Dear Heart, How Like You This (12 page)

“So, Wyatt?” the Duke asked, rocking himself and his sword slowly closer to us.

I wondered if I should reach for my dagger—but pushed the thought aside, knowing such an action would surely sign my death warrant.

“No!” Anne screamed. I quickly glanced at her, to see her eyes staring at the sword, and to that my own gaze returned. I attempted to reassure her by squeezing her shoulders. She sounded very close to breaking point, for her voice was shrill and quivering.

“No! I beg of you, no, My Grace! Wyatt is my cousin. He did not realise it was you. He thought only to protect me. Oh, please, please, my Lord Duke. I’m sorry if I offended you, but you frightened me so! Oh, please, Your Grace, just let us go!”

As she spoke, Anne pulled me slowly and steadily away from the now stationary Duke and towards the still open door, until we stood there ready to flee at any moment.

The Duke, with sword still drawn and pointed towards us, lifted his body somewhat from his fighting stance.

He stared at us for one long, dreadful moment, and then suddenly yelled.

“Go, then, you bloody slut. And take your worthless, accursed kinsman with you. But I promise you both, I will never forget or forgive this insult!”

With those words ringing loud in our ears, Anne and I hurriedly bowed, and ran as if the furies themselves were after our skins.

At last, we were far enough from the Duke to begin to feel somewhat safe and began to look around for somewhere private so we could converse without fear of being overheard. Soon, we found a room full of disused furniture and entered it.

Anne, looking ready to collapse, flung herself down on the nearest bench, her body twisted in its distress. I could see she shivered, seemingly uncontrollably. Even so, I could not ignore my own feelings of panic.

“What, Anna, in God’s good name, was that all about?” I shouted at her. I needed so badly to find an outlet for my apprehensions that it came out in a kind of anger, anger directed towards the fearful girl before me. I too felt full of great fears. In sooth, I felt more frightened than I had ever felt in my brief life. It is not every day the greatest peer in the land promises you vengeance.

Anna raised her body until she sat with her head bowed over her knees, as if ready to vomit. She then looked up at me with wide, dark eyes in an all too pale face.

“You saw. What do you usually call it, cousin? I only know but for you, Tom, the Duke would have dishonoured me by now. On the Holy wounds of Jesus, this is the final straw… Hal has been sent home today… Did you know that, Tom? Wolsey and Northumberland schemed together to find that he had been precontracted elsewhere. May their souls rot in hell forever for such a tassel of lies! Hal was not—nor ever was—precontracted!”

Anne stood, then began to walk around the chamber, but still the torrent of words came flooding out.

“Perhaps in the past a possibility of a contract may have been discussed, but there had never been any hand-fasting… how could there have been, when he swore to marry me? Yea, marry me!” Anne hiccupped, glanced quickly at me before continuing again.

“Tom… the Duke wished to gain by force what Hal would not take until we were truly wed. The Duke thought I would prove easy, just like my sister Mary… Dear Jesus, this has been the worst day of my life! Hal… By all the saints in Heaven! He was not even allowed to say farewell to me… Oh, coz, they say Wolsey broke his spirit. Gentle Hal… Sweet Hal… My beloved… I will never forgive Wolsey for that! And do you know, can you guess, Tom, what Wolsey called me? An upstart! Aye!” Anna harshly laughed. “He said Hal was foolish for falling for an upstart! By God and all the saints in Heaven, I swear I will show him one day what this upstart can do. I swear to you, Tom, the day will come when I bring him down. And the King! I swear I will make him pay too!”

Anne returned, sitting back on the bench. On these final words she closed her eyes, and put her hands together, palm to palm, in front of her face, as if it was a prayer she made, rather than an oath for vengeance.

I went and knelt near her, taking her hand in mine.

“Yea, Anne, I heard about what happened… For certes, the whole place clamours with the tale. I am so very sorry.”

I put her trembling hand against my cheek. She stayed silent, staring blankly into space, as if she had exhausted herself and could speak no more. I tried to return her to the present moment by asking her a question.

“I do not know what else to say, dear heart, other than I am truly sorry. But what of the King—how does he come into this?”

Anna’s eyes focused back on me. She raised her free hand to rub her forehead, briefly closing her eyes tight, grimacing as if in physical pain. Anna looked back to me again and said: “Cousin Tom, his good Emissary, the bloody Duke of Suffolk, tells me that the King wishes to favour me, just like he favours Mary. So much so that he could not bear to see me marry Hal and live as his wife miles away from court. But when I told the Duke that I was an innocent maid, and I had no desire to ruin my reputation as Mary has done… Coz—you saw what solution he came to, so to get me quick to the King’s bed—warm with the body of my very own sister.”

Anne got up from the bench then, taking her hand away from mine, and began pacing around the room.

“Oh, Anna. What are you going do?” I asked, watching her with great concern.

Anne stopped walking, and looked towards me. She appeared so haunted, as if in this darkened room the furies that I felt after us both just moments before had flung themselves onto her person. I myself began to shake for her barely-suppressed agony.

“Go home… Father came and told me that I am to go home. Indeed, Simonette was packing my bags when I received the message that the Duke wished to see me about my troubles. I know better now about going anywhere unattended, but I really thought and hoped he had some comforting message from the King about Hal and I… I see now how stupid I was to think that.”

She came back to lay her body upon the bench, and then stared wide-eyed at the ceiling. I went back to her, sat beside her on the bench, clasping her hand firmly again.

“I know words are empty things, Anne, to heal a grief such as yours, but I truly understand, sweetheart, what you’re feeling. What else can I say but to say again, and again, how sorry I am for all that has happened? If you feel like crying, I am here to comfort you. I am here to hold you. Please Anna, cry. Dearest girl… it will help you to cry.”

Anna turned her head, looking at me with eyes so huge and dark with sorrow.

“Tom, I cannot cry. I am hurt so deeply, cousin, it goes beyond just simple tears; I feel like I bleed inside. Yea, I bleed inside. Tommy—’tis my heart that weeps.”

When she said those words it was I who silently cried, my head bent over her too-clammy hand. Here she was, not yet sixteen, and there was I, just passed my nineteenth birthday, but both of us alike in that we were both denied the people whom we loved with all our utter beings.

CONTENTS

“That sometimes they put themselves in danger.”

Thus, the next day Anne left the court and was gone from it for nearly three years. During that time, I visited her at Hever as much as I could, which, unfortunately, because of my commitments to the Court, was not as much as I desired. When I was able to get away, Anna mostly wanted to ride with me and we would talk together whenever the going was slow; if the weather was too bad for riding, we simply stayed indoors with our lutes to play our songs to each other.

It struck me with each visit that Anne’s spirit became wilder, and more tormented. It was as if this exile had not allowed her the opportunity for the healing she so badly needed. Indeed, even more, it struck me she had too much time to brood, thus her deep wound remained wide open, and now wept with malignancy.

Certainly I tried my best to salve what I could of her hurts. But my visits to Hever were infrequent at best. My duties at the court were increasingly demanding, and it was not often that I received permission to journey home to Allington. But whenever I did make the journey from Allington to Hever Castle, Anna had yet another new, vengeful song to sing to me.

This was a very bleak, dark period for us both.

Not long after Anna returned to Hever, I arrived home at my father’s estate to find Elizabeth in the arms of a stable-hand. In the ensuing argument, Elizabeth utterly spat out her spleen at me, saying she found more pleasure with the attentions of uneducated villeins, than with the clumsy flumblings that I thought of as lovemaking.

I was so shocked by her actions and words that I quickly got back on my horse and rode straight over to Hever Castle. While I rode, I tried to make sense of the many cheerless thoughts going through my head. Yea, I knew Elizabeth did not enjoy my attempts at passion. I knew, and I suppose she did too, my efforts to love her were all a great act. That first night of our marriage was such a complete failure it had built up a high barrier between us, and I did not care enough to try to knock it down. I had given Anna my heart long ago. I had nothing left to give Elizabeth.

God’s oath! I had not expected Elizabeth to be unfaithful to her marriage vows! Bess was a mother twice over, surely that should have been enough to occupy her without having to indulge herself with any man—as Bess claimed she did—who took her fancy. As I sifted further through all my thoughts, I found myself wondering about little Bess, the child who Elizabeth claimed as mine. I had never been able to detect any hint of family resemblance. I could not help but speculate whether some other man could have indeed fathered her. It all made me sick to my stomach.

Thus, Anne and I had nothing at this time to take much joy in. At least I tried to spend whatever free time I could with my broken-hearted girl, even if I was not sure if I helped her in any way. But what else could I do? I could only try my best to heal what I could, doubting constantly if she really healed at all.

Her riding showed how unstable she had become. Anne now had in her possession a black stallion by the name of Pegasus, a horse that was sixteen hands high if it was anything at all. Pegasus was one of George’s horses, but he thought the stallion too wild and unpredictable to trust for the long journey to and from his college at Oxford where he now studied. And this was the horse that Anne chose to ride during the time of her exile.

When she was a child Anne often frightened me with her riding. Now I felt more terrified because it was clear she rode recklessly since she no longer cared whether she lived or died. Yea, when she was a child, my Anne was a lover of life. It made me so very afraid, during those long years of exile, to watch that love flicker like a candle placed near an open window, and almost be blown out.

*

In 1524 I was appointed Esquire to the body of Henry VIII, and Clerk to the Royal Jewels. My father, for many years and amongst other things, had been responsible for the upkeep of crown jewels, and thus brought into being this very important appointment. I felt very pleased and proud. Many men at court had to wait until they were greybeards before they gained a position worth keeping, and here was I, not yet twenty-one, already making sure strides upon the stage that went by the name of the English court.

At the end of that same year, I found my good friends Francis Bryan and Henry Norris, both groomsmen of the King, engrossed in talk in a dimly lit corridor at Greenwich Palace. Curious, I went and joined them.

“By my faith, you two look as if you’re plotting to overthrow the French.”

Henry and Francis looked at me, then at one another and laughed.

“Nay, not the French, Tom. Rather we plot something closer to home,” Harry said, grinning again at Francis.

“Closer to home? What can you mean?” I felt more curious than I had been when I first joined them.

“Harry, you’ll have Tom distrust our loyalty to the King.” Francis laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Nay—that never.” I smiled at them both, thinking how long both of them had been attendants to the King. Indeed, Henry Norris had been with the King since they were both young lads.

“If you wish to join this conspiracy, Tom, you’ll need promise to assist us. We need all the help our friends can give us.”