Authors: Sheryl Browne
‘
Christ.
’ Matthew ran to the front door, grabbed up his car keys from the console, and then stopped. But
where
had she gone shopping? Talk about bloody incompetence! Cold apprehension snaking its way down his spine, Matthew pulled his phone from his pocket. Why hadn’t he been listening properly? Why hadn’t he remembered? What in God’s name had he been doing drinking? He needed to stay alert. He needed to be protecting his wife, and he’d downed half a bottle of whisky? What the
hell
was the matter with him?!
Trying to slow his breathing, his rapid-fire thoughts skipping all other possibilities to arrive at worst case scenario, he selected Rebecca’s number, and his heart plummeted to the pit of his stomach.
‘Becky, can you ring me as soon as you get this?’ An audible wheeze in his chest, his throat tight with emotion, Matthew spoke as calmly as he could to her voicemail. ‘It’s urgent.’
****
‘So, which is it to be? iPhone or Samsung?’ Rebecca asked after Ashley’s choice of new phone and tried not to worry too much about the damage to her bank account. The delight on Ashley’s face was worth every penny.
‘Um?’ Ashley squeezed her eyes closed. ‘Samsung,’ she finally plumped for. ‘Then I can transfer all my stuff from my old phone.’
‘Sure?’ Rebecca smiled indulgently. They’d only been in the shop almost an hour. Not time enough, surely, to make such a momentous decision?
‘Sure.’ Ashley nodded happily and went off to browse, while Rebecca sorted out the contract and payment.
Pleased with their progress, Rebecca watched Ashley, as the assistant filled in the paperwork. She looked better already, new chunky ankle boots on her feet, rather than her tatty old trainers, a bit of a restyle to her hair. Ashley hadn’t wanted too much taken off, just a reshape around her face. That was definitely a right decision. There were women who would kill for hair that was naturally silken smooth. Aware her own strawberry frizz was in need of a trim, Rebecca made a mental note to book an appointment for next time she was in town and went to collect her charge, before Ashley tapped her way through every PC keyboard in the shop.
‘So where next?’ Rebecca asked, hooking arms with her as they walked.
‘
New Look
,’ Ashley decided. Clearly she was revelling in being let loose in the shops. Rebecca guessed that, in the normal scheme of things, giving teenagers free rein in the shopping centre wasn’t generally a great idea, but Ashley had never had a normal scheme of things, as far as Rebecca knew. And a little over-indulgence seemed to be doing a hell of a lot more good than it did harm. The megawatt smile Ashley had beamed her when she’d sanctioned the boots, was pure gold in terms of reward. The little gold locket she’d also bought her wasn’t massively expensive, but the look on Ashley’s face, one of genuine delight, had been priceless.
‘
New Look
it is. And then coffee,’ Rebecca decided. ‘My old bones can’t keep up with you.’
‘You’re not old,’ Ashley gave her a reassuring glance over her shoulder as she made a beeline for teenage heaven. ‘Just more mature.’
‘
Yes
, cheers, Ashley. I think.’ Rebecca rolled her eyes and then scooted to keep up with her.
New Look
purchases in hand, leggings and cropped sweaters for Ashley, another oversized sweater for Rebecca, they collected up their caramel lattes and Belgian chocolate teacakes and parked themselves at
Costa Coffee
.
‘So where else do you want to try for your slim leg trousers?’ Ashley asked, and then attempted to lick latte from the end of her nose.
‘Not sure.’ Rebecca did likewise.
Ashley cocked her head to one side, laughing at Rebecca as she failed miserably. ‘You missed,’ she said.
‘Yup.’ Rebecca used the back of her hand instead.
Still laughing, Ashley followed suit—and Rebecca thought that now might be a good time to have a chat with her. As they’d already touched on the subject and, on the basis she would have to share her news with Ashley anyway, it was probably better sooner, rather than later. ‘Can I ask you something, Ashley?’ she started hesitantly.
Ashley’s guard went up immediately. ‘Suppose.’ She shrugged and proceeded to pick chocolate off her teacake.
‘Do you like living with us? With Matthew and me?’
Ashley glanced back at her. Rebecca expected another non-committal shrug. What she got was a pleasant surprise.
‘Yes,’ Ashley said, straight off, and then knitted her brow. ‘Why?’
‘Do you think you’d like to stay?’ Rebecca pushed on.
‘Huh-huh.’ Ashley’s expression was apprehensive.
‘We’d like you to, too.’ Rebecca smiled reassuringly. ‘But I do have something to discuss with you. Not something bad,’ she added quickly, noting Ashley’s immediately downcast eyes, the way her hand withdrew from her cake, as if she’d suddenly lost her appetite.
Rebecca took a huge breath, then, ‘I need a friend,’ she announced.
Ashley’s gaze flicked cautiously back to Rebecca’s face.
‘Matthew’s my friend, of course, and I love him dearly, but …’ Rebecca paused, wondering how she could put this without appearing to be slating Matthew. ‘Well, he’s a man,’ she opted for, ‘and I need someone I can talk girl stuff with. Could you be my friend, Ashley, do you think?’
Ashley tipped her head to one side, her brow creased thoughtfully. ‘I am your friend,’ she said, now looking confused.
‘Good.’ Rebecca didn’t have to feign relief. ‘Because I have a secret I need to share. It’s just between you and me, I don’t want Matthew to know yet, but …’ she took another breath ‘… I’m pregnant.’
Rebecca swallowed and waited.
‘Oh.’ Ashley’s almond-shaped eyes widened. ‘Shit,’ she said bluntly. ‘I bet that’s a bit scary. After what happened before, I mean.’
‘Yes, yes it is.’ Rebecca nodded, amazed. She hadn’t really known what reaction to expect, resentment possibly, signs of insecurity, indifference.
Ashley actually seemed interested. ‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Ask away.’ Rebecca smiled, ready to reassure her if she asked whether they would still want her to stay, which she expected she might. The pregnancy might not go full-term. Things might not work out with Ashley long-term, but Rebecca wanted her to know that another child, God willing, was something she’d factored in anyway.
‘How do you know you’ll love it?’ Ashley asked, catching Rebecca off guard.
Rebecca considered, guessing this was something to do with Ashley’s own unloved past. ‘I think it’s instinctive, or at least it should be,’ she answered honestly, sensing that that was what Ashley needed.
‘Yeah.’ Ashley’s rich cognac eyes turned a shade darker. ‘My mum obviously wasn’t very instinctive.’
Aware this was sensitive ground, Rebecca trod carefully. ‘Sometimes something goes wrong,’ she offered gently. ‘For some reason, mother and baby don’t bond.’
‘She was probably too drunk,’ Ashley said startlingly, and then, ‘Do your parents love you?’ she asked.
‘Yes.’ Rebecca nodded, as Ashley held her gaze, probably trying to work out what would make a person lovable. ‘Yes, they do.’
‘You’re obviously worth loving,’ Ashley smiled, a smile so sad it was heart-breaking.
Rebecca reached across the table, taking hold of the hand Ashley wasn’t picking at her teacake with. ‘And so are you,’ she assured her.
Ashley shrugged again, then, ‘Do you have any sisters or brothers?’ she asked, neatly changing the subject.
‘One: a brother. He lives in Cambridge. You’ll probably meet him at Christmas, but beware, he can be a real pain sometimes.’
‘Aren’t boys always,’ Ashley commented drolly.
‘Um?’ Rebecca was contemplating her answer when Ashley confided something that took her completely by surprise.
‘I had a sister,’ she said, plucking a little of her cake as she spoke. ‘She was a real pain, too.’ Popping the cake in her mouth, she chewed and glanced around. ‘I still think she’s here sometimes.’
A sister?
But … Matthew had never mentioned a sister. Did he even know? Astounded, Rebecca gauged Ashley carefully. ‘Is that who you talk to, Ashley?’
There was that shrug again. ‘Sometimes.’
Rebecca was about to probe a little deeper when Ashley emitted an audible sigh and flopped back in her seat. ‘Must be nice to be normal,’ she said, longingly.
Seeing her obvious self-doubt, Rebecca swallowed back a lump in her throat. ‘Sometimes people perceived as normal are just better at papering over the cracks, Ashley,’ she pointed out, softly. ‘No one is normal. We all have our faults. The thing to do is not blame yourself for other people’s shortcomings. They just weigh you down in the end, fill you full of doubt and stifle who you are, you know?’
Ashley frowned. ‘I think so.’ She nodded, slowly.
Rebecca hoped so. Dearly hoped she wouldn’t go through the rest of her life thinking her mother’s faults were because of her. ‘So, now we’ve put the world to rights,’ she checked her watch, ‘we’d better go and see if Matthew’s recovered from his hangover while we’ve been spending his money. Are you going to eat the rest of that teacake, or donate it to a worthy cause?’
At which, Ashley grinned and stuffed it in her mouth. ‘You shouldn’t eat for two,’ she mumbled, between chomps. ‘You’ll get fat.’
‘Thank you.’ Rebecca grabbed up her bags. ‘You’re doing my confidence the world of good.’
‘Just offering you a bit of friendly advice.’ Ashley smiled cheekily, as she squeezed out of her seat, which was as near normal teenager as she could be, for now.
‘Don’t forget your phone.’ Checking the table as they left, Rebecca picked up the old phone Ashley had left behind.
‘Could you put it in your bag?’ Ashley asked, busy with her new phone.
Along with her earphones, her new
Miss Selfridge
dangly earrings for safekeeping, and her half-drunk bottle of coke. Rebecca rolled her eyes and made a mental note to put
bigger handbag
on her next shopping trip.
‘Does Matthew drink much?’ Ashley asked, as they walked back to the car. Her eyes were on her phone but her antennae were on red alert, Rebecca imagined.
‘No,’ she assured her adamantly. ‘Only ever occasionally, and usually when he’s struggling with some upsetting case at work. He’s a good man, Ashley, trust me on that, even-tempered, fair, and good fun, if you can ever get his mind
off
his work, that is.’
Chapter Ten
‘So, you’re telling me that you can take men off the job to escort Sullivan to the hospital, as if he’s lost the use of his legs, but you can’t allocate protection for a woman he’s threatened?’ Matthew tried to get his head around it.
Sighing, DCI Davies propped his elbows on his desk and kneaded his forehead. ‘We have a duty of care, Matthew. The man—’
‘Duty of care?’ Matthew stared at him astounded. ‘What about a
duty of care
to one of our own, John? For God’s sake, we’re talking about my wife!’
‘Look, Matthew,’ DCI Davies looked back at him, his expression somewhere between sympathy and exasperation, ‘don’t you think you might be getting a little paranoid here?’
‘
Paranoid?
’ Matthew shook his head, incredulous. ‘He told me what
film
we were watching. Are you saying that was just a wild guess?’
Davies drew in a breath. ‘Not according to Sullivan he didn’t.’
‘Ah, I see. Well that must be right then. Obviously, I must have misheard.’
‘That’s the point here, though, Matthew, isn’t it, who heard what and who didn’t? DS Ingram was standing two yards away from you. His account of what was said, or not, does
not
tally with yours. Either way, I see no evidence of actual threats.’
Matthew noted the
don’t-challenge-my-temper
look on the man’s face and felt a mixture of sheer disbelief and creeping hopelessness.
‘Right.’ He drew in a terse breath. ‘So what you’re actually saying is that you don’t believe me.’
‘I didn’t say that, Matthew. I said—’
‘I heard.’ Matthew turned away.
‘I’ll try,’ Davies said, behind him. ‘If you’re really concerned, I’ll try and get someone out to your house tomorrow, but I can’t prom—’
‘Forget it,’ Matthew tossed over his shoulder.
‘I said, I’d try,’ Davies called after him, as Matthew banged furiously out of his office.
‘Not fucking good enough,
sir,
’ Matthew shouted back.
Stuff it
, he thought, not giving a damn about possible charges of insubordination, or the loaded hush that fell over the outer office as he stormed through it, the most notable pause in conversation being that between Steve and DS Collins.
‘Looks like someone’s determined to balls up his career,’ she commented, as Matthew neared Steve’s desk.
‘Leave it, Sally.’ Steve shot her a warning glance. ‘Cut him some slack, hey?’
‘As long as he’s not dragging everyone else down the slippery slope with him.’ DS Collins swept majorly unimpressed eyes over Mathew and headed back to her own desk.
‘He’s not being very helpful, I take it?’ Steve nodded towards the DCI’s office as he stood to walk to the door with Matthew.
‘Not a lot, no.’ Selecting Rebecca’s number, Matthew pressed his phone to his ear. ‘
Dammit,
’ he muttered, as Rebecca’s voicemail picked up for the umpteenth time. ‘Becky, will you
please
pick up?’ He left yet another message. ‘I need you to call me.’
‘Problem?’ Steve asked.
‘No, ‘course not,’ Matthew grated sardonically and selected his home number. ‘Sullivan’s made threats to my wife. She’s on the missing list. Me, I’m just being the tiniest bit paranoid on account of the fact that the bastard killed my daughter! No problem, Steve. Should there be?’
Steve glanced away uncomfortably, then, ‘Can I have a word?’ he asked, over a silence now so profound a paperclip could be heard dropping.
Matthew held up his hand, indicating Steve should wait while he made his call. ‘Becky, it’s me. Can you pick up?’ Pulling a frustrated breath when she didn’t, he went on, ‘Becky, if you get this, can you please ring me urgently. If not … I’m on my way back. See you soon.’