Dear Teen Me: Authors Write Letters to Their Teen Selves (True Stories) (35 page)

I know it seems like it will never end—the rape, the torture—and so you push it down as hard as you can and try to forget, but fragments keep slicing into your mind. Somehow, you’re sure that remembering is the only way to get safe. And you’re right. Remembering and telling your story is the key to your safety.

You
will
escape. You’ll run away from home, and when they find you again, you’ll have to endure even more abuse. But you’ll keep building up your inner strength so that you can find a way to break away again and again and again. Each and every time that you cut off contact with your abusers, you liberate yourself a little bit more, until you are finally and completely free.

You’ll find a good therapist, one who gives you empathy, compassion, and love. She will be a lifeline for you, and you’re right to seek her support. It’s too hard to do it alone. All those experiences and your own intuition will help you figure out exactly who you can trust. You’ll fight your abusers’ attempts to break you down by creating your own counter messages, and by finding other people who will appreciate and support you. You’ll break through your abusers’ mind control, lies, and threats, and you’ll find your voice in writing. You’ll write books! And they’ll reach other teens who need them. You will touch lives.

I know you feel like you can’t hang on. I know you feel like you can’t survive. But you will, and you’ll be glad that you did. You’ll have moments of quiet happiness, and later, joy. You’ll find true friends who treasure you. It won’t always hurt like this. It won’t always be like it is right now. The pain will lessen.

Stop hating yourself. The hatred doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to the ones who torture you. Try to let it go, and to be gentle with yourself. Try not to hurt yourself. You don’t deserve it. Believe in yourself—in your vision and your goodness—and trust yourself. You know what you need. Just keep holding on. Good things are coming, I promise.

So keep hold of your strength. You are so much stronger than you know. Keep hold of your compassion, your intuition, and your intelligence. They can’t take those things away from you. Keep writing, keep creating art, keep reading, and keep finding your way through the darkness. You’ll make a good life for yourself. And you
will
find safety, happiness, and love. So hang on until then, my girl.

Jess Rothenberg

Dear Teen Me,

Greetings from the future! So I know you’re super busy with studying, college apps, tennis practice, memorizing your lines for
Peter Pan
, backing your new car into a tree, trying (and failing) to tame that totally frizz-tastic hair of yours, and watching
Titanic
for the eightieth time—but I have to ask you for a small favor. (Hint: The favor involves backing away from the “I ♥ Leonardo DiCaprio” chat room for just a quick second.)

So being that I am you—except ten or twelve years from now—I wanted to pop in with a few pointers on how to make the next phase of life a little less painful and a little more fun. I’m not going to give you ALL the answers, since (a) that would be cheating and (b) I’m still searching for most of them myself, but there are a few specific words of wisdom I’d love to share.

• 1. Never, ever try cutting your own bangs. So there’s this movie called
  500 Days of Summer
  that will come out in 2009 and make you/every girl in the universe want bangs more than anything. But trust me, just because bangs look amazing on Zooey Deschanel does NOT mean they will look good on you. When you make that fateful snip, you’ll discover the horrible truth: You have not one, but TWO cowlicks on either side of your forehead! No amount of product will save you, Teen Jess. And you will spend YEARS waiting for that shit to grow out. So do us both a favor and back away from the scissors! You’ve been warned.
  
• 2. Shake it like a Polaroid picture. Take advantage of your teenage hotness! Dance it up! Sing it up! Live it up! Flaunt that bikini and buy that hot pink miniskirt you’ve been eyeing at T. J. Maxx. It all looks amazing on you, so show off that gravity-free bod while you can! In a few years when you’re slaving/daydreaming in an office cubicle, you’ll so wish you had.
  
• 3. Sha-la-la-la-la-la, don’t be shy, go on and kiss that guy! (Like in
  The Little Mermaid
  , but reversed!) Don’t be scared of guys, Teen Jess. You may have spent years at an all-girls’ school, but I’m here to report boys aren’t all that different from your average household pest (hungry, hairy, and helpless)! And trust me, they’re JUST as scared of you as you are of them.
  
• 4. Party like it’s 1999. When you move to New York, a wise person will tell you: RSVP yes to EVERYTHING.
  So
  true! Unless you’re literally dying of malaria, never skip out on a party—even one you think will be lame. Why? Because you never know who you’re going to meet! I won’t spoil the surprise, but believe me, one of those parties will change your life more than you could possibly imagine…in a good way!
  
• 5. Stop obsessing. It’s totally normal to worry about what other people think of you. But I swear, the only people whose opinions
  truly
  matter are your best friends and family. Forget about the rest! In a few years, high school will feel like forever ago. The world is
  enormous
  , and you’ve got lots of awesome adventures ahead of you. Sure, you’ll make some mistakes along the way. (Thank goodness, because otherwise life would get pretty boring!) So in those stressful moments, just take a deep breath, chillax, and do your best to ENJOY THE RIDE. You’ll be glad you did.: )