to belong somewhere, I suddenly realised that there were no longer any people in the streets or any shops or boutiques. I had obviously come to the end of the shopping district and I found myself back at the Green Line looking at the fence that divided North from South. For a moment I panicked, scared that I wouldn’t be able to find my way back to Stefanos. I sucked the air into my lungs and forced it out again to make way for the next.

I looked back to the fence and pushed my fingers through it.
Was Stefanos right? Was there any point to me going into the Ghost Town? What was I trying to prove? There was unlikely to be a large book on the kitchen side entitled
The Kostas family
–
our life story
. There wouldn’t be a box full of old family photos with a gift tag saying
For Leni, with love
. I stood by the fence, my fingers entwined in the diamond of wires separating me from the place where I was born. What is this drive in us to visit the place of our birth? Is the same thing that drives salmon upstream? Was I nothing more than a fish? I had to be capable of more than reacting to a vague idea that I should be somewhere else.

The sound
of falling stones caught my attention and I snapped my hands back as if an electric current was now pulsing through the wire. Was I even allowed to touch the fence? Was I about to get confronted by a Turkish soldier? No one came out of the shadows and all was silent again. It was difficult to see much of interest from where I was standing. The buildings themselves weren’t that impressive or noteworthy but their direct contrast with the inhabited buildings behind me was stark and foreboding.

A strong breeze suddenly sprung up and caressed me with its soft fingers
, teasing my scalp until the hairs on my head and neck stood on end. I shuddered at the sudden chill. I surveyed the buildings for any sign of life at all. I was sure that someone was watching me. I don’t know how a gaze can connect with someone as clearly as a hand but sometimes there is as much touch and solidity in both. I knew that the ‘sensible’ me would leave here now and go back to Stefanos before I was late, but I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that I was missing something important.

My heart was
thrumming too loudly as my eyes darted from building to building. Mum or Helene might have stepped foot in any one of them. Their feet would have travelled these roads when both of their futures were filled with promise. Life had once suggested endless opportunities ahead of them and their unborn children.

I shook the fence in frustration and the ripples came to an abrupt halt at the metal poles either side of me with a
‘clank’. I’d never known such confusion. I needed someone to talk to but the only two people who knew what I intended to do were both set against the idea of me exploring the Ghost Town. Right now I wanted my husband. I needed him so much that it felt like a physical blow to my gut. He was my best friend, my lover and my soul mate. Since I’d lost the baby, I’d done nothing but push him away. I couldn’t bear to look into that strong face and see the reflection of my aching heart. I’d closed down the vulnerable part of me that used to love unreservedly.

Perhaps it was time to not only get back to
Stefanos but to get back on an airplane and go home. All of a sudden I was desperately tired and I slumped over, deflated and de-energised. If I’d had the energy I would probably have cried, but even that seemed beyond my capabilities right now.