Death On the Flop (32 page)
Authors: Jackie Chance
I don’t think I moved. Except for my heart, which pounded a thousand beats in that one second.
Frank stood at the shattered window, looking down. Cyrano was gone. Spinning around and meeting my gaze, he rushed at me and gathered me in his arms, squeezing me so tightly I could barely breathe. We could heard sirens floating up the twenty five stories.
I heard Ben’s voice, still gravelly, from the doorway. “Damn, did someone just jump out the freaking window?”
“Are you okay?” Frank demanded of me. He put his hand under my chin and tipped my face up, kissing the tip of my nose. “Did he hurt you?”
Ben wandered to the window and looked down. He made a face. “Ick. What a way to go.”
“Why’d he do it, Bee?”
“He didn’t want to go to jail.” I recapped what Cyrano had told me.
Someone began to pound on the door. “Police, open up.”
Ben opened the door for the cops, one of whom recognized us and called Patterson on his two way. Frank’s phone started to ring. He looked at the caller ID and handed it to me. I looked at the readout and handed it to Ben.
“Hello?” Ben said curiously, then rolled his eyes at me. “Hi, Ma. Yeah, I’m fine.”
Frank grabbed me in another hug and kissed the top of my head. As the cops began surveying the room for any evidence, Frank tipped my chin up again and kissed me on the lips. It was the best yet. The best ever. Better than the best. The whole room went away. I couldn’t hear anything but our hearts beating. I couldn’t feel anything but his lips on mine and my toes curling and my body temperature rising and his fingers sending little shocks through to every erogenous zone and . . .
“Who was on TV, again?” Pause. “What do you mean Bee Bee
won
?” Ben shouted.
won
?” Ben shouted.
Frank and I reluctantly parted. The cops paused to stare at Ben.
Ben rolled his eyes and circled his finger in the air around his right ear like she’d gone bonkers. “I didn’t hear you right, Ma. I thought you said BeeBee, your daughter Belinda Cooley, won the Lanai Pro-Am Hold ’Em tournament. That can’t be, because she doesn’t even know how to play poker. She wasn’t even registered to play.”
He held his hands in the air in question. Frank and I nodded. His mouth dropped open and he hung up on Mom.
“What do you mean? You stole my seat? You won the Big Kahuna?”
I shrugged. “I stole your seat. I won the Big Kahuna.”
“But, how?”
“Let’s just say she’s a quick study.” Frank put in, throwing me a proud grin. “And a bit lucky.”
“Very lucky.” I smiled back at him.
Ben shook his head in a combination of pride and disgust I’d seen many times before from a twin who was competitive but loyal. He liked to see his sister win, but not at something he should have.
“Wait ’til I beat the pants off you in the next tournament. You’ll really be shaking your head,” I threatened teasingly.
“Since you won the big money you can treat for the poker cruise I was eyeballing,” Ben said. “Some big names are playing for big bucks.”
“I’ll fit right in then.” I winked at Frank.
Ben snorted then turned to Frank. “How about you, Frank, I think she owes you something for teaching her to play Hold ’Em. What about cards on the high seas?”
“We can’t assume Frank can get off work as you or I can. What is your work again, Frank?”
Frank opened his mouth.
“Besides security.” I put in.
Frank shut his mouth.
I looked at Ben who just shrugged. The testosterone was banding together. Patterson walked in just then and said, “I swear I can’t leave you people alone for five minutes. Haven’t you had enough death and destruction for one day?”
“We’ve had enough for a lifetime,” Frank said, turning to me and pulling me to him again. “Sign me up for the poker cruise. It’s time for a real vacation.”
Bee’s Buzz
Texas Hold ’Em Tips
from the Recently Clueless
from the Recently Clueless
Listen, how many books out there brag about tips on
Texas Hold ’Em from experts? You could get old and gray reading all the advice from the poker pros on the Net—only about ten percent of which makes any sense to someone who’s never played poker before. Ask yourself, how many of these guys (and yes, most of them are guys) really remember when they didn’t know the difference between a spade and a club?
Texas Hold ’Em from experts? You could get old and gray reading all the advice from the poker pros on the Net—only about ten percent of which makes any sense to someone who’s never played poker before. Ask yourself, how many of these guys (and yes, most of them are guys) really remember when they didn’t know the difference between a spade and a club?
See? That’s where I come in. I remember being there. Let’s face it, people, winning the pot in your neighbor’s Friday night game is a long way from raking in millions at the World Series of Poker. A long, long way. And even though I DID manage to beat out the pros at my tournament, I’m far from expert. It’s going to be a while before I play in the big time again, since I’ll be honing my skills in between bouts of keeping my lousy brother out of trouble.
It wasn’t so long ago—okay, really just days ago—that I was a total poker novice, barely learning to crawl. All the what-the-hell-does-that-mean’s are painfully fresh in my mind. So I’m going to cull from my recently mastered basics and my surprising inherent skills and let you all in on a few poker secrets.
If you’re as clueless as I recently was, consider these tips from one of your own. If you already know your way around the table, good for you. But I can guarantee there are some points in my list that you won’t see in any poker tip site or read in any “Win at Hold ’Em” book out there . . . Read and learn.
1.
Know the math, but master the psychology: Dress the part. Ladies, if you have good legs, wear short skirts; if you have breasts at all, wear a miracle bra and plunging neckline. (Caveat: If you are a man with breasts, don’t follow this advice.)
Know the math, but master the psychology: Dress the part. Ladies, if you have good legs, wear short skirts; if you have breasts at all, wear a miracle bra and plunging neckline. (Caveat: If you are a man with breasts, don’t follow this advice.)
2.
Calm down, feminists. If you learn to play like a woman, you’ll win more than most average men. Trust me on this one. It’s the only way to play your way to the top. And I like it on top, don’t you?
Calm down, feminists. If you learn to play like a woman, you’ll win more than most average men. Trust me on this one. It’s the only way to play your way to the top. And I like it on top, don’t you?
3.
Men, that goes for you too: If you have broad shoulders, wear a nice blazer; if you have big biceps, bust out that muscle tee! But don’t ever unbutton more than the top two buttons of your shirt, or you’ll put yourself at an automatic disadvantage. Some people dislike the sight of a hairy chest so much, it’ll be enough to motivate them to take uncharacteristic risks, act like a Maniac and bump you out of the game just to clear the aesthetics of the table. (See #7.)
Men, that goes for you too: If you have broad shoulders, wear a nice blazer; if you have big biceps, bust out that muscle tee! But don’t ever unbutton more than the top two buttons of your shirt, or you’ll put yourself at an automatic disadvantage. Some people dislike the sight of a hairy chest so much, it’ll be enough to motivate them to take uncharacteristic risks, act like a Maniac and bump you out of the game just to clear the aesthetics of the table. (See #7.)
4.
Wear mirrored shades most of the time, but take them off or let players see around them at certain times—like after you just strategically folded. You want them to think they are getting some secret insight into your psyche, but what you’ll really be doing is misleading them.
Wear mirrored shades most of the time, but take them off or let players see around them at certain times—like after you just strategically folded. You want them to think they are getting some secret insight into your psyche, but what you’ll really be doing is misleading them.
5.
Focus only on the table. This is one of the major reasons why men are statistically more successful at poker than women. We are good at multitasking. Men are good at compartmentalizing. Girls, you need to ignore everything outside the table, and multitask
within the compartment, (i.e. the table) to beat men at their game. If you have a reason to fold, use the time to study your opponents for “tells” instead of finding other ways to occupy your active mind, like trying to figure out if the woman at the next table is wearing Manolos or Jimmy Choos.
Focus only on the table. This is one of the major reasons why men are statistically more successful at poker than women. We are good at multitasking. Men are good at compartmentalizing. Girls, you need to ignore everything outside the table, and multitask
within the compartment, (i.e. the table) to beat men at their game. If you have a reason to fold, use the time to study your opponents for “tells” instead of finding other ways to occupy your active mind, like trying to figure out if the woman at the next table is wearing Manolos or Jimmy Choos.
6.
Play games at a full table as much as you can in the beginning. A full table will allow you more opportunities to read people, more chances for better cards, more time to place your bets and longer play outside the blinds. And, of course, better odds of finding a date. (But only after you’ve drained his pockets. You can afford to pay for dinner.)
Play games at a full table as much as you can in the beginning. A full table will allow you more opportunities to read people, more chances for better cards, more time to place your bets and longer play outside the blinds. And, of course, better odds of finding a date. (But only after you’ve drained his pockets. You can afford to pay for dinner.)
7.
Get caught bluffing a couple of times between winning hands—it will make your important bluff all the more effective. (And don’t forget, it’s impossible to bluff a “calling station,” a player who calls all bets without thinking.)
Get caught bluffing a couple of times between winning hands—it will make your important bluff all the more effective. (And don’t forget, it’s impossible to bluff a “calling station,” a player who calls all bets without thinking.)
8.
Play based on your long term goals instead of hand by hand. Remember that guy you always wanted in high school? Be as methodical, patient and determined as you were then to get Mr. Perfect, now at the poker table! The rewards are worth it. And you’ll hang onto the money longer than you hung on to that teenage studmuffin . . .
Play based on your long term goals instead of hand by hand. Remember that guy you always wanted in high school? Be as methodical, patient and determined as you were then to get Mr. Perfect, now at the poker table! The rewards are worth it. And you’ll hang onto the money longer than you hung on to that teenage studmuffin . . .
9.
When a player bets on The River (the last community card), it means she—okay, possibly he—thinks she has the best hand. Be careful, she probably does!
When a player bets on The River (the last community card), it means she—okay, possibly he—thinks she has the best hand. Be careful, she probably does!
10.
Avoid calling raises too often on The Turn (the fourth community card) to protect yourself from overinvesting in the pot.
Avoid calling raises too often on The Turn (the fourth community card) to protect yourself from overinvesting in the pot.
11.
Don’t be seduced by an ace in your pocket. George Strait says everybody needs an ace in the hole, but trust me, ace/7 is not a gift from the dealer. Resist your impulse to bet big early.
Don’t be seduced by an ace in your pocket. George Strait says everybody needs an ace in the hole, but trust me, ace/7 is not a gift from the dealer. Resist your impulse to bet big early.
12.
Last but not least, trust your intuition and be unpredictable. (See #7, again.)
Last but not least, trust your intuition and be unpredictable. (See #7, again.)
See you next time.
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