Dealing Flesh (32 page)

As I merrily fly on, a herd of colorfully mixed wild horses surfaces below me. The leader, an all-white Mustang stallion, munches on succulent grass several feet away from the rest of his crew.

Without much ado, I land my adobe-red feet atop his croup. The impact makes him startle and jump to the side. I hold on tight, knowing that he’ll eventually calm down again. Realizing that I’m no threat, he reverts back to grazing. I wait a second before hopping down to the ground, placing myself right in front of his chewing head.

He quits eating and looks straight at me. I see his mouth moving toward my lustrous well-groomed silken coat; feel his flaring nostrils sniff me, the warm exhalation of his powerful snorts blowing some of my feathers out of alignment.

My lightweight body moves not an inch, allowing his breath to tickle me. My heart fills with feelings of friendship. I reel a bit, now that the horse’s muzzle gently and playfully nudges my side…once…twice. He stops, promptly returning to the business of ingesting grass.

A short-lived noise from somewhere afar buzzes through the air. The stallion’s head shoots up with a “deer caught in headlights” kinda look on his face. Without missing another beat, he bolts ahead toward the forest that’s visible a mile out in front with the rest of the herd closely pursuing. Utterly exhilarated by the commotion and the sudden swirl upward caused by the whirl-wind cluster that the horses’ spontaneous flight creates, I, too, hurry along, flying about two feet above the lively moving crowd. The sound of their thundering hooves as they chase across the expansive grassland pervades my heart with peace, conveying in its own language that a vital part of my happiness does lie here amongst nature and equines.

And who knows…a tiny drop of gypsy blood might indeed flow through my veins. Gypsies, after all, are known for their connection to horses and nature, are they not? But no matter what the truth to that may be, the one important fact remains: once back to the real world, I can look any fellow human forthrightly into the eye, clean-slated without having to hide a thing.

In the event I come across another one of those dirty magazines amongst the trees or anywhere else for that matter, wrestling against what is trying to get my gaze to disobey me, I will humbly call out to the one who has all power, the same loving force that saved a former wretch like me.

Whatever it may be for you - it, him, her, or them…may you find it now, and may that force bless you, guide you, and keep you.

—Namaste.

And the truth has set me free…

Epilogue

2012

Today, a package I’ve been eagerly awaiting arrives in the mail. With a heavily beating heart, I break through the seals and pull out a maroon-colored piece of linen fabric; a type of head covering that in Moslem circles is referred to as
Hijab
. For the record, I am not Moslem, at least not at this point, nor is it Halloween, but I happen to strongly identify with the reasons Islamic women value this type of dress code, especially now that I conducted a little research online and found enlightening information about the motivating factors behind that custom. Some of the reasons explain a wish to…

• reflect modesty,
  
• deter men from objectifying women for their sexual parts,
  
• encourage males to put forth effort to getting to know a female first and foremost for her personality, and/or
  
• please “God.”
  

I’m sold.

As I stand in front of the bedroom dresser adjusting the new garb to my head, some of the times I’ve mocked women who covered themselves in such “ridiculous, stupid, pitiful and weak” ways enter my brain space. Well, I wonder who must be the stupid one now. I feel the corners of my eyes fill with tears, but instantly, a humbling sensation that rushes through my veins brings me back to the present moment.

A smile forms, and another, and another, awakening me once again to the fact that the gal who used to make a science project out of convincing others that they needed to take a hit of what she had to offer and gleamed with pride when a man called her a freak or, better yet, a Super Freak pertaining to her nymphomaniac-like performances between the sheets, no longer lives here. I don’t care one bit about where she’s gone.

And even if I knew how to get her to return or to jump off this train that’s headed for “destination unknown,” I wouldn’t dare try, much less board another. If I did, that in and of itself would truly constitute the “stupidest” thing I could ever do.

Pristina:
I think I’m here to stay.

Dang good choice, if you’d ask me.

Afterword

This story is written from the seat of my soul, laced with the spirited dialogue of my “committee,” a cast of characters that personify the varying thoughts that drive and guide me through the circumstances of my existence.

The primary reason for sharing is that I view my life as a miracle today, as well as the fact that I am present to reflect on its events. And like all miracles, they increase in value if imparted to others. At no moment, during, before or after writing this book did I intend to harm anyone with its revelations.

Without a doubt, the folks mentioned in this account were products of their childhood environments or inherited gene pools, or combinations thereof, and they are as innocent as me. We all, one way or another, pay our dues in some shape or capacity. All persons portrayed in the plot shall remain blameless—names, places, and distinguishing traits of nearly all of them have been changed.

Some particulars in this story have been altered for rhetorical purposes, and some dialogue has been re-created from memory. Some scenes are composites of events, and the timelines for some events have been compressed. I’ve presented circumstances as best as I remembered them with ultimate care to convey them from a position of emotional honesty and to bring light to matters that have rarely been explored in depth, or have previously often been misunderstood or misrepresented.

English Translation of German Words and Expressions (in alphabetical order):

Ach Du liebe Scheiße

Ach
– oh

Du
– you

Liebe
– dear

Scheiße
– shit

Translation for: “oh, you dear shit”

It’s a common profanity expression used by a large amount of people of diverse ages; often used in baffling, unexpected or shocking situation, or when feeling overwhelmed.

Autobahn

Translation for: “German Freeways” as well as “Austrian Freeways”

Bezirksbefruchter

Bezirk
– district

Befruchter
– inseminator

It commonly refers to a man who impregnates all the women in a district.

Danke Schön

Danke
– Thanks

Schön
– Beautiful

Beautiful “Thanks”

Das bricht mir keinen Zacken aus der Krone

That won’t break a prong out off my crown.

Deutsch(e) Mark

Deutsch
– German

Mark
– German currency before it became the Euro

Die Bremer Stadtmusikanten

Die
- the (female article)

Bremen
- a city in Germany

Stadt
– city, town

Musikanten
– musicians

It commonly refers to the city (or town) musicians of Bremen.

Dorn

Translation for: “Thorn”

Feierabend

Feier
– celebration

Abend
– evening

Translation for: “celebration evening”

It commonly refers to the end of the workday or celebrating the end of the workday.

Feldweg

Feld
– field

Weg
– dirt road; track

It commonly refers to a track across the fields or a dirt road that leads through the fields.

Freier

Translation for: “client” or “john” or “trick”

Freiheit

Translation for: “freedom” or “liberty”

Friedrichstrasse

Friedrich
- a common German first name for males

Strasse
- street

Furcht

Translation for: “Fear”

Gute Miene zum bösen Spiel machen

Putting forth a good demeanor to a wicked game

Haferschleim

Hafer
– oats

Schleim
– slime

Verbatim: “oat slime”

Most commonly known as “oatmeal.”

Hagenmühl

Name of a particular German area

Hänsel & Gretel

This is a famous fairy tale about two children that get lost in the woods, are trapped by a witch, and then nearly die. Thankfully, they escape and find their way back out of the forest.

Harz

This is a region in Germany that is known for its abundance of forests, hills and woodland, a highly frequented area for outdoor enthusiasts in summer and skiers in the winter.

Heftchen

Heft
– publication; magazine

Heftchen
– little cute magazine; the cute-sified version of
Heft

Hilfe

Translation for: “Help”

Himmelsrichtungen

Himmel
– heaven

Richtung/Richtungen
– direction/directions

Translation for: “the direction of the heavens”

Ihhgitt
(Slang)

Translation for: “Yuck”

In der Früh

Translation for: “in the early morning”

Ja klar

Ja
– yes

Klar
– clear

Translation for: “yes, certainly” or “yes, sure”

Kartoffelstampfer

Kartoffel
– potato

Stampfer
– masher

Translation for: “potato mashers”

Kinderzimmer

Kinder
– children

Zimmer
– room

Translation for: “children’s room”

Komm mit

Translation for: “Come along!”

Kreideweiß

Kreide
– chalk

Weiß
– white

Translation for: “white as chalk”

Krümel

Translation for: “Crumb” or “Crumbs” (the word is used in its original form for singular as well as plural scenarios)

Kuckucksuhr

Kuckuck
- cuckoo (a bird specie)

Uhr
- clock

Translation for: “cuckoo clock”

Künstler

Translation for: “Artist”

Lagerhaus

Name of a nightclub

Translation for: “warehouse”

Maus

Pet’s name

Translation for: “mouse”

Mama

Translation for: “mommy” or “momma”

Meter

Unit to measure distance or length

1 Meter equals 1.09 yards

Mucks
(slang)

Translation for: “sound, peep, hum, or chirp”

Mula
(slang)

Expression for: “money”

Muschie
(slang)

This is one of the going versions for the word vagina, mostly used by little girls when talking about their private part.

Natürlich

Translation for: “naturally” or “of course”

Niedersachsen

Translation for: “Lower Saxony”

It is one of the countries within the Federal Republic of Germany.

Nutten

Translation for: “hookers” or “prostitutes”

Papa, Paps

Translation for: “daddy” or “dad”

Pappelapapp
(slang)

Someone might use this expression to disrupt someone else’s word flow because they might not agree with what that person is saying.

Can be interpreted as: “blah-blah-blah” or “mumbo jumbo” or “happikasch”

Pfui Teufel

Pfui –
(slang) can be interpreted as: “yuck” or “ew” or “eck”

Teufel
- devil

Translation for: “yuck devil”

Pippifax
(slang)

Example: “Das ist pippifax.”

Translation for: “That’s super easy,” or “That’s a breeze” or “That’s a joke.”

Popoklatsche
(slang)

Popo
– buttocks

Klatsche
– slap, spanking

Translation for: “buttocks slapping”

Rote Taverne

Rot
– red

Taverne
- tavern

Translation for: “red tavern”

Schatzi or Schatz

Translation for: “ treasure”

Most commonly translates into: “Sweetheart”

Scheiße

Translation for: “shit”

Schickimicky (singular) or Schickimickies (plural)

A slang word

Derived from adjective
schick
– stylish, chic, great

It is sometimes also used as
Schickeria,
which is applied in the same fashion. These two words are used when describing “the rich, the famous, and the wanna-bes.”

Schlickersachen

Schlickern
(slang verb) – indulging in devouring sweets

Sachen
– things

Translation for: “candy” or “sweets”

Schmuddel

Translation for: “filth”

Schneeweißchen & Rosenrot

Translation for: snow-whitey and roses red

It is the name of a popular German fairytale.

Schrankwand

Schrank
– cabinet

Wand
– wall

Translation for: “wardrobe”

A Schrankwand is often times ceiling high, stretching from wall to wall with or without mirrors.

Schulstrasse

Strasse
- street

Schule
– school

It refers to a name of a street

Schweinchen Dick

Translation for: “Porky the Pig”

It most commonly refers to a famous cartoon character.

Stecher
(noun to the verb:
stechen
)

Example:
Nicht alle Insekten stechen

Translation for: Not all insects sting.

The noun
Stecher
is rarely used; yet the verb
stechen
has a more common appeal.

Strassennutten

Strassen
– plural form for “street”

Nutten
– prostitutes (see explanation above)

Translation for: “hustlers of the streets”

It commonly refers to hookers or prostitutes on the streets.

Teufelsfratze

Teufel/Teufels
– Devil/Devil’s

Fratze
– grotesque face, grimace

Translation for: “devil’s face” or “devil’s grimace”

Treppenhaus

Treppen
– stairs

Haus
– house

Translation for: “stair house”

It commonly refers to a stairwell or a staircase.

U-Bahn

Translation for: “subway”

Über

Translation for: “over the top” or “enormously” or “overly”

Depending on the situation, it can also mean “above.”

Uhr

Translation for: “o’ clock”

Example:
acht Uhr
- eight o’clock (a.m.)

It also commonly refers to a clock or a watch (“eine Uhr”) – the clock on the wall, for instance, or around ones wrist, etc.

Verdammter Scheißdreck
(slang)

Verdammter
– damned

Scheiß
– shit

Dreck
– dirt

Translation for: “damned shit dirt”

This profane expression is commonly used when venting anger as a result of experiencing a negative consequence.

Wahre Glückseligkeit

Translation for: “true bliss”

Was für ein Arschloch

Was
– what

Für
– for

Ein
– a, an

Arschloch
– asshole

Translation for: “what for an asshole” or “what an asshole”

Wirbelwind

Wirbel
– whirl, twister

Wind
– wind

Translation for: “whirlwind”

It commonly refers to a strong storm such as a twister or tornado.

Zwiebackbrei

Zwieback
- Melba toast

Brei
- mash

It commonly refers to crumbled up Melba toast, joined by a chunk of butter and heaps of sugar inside a bowl. It’s then soaked in simmered cow’s milk, ultimately creating soggy mushy Melba toast.