Dear Cary: My Life With Cary Grant (32 page)

Author's Note

I
n 1986, two weeks after Cary passed away, the legendary literary agent Swifty Lazar called me. He'd been a friend of Cary's, and mine as well, and I was happy to hear from him. “Dyan, it's time to write the book,” he said, forecasting a thundershower of money.

“Sorry, Swifty . . . I don't think so,” I replied. It really was out of the question. It had been eighteen years since Cary and I split, but I knew I wasn't yet ready to take on the subject.

Roughly fifteen years later, Jackie Onassis, then an editor at Doubleday, called. “I'd like you to write a book about your life,” she told me, “and you don't have to mention a word about Cary. You have got enough to say without even referring to him.” Although astonishing sums of money were again mentioned, I told her I heartily disagreed. I still wasn't ready to write a book . . . and especially one that didn't go into my relationship with him; that would make no sense. He was too big a part of my life, and his absence in any narrative written by me would be like an invisible planet warping the orbit of any story I had to tell.

Simply stated, the right time has come. It's been many years. There have been numerous false starts and obstacles along the way. I can say without qualification that writing this book has been one of the hardest things I've ever done, but also that I've learned more from the process than anything I've ever done.

I thought the healing had been complete, but I was mistaken.

The real healing had just begun.

Why now? Because finally, I found a way to forgive. Because my heart was broken and now it's whole. Because it hurts to hurt . . . and I don't hurt anymore. Because the Love that fills and completes my life is available for everyone. There is a way out of brokenness. There is a way to heal our hearts.

I wrote this book for all people everywhere who have loved and lost and fear to love again. It is possible to get the stars back in our eyes . . . and keep them there!

Acknowledgments

I
n writing this memoir, I have been passionately committed to giving a truthful account of my relationship with Cary, and, of course, everyone else who became a part of our lives. Mostly, it all seems like it happened yesterday, and many of the conversations and events hang as clearly in my memory as if they actually
did
happen yesterday. Of course, one cannot have perfect recall of conversations that happened so long ago—though in many cases, I think I get pretty close—so my guiding light in reconstructing dialogue has been to remain faithful to the
way
we talked to each other. I've taken great care to honor not merely Cary's manner of speech but also the extraordinarily complex mind from which his words sprang.

Some names have been changed to protect privacy, and some small liberties have been taken with time and space. However, I do not see anything in the manuscript that would qualify as embellishment. Just to fill out the picture, in telling this story I have relied upon a vast number of notes, letters, and drawings from Cary that helped kindle my memory. Much has been written about Cary, and from what I've read, little of it is trustworthy, so mostly I've relied on what was at hand and in mind.

Of course, the kind of spiritual nourishment that a book such as this requires flows from one source, the power of Love and that assumes many manifestations in the form of friends and family. Naturally, there are many people to whom I owe a huge debt of gratitude.

First and absolutely foremost I wish to thank the
biggest
love of my life, my daughter, Jennifer, for being more than everything a mother could possibly want in a daughter; the love light that shines from your soul inspires and teaches not only me but everyone who knows you. And now our little Cary has inherited that light, that pure and perfect light that spreads limitless joy to anyone in his presence. You are a perfect mother and a perfect daughter and just plain lovely! Thank you. I love you.

Beginning with those who were formally involved with this book, I would first like to express my deep appreciation to Jeff Silberman for his steadying hand when the going got tough and for being ever ready to repeatedly assist with notes, ideas, and loving support—I could not have finished this book without him; to my literary agent, Marc Gerald, for the helpful advice and cheers; and to my editor, Mauro DiPreta, a truly special gentleman, without whose faith and abiding patience this book would not have been possible.

I will be eternally grateful for the friends who found their way into the pages of this book: My lifelong treasured friend and agent Addie, my guardian angel, and her husband, Cliff. They were always there for me (and still are); I am blessed indeed to know and love them . . . their love sustained me during the toughest times . . . My darling Darlene Jaman and my precious friend Corky Hale remain as important to my life today as they were many years ago. And of course Artis Lane, for opening the most important door of all!

I'd like to thank my dear friend Judy Baldwin for always having my back; Joelle Bercovitch for practical help and loving support even when I didn't ask; Richard Drapkin for his listening ear and guiding light; Saku Ee for her steady assistance and inspiration during every aspect of this book; and Jennifer Schulkind and Yvette Perkins for their active help through all of it!

Of course from all of my heart to all of theirs . . . Jackie and Farzaneh for abiding sisterhood; Olga for her tireless encouragement; and the entire group from the Outreach, for their ceaseless and never-ending prayers; my wonderful Joan for all the help with the photos; and my brilliant brother, David Friesen, who inspires me in all he thinks, says, and does! And thanks to Derby for hanging in since our high school days together!

I owe so much to many who have passed, and because their spirits live on, I feel it appropriate to mention them: Mom and Dad, for what is obvious if you have read this far—simply the best parents in the universe, who loved me unconditionally in spite of my many imperfections; Jackie Onassis, for her unflagging belief in women in general and me in particular; my dear Vince, not only for rescuing me the night I went wandering but for the managerial protection, love, and abiding guidance I received from him on a daily basis; Hal Gefsky, who, along with Addie, is still one of the best agents ever—he remains the kindest man I've ever known; Mary Gries, for taking me in, physically and emotionally; and Audrey Hepburn, for her friendship and generosity of spirit.

You may think me silly (though you might be too), but I would like to thank Juanitacita Carmelita Lomalinda Tralala Cohen (JC for short) and Matilda, who respectively are three- and four-pound Chihuahuas, for the never-ending joy they provide.

To my friend Martin Booe . . . I want to thank you for rescuing me and helping me to turn the impossible into the possible, and in so doing forging the deepest of bonds. This book would not have been possible without you and for that and so many things, I love you!

And finally, thank you to all the guys I've ever dated who've helped me sort out what I wanted from what I didn't want.

Photo Section

SSPL/Getty Images

Me at age two, with Daddy and my best friend, Butch.

Family portrait: Mom, Dad, brother David, and me at fifteen.

My first public performance at age five—tap-dancing. Mom made my glamorous outfit herself. Performing was already in my blood.

Headshots are every actor's calling card, and these are a few early ones.

You've got to love the tragic “Joan of Arc” pose!

With Bangs, my beloved Yorkshire terrier, who traveled everywhere with me.

From left: My agents Hal Gefsky and Addie Gould, me, and Hal's mother . . . all decked out for a movie premiere.

Publicity shot for the 1961 series
Malibu Run,
the show that Cary happened to be watching when he first caught sight of me.

A shot from my starring role in
Full Circle
, the hit CBS soap opera.

Aloha! A snap from a Hawaiian-themed party Cary and I attended during our first year of dating.

Cary, me, Mom, and Dad, posing for a pre-wedding shot.