Death on the Installment Plan (32 page)

“Ferdinand … good … morning … I … am … glad … to see you … but … you are … very late … what happened?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

He didn’t press the point … He went ahead. He took tiny little steps … Finally he opened the door … He jiggled with the lock. He was shaking so hard he couldn’t get the key out … Once we were in the entrance he motioned me to wait … to sit on the chest … he was going to fix things upstairs. Right in the middle of the stairs he thought of something, he leaned down over the banister and pointed his finger at me:

“Tomorrow, Ferdinand! Tomorrow … I’ll only talk English to you. Eh what? …” It made him laugh in advance …

“
Attendez-moi un moment!
Wait! Moment! There, you see! You’re catching on, Ferdinand … Already …”

He was clowning …

It took him forever up there, poking around in drawers, closing doors, moving cupboards. I said to myself: “What does he think he’s doing? … I’m going to sleep just like this …” I was still waiting.

At the end of the corridor I saw the gas jet flickering … it was turned low …

Little by little my eyes got used to the light and I saw the clock … a great big one … really magnificent … the dial was all copper and a tiny little frigate was dancing out the seconds … tic … toc … tic … toc … She went sailing right along … In the end I I was so tired it made me fuzzy …

The old codger was still fussing around … fighting with bric-a-brac … running the water … talking with a woman … Finally he came down … He had gone to a lot of trouble … Completely washed, shaved, dressed fit to kill … and some style! … like a lawyer … a flowing black cape … hanging from his shoulders … accordion pleats … and on the top of his dome a pretty little skull-cap with a big tassel … I figured it was for my benefit. He wants to impress me … He makes a little sign … I get up … I start moving … To tell the truth, I could hardly stand up … He cast about for some more phrases … something appropriate, about my trip … If I’d had trouble finding the place … I didn’t answer … I followed him … First through the drawing room … around a piano … then through the laundry room … the washroom … the kitchen … Finally he opens another door … And what do I see? … A bed! … I didn’t waste any time … I didn’t wait to be told … I jumped right on it … I spread myself flat … Right away the little crab gets all excited, he flies into a rage … He couldn’t stand it. He hollers … he jumps up and down … he dances around the sack … He hadn’t been expecting such a thing … He grabs me by the shoes … He tries to pull me off …

“
Chaussures! Chaussures!
Boots! Boots!” He was getting madder and madder. He was in a terrible state. My mud on his lovely bed …. on all those big flowers … That’s what was upsetting him, sending him into an epileptic fit. “Go shit in your hat!” I was thinking. “‘Go split a gut, you little asshole …” He was desperate … He ran up and down the hall … looking for reinforcements … If they’d touched a finger to me, I’d have gone wild … I’d have got right off that bed and given that little fart some thrashing … On the spot … I was exactly in the mood … I was all set … He was skinny and puny … He was getting on my nerves with his damn nonsense … I’d have turned him inside out like a glove … I was fed up … He went right on yapping, but I had no trouble falling asleep.

For fresh air and the view, you couldn’t have asked for anything better than Meanwell College. The location was marvelous … From the garden and even from the windows of the study you could look out over the whole countryside. When the weather cleared, you could see for miles, the river, the three towns, the port, the docks huddled together by the shore … The railroad lines … the ships disappearing … and coming back into view a little way out … behind the hills past the meadows … toward the sea, past Chatham … The effect was magnificent … Only it was awfully cold at the time I got there, the place was so unprotected on top of the cliff it was impossible to keep warm. The wind hammered against the house … The squalls and storms came bounding over the hill … The wind roared through the rooms, the doors rattled day and night. We were living in the middle of a tornado. When the tempest began to roar, the kids yelled like deaf people, they couldn’t hear each other … Nothing could stand up against that wind! It was bend or break. The trees were stooped over, they never straightened up, the lawns were in tatters, whole patches were ripped up. You can imagine …

In a rough, ravaged climate like that you get a ravenous appetite … It turns out husky kids, real bruisers. When there’s enough to eat. But at Meanwell College the grub wasn’t so hot. It was worse than middling. Their prospectus was a big lie. There were fourteen of us at table, including me. Plus the boss and his wife … In my opinion that was at least eight too many, considering what there was to eat … Six of us could have handled it … On days when the wind was blowing strong … the eats were very meager.

I was the biggest and the hungriest of the crew. I was growing like mad … it was almost time for me to stop. In a month I doubled in bulk. The violence of the elements created a revolution in my lungs and in my stature. The way I helped myself, the way I scraped all the platters without being asked, I got to be a regular pest at the table … The kids eyed my plate, they gave me dirty looks, I was the enemy … naturally … I didn’t give a damn, I didn’t say a word to anybody … I was still so hungry I’d even have eaten noodles if anybody’d asked me to … A school that gave you enough to eat would go bankrupt … They’ve got to watch their step … I made up for it on the porridge, there I was ruthless … I took advantage of my strength, and I was even worse with the marmalade … There was a little saucerful for four of us, I gobbled it up all by myself, straight out of the dish … I did away with it before anybody could see what was happening … The others could gripe all they pleased, I never answered … why should I have? … You could have all the tea you wanted, it warms you, it bloats you, it’s perfumed water, not bad, but it makes you even hungrier. When the tempest went on for a long time, when the whole hilltop roared for days on end, I dug into the sugar bowl … with a tablespoon or even my bare hands. It was yellow and sticky, it gave me strength …

At meals Mr. Merrywin had the big platter right in front of him, he himself dished everything out … He tried to make me talk … No soap … Me, talk! The mere idea made me see red … I was a tough customer … Only his lovely wife had me kind of bewitched, she might have softened me … I sat next to her … She was really adorable. Absolutely. Her face, her smile, her arms, all her movements, everything. She was busy the whole time, trying to make little Jongkind eat, he was a freak, a retarded child. After every mouthful or pretty near she had to help him, clean him up and wipe away his slobber. It was rough work.

This idiot’s parents were in India, they didn’t even come to see him. A little screwball like that was a real nuisance, especially at mealtime, he’d swallow everything on the table, the spoons, the napkin rings, the pepper, the oil and vinegar bottles, even the knives … Swallowing things was his passion … He always had his mouth all dilated, distended, like a boa constrictor, he’d suck up all sorts of little objects, even off the floor, grunting and slobbering the whole time. Mrs. Merrywin always stopped him, took the things away, always patient and gentle. Never a harsh word …

Aside from his swallowing act, the kid wasn’t so bad. He was actually rather good-natured. He wasn’t bad looking either, only his eyes were weird. He bumped into everything without his glasses, he was disgustingly near-sighted, he’d have collided with a mole, he needed thick lenses, like bottle stoppers. They made his eyes pop out, they were wider than the rest of his face. The least little thing frightened him, Mrs. Merrywin always comforted him with the same two words:
“No trouble, Jongkind! No trouble …”

He himself would repeat those words for days on end, for no rhyme or reason like a parrot. After several months at Chatham that was all I remembered:
“No trouble,
Jongkind.
”

Two weeks, three weeks passed … They left me alone. They didn’t try to force me … they’d have liked me to talk … for me to learn a little English. That was only natural. My father asked in his letters if I was making an effort … if I was applying myself to my studies …

I didn’t let them rope me in … Talk wasn’t for me … I’d had enough … I only had to bring back my memories … the hullabaloo at home … my mother’s blah-blah … all the applesauce people can serve you up in words … Hell no! … Not for me. I had my belly full … I’d had all the confessions, all the soft soap I could take … No, thank you … I had whole carloads … If I even thought of trying, the whole mess stuck in my throat …. They weren’t going to catch me again. I’d had enough. I had a good excuse for keeping my mouth shut, a golden opportunity, and I was determined to take every advantage of it … to the bitter end … No appeals to sentiment, no fiddle-faddle … They made me want to throw up with all their talk … Maybe even worse than noodles … And believe me it gave me the creeps even to think of home …

Mr. and Mrs. Merrywin were at their wits’ end, they wondered what made me so silent, so sullen and obstinate … It was mostly he that made overtures, the minute we sat down to table, on any subject he could think of … He really wanted me to learn … “Hello, Ferdinand!” he’d sing out … I wasn’t greatly tempted … “Hello, hello,” I’d answer, and that was all. It stopped right there. We began to eat. From behind his glasses he gave me a pained look. He had spells of melancholia, he must have said to himself: “That boy won’t be with us long … He’ll leave if he’s unhappy.” But he didn’t dare to say any more … He’d blink his little cockhole eyes, his turned-up chin would twitch, and he’d raise his eyebrows, which shot off in different directions and weren’t the same color either. He was the old-fashioned type, with side-whiskers and a little cosmetic moustache, very pointed at the ends … He looked rather jolly. He was always on the jump, playing games, and even racing around on a tricycle …

She, his wife, wasn’t the same at all, she hadn’t her equal for charm, I have to admit that she was a dream … she made a profound impression on me.

That refectory of theirs on the ground floor was a pretty miserable place. The walls were daubed a kind of snuff color all the way up to the ceiling. It looked out on a blind alley. The first time she came into the room with Jongkind … you can’t imagine how beautiful she seemed to me … I had a feeling, something very unusual … I kept looking at her … I blinked both eyes … I felt dizzy … I buried my nose in my slobgullion … Nora was her name … Nora Merrywin …

At the beginning and end of the meals, we all went down on our knees while the old man said prayers … He commented at length on the Bible. The kids dug into their noses and wriggled in all directions …

Jongkind didn’t want to wait, he wanted to eat the doorknob that was right in front of him, on a level with his mouth. The oldtimer really threw himself into his prayers, he liked to mumble … he’d bumble away for a good fifteen minutes, it rounded out the meal … In the end we’d get up, when he said “
ever and ever
.”

Only the bottom half of the walls was painted brown, the rest was whitewashed. There were engravings of Bible stories … There was Job with his staff, all in rags, crossing a desert … Then there was Noah’s Ark, crushed under the rain that was bouncing on the waves, on the foaming fury … Just like in Rochester … Our roof was the same way. I can bet the storms we had were much more violent … Even the double windows couldn’t stand up to it … Later it was calm … Then everything was enchanted … an enormous realm of mist like another world … You couldn’t see two steps away in the garden … There was nothing left but one big cloud, it crept softly into the rooms, it hid everything, it seeped in everywhere, into the classroom, in between the kids …

The sounds of the city, of the port, rose up like an echo … especially from the river below … It sounded like a tugboat coming straight into the garden … You could even hear it panting behind the house … It came back … And then it was gone again, down into the valley… All the railroad whistles coiled and twisted through the mists in the sky … It was a kingdom of phantoms … We even had to hurry back into the house … We would have fallen off the cliff… .

While they were saying their prayers, I had dangerous sensations … As we knelt, I almost touched Nora. I breathed against her neck, into her hair. I had terrible temptations … It was a desperate moment, I had to hold myself back from doing something dumb … I wonder what she would have said if I had dared … I played with myself thinking of her, at night in the dormitory, very late, long after all the others, and in the morning I’d have a little more …

Her hands were marvels, tapering, pink and white, tender, the same gentleness as her face, just to look at them was like a glimpse of fairyland. What troubled me most, what moved me deep inside was the special charm she had, that lit iip on her face when she was speaking … her nose would tremble just a little, and her cheeks and the curve of her lips … I was really damned … It was sorcery … It intimidated me … I saw stars, I couldn’t move … At the least smile, waves of magic ran through me … I was afraid to look at her. I stared at my plate the whole time. Her hair too, when she passed by the fireplace, was a pure play of light … Hell! She was turning into a fairy. That was plain. The part I mostly wanted to eat was the corner of her lip.

She was as kind to me as she was to the idiot, she translated every word for me, everything that went on at table, everything the little snotnoses said … She explained everything, first in French, she repeated everything very slowly … She took on work for two … Her old man went on twinkling behind his glasses … He didn’t chirp very much anymore, he just acquiesced … “Yes, Ferdinand. Yes,” he said approvingly … After that he entertained himself, he’d pick his teeth very slowly and then his ears, he’d play with his dental plate, unhook it, and pop it back into place. He’d wait till the kids were done, then he’d start up his prayers again.