Her confession gave Zerelda’s heart hope. She squeezed Lydia’s hand. “I only want you to know about love—real love. It’s there for you, my darling.”
“I’d like to believe so,” Lydia said with a deep sigh. “I’d really like to believe that.”
“Then do. Let go of the past and allow yourself to fall in love again,” Zerelda encouraged.
Lydia looked at her blankly. “I can’t fall in love again. I’ve never fallen in love to begin with.”
Zerelda smiled. “Then let this be the first—and hopefully last—time. Kjell is a good man, and I believe he cares a great deal about you.”
L
ydia heard a wagon approaching far down the drive and figured Kjell was bringing Zerelda home from town. Earlier that day, her aunt had felt consumed by the need to go and check on some of the families in the Ranche. She said oftentimes God prompted her to go just when her help was needed the most. Lydia considered such beliefs with skepticism. No one had been prompted to come to her aid when she had been in trouble. No divine intervention had kept her safe from harm. She supposed that was the very thing she could not reconcile in considering a relationship with God: Where had He been all those years? Why did He seem to care for one person, yet let another suffer?
She forced the thought from her mind and went to the door. Taking the last of the rugs outside, she set about beating them on the far side of the porch. It had been raining off an on all day, but for the moment, there was little more than a mist against the growing twilight of the early evening. A single bay gelding appeared around the bend, and Lydia recognized the horse and closed carriage owned by the postmaster. Perhaps Zerelda had gotten a ride from Mr. Fuller.
The rug nearly slipped over the rail, causing Lydia to return her attention to her task. There would be time for visiting soon enough.
She knew her aunt would invite Mr. Fuller inside for coffee or tea.
On days like this, it was more than a neighborly thing to do—it was necessary in order to let folks warm up and dry off.
At the sound of footsteps on the porch, Lydia turned and smiled. “The coffee is on and . . .” Her words faded into silence.
She stared at the man before her as if he were some kind of ghost from the past.
“Hello, Lydia. I can see that you are rather shocked to find me here, but coffee sounds wonderful.”
Marston Gray stood not six feet away, looking for all the world as if he were accustomed to visiting her on a daily basis. He smiled and then his expression grew concerned. Lydia couldn’t form words.
She stared, eyes fixed and unblinking. This couldn’t be happening.
How had he found her?
“Perhaps you should sit down, what with your condition and all.”
Lydia still held the wire beater she’d been using on the rug.
She gripped it so tightly, she thought it might break in her hand.
Backing up a few steps, she felt her hips come in contact with the rug and rail.
Marston stepped forward, but Lydia held up the beater and shook her head. Still she couldn’t find her voice. To see him there, after so many months of peace and healing, was enough to make her ill. Lydia longed to run for help, but there was no one close at hand. Town was miles away, and who knew when Zerelda would return.
Watching her closely, Marston held up his hands. “I didn’t come here to cause you harm or worry. I heard about the baby and thought you would want to be near to family.”
This was Lydia’s undoing. “I . . . I am . . . near family.” Her words were stilted and sounded foreign in her ears.
“I know. You have an aunt here, correct?”
“How did you find me?” In the back of her mind Lydia was already wondering if she would have to move again. Would Zerelda be willing to relocate with her? What would become of them if they had to constantly be on the run from the Gray family?
“Your lawyer, of course.” He smiled. “We were worried about you. You disappeared without a word to anyone, and it had been months since we knew if you were dead or alive.”
Lydia couldn’t believe Mr. Robinson had betrayed her. The man had been her advocate and champion. Why would he suddenly turn on her now? Little by little, Lydia’s senses returned. As the shock wore off, the anger and fear built. She couldn’t show him that she was afraid. The Gray brothers fed on the terror of others. Of course, her stunned reaction might already have done her more harm than good, but Lydia was determined to take charge of the situation.
“As you can see . . . I’m fine. You needn’t have made the trip.”
“There was more than one reason to come, Lydia. Why didn’t you tell us about the baby? That child you carry is our concern, as well.”
“My baby has nothing to do with any of you.”
“That is my brother or sister you speak of.”
Lydia shook her head. “This child is mine alone.”
Marston narrowed his gaze slightly. “Are you saying this baby isn’t my father’s?”
“I’m saying your father is dead, and this baby belongs to me.
I left Kansas City hoping to never deal with any of you again, and that is still my intent.”
“Lydia,” he said softly, “you are distressed. I truly apologize for that. I didn’t mean to upset you. We were quite excited to hear about the baby. I know how much my father had hoped to have more children.”
“Your father was the reason I miscarried before. If he wanted children so much, he shouldn’t have beaten me.”
Marston shook his head. “No, he shouldn’t have. The man was cruel.”
“You and your brother are just as cruel, so don’t think to convince me otherwise.” Lydia felt the baby move wildly and could only pray that her anger would not cause the unborn too much distress. She felt her breath come in pants, like a wild animal after a run.
“Lydia, we were unkind to you. We wanted to please our father, and strength and severity were the only things that impressed the man. I’m not sure why we cared so much about what he thought, but it is no longer a concern. We want you to come home. Come back to Kansas City, where we can help you. We haven’t even sold the house. You can live there and raise the child.”
“You can’t possibly be serious.” She’d had enough. The entire situation was madness. “Just go. You should never have come here.”
He stepped forward again. “Lydia, be reasonable. I haven’t come here in anger or with thoughts of causing you harm. Your kindness to our family caused me to see the error of my ways.”
“Stay away from me,” Lydia said, pushing past him. “I don’t believe a word you say.”
Marston reached out and took hold of her wrist. “Please hear me out.”
Lydia froze. She looked at her wrist, remembering all the times Floyd had done the same thing. How many times had she hidden bruises with lace-edged sleeves so that no one could see the marks?
“Let me go.”
“Not until you calm down and hear me out.”
Marston’s tone took on an edge that drew Lydia’s attention back to his face. He smiled with his lips, but she could see the anger in his eyes. It was unmistakable.
“You said what you came to say. My answer is no. I will not return to Kansas City. Sitka is my home now.”
“But there isn’t even proper medical care here,” he protested. “Think of the child. What if you were to die giving birth?”
“Then my aunt would raise the baby.”
“But what of the rest of us? This child is our brother or sister. Lydia, you aren’t thinking clearly. You need a doctor to attend you. The stress of this situation has obviously taken its toll.”
Lydia shook her head. “I am perfectly healthy. My aunt is a nurse and she has attended me most faithfully.” She straightened and pulled back just a bit. “Now release me.”
“Please don’t be like this, Lydia. I don’t want to have to take matters out of your hands.”
“Ah, so now you show your true colors. I wondered when the force and ugliness would start.”
Marston’s jaw clenched. His grip tightened on her wrist. “No one wants to force you into anything. Especially me, but for your own good and the good of this child, I will do what is necessary. Lydia, I would even marry you to make you feel more at ease.”
This took her completely by surprise. She felt her eyes widen and her mouth drop open. “Marriage? Are you mad?”
“Why should such a suggestion be considered madness?” he asked. “There will, no doubt, be those people who scoff at this child belonging to my father. After all, you could bear him no children during the marriage. They might well believe this child is the product of an illicit affair. Your reputation would be ruined.”
“Not in Sitka, it won’t be. People here not only do not care who fathered this baby, they are unimpressed with the Gray name and reputation. I have no concern for my social standing.”
“But what of the baby? Would you ruin his or her reputation, as well?”
Lydia had taken all that she could stomach. “Let me go.”
“Please don’t—”
“Let me go!” she yelled. “Release me now!” Her voice rose even as she brought the beater up to hit Marston. He easily blocked the strike and wrenched the piece from her hand.
“I think the lady would like you to unhand her,” Kjell said from behind Lydia.
His coming to her rescue was enough of a surprise that Mar-ston loosened his hold. It was just enough for Lydia to break free and throw herself into the arms of Kjell.
“Please make him go away,” she begged.
“Did he hurt you?”
She nodded, then shook her head. “Not really. He grabbed my wrist too tightly, but otherwise, he’s simply been a bother.”
Kjell’s blue eyes seemed to darken. He kept his arm around Lydia in a protective manner. “I believe you should go now.”
Marston shook his head. “We’ve not yet been introduced.” He watched Kjell closely as he approached. “Lydia was married to my father. I’m Marston Gray.”
“I’ve heard tell of you,” Kjell replied.
Lydia lowered her gaze to keep from showing her surprise and rubbed her wrist. She had no idea what Kjell had or hadn’t heard about the man, but he apparently knew enough to be cautious.
“I’m sorry to say that I was once a harsh man. But now I am much changed. I’m afraid, however, that Lydia has been quite disturbed since our father’s death. Her coming here was just one of the ways she showed her distress. She’s been missing for months, and we were gravely concerned—especially given her condition. We are hoping to bring her home, where she can give birth in the safety and care of her family.”
“She’s got the care of family right here. Her aunt is a loving woman who also happens to be a nurse. Lydia has constant care, so you needn’t concern yourself further.”
“But perhaps she’s in need of better help than a place like this can offer.”
Lydia shot Marston a glare. “He’s trying to suggest I’m not in my right mind. It’s a wonder, after twelve years of marriage to his monstrous father and life with such hateful people, that I am. However, I’m not crazy, and I’m not going back to Kansas City. I want him to go, Kjell, and I want him to go now.”
She left the security of Kjell’s embrace and strode to the door of the cabin, where she paused. “You should never have come here, Marston. You say you aren’t the same man; well, I’m definitely not the same woman. You will find that your bullying and force will get you nowhere with me. I’m not afraid anymore.”
“You need to go now.”
Marston eyed the man who had come to Lydia’s rescue. “I don’t believe I caught your name. Did Lydia call you Chill?”
“My name is unimportant. I am a friend of Lydia and her aunt, and you are not. I would suggest you give up whatever game you’re about and leave Sitka on the next available ship.”
This man clearly cared a great deal about Lydia. Marston hadn’t missed the way he’d held her after she’d thrown herself at him.
No doubt her morals were in question. Perhaps that alone would allow him to take the child from her. If Marston knew anything for certain, it was that Lydia would follow wherever the child went.
“I am truly sorry to have upset Lydia. I came to apologize and offer my assistance. I certainly meant no harm.”
“Then prove it by leaving.”
“But of course.” Marston made his way down the porch steps and crossed in the rain to the waiting carriage. They hadn’t seen the last of him, but for now, it was enough. Lydia knew he was here and knew he desired her return to Kansas City. He would find a place to stay and then see what he could arrange. Of course, this backwoods character was going to be trouble.
Climbing into the carriage, Marston settled in. He fumed at the way he’d been treated. He’d shown nothing but concern for Lydia, yet she’d refused to allow that he could have changed.
“Of course I haven’t changed,” he murmured, flicking the reins.
The horse turned to make his way back to town.
Once he’d returned, Marston sought the advice of Mr. Fuller.
“I thank you for the loan of your carriage. Now I wonder if you might direct me to a place where I could stay.”
“There isn’t much. The ship will be in harbor for several days.
That will be your best bet for now.”
“I had already planned to return to the ship tonight but hoped to stay on land after that. I need to be here for several weeks, possibly.”
Fuller considered this for a moment. “There is a priest who lives with his daughter. They sometimes take in visitors. I could ask for you.”
Marston nodded. “If you would be so kind. I’ll return in the morning and see what you’ve learned.”
Fuller seemed agreeable, and Marston took the opportunity to walk back to the docks. He waited for the launch, ignoring the persistent rain. His mind was taken up with what he should do next. Seeing Lydia so great with child had taken him by surprise. Of course, he’d known of her pregnancy, but seeing it was different. She had actually grown more beautiful, if that were possible. Marston had always thought her attractive, although he would never have admitted as much.
He looked back toward the town. Such a hideous place. Logs and mud and poverty were everywhere. Russian-made buildings were evident here and there, with their yellow walls and red roofs. The traditional dome and spire of the Russian Orthodox church drew Marston’s attention for a moment. Funny that it remained, even after the bulk of the congregation had returned to their homeland.