Death by Misadventure: 210 Dumb Ways to Die (2 page)

20.
Racing
Minnesota
.
A
16-year-old robbery suspect ended a high-speed pursuit through
Wisconsin and Minnesota by accidentally shooting himself in the
head. The youth, who was suspected of robbing a gas station, led
state troopers on a chase that reached speeds of over 100 mph. At
the end of the chase one officer brought his cruiser alongside the
suspect’s vehicle. The suspect’s sawed off shotgun went off
accidentally as he was pulling it from a shoulder holster. His
vehicle then went out of control and left the road. The youthful
suspect died of his injuries within a few
hours.
Saint Paul Pioneer Press, April
26, 1989

21.
Fearful Flying
Felon.
Alleged drug mule, Graham
Marples, 44, panicked and died after smuggling $120 thousand worth
of cannabis from Holland to England. Marples’ pilot described him
as a nervous passenger, “He kept saying we were going to crash.
Even before I had stopped, he grabbed open the canopy, jumped out
and went straight into the propeller.”
Electronic Telegraph, August 15, 1996

22.
Harold &
Maude?
According to staff and inmates
at a Minnesota juvenile detention centre, 12-year-old, John H.
Willingham died faking a suicide attempt. They claim he
accidentally hung himself with a bed sheet staging a fake suicide
attempt so he could be moved to preferred living quarters.
Willingham’s family claim the death was caused by staff negligence
and sued the centre for over $1 million in
damages.
Saint Paul Pioneer Press,
August 24, 1994

23.
Sugar Coated
Death.
During unloading at a Boston
refinery, the bodies of two men were discovered in the hold of a
ship carrying 2 tons of raw sugar from the Dominican Republic.
Experts explained that raw sugar is loaded in a cone shaped
pile which later settles with the motion of the ship. In this case,
a particularly violent storm at sea caused a sudden resettling of
the load, quickly drowning the stowaways in sugar. The refinery
refused to accept the rest of the cargo.
Miami Herald, December 31, 1982

24.
Teenage
Canaries
.
Blackdamp, a mixture of carbon dioxide and nitrogen is a
common threat to coal miners. The naturally occurring hazard can
disable a person with one breath. If not removed from the
environment the victim quickly suffocates. Three teenagers were
killed and one critically injured by the phenomenon while they were
exploring an abandoned California coal mine. The group ignored the
warnings of one friend who abandoned the lark complaining that he
had difficulty breathing. The responding police officer explained,
“The others didn't believe him so they went inside and they never
came out.”
San Jose Mercury News,
August 15, 1989

25.
Electric
Throne.
Convicted murderer, Michael
Godwin, 28, was accidentally electrocuted while using his cell’s
toilet. Godwin was found sitting naked on the steel toilet with the
cord to his earphones in his mouth; the cord was connected to the
jack on Godwin’s television set. Experts say that the cord and TV
had not been tampered with.
The State
(Columbia, S.C.), April 11, 1989

26. Electric Throne II.
Former
death row inmate, Lawrence Baker, 47, frustrated the Pennsylvania
Supreme Court’s 1986 decision to commute his death sentence to life
imprisonment. Ten years after he was saved from the electric chair
Baker accidentally electrocuted himself on an aluminum toilet. The
convicted murderer was wearing homemade headphones and watching
television at the time of his death. In this case, authorities
concluded that the headphones’ wiring was
faulty.
The Philadelphia News, January
3, 1997

27. Ballpoint Pen Murder.
In
1991, Jim Terwiel, then 21, discovered the body of his mother in
her apartment in Leiden, Holland. No cause of death was apparent
until an autopsy revealed a ballpoint pen embedded in her eye and
brain. Turweil was convicted of his mother's murder in 1995 because
he was alleged to have confessed to his therapist that he had shot
his mother with a crossbow. Turweil's conviction was overturned on
appeal, however, and the court ruled his mother's death a freak
accident    she likely fell while holding the pen in her
hand.
Reuters, April 4,
1996

28. Electric Secret.
Robert
Green, 55, was killed tending his marijuana plants. Green had
$32,000 worth of the illegal plants in a secret room beneath his
house in northern Florida. He was apparently electrocuted by faulty
wiring in his system of grow lights. Green's body was
discovered by his son. Police were not sure whether the plants were
grown for sale or just for personal use.
Tallahassee Democrat, March 29,1997

29. Fatal Greed and Desperation.
International relief workers reported that about 10 looters
killed themselves accidentally during the September 1991 civil
riots in Kinshasa, Zaire. The accidental deaths included some
looters who electrocuted themselves pulling out live cables of
appliances they were stealing and one looter who drove a new car
through a showroom window and directly into a wall. One hundred
other looters were shot and killed by police and
soldiers.
Reuters, September 30,
199
1

30. Rubberneckers Revenge.
Susan
Smith was convicted of drowning her two small children by strapping
them in her car and rolling the car down the boat launch at John D.
Long Lake near Union, South Carolina. Two years later Tim and Angie
Phillips, a local couple in their 20's, accidentally killed
themselves, their 3 children, another child and a friend of Angie's
when they visited the site of the murders. Somehow the Phillips’
truck rolled down the same boat launch with four children and 1
adult inside. All seven drowned including the other 2 adults who
tried to rescue the occupants of the
truck.
St. Paul Pioneer Press,
September 3, 1996.

31. Neverending Shortcut.
An
unidentified motorcyclist and a friend cut through a restricted
Navy bombing range near Yuma, Arizona. Unfortunately the pair
learned the hard way that all bombs do not explode when dropped.
Some will explode, however, when run over by a motorcycle. The
biker was killed. The passenger survived with serious
injuries.
Los Angeles Times, May 25,
1990

32. Vanquished Vandal.
An
unnamed 11 year old English boy was killed while painting
graffiti in the London subway. He was hit by a train. The coroner’s
jury ruled that the cause of death was
misadventure.
Financial Times,
1987

33. Gulp!
Grover Morrison, 28, a
suspected cocaine dealer, swallowed his merchandise when police
stopped his car in Lewisham, England. Morrison was released at the
scene when nothing was found in his car or on his person. A few
hours later the same police officer identified Morrison's body in
the local morgue. According to the coroner, Morrison swallowed a
2 inch plastic ball of cocaine, which leaked in his stomach.
At the time of death, the amount of cocaine in Morrison's blood was
20 times greater than the level considered
fatal.
Independent, May 7,
1992

34. Island Sherlocks.
Robert
Cohen, 54, was found in a pool of his own blood on the front step
of his home on Long Island, New York. Police first thought that
Cohen was attacked by his own Doberman that was guarding the body
when officers arrived. Then they thought it was murder when they
discovered that Cohen's throat had been cut not torn. There was no
apparent motive, however, and Cohen's pockets contained about
$3,000 from the liquor store he owned. Finally, when the local
medical examiners found some of Cohen's hair and skin on the broken
glass of the front door, the authorities had to conclude that
Cohen's death was accidental. He likely tripped and fell into the
window then collapsed a few feet away.
Newsday, October 8, 1987

35. Snatcher Catcher.
A
suspected purse snatcher was killed fleeing the scene. He had
reportedly stolen a purse from a woman waiting for a subway train
at the 96
^th
Street Station in Manhattan and attempted to escape with his
booty down the subway tunnel. Before he could get very far, he was
hit and killed by a southbound express
train.
New York Times, July 26,
1995

36. Tough Border.
Four
Mozambicans tried to enter South Africa secretly through the Kruger
National Park when they were attacked by lions. One man survived
the attack by climbing a tree. From examining the few remains left
at the scene, Park Rangers could only conclude that “at least” two
others had been killed.
Toronto Star,
July 25, 1997

Drugs & Alcohol

37. Fatal Leak.
Patriot and avid
beer drinker, Martin Mallon, 34, killed himself celebrating Canada
Day. Mallon was enjoying himself at a beer garden adjacent to
Canada’s parliament buildings on the picturesque bluffs overlooking
the Ottawa River. Impatient with the long lines for the
port-a-potties, Mallon was relieving himself on the edge of the
bluffs when he lost his footing and fell 30 feet to the paved road
below. Mallon never regained consciousness before expiring several
days later.
Ottawa Citizen, July 4,
1987 & June 19, 1989

38. Pocketful of Trouble.
Twenty one year old Illinois university
student, John Fenzel, bled to death when he cut himself with a beer
glass. Fenzel had a glass in each of his front trouser pockets when
he fell on his way home from a campus party. One of the glasses
broke and severed a major artery in Fenzel’s
leg.
Los Angeles Times, September 20,
1987

39. High Octane Cocktail.
One
woman died and 10 others were poisoned when revelers mistook
gas line anti freeze for vodka at a Christmas party.
Sallie Redhead, 47, of Thompson, Manitoba, had already been
drinking, when someone discovered and served the contents of
plastic soda bottle filled with a clear liquid. Apparently, none of
the partygoers knew that their host stored his leftover
anti freeze in soda bottles.
Winnipeg Free Press, December 18, 1988

40. Disappearing Students.
The
whereabouts of 3 students and 2 alumni of a private Ohio University
were unknown for 5 days after they were seen leaving a popular bar.
Five days later family and friends learned that the group had
driven off the road and drowned in the frigid waters of the local
river, just a few blocks from the bar. Killed also were 2 dogs
locked in a roof top carrier.
Columbus
Ledger Enquirer, March 7, 1997

41. A/C O.D.
Fifteen year old, Jennifer Jones overdosed on air
conditioning. Her body was found stuck between her Florida home and
the family's air conditioning unit. Local police said that kids
sometimes try to get high from inhaling the refrigerant,
Freon.
Miami Herald, June 8,
1994

42. Shocking Fraternity.
Rochne
Hold, 25, a fratboy at a "leadership" conference in Jacksonville,
Florida, died showing off to his friends on a drawbridge. It was
2am when the boys were returning to their hotel from a local bar.
Hold was climbing a bridge tower when he touched one of the copper
bars that conducts 480 volts of electricity. His friends tried to
rescue him, but Hold lost his, uh, grip. The local coroner was not
sure if Hold was killed by the electricity or the fall, which broke
his neck.
Miami Herald, February 7,
1990

43. Tiny Bubbles.
Sheila Roy, a
37 year old store clerk, drowned in a hot tub after
combining a number of her prescription medications with alcohol.
Roy's boyfriend made the grisly discovery the next morning. The
coroner concluded that the deadly cocktail made Roy, "so extremely
dysfunctional that she could easily slip down into the tub, lose
consciousness and drown".
Akron Beacon
Journal, May 11, 1993

44. Fear is a Good Thing.
University sophomore, Shannon Gill, 20, fell to her death at a
fraternity party. Shannon was found with someone else’s ID and a
blood-alcohol level nearly twice the legal limit. Shannon’s date
was locked out of his fraternity room so the two tried to gain
access from the window ledge. According to her date, Shannon went
out on the ledge after he dismissed the idea as too dangerous.
Shannon fell 27 feet and died from her injuries. The vice president
of student affairs commented, “These people are energetic, they
have no fear and they think they can do most
anything.”
Charlotte Observer,
December 16, 1989

45. Johnny Can't Bleed.
Johnny
Moore, 58, chose to watch TV and bleed to death rather than seek
medical attention for a cut ankle. Moore's friend, a nurse's aide,
put Moore's foot in a plastic basin when she noticed that the blood
was messing up her carpet. The two had started drinking beer at
8:30pm. When a movie they were watching ended at 2:30am, Moore's
friend tried unsuccessfully to wake him. Moore was dead. Doctors
estimate that he lost 3 litres (60 %) of his
blood.
Miami Herald, October 9,
1986