Deadlocked 7 (15 page)

David sat on the bed beside Laura and put his hand on her leg, which was a signal that he wanted her full attention. She put up her finger to tell him to wait a second as she finished a paragraph, and then bent down the corner of the page to mark her place.

David grimaced and shook his head. “Why do you dog-ear your books? I must’ve bought you a hundred bookmarks since we’ve been together.”

“Annie pulls all my bookmarks out of my books. This way even if she makes me lose my place, I can still find it by looking for the creased page. Why do you care? Do you want to start reading one of my smutty books?” She poked at his thigh
and smirked as if accusing him of something perverted.

“No, that’s all right. I’ll stick to my sword and sorcery stuff.”

“What do we need to talk about?” asked Laura.

He looked away and squeezed her leg. David never acted like this, and Laura became instantly concerned. She sat up and put her book down as she took his hand.  “Honey, what is it? Why are you acting weird?”

David squeezed her hand. “There’s something I should’ve told you about before.”

Laura’s heart seized and her stomach churned. This was the conversation every woman dreaded. This was when her supposedly perfect husband would be exposed as a fraud. This was how the conversation starts when a man tells his wife that he’s got a second family in Tucson with a psychotic super model
that is driving out to kill him in a diaper and tube socks.

“What?” asked Laura, her tone bereft of emotion as she tried to calculate how she should react.

“You know how the doctor said I had nothing to worry about? That it was probably just testicular torsion or something like that?”

Laura’s petty concerns about her husband’s fidelity disappeared. This was a conversation about his health, and a new terror swept over her. “Yeah,” she said, her mouth suddenly dry as her heart raced. “Did they get the test back?”

“He called a couple days after I saw him and said he talked to a specialist about the ultrasound.”

“And?” she asked, terrified of what he was going to say but eager to hear at the same time.

“He was concerned,” said David. He looked embarrassed, which Laura didn’t understand. “He asked me to go back in for something called a serum marker test.”

“Okay, okay,” said Laura, trying to sound calm. “I’m sure it’s nothing, honey. When does he want you to go in?”

“I already went,” said David.

“What?”

“I went yesterday. I lied about having that conference call at work. Sorry.”

Laura felt a swirl of emotions. She wanted to be upset with him for lying, but that felt like the wrong emotion to be experiencing. She struggled to settle down as he held her hand. “Why would you lie?”

“I didn’t want to worry you. I know how you can get.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She got frustrated, and then shook her head and fluttered her hand in front of her face. “Sorry, sorry, I’m not
mad. I didn’t mean to say that. What did the test say?” She felt manic, ready to cry, and had the sudden urge to run downstairs to look up ‘serum marker test’ on the computer.

“I don’t know yet.”

“When will you know?”

“Sometime in the next few days, I guess.”

“Okay, okay,” said Laura. “I’m sure this is nothing to worry about. You know what they say about doctors these days. Their insurance is crazy expensive, and they’re constantly running tests on people that they don’t really need, just in case something does end up happening. You know? They have to worry about getting sued.” She stood up and he continued to hold her hand. When she tried to pace, he held her in one spot. “Did you look online?”

“
You already spent too much time online looking at testicular cancer stuff,” said David. “I don’t think another night of studying stuff on the computer is going to help.”

“Well it can’t hurt.”

“Honey,” said David as he tugged her arm to force her to sit back down with him. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you in the first place. I know how it was for you when you and your mom had to deal with your dad’s colon cancer. You’re panicking.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes,” he said with a laugh. “You most certainly are. If anyone should be panicking, it’s me. I’m the one with the ball sack full of cancer.”

“That’s not funny,” she said, deathly serious.
“When Dad got sick he was fine one day, and then it seemed like he was gone the next. He never told us he was in pain because he didn’t want anyone to worry. I never learned about what he was going through until it was almost over. Don’t you go do that to me, David. I’m not going to go through that again.”

He chuckled and then put his forehead against hers. “Don’t get upset before there’s something to actually be upset about.”

“I’m not upset.”

“Yes you are.”

“No, I’m not,” said Laura. “I’m just worried. How do they feel? Do they still hurt?”

“Yes, sort of.” He adjusted the crotch of his sweat pants. “More of an ache than a hurt.”

“Why are you telling me now?” asked Laura. “If you lied about the test, why tell me before you got the results?”

“I didn’t want you to worry, but I’ve never lied to you about something like that before. I felt bad about it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I lie to you all the time about all the bisexual college chicks I meet up with after you go to bed at night, but I’ve never lied to you about something important.”

“Hardy har,” she rolled her eyes. “I’m sure we’re worrying about nothing. I’m sure you’re fine. I just hate the waiting. When did you say they would get the results?”

“He said the lab would take two or three days. They’re supposed to call with the results as soon as they get them.”

“Are you going to call off work?” asked Laura.

David laughed as if the question was ridiculous, but then saw that she was serious. “No, of course not. Are you kidding? We’re only thirty percent to goal this month. I think if I went in there with elephantiasis of the nutsack Jerry would still make me put in a half day.”

Laura groaned. “I wish you’d quit that job. You don’t need that much stress.”

“I don’t think that’s an option, babe. Especially not since I plan on putting like five more babies in you before they snip my diseased balls off.”

“That’s gross.”

“Are you going to be okay with having a no-ball
, cancer victim for a husband?”

“Stop it, that’s not funny.”

“Maybe I can get ball implants,” said David, enjoying Laura’s displeasure. “Do they make those? Maybe they make ones with weird shapes, like little hands so it’ll be like my balls are slapping your butt every time we…”

“Oh my God, Dave!” She finally laughed, which had been his goal all along. “You are disgusting.”

“You’re the one that married me.”

She squeezed his hand. “Promise me you’ll be okay. I love our little family. I don’t know what I’d do without all of you in my life.”

*   *   *

August 24
th
, 20 years after the apocalypse

Laura is preparing for an evacuation from the church.

“Laura,” said Zack as he followed behind the determined captain. “Wait.”

“We don’t have time.” Laura tried to avoid looking at him as she made her way through the people in the church. She was headed back to the entrance to check on how Billy was doing with getting the caravan ready to move out.

Zack grabbed Laura by the crook of her arm and pulled her to a stop. “Stop, for crying out loud.”

She spun, furious and ready to berate him. His kind, concerned face, all but hidden behind his beard and dirt caked cheeks, erased her fury. She gasped, and put her hand over her mouth as the emotions that she’d been trying to hide threatened to burst forth. He recognized the breakdown that she was trying to stave off and reached out to take her by the waist. He was going to swoop her into his arms and carry her into another part of the church where she could release the pent up agony that she was suffering.

Laura pushed him away, but he persisted in his attempt to pick her up. She clawed at his chest and then gripped a tuft of hair that was poking out from the top of his shirt. She tugged and he groaned before he stopped trying to lift her.

“Stop,” said Laura as she twisted at the hair on his chest. He recoiled, his expression revealing both his physical and emotional pain. She seethed as she whispered to him, “I have to be strong. Don’t you see that? These people need me. They need me to keep it together.” A tear fell from her eye and she quickly swiped it away. She let go of his chest and pushed him back a step.

“You can’t do this on your own.”

“Yes I can.”

“No, babe, you can’t,” said Zack. “I’m not trying to force myself on you here or nothing. Okay? You’ve been pretty damn clear that you’re only interested in me as a friend, but right now a friend is what you need most. I’m not going to stand here and let you take on a burden like this. You need to deal with what just happened out there.”

“God damn it,” said Laura, her voice loud enough to silence the others nearby. “Get in there!” She pointed to the door that led to the second floor, where David had gone when he climbed up to be with Annie in the steeple. “We’ll discuss this in private.”

He tightened his jaw and glanced around at the others who were staring at them. Zack walked to the room and went in, followed by Laura before she slammed the door behind her. They were on stairs and Laura moved up a couple
steps so that she was standing face to face with him.

Laura slapped Zack, connecting hard enough that the sound echoed through the dark room. Then she took the back of his head and pulled him to her so that she could kiss him. The shock caused Zack to stagger back, and his foot slipped off the step which pulled him away from her kiss. Now she stood above him with moonlight streaming in from the shattered steeple above.

“I’m going to die,” said Laura.

Zack was baffled. “What?” It was the only thing he could think to say.

“I’m dying. Okay? I’ve known it for a while now. That’s one of the reasons I never wanted to…” She turned away and put her hand over her eyes as she massaged them. “I never wanted anyone to…” She sobbed and then her sorrow shifted to anger. She lashed out and punched the wall as she screamed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” She punched the wall over and over until Zack grabbed her by the arm.

“Laura, stop.”

“I lost my baby. Kim’s dead. My baby girl’s dead. She’s fucking dead, and now Annie’s in there bleeding to death too. She’s going to die, and all I’ve got is the fucking hope that maybe I’ll see my girls again in heaven. Maybe, but who the fuck knows! Who knows, Zack? I might never see them again.”

He took her into his arms, and she couldn’t resist. Her legs gave out and she let him support her full weight as she shook. “I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

“Damn it.” She pounded her fist on his chest, hard at first but then lighter with each successive strike. “Damn you, Zack. I don’t need to be in here. They need me out there, but I just want to stay here with you. Oh Christ, I’ve never hurt like this before. I feel like someone reached inside and just pulled my heart out. I feel like I want to die. I just want to die so bad.”

“Stop it, Laura. Why do you keep saying that you’re dying? What are you talking about?”

“It’s the truth. The only person that knows is Clyde. I never told anyone else because I didn’t want the girls to know. I didn’t want them to worry.”

“Worry about what? How do you know you’re dying?”

“I’ve got colon cancer.”

Zack was stunned into silence for a moment. “How do you know?”

“My dad died of colon cancer. I got pretty familiar with the symptoms. I’ve been hiding it for a long time, but it got bad enough that I had to tell Clyde. He’s been a big help through it all, but he’s terrified of what’s going to happen when I get sick enough for other people to notice. That’s why he’s been so insistent about splitting up the Rollers. He doesn’t want Billy to get control again.”

“You look healthy as a horse,” said Zack. “Are you sure you’re not
wrong about this?”

“Positive. When you’re bleeding out the ass it’s pretty much just between you and the toilet. I’ve had stomach problems for years, but over the past few months it became pretty clear what was going on.”

“I don’t know what to say,” said Zack.

“This is why you need to stop going after me and find a cute girl to grow old with.”

Zack shook his head. “Oh, didn’t I tell you? I already found a great girl.” He sounded flippant.

“Oh yeah?” asked Laura, happy to be talking about something other than the subjects that weighed on her mind. She sensed that he was joking, but went along anyhow. “Who’s the lucky lady?”

“You already know her. She can be pretty bitchy sometimes, and is liable to pull out your chest hair from time to time when she’s pissed.”

Laura smiled and looked down. Zack stepped closer and put his arm around her waist. “But I know she’s the only one that I want to be with. You want to know how?”