Dead Girl Walking (21 page)

“Maybe none of us care what you mean.” Jessica scowled at Chad. “Can you at least pretend to take this meeting seriously? You’re only here because of Leah, but the rest of us care about starving people who depend on our fundraisers.”

“I care.” He flashed a cocky smile.

“Then show it,” she snapped. “We only have one day to come up with a fundraiser. The principal has offered us a wonderful opportunity to use the auditorium this Friday, after school.”

“In three days?” Moniqua exclaimed. “You’ve got to be joking. No way can we plan anything that soon.”

“Did I say it would be easy? No, I did not. That’s why it was so urgent we meet tonight. We need to come up with something amazing enough to get the whole school excited. Any suggestions?”

“Leah could ask her father to bring in one of his bands,” Moniqua suggested.

“Cool!” Kat clapped. “A concert for the poor.”

I cringed, because I couldn’t imagine asking Mr. Montgomery for anything. Fortunately, Jessica was more realistic. She pointed out that with spring break coming up there wasn’t time for a big music event. “What we need is something like a spontaneous rally, where everyone shows up to donate money.”

“Or bags of food,” Chad said.

“Exactly!” Jessica flashed him a wide smile. “But if we want to inspire kids to join in, we need to keep it simple. How about a canned-food drive?”

Everyone was nodding, so I did, too. At Thanksgiving last year, Alyce and I had volunteered at a homeless shelter. I’d gotten this emotional rush, and realized that I liked helping people. Jessica seemed genuine about her project, too. But what about Leah? Was she motivated by a big heart or a big ego?

I’d probably never know.

The canned-food drive got a unanimous vote. But no one could think of a fun event to bring in a crowd. “Hardly anyone will stay after school just to donate food,” Jessica added. “What should we do?”

Moniqua wanted a have a dance-a-thon; Kat thought a game like Bingo might be fun; and Chad offered to invite a famous pro-golfer pal to sign autographs. No one asked me for any suggestions, so I sat quietly, listening.

After a while, Mrs. Bradley came in wearing a flowing flowered skirt and a lei. “The Hawaiian barbeque is ready,” she announced. Tangy and sweet aromas swirled deliciously in from the kitchen. “But go ahead and finish your meeting. Everything is being kept warm in heated dishes, so no rush. When you’re ready, join me in the sun room.”

“Smells great,” Chad said, smacking his lips appreciatively.

“Nothing fancy tonight, simply casual buffet.” Mrs. Bradley reached up to tuck a white blossom behind her ears. “I hope you don’t mind serving yourselves. The little boys can be so noisy, so I’m letting them eat in the playroom with their nanny.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Jessica said.

“How old are your brothers now?” Moniqua asked. “I just love little kids.”

“Three and five, and they’re adorable little monsters,” Jessica said fondly. “But I’m glad they won’t eat with us—they love having food fights and I don’t think any of us wants to wear more food than we eat.”

I was the only one who didn’t laugh. My little sisters loved food fights, too. Cherry, Melonee, and Olive always giggled hysterically from their high chairs when they tossed food at each other. I used to get mad, but now I’d give anything to hug them—even if it meant getting splattered with spaghetti and green beans.

“Returning to our agenda.” Jessica tapped the end of her pen against the coffee table. “Any more ideas?”

The others shook their heads while I continued to be silent, wondering if this was usual for Leah. I’d expected her to be the take-charge type, but instead that role seemed to fall to Jessica. Still, I did have some ideas. I thought of the list I’d prepared before the car accident, which was full of charity-event ideas, the names of local businesses that frequently donated to good causes, and raffle items that parents, teachers, and students couldn’t resist.

Should I stay quiet, as everyone seemed to expect? The more I talked, the more chance there was of making a mistake and saying something totally un-Leah. Still, good ideas were a shame to waste. Biting my lower lip, I slowly raised my hand.

“Yes, Leah?” Jessica said. “What’s on your mind?”

“I think we should … um … have a raffle.”

“We don’t have enough time to come up with fantabulous prizes.” Jessica flipped a page of her notebook and scratched something out. “I just don’t see it as possible.”

“But it is possible,” I continued in a louder voice. “I know what to do.”

“You do? Really?” Jessica sat the notebook down, staring with clear surprise.

She wasn’t the only one staring at me. The others watched curiously, puzzled even, as if this was a new behavior for Leah. My heart jumped. Oops. If only I could swallow my words. I’d never felt so out of my element—not even that other time at Jessica’s. At least for a while, there, I’d had Eli and all that chocolate. But this was like acting on stage—without knowing any of my lines—in front of a tough audience. I was sure I was saying everything wrong.

Then I was saved from answering—by the maid.

The dark-haired girl appeared in the doorway. “Excuse me,” she told Jessica.

“Yes, Violet? What is it?”

“You have another guest.” She moved aside, gesturing for someone behind her to step forward.

No way! I thought. My hand flew to my mouth, cutting off my gasp.

Chad stood and demanded, “Who the hell invited you?”

It was Eli.

A marathon of emotions raced through my head as I stared at Eli—none of them having to do with fundraisers. Thrill, shock, disbelief, and a wicked amount of desire. I wanted to rush up and throw my arms around him. My sweaty palms, pounding heart and chills added up to trouble. Eli was just a friend, yet seeing him so close and unexpectedly made me crazy happy.

“What a surprise, Eli.” Jessica’s lips puckered with irritation. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“You better have a good reason for butting into our meeting,” Chad warned.

“I do.” His gaze sought mine, sending a message I didn’t understand.

“Well, what is it?” Chad demanded. “Does Dad want me at the dealership?”

“No, Dad’s cool. I came to … to offer help with your fundraiser. I’m all for helping starving kids.”

“This is a private meeting.”

“It’s all for a good cause and I’m here, so why not let me help?”

“Just how did you get here?” Chad scowled at his brother. “Dad said you weren’t to borrow any of his cars without asking again.”

“I asked Mom.” Eli sniffed the air. “Hmmm, what smells so good?”

“Hawaiian barbeque. Mrs. B always makes plenty; maybe you could stay.” Kat grinned at him, a bit too flirtatiously in my opinion. “I’ve seen you around school but we’ve never been introduced. You must be Chad’s younger brother.”

“Only a year younger. But I’m in honors classes, and I’m already taking some college-level classes.”

“You are such a pathetic geek.” Chad rolled his eyes. “I’ve told you not to bug my friends, so get out of here.”

“Oh, let him stay.” Kat came over and ran her fingers up Eli’s arm. “On reality shows, geeks are full of surprises. I’ll bet Eli has some great ideas.”

Not the kind of ideas you have in mind, I almost spat at her. What an obvious flirt. It took supreme control not to yank her hand away from Eli’s arm. But I didn’t have any rights to Eli. Leah belonged to his brother.

“Speaking of ideas,” I said, “I was about to tell Jessica my idea for the fundraiser.”

“Can’t it wait?” Eli gave me another one of those looks. “I need to talk to you. Now.”

“You need to talk to
my
girlfriend?” Chad demanded. “You crack your head on something? You know Leah can’t stand you.”

“People change.” Eli stepped toward me. “Leah, you can make your own decisions. Do you want to talk with me or would you rather stay here?”

“Of course she’d rather stay here.” Chad planted a firm arm around my waist. “Leah’s got better things to do than talk to you.”

“Excuse me, but this is my meeting.” Jessica gestured to her notebook. “Can we get back to the fundraising discussion? I want to hear what Leah has to say.”

Eli leaned around his brother to look into my face. “You know I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important. I heard you were going to be here and knew it might be my last chance—maybe yours, too. Who do you really want to be?”

The others stared at him like he was talking crazy, but I knew exactly what he meant—and it ripped at my heart. Of course I wanted my real life back. But I couldn’t be Amber, even though I desperately wished it were possible. Couldn’t Eli see that I didn’t have a choice? I was trapped in Leah’s body, and subsequently her life. The Montgomerys would never believe I wasn’t really their daughter, any more than my real family would believe I belonged with them.

“Eli, are you on something?” Chad jerked Eli’s arm so they faced each other. “I didn’t think you did that shit, but you’re acting messed up. Don’t embarrass yourself, just go on home.”

“Not until I talk to Leah.” Eli shook his brother off.

“Leah doesn’t even like you.”

“Can you let her make her own decisions?” Eli stared hard at me. “Come on, let’s go outside where we can talk privately.”

“Privately? With my girl?” Chad exploded. “Forget it. Leah, tell him to get lost.”

But I shook my head, saying nothing.

“Damn it, Eli, do I have to kick your sorry ass out of here?”

“No kicking,” I begged. Turning to Eli, I whispered, “Can’t this wait?”

“No. You have to trust me on this.”

I did trust him, but I didn’t trust people who held power over me—like Mr. Montgomery. If I didn’t play the role of daughter, friend, and sister convincing enough, I’d be committed to DeHaven. With drugs blurring my mind and locks confining me, I’d be more of a prisoner than I was already. I might even start believing that being Amber was only a dream.

I shook my head. “Not now, Eli. You don’t understand.”

“I understand more than you think.” His gaze challenged me to choose him, to leave everything and become Amber again.

“Enough, okay?” Jessica came forward to stand between us. “I don’t get what this is about, but we can sort it all out later. If Eli wants to stay for dinner, he’s welcome. But first I want to hear Leah’s raffle ideas so I can complete our meeting.”

“Well …” I was totally aware that all eyes were on me. “I think a raffle is the best way to get people to show up at the fundraiser. But we have to raffle off really cool prizes.”

“I already thought of that, but I can’t see how it can be done quickly.” Jessica sounded discouraged. “Three days doesn’t give us much time to get donations from local businesses.”

“So we create our own prizes,” I told her.

“Like what?”

“Designer gift baskets,” I explained. “With candles, candy, flowers, bath accessories, and gift certificates.”

“Like the baskets from the Halsey Hospitality Club?” Eli said with a challenging edge to his voice. “The club created by Amber Borden?”

“Poor Amber,” Jessica said sadly. “Baskets would be great, but I doubt that club will continue without Amber. So who would make the baskets?”

“I can do it,” I admitted.

“You?” Jessica laughed. “You can’t even wrap your Christmas presents. You always hire someone else to do it.”

“I can make baskets,” I insisted.

“Tell them how you learned,” Eli said pointedly.

I frowned at him. I couldn’t be who he wanted me to be.

Chad grabbed Eli by the shoulder. “You’re leaving.”

“Let go!” Eli couldn’t get loose from his brother’s muscled grip. “Leah, talk to me now. Do it for Amber.”

“Amber is gone,” I said softly.

“She doesn’t have to be! Not when you’re still here—Hey, Chad! Not so rough!”

Chad dragged Eli toward the door. I wanted to claw at Chad’s arms and pull him off Eli … but I just stood there. Helping Eli would raise suspicions about my sanity and lead to all kinds of trouble with my friends and family.

Not
your
friends and family,
I thought.
None of this is the real Amber. You’re more than a physical body—the real person is still there.

What if Eli was right? Was there a way I could reclaim my life? Was that the important thing he had to tell me? He’d risked a lot to come here. For me. Amber.

“Chad, let him loose!” I shouted and pulled on Chad’s arm.

“Leah, lay off. Are you freaking crazy?”

“Maybe,” I admitted. “I’ve changed my mind—I want to talk with him.”

“You do?” Eli said eagerly.

“You do?” Chad demanded in the complete opposite tone.

I sucked in my breath, courage gathering like powerful rain clouds. I’d gone along calmly for too long—it was time to let loose my inner storm. “Yes, I want to talk with Eli.”

“No way.” Chad growled.

“You wouldn’t understand about loyalty, Chad, but your brother does. Eli was Amber’s friend, and talking to him is the least I can do in her memory.”

Chad loosened his grip on Eli, tossing his brother aside like brushing off lint, and turned to me. “Babe, you don’t mean it. Why waste your time with my geek brother? You don’t even like him.”

“I’ll make my own decisions about who I like.” I pushed away from him.

“You’re talking strange, Leah,” he said, frowning.

“Yeah, I notice that, too.” Kat came forward, shaking her head. “Leah, you’re not acting like yourself. Sure, Eli is kind of hot in a skinny geek way, but you always go for jocks. And since when do you care about Amber Boring-Borden?”

“Don’t call her boring. We’re closer than you know—I even sent flowers to her hospital room.”

Kat shared an incredulous look with Moniqua. “See what I mean? Leah, you’re so different since your sickness—like someone I don’t even know.”

“Well, I think she’s great,” Jessica said, smiling at me. “Sending flowers was such a classy thing to do. Leah, I’m proud to be your friend.”

“You are?” I asked.

“Seriously proud. Since Amber had her accident right after leaving my party, I’ve felt sick about it and wanted to do something for her. Now I find out you sent her flowers while I did nothing. I should be more like you. Now it’s too late for Amber … but not to show support for her family.” A thoughtful gaze crossed her face, then she snapped her fingers. “That’s it! A super idea for a fundraiser that will draw a huge crowd.”

“What?” Kat, Moniqua, and Chad asked.

“We’ll combine our fundraiser with a farewell memorial for Amber.” Jessica jumped excitedly. “A canned-food-drive memorial service!”

While everyone had their eyes on Jessica as she discussed her ridiculous idea (a canned-food memorial?), I slipped my hand into Eli’s. We shared a look, then escaped, hurrying through the foyer and out the door. Fresh air and hope buoyed my footsteps. Free, free, free! I wanted to run, keep running—far from Leah’s Montgomery’s messed-up life.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“To my car.” Eli pointed down a ways to a parked silver BMW. “Or to be exact, to my mother’s car.”

“Are you kidnapping me?” I said, only half-hoping.

“I was considering it before you agreed to come.”

“What’s so important that you had to tell me?”

“I’m taking you to my car to show you.”

“Now you’re confusing me.”

“Not as much as you’re confusing me, looking and sounding like my arch-enemy Leah,” he teased. “For a second there I wasn’t sure it was you. When you sided with Chad you had me afraid you’d gone over to the dark side.”

“It’ll never happen. If Chad has good qualities, they’re hidden. No offense, but I think your brother is a jerk.”